Originally posted in 2010. Re-posted in honor of the holiday.
In the U.S., Valentine’s Day is pretty much for women. While women do give Valentine’s gifts to male partners, the emphasis among adults is on men giving items to women: flowers, candy, cards, taking them out to dinner, and so on. In many cases women aren’t expected to reciprocate, or can give a less expensive/significant present, and I doubt many give flowers or chocolate in heart-shaped boxes.
In Japan, however, the roles are reversed: women give chocolates to men, as well as often buying gifts and providing meals. It apparently isn’t entirely clear how this tradition emerged.
There are two types of chocolates that women give men. Giri-choco, or “obligation chocolate,” is relatively cheap and is what you give to coworkers and the like. Honmei-choco is higher-quality chocolate reserved for men a woman is close to–partners or perhaps a family member. Some women choose to make their own honmei.
Men aren’t off the hook, however. A month later, on March 14th, is White Day, a day when men give candy and other gifts to women. According to wikipedia, these gifts are supposed to be more expensive than what the men received on Valentine’s Day.
A lot of websites say that White Day was invented by a marshmallow company in the ’60s as a way to increase sales, but I can’t find any reliable source for this explanation.
It’s a good example of the social construction of holidays and food. In the U.S., chocolate is highly feminized–we think of it as a food that women particularly like, and ads about chocolate, especially fancy chocolates, are usually aimed at women (or men buying for them). Valentine’s Day and big heart-shaped boxes with large bows on them are likewise feminized. Valentine’s Day is, primarily, a day when men are expected to show their affection for women through the purchase of these things (and, as a side note, the chocolate that comes in those heart-shaped boxes is often pretty unappealing). Insofar as women reciprocate with gifts for men, they’re unlikely to come in a similar heart-shaped box. When I brought up this possibility to my students, they said that would be really unusual and the male recipient would probably feel strange about it.
In Japan, clearly chocolates for Valentine’s Day (even expensive, fancy chocolate), heart-shaped boxes, and big bows are considered appropriate gifts for men. It makes it clear how our association of chocolate with women is culturally specific.
Of course, the fact that on White Day men are supposed to give women more expensive gifts than they received indicates that, while Valentine’s Day specifically is for men, the expectation is that overall, the balance of gift-giving requires men to show more affection-via-spending, similar to U.S. expectations surrounding the holiday.
Other posts: the social construction of chocolate and marketing chocolate to men.
Gwen Sharp is an associate professor of sociology at Nevada State College. You can follow her on Twitter at @gwensharpnv.
Comments 63
Kat — February 12, 2010
Ummm.... you forgot to add the highly important detail ;) that "their" Japanese Valentine's Day is "our" Christmas: Christmas is the "Day of Love" where couples go on expensive dinner dates and eat strawberry cake and everything is red not for Coca Cola, but for love.
Tom — February 12, 2010
Men have to buy more expensive gifts cos women get paid less. Sucks, don't it? Why should compensation come in the form of candy? Which they'll only get guilted for eating anyway...
Laura — February 12, 2010
I didn't realize Japan did this too, but it makes sense. South Korea, where I lived and taught for a year, romanticizes Christmas and celebrates Valentine's Day and White day in the same fashion. In fact, there are "holidays" for every 14th of every month, though most are tongue-in-cheek and not really celebrated.
For example, April 14th is called "Black Day," when you eat jajangmyeon (noodles with "Chinese"-style black bean sauce, not my favorite). If you are single, you eat black noodles with other single people and commiserate about not enjoying Valentine's or White Day.
Speaking of, 11-11 is Pepero Day. Pepero is the Korean answer to Pocky; why 11-11? The digits "look like Pepero sticks." Go go consumer holiday!
Anonymous — February 12, 2010
Also remember that it's Japanese custom to give and receive gifts. Often, when a gift is received, the person who received the gift is expected to "gift back" something that is slightly more valuable than the original gift, sort of as a 'thank you for the thank you'. Just because it's customary.
cuddy — February 12, 2010
"In Japan, clearly chocolates for Valentine’s Day (even expensive, fancy chocolate), heart-shaped boxes, and big bows are considered appropriate gifts for men. It makes it clear how our association of chocolate with women is culturally specific."
Wrong. In Japan, sweet things are for women and girls. Guys usually have to specifically state that they like sweet things, otherwise it will be assumed that they don't. The thing about the chocolate is that the guy will eat it for you if he likes you, despite not liking sweet things.
Allison — February 12, 2010
When I asked about why they called it "White Day," a couple of my (middle aged) students told me that the advertisers' original plan was for men to give white chocolate as return for the womens' gifts. Doesn't seem like white chocolate is much more popular than marshmallows now, though.
Japanese Wikipedia has the marshmallow theory as well as saying that the national candy association chose white because all candy is made with sugar, which is white.
The candy council's website (http://www.candy.or.jp/whiteday/okuru.html) says that when they were planning this "answer day" for Valentine's day, they thought of Western-style names like "Poppy Day," "Flower Day," "Cookie Day" (Western-style because they use the borrowed English e.g. "furawa dei" instead of using the Japanese words for "flower" and "day"). According to them they chose "White Day" because "white is a symbol of purity. It fits perfectly with innocent teenage love."
Chelsea — February 12, 2010
Some people here in the US celebrate March 14th, too, but the people I know who do call it "Steak-and-Blo-J Day"... I think the idea should totally catch on. :)
Ketchup — February 12, 2010
The smart Japanese woman will find herself a wonderful boyfriend who hates chocolate and buy him the biggest box of chocolate ever. :D
Scigirl — February 12, 2010
I would rather not see Wikipedia cited as a source on this blog. I believe yesterday you had an an article that said, "according to Wikipedia's sources." Why not investigate those primary sources yourself? Wikipedia could be cited if you have no choice, but you should acknowledge that it's not ideal, that you were unable to find the information anywhere else.
ilovetokyo — February 12, 2010
I was born in Japan in the 70s and grew up there, and my mother used to buy all the White Day gifts for my father's female co-workers from whom he got chocolates on Valentine's Day. My parents thought that the return-gifts not only needed to be more expensive, but had to cost three times as much as the chocolates.
The return gifts mom bought were never candy but usually things like handkerchiefs or something pretty for the bathroom or the kitchen. In other words, stereotypically feminine things that screamed "My wife thanks you for the gift from a month ago." I imagine that my parents weren't that unique and that some married/partnered straight men had their wives/girlfriends go through all the obligation-chocolates they received to avoid unnecessary conflict.
Travis — February 12, 2010
Honmei is not for family members. It is only for the guy you want to date/are in a relationship with.
And yeah, as someone said above, despite the tradition of chocolate for guys on Valentine's Day, Japan really, really goes in for the "men don't like sweets" thing, much more so than the US.
Andrew — February 12, 2010
In Germany, you're often expected to bake a cake to bring to the office for your own birthday. I was not amused to learn this.
Supposedly the tradition dates back to the male-dominated work culture of the postwar era, when it might have been presumed that a wife took on the cake duties. Of course, now it's just one of many ways that workers are pressured to invest their own time and money in the corporate culture, lest they be perceived as non-conformists and risk the erosion of job security.
I'd be shocked if people in Japan weren't feeling similar pressures around consumer holidays.
Ariel — February 13, 2010
Admittedly, my understanding of Valentines Day in Japan comes from anime and movies, but the impression I got was that making the chocolate is more part of the tradition than buying it. I can't tell you how many romantic comedies/dramas I've seen about the poor girl having to make the chocolate, but it may be that then giving it or having it rejected makes for a better story.
... Just sayin'.
styleygeek — February 13, 2010
I'm in Australia where almost no one gives gifts for Valentine's Day. Some people might give flowers or chocolates, maybe, but I don't actually know anyone who does, among my circle of friends and acquaintances. But despite knowing about American Valentine's Day customs, I didn't realise until reading this blog post that the giving was usually one-way (men to women). If I had decided to celebrate Valentine's one year, I would probably have assumed both me and my husband should give each other something. It makes me wonder whether those people who DO give gifts for V's day in Aus follow the US gender conventions or not.
Cynthia — February 13, 2010
Here I am, almost 45 and steeped in American culture, and I never suspected that some people think that Valentine's observations are given by men to women, and not mutual.
KarenM — February 13, 2010
I think maybe you should add the page about gender binaries to this page - maybe they too are culturally specific. Might explain why I don't think swimming is feminine while other commentators on the page did. If it is culturally specific, then I apologise for being so damning of the idea.
On this post, it's interesting to note that the gifts are displayed on a pink background, if they are for women to give to men - pinkness generally being associated with girlyness and all that jazz. Good post.
MarinaS — February 13, 2010
Agree with everything except the last paragraph; be careful of trying to cram Japanese gift giving into a Western framework. The Japanese are absolutely gift-mad - they give each other gift fo absolutely every imaginable occasion, and this is something that goes back centuries and is not driven by gender roles or consumerism. It's probably closer in its cultural DNA to the potlach than to US holiday gift giving.
While it's true that a lof of Western holidays have been adopted around the world for consumerist and marketing-driven reasons, but it's interesting to observe the fault lines that run along the cultural differecens. In Japan, Korea and other places where gift giving is central to the indigenous culture, present centric holidays like V-Day & Xmas get taken up with gusto. In Israel, where people are not forbidden to drink but nevertheless consume much less alcohol than in the West, companies like Diageo have driven an entirely artificial uptck in celebrations of boozy holidays such as St. Patrick's Day and New Year's Eve. Conversely in Turkey a lot of people don't drink, but most of them are very family oriented; so Xmas with its emphasis on children and togetherness is gaining currency right now.
Then you have places like Russia and Eastern Europe, where they already have a lot of the same holidays that are celebrated in the rest of the Christian world, but with specific traditions that are often very different to the West - there you tend to see very little change to established cutoms. In Russia International Woman's day - March 8th - is a massive deal, with men buying flowers to all the women in their lives. It leads to a yearly run on carnations (not so much roses) that's awesome to behold. But I haven't observed any move towards gender reciprocity among my Russian friends.
Jeremy — February 13, 2010
At the Japanese junior high schools I've worked at, typically the girls make and give out homemade chocolate or brownies or whatnot. But this is probably more due to them being 14 and not having any money. Typically it's a blob of brownie/fudge-like substance daubed into a mini cupcake (mini like dime-sized diameter) holder. They also give them out mostly to teachers and female classmates, unless a boy happens to be a good friend. In return, I give out valentine's cards like we used to give out as children in school.
Emma — February 13, 2010
But, you're kinda assuming that the gift is a reflection of wants and needs of the reciever and not the giver. I don't have any particular insight of Japanese norms surrounding the exchange of gifts that haven't been mentioned already, but it doesn't seem like a valid base assumption.
What's considered appropiate gifts for different people is not always just about the social position of the one getting the gift. It's also my experience that chocolate and other kind of sweets are heavily feminized in Japan, and definately not 'for men'. As far as I know, it's a very common practice for women in Japan to show affection for their loved ones by giving them food, ideally home-made to a much larger extent than in the US. So for a man to get chocolate on Valentine's Day could very well be about demonstrating he's appreciated specifically by a woman, because of the gendered nature of the gift. I could be perhaps entirely wrong about this, but I wouldn't be surprised to learn that there's something more complex going on here than what your initial interpretation suggests.
Roy Huggins — February 15, 2010
Actually, the social norm of chocolate being for women is drastically stronger in Japan than in the US IMHO. Guys here usually stay away from sweet things. There's an enormous amount of marketing yen spent on this idea.
I know Valentine's Day in Japan was started by chocolate makers. My theory on the origin of the women->men thing is that it was probably because it would be rough to convince guys to start giving women gifts out of affection unless it was already some kind of recognized duty. Guys without a partner are likely too shy and those with one tend not to do such sappy things. But women are happy to do that kind of thing. For example, high school girls will often show that they like a guy by making a bento for him (and for VDay many girls will insist that handmade chocolate treats are the only way to go.)
However, you can definitely convince guys that they need to reciprocate when given gifts. Thus White Day works.
As usual, it's all marketing. ;)
riotroy — February 14, 2011
the video on Japanese valentines day says it all - obligation chocolate (who made that term up???)
http://www.japansugoi.com/wordpress/japansugoi-valentines-day/
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ViktorNN — February 14, 2013
Sharp's emphasis on "chocolate is constructed as feminine" seems like an odd takeaway from the comparison of how Valentine's Day is celebrated in the US and Japan.
I guess her musing is interesting, but it misses the most obvious, salient point arising from the comparison i.e. that Japanese men get a special "relationship" holiday that men in the US don't. Why no thoughts on that, Ms. Sharp?
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Guest — February 15, 2013
I think it´s interesting that the author´s students said it would be unusual to gift heart-shaped chocolate boxes to men. I have always "sold out to the Valentine´s Day marketing" and gifted these corny themed boxes to men partners. Nobody ever seemed uncomfortable...
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D — February 12, 2020
Aight
Andrew Gilbert — February 16, 2024
what am I supposed to write here?