In my talk about the value of friendship, I discuss the ways that gender inequality makes it difficult for men and women to be friends with each other, for men to be friends with men, and for women to be friends with each other. Regarding the latter, I argue that, in a society that values men and masculinity over women and femininity, everyone values men’s opinions more than women’s. Inevitably, then, women are placed into competition with one another for attention from men. Meanwhile, women’s opinions of them have less value and can’t substitute for men’s, so women can’t hold each other up; they must all turn to men for self-esteem.
I’ve previously posted an amazing clip that illustrates this fantastically, from a show called Battle of the Bods. The “Don’t Hate Me ‘Cause I’m Beautiful” trope is also part of this phenomenon. Bryony W. sent in another example: a cover of Woman’s Day featuring a “bikini war.” The cover implies complicity, including the supposed quotation, “My beach body’s better than hers!”
The cover reveals that agents of the media — in this case, whoever decides what stories to include at Women’s Day — actively try to pit women against one another. This idea comes through loud and clear in this compilation of clips, sent to me by Veronica G. Titled “Divas on Divas,” it features female pop stars being asked to comment about each other and being pushed to say mean things:
Here are some more examples.
“Bathing Suits, Ballgowns, and Bickering,” a story in Marie Claire:
“Physicians Recommend It, Women Fight Over It”:
“90% Best Friend, 10% Bitter Enemy, 100% Genuine”:
Comments 42
Anonymous — April 18, 2012
Trope alert!
Kate the Great — April 18, 2012
Did you happen to read this article in The Guardian yesterday, or is it just a big coincidence? http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/cifamerica/2012/apr/17/women-on-women-fights-ann-romney
Anonymous — April 18, 2012
I definitely see this, and more disturbing is, I think adult women who've been influenced by this attitude tend to pass it on to their daughters, at a very young age. I don't notice it much among girls as young as those in the last ad at all (I think the ad applies more adult/teen mentalities to very small children) but around middle school it seems to hit full force. The attitude seems to be "anything you want belongs to you, and it is not enough that you should succeed. Others should fail." Of course, very little of this is applied to things such as competing for jobs, but more competing for men or a particular image, either physical or material. It's not enough that a woman is thin, she must be thinner than all of her friends and especially her enemies. It's not enough that she has a handsome boyfriend, he must be the most handsome of all the boyfriends. It doesn't matter if she wears a 32D if someone else is wearing a 32DD. So what if she just got a new Coach purse and a 200 dollar dress? Someone else has a Prada purse and a 400 dollar dress. It's definitely a cultural thing,and it's pushed by some families. It goes above and beyond just conforming to a culture of beauty and materialism, it makes it so anyone who is perceived to be more beautiful or has more materials is inherently a malicious enemy who needs to be taken down or one-upped.
The Liz vs. Simone (whoever the hell they are) bit really speaks to me, as I live in a warm climate where it's already been bikini season for several weeks. Sitting out by the pool, the most common line spoken seems to be "oh, you're so skinny, I'm so fat, I hate you," followed only by "I look so much better in a swimsuit than you/her." Usually from people who look more or less exactly the same as the person they envy or insult (similar to Liz and Simone, who look EXACTLY the same). The only thing I can say to add a gleam of hope is that it seems to be an obsession among a certain group of women and girls, more than some universal phenomenon. I hear many more individual women and girls at the pool saying "oh, you look so cute!" "Thanks! So do you!" it's just that "I hate you" or "you're fat" seems to be repeated ad nauseum by the same people.
Anonymous — April 18, 2012
Fixed link, to the talk, I think.
Xiao Mao — April 18, 2012
Just another way the patriarchy keeps women divided from each other. By keeping women afraid, pregnant, married, etc. we're less likely to rise up as one and fight back- and stop giving away our amazing female energy to men, with nothing in return. "Catty" my ass. More like "living in fear of male violence"...
Anonymous — April 18, 2012
"I did a Google Image search and generalized my interpretations of the results to US culture in general."
*Twitch* Really? Is that a real research methodology?
NC73 — April 20, 2012
To be fair, “Bathing Suits, Ballgowns, and Bickering" sounds like it's about a beauty pageant and the associated picture affirms that. So in that case, the women involved would actually be in direct, legitimate competition with one another. Don't seem to fit the trope here.
MrEntropy — April 22, 2012
Really? How does modern Western society value men more than women? Presumably we've come a long way since a century ago when - oh yea - during the sinking of the Titanic, 4 out of 5 men went down with the ship to save the women and children. Oops.
If you want to go on telling yourself you're a victim so you can stay angry and feel go on ahead, but we men are getting rather tired of it. There's only so many time I can handle reading about this mythical patriarchy.... Do you also believe in the tooth fairy and that 9-11 was an inside job?
Hannah — October 24, 2012
Please include trigger warnings for ableist language.