When Baby X and Baby Y turned one a few weeks ago, something changed in my brain. A window opened just a crack, enough to let in the crisp air that tells me a change of seasons has transpired. I started tweeting. I refreshed my Google Reader to incorporate my new focus on all things writerly and She Writes-y. I started playing around with a Tumblr (not really public yet, but maybe soon!). And last Friday night, I went on a date with myself—my first since my twins were born.

Give a girl some moules frites, a glass of Shiraz, a notebook as a companion, and later in the evening, an old friend and a book party with some fabulous feminists (Gloria Steinem! Eve Ensler! Shelby Knox!) and suddenly she remembers who she is: A thinker. A writer. Ah yes, that.

It’s not that I haven’t been thinking lo these past twelve months. It’s that my brain has been, as they say, differently occupied. Taking care of twins in their first year of life, along with a new start up that’s all about (did I mention?!) supporting women who write, takes a lot of brain cells. It made sense that parts of me went on hold to grow new things. It’s all necessary and right and true. But here’s how I know that the sleeping parts of me are once again alive and kicking:

1. When last week’s snarky New York Magazine cover story about a generation of women who naively “woke up” from the pill to find themselves too old to reproduce, I plugged back in to good ole gut-busting outrage. (See Jill at Femiste’s most excellent response, “Oops! I Forgot to Have Babies”).  And I also started compiling news round ups at She Writes, to merge my worlds–like this one, today.

2. I made a batch of Tollhouse cookies on the weekend just for kicks. I used to make them all the time (those who know me know that I have a penchant for cookie dough). I hadn’t made them in, like, a year.

3. I’m following TEDWomen via the shiny new TweetDeck app on my iPhone. My buddy Courtney Martin is there, and so is dear friend Jacki Zehner, and I’m feeling vicariously hooked in to the thought leading femme-o-sphere.

4. In the space between things, I finished a second draft of a personal essay for an anthology. The essay is called “Genderfication Starts Here” and is about, guess what, the first year of raising boy/girl twins.

5. I’m moisturizing again. And taking baths on the weekend with my favorite lavender gel. And lighting candles. And browsing Levenger catalogues before falling asleep. All things I did NONE of lo this past year.

I’m curious to hear. When a part of YOU goes on mental hiatus for a while and then resurfaces, what are the signs to yourself that you’ve returned?

Photo cred: Tayari Jones

Last week baby name expert Pamela Redmond Satran, co-author of Beyond Ava & Aiden, published a piece at The Daily Beast about how more and more parents are choosing gender-neutral boys’ names, reflecting a different ideal of masculinity (Boy Baby Names: Gender Neutral Trend, from Cullen to Cameron).  I’m quoted at the end:

“Among my generation of parents, our nontraditional boys’ names—vaguely androgynous, nonmacho, or just plain unique—reflect our own desire to raise sons who will be as comfortable pushing dolls in strollers as pushing trucks,” said Deborah Siegel, Ph.D., author of Sisterhood, Interrupted and founding partner of SheWrites….“But what I wonder is this: Will a boy by a different name really be that much more sweet?”

It got me thinking.  Offspring of a generation that believed boys and girls were made, not just born, I know better.  But the nature/nurture debate rages on.  And sometimes I wonder whether social expectation has replaced biology as destiny.

I mean, if social expectation, and not biology, shapes who children become, does that somehow put an unfair burden on us to create the self-confident, athletic, truck-loving girls and sensitive, doll-hugging boys we were raised to achieve?

Clearly, I’m in a bit of a knot about it all.  Probably just because I just haven’t had much sleep.

Would love to hear what YOU think.

Well, my little dragon v. bee dilemma got nothin’ on this adorable, brave, and wonderfully-supported-by-his-mama five-year-old little boy from Kansas City who decided he wanted to be Daphne from Scooby Doo for Halloween.  Heartfelt kudos to that mama, who defended his — and her — choice at her blog, Nerdy Apple Bottom, and on CNN. The photo she took of her soon went viral, generating at least a million hits and more than 26,000 comments. Tara Parker-Pope wrote about it all yesterday in the NYTimes (“When Boys Dress Like Girls”).

Some spot-on, fierce words from the boy’s mama, to the moms who gave her — and him — trouble:

If you think that me allowing my son to be a female character for Halloween is somehow going to ‘make’ him gay then you are an idiot. Firstly, what a ridiculous concept. Secondly, if my son is gay, O.K., I will love him no less. Thirdly, I am not worried that your son will grow up to be an actual ninja so back off.

Back off indeed.

My twins turned one last week. She Writes, the start-up I’ve been nurturing, turned 1.25. Needless to say, this is the year Halloween nearly blew me by.

I bah-humbugged it all the way to Tuesday. While shopping for diaper wipes online on Wednesday, a neon orange tagline from the crypt—“Last minute deals on Halloween costumes!”—caught my eye. Who in their right mind could resist images of cuddly babies in bear suits? I landed on a bee costume for Baby Girl (just $12!) and a dragon suit for Baby Boy ($18). The joy of these purchases? Priceless. And that’s how it hit me: At one year old, my babies were people. People who wouldn’t remember what they wore for their first real Halloween, but people who would newly experience the magic of disguise.

So what do the disguises I chose for these here babies say to them, to you, to me? Bees are busier and daintier than dragons, and they make honey, though let’s not forget: they sting. Dragons lope, and breathe fire. I thought about a ladybug for my son, to match my daughter’s bee, then vetoed it. He’s really more a dragon-y type of guy. And so it goes. Gendering—imposed by even the feminist among us—begins.

“Babies are born to parents who have a host of assumptions and expectations about gender, whether or not they consciously endorse those expectations. Studies have shown that parents have a tendency to see boys as more boyish and girls as more girlish than they actually are,” says Cordelia Fine, author of the new book Delusions of Gender, in a recent interview at Salon. Until they reach age two, my babies apparently won’t know which side of the gender divide they’re on. Gender, at this early stage, is what we heap on.

So why all this fuss around costumes and kids? Because eventually, it matters (and stay tuned, Penners, for Peggy Orenstein’s Cinderella Ate My Daughter, coming soon!). Though my babies are only one, in an era when pre-packaged girl costumes are sluttier-than-thou and boy costumes are more violent than ever and make Freddy Krueger look quaint, masquerade is rarely the innocent thing it seemed in the days when my friends and I dressed as a bunch of grapes.

Dressing up—whether it unleashes a hidden identity or helps us try on a role—makes us feel, deepens our sense of play, enlargens our sense of who and what we are. And dressing up the way a sexist culture tells us to makes us small, current articles in defense of Slutoween aside.

To be sure, at this stage in my children’s life, this whole debate is a lot less about them and a lot more about me.  But here’s my question: at what age do new parents like me need to start to care?  At my babies’ pre-linguistic stage, can’t Halloween be just what it’s supposed to be…light and silly and fun?  Or are costumes–like gender, perhaps, itself–always already predetermined scripts, coded so heavily with trickery that we can’t enjoy the treat?

Can a dragon and a bee ever just be…a dragon and a bee?

***

(For a fellow traveler’s internal dilemma on it all, see Lynn Harris’ “Raising Girls in Princess Culture: Does it really affect girls’ gender roles?” over at Babble last week.)

I posted a partial version of this post on Friday at www.SheWrites.com, and used the photo of my twins to kick off a caption contest. Got a caption for it?  Do share by posting it there!

Yes, I’m still here!  The twins turned 1 last week and it’s time for me to re-enter.

A quick list of what’s been catching my attention of late:

Rita Aren’s blog, Surrender Dorothy (I’m way hooked)

Stephanie Coontz’s commentary, “Why Mad Men is TV’s Most Feminist Show”, in the Washington Post

The SPARK Summit and social media extravaganza, where I signed books sitting next to Jean Kilbourne, author most recently of So Sexy So Soon and one of my all-time feminist heroines, met her daughter the fabulous Claudia Lux (hire her, people!), and got to catch up with organizer Deb Tolman, who is a one-woman powerhouse herself

Robyn Silverman’s Good Girls Don’t Get Fat: How Weight Obsession is Messing Up Our Girls and How We can Help Them Thrive Despite It

Girls Write Now.  Always.

Responses to She Writes’ Domestic Violence Awareness Month writing prompt

What’s been catching yours?

The GWP collective seeks an additional blogger to add to our lineup who can also function as our webmaster.

The ideal candidate is organized, self-motivated, tech savvy, and familiar with WordPress; has a great idea for a monthly column to add to our column pool; is excited about feminism and media; and is ready to serve as a hub.  This is a unique opportunity for an emerging or established blogger to gain additional web/communication/organizational skills and work experience at the intersection of academia and the blogosphere as part of a highly visible (so we are told!) feminist blog.

Webmaster/blogger duties entail:

• responding to reader queries that come in through the “contact” form (the majority of which are either requests to be included on GWP’s blogroll, or press releases); forwarding relevant press releases to the relevant GWP blogger
• updating GWP’s blogroll
• letting an author or organization know when her/his book or study has been mentioned or reviewed and sending her/him the link to the post
• tweeting links to posts, posting on FB, Digg, other relevant social media and social bookmarking sites
• dealing with any tech issues that come up for GWP’s crew of 10 bloggers
• adding new books by GWP’s bloggers to the sidebar and the “Our Books” page
• serving as a point person for GWP bloggers for anything else that comes up
• recruiting a new regular blogger or two here and there when current bloggers rotate out; setting up said new blogger with a bio page and showing them the ropes

GWP is a collective.  We all do it for the love.  To continue to thrive, we need a substitute for me, at present, as its hub.  If interested in the position, please contact me at deborah@shewrites.com with a brief note about why you are the right fit, and a pitch for your column.  Candidates will be interviewed by phone by a current GWP blogger.  And please, if you know someone who you think would be a good match for this position, pass it on!

It’s been a little quite round here this summer.  But we’re coming back in blazes come fall.  And speaking of:

Author and Founding Partner of She Writes Deborah Siegel (aka, me!) seeks a webmaster for the group blog Girl w/Pen (www.girlwpen.com) to begin in Fall 2010.  Ideal candidate is organized, self-motivated, tech savvy, and familiar with WordPress; has a strong work ethic; and is excited about feminism and media.  At present, the position is unpaid. This is a unique opportunity for a grad student or recent college grad to gain web/communication/organizational skills and work experience at the intersection of academia and the blogosphere at a highly visible feminist blog.

Webmaster duties entail:

• dealing with any tech issues that come up for GWP’s crew of 10-ish regular monthly bloggers
• adding new books by GWP’s bloggers to the sidebar and the “Our Books” page
• serving as a point person for GWP bloggers for anything else that comes up
• recruiting a new regular blogger or two here and there when current bloggers rotate out; setting up said new blogger with a bio page and showing them the ropes
• responding to reader queries that come in through the “contact” form (the majority of which are either requests to be included on GWP’s blogroll, or press releases)
• updating GWP’s blogroll
• forwarding relevant press releases to the relevant GWP blogger
• letting an author or organization know when her/his book or study has been mentioned or reviewed and sending her/him the link to the post
• tweeting links to posts, posting on FB, Digg, other relevant social media and social bookmarking sites

Candidates will be interviewed by phone. Please send resume and contact info for 2 references to deborah@shewrites.com

(If you know someone who might be the right person for the job, please forward this post!)

Our next webinar at She Writes is one that many GWP readers might find useful.  It’s a great way to get a taste of Women’s Media Center-style training, geared specifically for writers.  Here are the details – and I’ll be hosting.  Hope to perhaps see some of you there!

MEDIA MESSAGING FOR WRITERS

June 23, 1-2pm via phone and login

REGISTER HERE for the live event or to order the download

Are you the next Barbara Ehrenreich, Farai Chideya, Rachel Maddow? Do you want to leverage your writing to position yourself as a thought leader in your field? Are you planning the release of a book or significant report? Do you want to feel confident and prepared for media opportunities? Have you realized that writing a book or an article is just the beginning to developing your media platform? Are you wondering how to jump in?

In this webinar, the Women’s Media Center will offer a brief training on how to give the pieces you have so skillfully developed a life beyond the page. You will learn to master effective presentation techniques and develop messages that resonate with an audience in a way that brings your work to life and makes you the go-to source on your issue.

The Women’s Media Center is a nonprofit organization working to amplifying women’s voices. We run a competitive media and leadership training program that helps women master effective interview presentation techniques and improve their media skills. These women – who represent diverse backgrounds, areas of expertise, professions, ethnicities, ages, geographical regions and levels of experience – are becoming part of a powerful network of women leaders who are changing the conversation on the important issues of the day.

Webinar takeaways will include:
· An understanding of how to connect with an audience
· Tips on how to prep for a radio or tv interview
· Tools for crafting strong media messages based on your written work

INSTRUCTORS

Rebekah Spicuglia

As Program Director for The Women’s Media Center, Rebekah Spicuglia coordinates the WMC’s media training and spokesperson programs, advocacy campaigns, and web content, combining her dedication to feminist, progressive values with her film production background to create and advocate for representative media.

Previously, Spicuglia served as a Media Field Strategy Fellow at the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD), where she contributed to GLAAD’s Media Essentials guide for community organizations, developed a media toolkit for immigration equality for same-sex couples, and worked extensively on GLAAD’s “Announcing Equality” program in coordinating a national survey of newspaper policy and creating toolkits to encourage people to share their personal stories in visible ways.
Through her NonCustodial Parent Community blog, Spicuglia also serves as a spokesperson on parenting issues. MSN highlighted Spicuglia as one of eight “Moms Inspired to Change History,” and Spicuglia has been featured in or written for the NYTimes, Slate, Huffington Post, About.com, Brain,Child magazine, WBAI, Feministing, Feminist.com, MomsRising, Mamapalooza, Wikipedia, and the WMC website.
Originally from Virginia, Spicuglia grew up in California, where she worked on several film and television projects before attending the University of California at Berkeley, earning a Bachelor’s degree in Mass Communications.

Jamia Wilson

After growing up as an expat-brat in Saudi Arabia, Jamia Wilson graduated from American University in 2002. Following graduation, Jamia worked for the Planned Parenthood Action Fund and later managed their youth outreach arm Vox: Voices for Planned Parenthood. At Planned Parenthood Jamia served on their national Structure and Governance Committee.

After working with coalition partners and campus organizations to help bring thousands of students to the historic March for Women’s Lives, Jamia was honored as one of the “Real Hot 100” by the Younger Women’s Taskforce. Serving as one of the youth holding the banner leading the March remains one of her proudest moments.

In addition to being selected as a two year nominee for the Women’s Information Network’s annual Young Women of Acheivement Awards, Jamia has written for Alternet’s “Wiretap, Teenwire.com,GirlsHeadQuarters.org and Hampshire College’s Civil Liberties and Public Policy Project. In 2007, Jamia was selected to serve on the Ms. Foundation Advisory Committee, The Spiritual Youth for Reproductive Freedom Youth Advisory Committee and worked for Young People For The American Way (YP4). Jamia recently received her M.A. in Humanities and Social Thought at NYU and worked for NYU’s Residential Education Department where she received their Fall 2007 Hallmark Award for Wellness, and The Center for Multicultural Education and Programs NIA Administrator Award.

We are investigating why the funny characters are appearing here and there.  Apologies in the meantime for a bumpy reading experience.  And if anyone with far more tech savvy than I have knows what is going on and how we can fix it, I’d so value your expertise in comments! Heeellllpppp?!

We will get to the bottom of this soon.

Mama lost her pen today, but she’s working on a post about her current configuration of childcare and work and how things are shifting…soon. Please stay tuned.

In the meantime, I wanted to share news of the next hour-long She Writes webinar with the GwP community, because it holds a special place in my heart.

My editor from Sisterhood, Interrupted and Kamy’s agent from I Do But I Don’t: Why the Way We Marry Matters are teaming up to offer a candid conversation about what happens INSIDE PUBLISHING. It’s a 2-part series, though you can just take part 1 (From Submission to Sale) or part 2 (From Sale to Publication). The webinar will be offered both live and as a download, after the fact.

It’s the kind of thing I SO could have used when I was a graduate student in Madison, WI harboring dreams of publishing a book, when the world of publishing was still utterly foreign to me and I pretty much had no clue. Or the kind of thing I could have used mid-book, when I was in the dark about what would be happening around the bend. I learned as I went and will be forever grateful to Amanda for showing me the ropes. So I love that Amanda and Erin are now pulling back the curtain and letting others in, too.

Here are deets:

INSIDE PUBLISHING: Your Book, from Submission to Publication (a 2-part series)

With Erin Hosier and Amanda Johnson Moon

***INSIDE PUBLISHING Part 1: From Submission to Sale -May 7, 1-2pm ET***

***INSIDE PUBLISHING Part 2: From Sale to Publication – Aug 11, 1-2pm ET***

Want the inside scoop on what happens when your book proposal gets submitted to editors? Have a proposal ready to go, but want to know more about the publishing process and timeline before you jump in? Or do you have a book deal, but you’re still confused about what happens next? And how about several months after publication? What happens inside your house then?

In this revealing webinar, the first in a two part series, literary agent Erin Hosier and editor Amanda Moon pull back the curtains to shed light on what goes on in a major publishing house once an editor receives your book proposal, how the editor and agent work together on a project, and what the heck a ìP & Lî is. Find out why working with a freelance editor might be the best investment you’ve ever made for your book proposal, and how you can feel empowered and prepared with answers going into a process that’s often shrouded in secrecy.

Through a lively exchange, Erin and Amanda will speak candidly about what you need to know to be a savvy and informed author in today’s marketplace. Takeaways include:

• A glossary of important terms and lingo you need to know when your proposal is being submitted to editors

• A timeline that walks you through a typical day in the life of your editor and your manuscript, and what really happens behind closed doors, from editorial meeting to publicity and more

Erin Hosier has been an agent for 10 years at The Gernert Company and Dunow Carlson & Lerner, where she has sold both fiction and a variety of narrative, practical, and illustrated nonfiction to major publishing houses in NYC and around the world. She is especially interested in the following categories: memoir, sociology, biography, art, the performing arts, pop culture, health, science, and humor. Before becoming an agent, Erin grew up in rural Ohio, attended Kent State University while studying Public Health, and completed internships at Planned Parenthood in Cleveland and Ms. magazine in NYC. She currently cohosts the monthly reading series “The Literary Death Match” in NYC at the Bowery Poetry Club.

Amanda Johnson Moon has worked as an editor in the publishing industry for over ten years. She began her career as an intern at Yale University Press and Writers House. She has served as an editor at Palgrave Macmillan and Basic Books. She has worked with authors including Deborah Siegel, Alice Miller, Tony Wagner, Mary Daly, John Merrow, Henry Giroux, Leonard Sax, Malina Saval, Nancy Rappaport, Sue Barry, and Andrea Tone. She has acquired, edited, and managed many award-winning and positively reviewed books for the trade and academic markets in psychology, women’s studies, education, science, memoir, and more.

To register and reserve a spot, click here.