Two amazing young gender and sexualities scholars stepped up to offer a column this month on what I have dubbed “the real BDSM.” Heidi Rademacher and Suzan Walters are PhD students in sociology at Stony Brook University. Heidi has an MA from Brandeis in sociology and women & gender studies; Suzan has an MA from St. John’s University. They are working on a longer critique of the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy that explores women’s experiences with BDSM, and offer this preview. Now to Heidi and Suzan on BDSM:
Are you, like many women, completely in awe of the incredibly sexy, powerful and accomplished Christian Grey? Are you contemplating how to bring that orgasmic sex into your bedroom as illustrated throughout the bestselling trilogy Fifty Shades of Grey? If so, let us tell you what you really need to know before you strap up and get your whip on!
Fifty Shades of Grey has captured the imagination of women worldwide. The trilogy tells the “unconventional” love story between Christian Grey (closeted BDSM practitioner) and the young and innocent Anastasia Steele, who falls in love with him and his sexual prowess.
Within the first six weeks of sales in the US, over ten million copies were sold. As of September 2 , 2012, E. L. James’ controversial books are still holding strong at the top of the New York Times Best Seller list for fiction. The first two books of the trilogy (Fifty Shades of Grey and Fifty Shades Darker) have held the top two spots for 25 consecutive weeks. The third book, Fifty Shades Freed, has been ranked third for 24 weeks.
This trilogy brings this alternative sexual life style into public consciousness in perhaps a way no other mainstream book has. But, how well does it illustrate the real BDSM world? A few clarifications will help you decide.
The first thing you need to know is that unlike Grey’s practice, people involved in BDSM often form communities. In Staci Newmahr’s book Playing on the Edge we learn that these communities are generally local groups that are tied (no pun intended) to larger organizations located throughout the US and the world.
People gather in clubs or dungeons because these spaces provide the equipment that we read about in Grey’s playroom (the average non-billionaire BDSM practitioner cannot afford in-home playrooms). But also, such locations provide a space where people share experiences, form networks and take on roles.
Some members of the community serve as educators and provide workshops to teach others how to perform sexual acts and how to be a member of the community. They eat meals together, talk online, have private and public gatherings, etc. What is important to know is that BDSM rarely happens in isolation. As you may gather from this short explanation, communities serve a much larger purpose than just providing playrooms.
Second, the unequal power relations between BDSM partners are generally confined to a scene. A scene is an individual BDSM act. This might be surprising if your only exposure to BDSM is through this trilogy. When Grey (the dominant) proposes the BDSM contract to Ana (the submissive) we read that she is supposed to obey him always and in everything because she is to be his property. She must have at least seven hours of sleep each night, wear certain attire, always be clean shaven and/or waxed, go to beauty salons chosen by Grey. She is not allowed to masturbate unless permitted by Grey. She has to eat a diet that he has constructed, be on a strict exercise regimen, and never look Grey in the eyes unless it is at his request.
This is not common practice in the BDSM community. Instead, according to research conducted by Dr. Charles Moser at the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, there is a very small population of BDSM participants who engage in what is called 24/7 relationships and Total Power Exchanges (TPE)—the arrangement Grey initially proposes to Ana in the Fifty Shades series. In a 24/7 relationship the dominant and submissive both consent to maintain their roles in all aspects of their everyday activities, both sexual and non-sexual. In these relationships there is a TPE, which provides the dominant with complete authority over the submissive’s actions, behaviors and decisions. While 24/7 relationships and TPE are part of the BDSM spectrum, they represent a very small number of practitioners and are even somewhat stigmatized and taboo within the larger BDSM community.
We suspect that TPE and 24/7 relationships are not all they are hyped up to be. In fact, we think ways in which BDSM is portrayed in the Fifty Shades trilogy is suspect. In a recent NY Post article we learn of a real life banker who leads the double life that Grey does. But this story does not end with love, marriage and a baby carriage like the trilogy. Instead, it ends in a heart-shattering break up and violence.
Thus, what we read in Fifty Shades of Grey is even more fictional than we might have originally thought. For now, we’ve given you some of what we’d like you to know about BDSM. What we want to know is why is the low-base rate TPE so popular–in fiction?
–Heidi Rademacher and Suzan Walters