In my talk about the value of friendship, I discuss the ways that gender inequality makes it difficult for men and women to be friends with each other, for men to be friends with men, and for women to be friends with each other. Regarding the latter, I argue that, in a society that values men and masculinity over women and femininity, everyone values men’s opinions more than women’s. Inevitably, then, women are placed into competition with one another for attention from men. Meanwhile, women’s opinions of them have less value and can’t substitute for men’s, so women can’t hold each other up; they must all turn to men for self-esteem.
I’ve previously posted an amazing clip that illustrates this fantastically, from a show called Battle of the Bods. The “Don’t Hate Me ‘Cause I’m Beautiful” trope is also part of this phenomenon. Bryony W. sent in another example: a cover of Woman’s Day featuring a “bikini war.” The cover implies complicity, including the supposed quotation, “My beach body’s better than hers!”
The cover reveals that agents of the media — in this case, whoever decides what stories to include at Women’s Day — actively try to pit women against one another. This idea comes through loud and clear in this compilation of clips, sent to me by Veronica G. Titled “Divas on Divas,” it features female pop stars being asked to comment about each other and being pushed to say mean things:
Here are some more examples.
“Bathing Suits, Ballgowns, and Bickering,” a story in Marie Claire:
“Physicians Recommend It, Women Fight Over It”:
“90% Best Friend, 10% Bitter Enemy, 100% Genuine”:
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Sociological Images » Personifying Danger — May 25, 2008
[...] Also note the woman-on-woman competition (that is, “cat fight”). (It reminds me of this set of ads I put up naturalizing female [...]
Sociological Images » BRIDE WARS BASED ENTIRELY ON STEREOTYPE THAT WOMEN ARE CATTY BRIDE-ZILLAS — October 23, 2008
[...] see this selection of ads along the same theme. addthis_url = [...]
Business Memes » IT’S HARD BEING A TWEEN TODAY — January 5, 2009
[...] our archives: women are catty (see here and [...]
Sociological Images » WHERE GENDER STEREOTYPES COME FROM — February 27, 2009
[...] Lay campaign is one source of this particular stereotype about women; more can be found here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and [...]
Sociological Images » Bacardi Says, “Get an Ugly Friend to Make You Look Better!” — June 22, 2009
[...] cultural endorsements of the idea that women and girls are always in competition with one another here, here, and here. tags: alcohol, beauty, disability, fat, gender, prejudice/discrimination| [...]
“Don’t Hate Me Because I’m Beautiful” » Sociological Images — September 15, 2009
[...] examples of this meme here, here, here, and [...]
HOW OBJECTIFICATION OF WOMEN MAKES WOMEN HATE EACH OTHER » Sociological Images — November 27, 2009
[...] this post for a breast implant ad suggesting that bigger boobs make you look smarter. And see this post for ads capitalizing on the stereotype that women are naturally bitchy to each [...]
Anonymous — April 18, 2012
Trope alert!
Kate the Great — April 18, 2012
Did you happen to read this article in The Guardian yesterday, or is it just a big coincidence? http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/cifamerica/2012/apr/17/women-on-women-fights-ann-romney
Anonymous — April 18, 2012
I definitely see this, and more disturbing is, I think adult women who've been influenced by this attitude tend to pass it on to their daughters, at a very young age. I don't notice it much among girls as young as those in the last ad at all (I think the ad applies more adult/teen mentalities to very small children) but around middle school it seems to hit full force. The attitude seems to be "anything you want belongs to you, and it is not enough that you should succeed. Others should fail." Of course, very little of this is applied to things such as competing for jobs, but more competing for men or a particular image, either physical or material. It's not enough that a woman is thin, she must be thinner than all of her friends and especially her enemies. It's not enough that she has a handsome boyfriend, he must be the most handsome of all the boyfriends. It doesn't matter if she wears a 32D if someone else is wearing a 32DD. So what if she just got a new Coach purse and a 200 dollar dress? Someone else has a Prada purse and a 400 dollar dress. It's definitely a cultural thing,and it's pushed by some families. It goes above and beyond just conforming to a culture of beauty and materialism, it makes it so anyone who is perceived to be more beautiful or has more materials is inherently a malicious enemy who needs to be taken down or one-upped.
The Liz vs. Simone (whoever the hell they are) bit really speaks to me, as I live in a warm climate where it's already been bikini season for several weeks. Sitting out by the pool, the most common line spoken seems to be "oh, you're so skinny, I'm so fat, I hate you," followed only by "I look so much better in a swimsuit than you/her." Usually from people who look more or less exactly the same as the person they envy or insult (similar to Liz and Simone, who look EXACTLY the same). The only thing I can say to add a gleam of hope is that it seems to be an obsession among a certain group of women and girls, more than some universal phenomenon. I hear many more individual women and girls at the pool saying "oh, you look so cute!" "Thanks! So do you!" it's just that "I hate you" or "you're fat" seems to be repeated ad nauseum by the same people.
Anonymous — April 18, 2012
Fixed link, to the talk, I think.
Xiao Mao — April 18, 2012
Just another way the patriarchy keeps women divided from each other. By keeping women afraid, pregnant, married, etc. we're less likely to rise up as one and fight back- and stop giving away our amazing female energy to men, with nothing in return. "Catty" my ass. More like "living in fear of male violence"...
Anonymous — April 18, 2012
"I did a Google Image search and generalized my interpretations of the results to US culture in general."
*Twitch* Really? Is that a real research methodology?
Best of the Interwebs. Supersized! « thescarletapple — April 20, 2012
[...] Portraying and Pushing Female Competitiveness. Lisa Wade. There is this thing that is played out in movies, and on magazine covers, and on tv… and everywhere else. Its the way women interact with each other, and we are often portrayed as being in competition with each other, constantly vying for the attention of men. On Tabloid Magazine covers, women are actively pushed into this competition, and it assumes that women need men to somehow validate that they are better than all the others. [...]
NC73 — April 20, 2012
To be fair, “Bathing Suits, Ballgowns, and Bickering" sounds like it's about a beauty pageant and the associated picture affirms that. So in that case, the women involved would actually be in direct, legitimate competition with one another. Don't seem to fit the trope here.
Critique of Sociological Images post ‘Portraying and Pushing Female Competitiveness’ « Radfem-ological Images — April 21, 2012
[...] Dr. Lisa Wade wrote for Sociological Images that women are often pit against one another in media images and are unable to be friends in real [...]
Weekly Magazine Wrap-Up!! « thescarletapple — April 22, 2012
[...] – appearance, life, and attractiveness to men. Yes, I said it. Society tells us that our worth is determined by the way men see us – which is done to encourage women to look a certain way and be suspicious [...]
MrEntropy — April 22, 2012
Really? How does modern Western society value men more than women? Presumably we've come a long way since a century ago when - oh yea - during the sinking of the Titanic, 4 out of 5 men went down with the ship to save the women and children. Oops.
If you want to go on telling yourself you're a victim so you can stay angry and feel go on ahead, but we men are getting rather tired of it. There's only so many time I can handle reading about this mythical patriarchy.... Do you also believe in the tooth fairy and that 9-11 was an inside job?
Gender (sic) inequality is due to gender (sic) inequality « scum-o-rama! — April 23, 2012
[...] the above instances of gender (sic) inequality — and in fact all instances of gender (sic) inequality — are due to gender (sic) inequality. [...]
I call Shenanigans | The Stay-at-Home Feminist Mom — May 2, 2012
[...] and attacks on attachment parents by the people feeling judged, is completely the result of patriarchal enforcement of female competitiveness. Because the patriarchy says there is a “correct” way to be a woman/mother, then women get [...]
Attachment Parenting, Redux | The Stay-at-Home Feminist Mom — May 4, 2012
[...] of womanhood/motherhood. Women are expected to duke it out for this coveted honor, and this idea is reinforced and encouraged though socio-cultural messages, especially via “agents of the media … actively try to pit women against one [...]
Hannah — October 24, 2012
Please include trigger warnings for ableist language.
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[…] against women. We are taught from a young age that other women are our biggest adversaries. Society tries to pit girls against each other, which isn’t just damaging, it’s downright cruel. With men being viewed as the dominant […]
Fashion PR Fridays: Fashion, Marketing & Social Media Links 4.20.12 | PR Couture // Fashion PR — November 17, 2015
[…] are often pitted against each other in the media and in everyday culture, but why? (via The Society […]
Gender Stereotypes in British Newspapers – The Language of Media — January 19, 2022
[…] used to make comparisons) to contrast these women, perpetuating another stereotype that women are always at odds with one another and that women are jealous and […]