In The Gendered Society, Michael Kimmel argues that women often have to be very careful how they dress, lest they be seen as too frumpy, too old, too slutty, too smart, trying to hard, etc. In comparison, men can often just go as a guy.
Two examples:
Nancy: The invitation says black tie, I guess you’ll wear your tux?
Frank: Yup.
Nancy: Mr. Easy. Once choice, one look. I have to ponder endless combinations of hair, makeup, gowns, shoes, jewelry. I have to decide if I want to look sultry, subdued, glittery, basic, bright, dark, modern, traditional…
Frank: Hon, who do you want to please?
Nancy: You, of course.
Frank: I stopped listening after “sultry.” There, Mr. Easy to the rescue.
Nancy: Gee, thanks. Sultry’s the hardest one.
The fact that women can’t just be a “person” at the bar or the black tie event is related to the fact that women are a marked category, while men are culturally neutral. That is, women are women and men are people. For more posts on this idea related to gender and other categories, see this post on toys for kids and our post on that famous real bodies exhibit.
(I found the first image here; the LuAnn cartoon was given to me by Myra M. F.)
Comments 14
NL — December 24, 2008
Makes me think of Deborah Tannen's "There is no Unmarked Woman." That was in the reader in one of the university's I taught at, and usually the students did not like it. Many of the students (freshman) did not think such double-standards existed.
Slight nitpick: The woman in the cartoon is not LuAnn. LuAnn is the teenage daughter of the people in the comic. I don't know that they have names other than Mr. and Mr.s DeGroot.
Andy — December 24, 2008
Who is bothered more by wearing the same thing someone else does, men or women? Would a man even notice if more than one woman wore the same dress to a black-tie event? Would a man notice if every woman wore the same dress to a black-tie event?
Jamal — December 24, 2008
I, for one, would welcome fewer limitations on male style.
Muriel Minnie Mae — December 24, 2008
I have one sexy dress, one suit, and one shapeless black dress, full length. I have a couple hippy skirts I wear in the hot summer otherwise I'm a jeans and tshirt woman. My sexy dress isn't overtly revealing. I'm a full figured woman so I can't show off too much flesh. It does, however, flaunt my chest which I accentuate to detract from my belly and butt.
At one wedding I was in my sexy dress and got criticized for drinking beer out of bottle so to be less noticeable I drank my next beer out of a glass. This too was criticized that I wasn't being ladylike. The problem was the beer not the container it was in (though the bottle was certainly worse than the glass). The criticizer thought I should be drinking wine because I was in a dress. I do not like wine. At all.
Also, the shoes I wear to fancy events have been commented on. I don't wear heals -- I don't see the point of shoes one can't walk in comfortably. Besides, as far as I'm concerned, heals are just a modern form of foot binding. -- so I have these little black ked like shoes (complete with laces) I wear with my suit and funeral dress. For my sexy dress I have a pair of black open toed shoes with a 1/2 inch heal. I've had them forever. So long the shoes are starting to fall apart and make a funky noise when I walk. But I can't find another pair of shoes like them so I keep wearing them. because I was wearing my sexy dress a wedding guest thought I should be wearing Honking Heals (tm) which I have no training on how to walk in. That didn't matter, my shoes "destroyed" my outfit according to the woman.
Andy: a man wouldn't but a woman would. I know from experience.
Jesse — December 24, 2008
The cartoon reminds me very much of a conversation I had with my girlfriend about what she should wear to the christmas party the company I work for held. It was no small event, over 1000 people. The attire, once we were there went from tux and ball gown, to jeans and a button up shirt.
We went semi-casual. I wore nice shoes, jeans, a button up shirt, and a sport coat. She wore a dress that was not a formal dress but one that I think looks she looks fabulous in.
But getting to this point was a struggle. I think she looks good no matter what she wears. But she was worried about how she looked, and wanted to look good "for" me. She wanted my approval for what ever she wore and was truely frustrated by me saying "You look good!" to everything she wanted to wear. At one point, she said "Have fun at your party, I'm staying home." followed by the "I'm fat, I'm ugly, I'm old..." and so on. Finally I just flat out said, wear this, put it on, lets go. Once she was in the car, we were fine.
What she didn't get is that I really thought she looked good no matter what she picked out. And I don't know how to articulate what clothes I find most attractive when she wears them. When faced with "this or that" how do I respond when she looks great in either? I don't lie either. When she asks about something I don't like, I say so.
I've had this conversation a several of times with different women over the years. In this case, it's not an inequality of status. We both are the same age (40), we are both professionals in our field, same field at that.
I'm not sure what point I am trying to get at.
"This or that?"
"yes".
(and I mean it!)
David — December 24, 2008
Sure I like that society does not explicitly demand that men must constantly accessorize or be concerned about a specific appearance, but at the same time that notion is inherently constrictive as the norm. Just like the first advertisement, men have only one (or very few) option(s) to fit in and play the proper gender role and all others simply do not exist.
Matt Weiner — December 24, 2008
NL: According to the Wikipedia page, LuAnn's parents are Frank and Nancy. I don't know if this information is readily available in the strip or if it's esoterica like Peppermint Patty's last name and the name of the cat next door that always intimidates Snoopy.
I find the LuAnn strip creepy. It edges up to a feminist insight in the first couple of panels, but the last two establish that Nancy is Frank's property, she should care only about pleasing him, and that she can please him best as a sex object.
Note also that we have a serious nerdy dude/hot chick (or hot MILF) issue here.
Lisa Wade, PhD — December 25, 2008
NL and Matt,
Thanks so much for the info. Fixed.
Bagelsan — December 26, 2008
I'd point out that, like Andy and Muriel brought up, women generally seem to do most of the "patrolling" of other women's clothes. The patriarchy has a sweet deal in that respect; get women deeply trained to monitor their own appearance and then sic 'em on each other. Men can benefit both by not having to worry about their own clothes to any great extent, and by not having to waste any time worrying about the clothes of the women around them, 'cause the onus is on women in every way. (This doesn't mean that men don't ever comment on women's clothing--walking down the street in the summer teaches women that!--it's just that they don't *have* to because their female friends and relatives and coworkers are constantly doing it for them. No one slut-shames about clothing like an insecure woman who needs to prove to the men in her life that *she's* "not like that." Men create the standard and women hold each other to it.)
oliviacw — December 26, 2008
Jesse - I bet that your girlfriend was trying to elicit from you, not what she looked good in, but what would be an "appropriate" outfit for the evening. She wanted you to be happy with how she was dressed, but more importantly she wanted "your company" to be happy with her dress. And she was hoping that even if you didn't know explicitly what was the best choice, you might have a response that would help her identify the right outfit.
rrsafety — December 27, 2008
"The patriarchy has a sweet deal in that respect; get women deeply trained to monitor their own appearance and then sic ‘em on each other. "
This is a joke, right? Please. Please tell me this is a parody of feminist silly-talk.
Sarah TX — December 29, 2008
It's no joke, rrsafety. It's real life. It's comparable to another patriarchal double-standard - women are admonished to care about their looks, then demeaned as "silly" or obesessive when they strive to conform.
12-23-2009 Less Chit-Chat, More Links « Natter — December 23, 2009
[...] Sultry or Sophisticated Tonight? Women Know (and are annoyed by this) It’s A Careful Clothing ... [...]
Rita — May 15, 2010
Really? These are just about how girls generally put effort into their outfits and pay attention to fashion and girls don't as much. I get your point, but lighten up. These are both comedy.