Nikki L. sent in images of an article titled “Are You Turning Your Boyfriend into a Girlie Man?” from the February 2010 issues of Cosmo. Nikki says,
The article discusses how many women are treating their boyfriends like their girlfriends, making them go shopping, do yoga, and eat vegan food. It says the gender roles are being blurred, and that’s a good thing up to a point. The article says that eventually your man will push you away and resent you for making him girlie. It gives a list of things your man shouldnt be doing, as it might damage his masculinity…
The first page:
Notice the subtitle in red and the text below it:
First, why would you want to act like your BF or husband is one of the girls anyway? Your pull to do girlie things with him stems from experiences with your female friends. “Women are intimate with their close friends, we share everything,” says JoAnn Magdoff, PhD…
Yes. Why on earth would you want to recreate that type of relationship with a guy? Who wants to be intimate, emotionally close, and share everything with their partner? Yuck!
Here are some things you do not want your boyfriend/husband to do:
Just to reiterate: men cannot care too much about their personal appearance. They cannot try to eat healthily, or be vegetarian/vegan. If they’re gonna cook, they better not try to keep from burning their hands by wearing items specifically designed for that task. Sissies!
The article also provides a list of “manly date ideas” you can do with your guy to avoid turning him into one of the girls:
That’s just…stupid! It’s stupid! Gah! It’s such a ridiculous division of the world into the stereotypically masculine and the stereotypically feminine with policing to remind us that men must never be feminine. Ever! And women, stop emasculating men!
Men like meat! And pizza! Girls like chef salads without eggs, bacon, or cheese in them. Men like dogs! Women like cats. Have you ever known a woman who liked dogs? As if! Men like walking in the park and the beach. Except in movies where walking on the beach is portrayed as all annoyingly mushy and romantic, something men do because women like that sort of thing.
I’m also pretty sure if his favorite video game turns out to be Bejeweled, that goes up on the list of things you never wanna see.
Jillian C. York — January 24, 2010
My boyfriend and I have had a fun time over that article in the past couple of weeks (see, he loves to go shopping, and cook, and watch "girly" TV shows with me - I guess I've turned him into a girly man!)
J — January 24, 2010
Follow up article - 'Are you turning your girlfriend into a 'boyish' woman - why don't you do some girly things with her for a change?'
And really - I'd like to see someone get brownies out of the oven without oven mitts.
Meems — January 24, 2010
My dad was actually the one who taught me how to bake. Hmm.
I suppose I do have a division between what I do with female friends and what I'd do with a boyfriend, but frankly, you're never going to see me expressionist dance to Enya, either. And God forbid a women be a good snowboarder, like dogs, eat steak, or be good at video games. *sigh*
Jared — January 24, 2010
Lady Gaga's new album is my favourite thing to listen to in the car or on the bus lately, Cosmo be damned.
C. V. Reynolds — January 24, 2010
But... I already eat healthy and have worn those pore-cleansing strips... And my sister loves video games.
This article is just awful.
Oh, and "Sex it up by making the loser strip". This accomplishes two things in the mind of the article. It ensures that things like video games become about sex because men are ALL about sex and it ensures that women have to take their clothes off. You see, because women don't play games and are BAD AT THEM. Thus, they will lose and have to strip, especially because it's the guy's favorite game. Never mind those games where the players cooperate instead of competing, though. Those are for sissies, obviously.
Victoria — January 24, 2010
That list? I don't do any of those things myself. I suppose in Cosmo's world that makes me less of a "real woman." I know this is nuts but, I like to go kayaking and hiking for ME and not just for my boyfriend. And - oh no! He enjoys cooking and knowing about flowers and plants! He's like the sister I never had!
I HATE Cosmo. HATE it vehemently. I got a free subscription from somewhere and every month I'm just appalled at how they attempt to trivialize our lives as a woman down to shopping, fashion, beauty - and how to never look less than fabulous, cocktail parties, and keeping my man happy by having sex with him constantly. Actually, the bulk of the magazine seems to be about teaching me how to hang on to my boyfriend because, you know - all boyfriends really want to just play the field and none of them actually enjoy their committed relationships with their partners. Cosmo is such a mentally draining magazine that I've stopped even using it for a mindless read on the treadmill.
I swear I could dedicate an ENTIRE website with posts about how Cosmo offends me as a woman alone - every day, one post per day per issue. And I could probably double up sometimes.
A — January 24, 2010
How is yoga feminine?
KD — January 24, 2010
Cosmo is operating under rules for some planet other than this one. The crap they write never makes sense.
max — January 24, 2010
So, the women should try to be more masculine for their man, but not vice versa...
Becca — January 24, 2010
Hahaha, I am personally entertained by this because my boyfriend DOES use deep-cleansing pore strips on his nose, apparently the #1 thing not to do. Which is funny, because we totally look at it afterward and how awesome and gross it is, which I don't think is very girly.
Tiago — January 24, 2010
That just nearly killed me.
krwpjm — January 24, 2010
Good God. This crap sickens me. I often read stories like this on the 'life' section on msn.com to examine the broad assumptions about gender, sexuality, age and class. They make me sick. Its something about the perceived universality of gender and even sexuality that makes me angry. For, what are gays to do? My partner and I - How are we to go about 'feminizing' or 'masculinizing' eachother? Help Cosmo, I'm confused. Is my partner supposed to like video games and me, shopping? Oh god - intersectionality. Its SOOOOO confusing! I like lady gaga AND video games - I must be some kind of gender bending freak.
Judging by the psychotherapist they consult in everyone of these articles, none of them have even learned of the concept of gender/sex.
For those people who don't stringently follow contemporary gender norms, how horrible is this to read? That you're not a 'real man' because you... oh noes! bake brownies....or listen to lady gaga. And if youre a woman... you don't like pizza, video games or sports.
This is archaic nonsense. I hate seeing this crap and wondering how many people are reading it uncritically.
Sorry for ranting.
Gen — January 24, 2010
I've given up reading magazines for the most part. The articles are merely filler to separate the advertisements. The magazine editors are working for their true customers--the advertisers--and thus they are peddling the same old patriarchal, sexist crap again and again because that's what drives the readers to buy the advertisers' products.
Dave Paul — January 24, 2010
ARRRRGH!!!! GENDER ROOOOLES!!!!!
dz — January 24, 2010
Why do I continue to be surprised and flabbergasted by these things? Uuuugghhh, I guess I live in a feminist bubble or something.
Mvibes — January 24, 2010
URG! This reminds me of the conversation I had with a co-worker yesterday. A guy that has a crush on her walked in and waved to her.
Not a second after she turns to me and starts complaing about how "ugly" (he was very good looking btw) and "sissy" he is.
"He CRIED during gym class" "He likes Pink (the singer and the color)" "He would rather do YOGA then play football!"
And other such sexist complaints about his "un-manlyness". It took everything I had to not smack her.
Wheeze — January 24, 2010
I'm really wondering what exactly this person thinks oven mitts are for.
Margo — January 24, 2010
LOL, Apron and mitts. Because real men get their clothes messy and pick up 350 degree metal pans with their bare hands!
mikuto — January 24, 2010
Such bullshit. You know, my dad is the reason that I love to bake. Imagine if he had followed these "rules", I never would have been taught how to make cookies when I was 7.
The false machismo that is forced on men is just as bad as the hyper-feminine one forced on women. Gender roles shouldn't be so damn rigid. I'm a female, I play video games, bake, wear concealer, and like pizza and dogs. None of these things need to be strictly feminine or masculine.
Tracie — January 24, 2010
Thanks for this. Glad to see I wasn't the only one outraged by this article. I subscribe to Cosmo but after reading this I'm seriously considering canceling my subscription. I definitely won't be renewing it anymore as I've realized that the things they write are incredibly sexist, and I'm getting bored by the same crap every month. I think people should be encouraged to write Cosmo about how incredibly narrow-minded and sexist that article really was.
Lyndsay — January 24, 2010
Just yesterday, my friend and I were talking about how we don't want to be with someone who is a "manly man" because we wonder could he like "girly" things but he's choosing not to do things like yoga because he feels he's not supposed to? So is he being his real self or what he feels he should be? That's fine if a man just happens to like more stereotypical man things but if he's not trying something *because* he thinks it's a girly thing, I think he needs to re-examine his reasoning.
Oh, and since when do girls not like pizza? Or dogs?
Raquel — January 24, 2010
This article seems pretty standard for Cosmo. I'm surprised that they think this mentality still exists. I'm not really aware of anyone in my age range that doesn't go against gender norms to some degree. My husband likes cooking, cats, and romantic comedies. I'd rather have take-out, dogs, and comedies minus the romance.
The most amusing part to me was the item about not covering a zit with concealer. My father is traditionally "manly" and is always worried about things making him look too feminine...yet he covers his blemishes with a bit of my mom's make-up when he needs too! Guess even he would freak out Cosmo.
zhaf — January 24, 2010
The Cosmo media kit - click _readership_ at the top, and then navigate to _demographics_ on the side.
I'm a little cautious about the accuracy of these numbers because essentially the media kit is how the magazine sells itself to advertisers. Marketing people, being who they are, tend to select the "best" looking statistics that appeal to their ad customers. Still, this is how the magazine sees itself and its readers. Interesting stuff if you ever asked yourself "who reads this crap?"
Also, in point of fact, I do MY expressionist dancing to Gaga songs. Nothing against Enya, just a preference thing.
Thaddeus — January 24, 2010
Not that I'm defending this absolutely ridiculous article, but there ARE ways to remove a hot pan without oven mitts. I've pulled hot baking sheets out of the oven with dish rags and once or twice a balled up shirt.
Why oven mitts are emasculating, that I can't say.
ptp — January 24, 2010
I sing Lady GaGa on the radio and my wife hates it. So I sing louder.
Beelzebub — January 24, 2010
I could never date a girl that read Cosmo, unless she read it ironically. It doesn't say anything about having similar interests nor does it indicate that maybe (just maybe!) the reason men are going shopping, doing yoga, and eating vegan food with their girlfriends is as reciprocation for them doing manly things with them.
Moe — January 24, 2010
I am saddened when I see how many of the young woman at the college where I teach carry around copies of Cosmo. Maybe this has something to do with why they are such easy prey for the sexual predations of the campus frat boys and so willingly turn up nearly nude at their Pimps and Hos parties.
April — January 24, 2010
Holy moly is this article stupid.
For the record: My boyfriend has a distinctive style (even if it does often involve worn-out tshirts) that I thoroughly enjoy.
I'm vegan, he's vegetarian (has been for far longer than me), we both like to cook, we both like pizza.
I'm the one who likes dogs. And cats. And pet rats.
Neither of us watch football. Technically, since I am a fan of a sport (roller derby), I'm the sportier one of the two of us, although we're both big bicycle geeks who each own three different bikes.
Neither of us play videogames. I'm the bigger computer addict, actually.
I love him because of who he is, not because he fits neatly into some artificial gender binary.
Natalie — January 24, 2010
I think a guy in a snuggie would be adorable. Like on The Big Bang Theory. I'd definitely cuddle that.
Ekaterinn — January 24, 2010
I'm a lesbian...I suppose my partner and I are just invisible?
silvertongue — January 24, 2010
Suppose I have to go against the grain here.
Not all traditional gender divisions should be considered a bad thing. Perhaps I might even suggest that some are good.
We , all of us, bar none, are raised within a system that innately creates gender differences. I don't feel that that is a problem. It is only when those differences impact equality that there becomes an issue.
I don't believe that a woman doing laundry and a man changing oil is a bad thing, not so long as the option to change that up is there and unrestricted. If she wants to work on the mustang and he wants to fold the sheets, great, but let's not assign overly tremendous amounts of significance to what is essentially just a cigar if they don't. Traditional roles are stable and wonderful, and create a fertile ground for exploration beyond those roles. We all have to start somewhere. It doesn't mean we have to be restricted there though, as long as we're reasonable.
If I were a woman, I really wouldn't want my man prancing around in lulu lemon and talking about fashion. If I did, I'd just sleep with one of the other women in my group.
Just two oppositional cents...
Kat — January 24, 2010
Does anyone here read any women's magazines aside from BITCH and MS. (and is willing to admit it here)? I used to until I stopped being a teen and now hate them with a passion. I wish there was one for me... but no.
gabriel — January 24, 2010
oh wow, that's one stupid article.
emasculating is embarrasing, so being a human *like a girl* is embarrasing-?
Jimmie F. — January 24, 2010
I am going to be entirely honest, as a man , this offends me. Anyone, man or woman, should be permitted to act how they want. Being a vegan, who enjoys baking/cooking (and not getting 2nd degree burns from being 'too manly' to use oven mitts), and cuddling, does this make me less of a man? Probably according to this article. It's pathetic, that, as a society, these roles are still referred to determine what men and women should or should not do. It sickens me that the point at which we stand is also progress. I'm happy for the progress, but the fact that this is considered 'good' from where once were is terrible.
Thomas P — January 24, 2010
This article is of course offensive but the really strange thing about the article is that while it emphasizes the importance of traditional gender roles it also suggests that it's more important for men to keep their masculinity than for women to keep their femininity. While it's never ok for men to do be feminine in anyway it's completely ok for women to be masculine if it serves to keep their boyfriends masculine. It defines masculinity as an absolute and femininity as anything else.
ms.bec — January 24, 2010
I've always struggled with the idea of one masculinity and one femininity. For me masculine and feminine come in many different shades, like a spectrum of awesomeness! In terms of attractiveness I think that strong, smart and creative however it comes is wonderful.
Eurasian Sensation — January 24, 2010
Taking this a little further, I see an obvious link between hegemonic stereotypical masculinity and violence against women. I'd wager that the kind of guy who does the kind of things Cosmo doesn't want to see, is likely to be more respectful as a partner than the guy whose tastes are confined to pizza, steak, video games, 6-packs and sports.
So it's another way in which a women's magazine is complicit in perpetuating attitudes that are detrimental to women.
However I do agree with Cosmo about singing Lady Gaga songs - you never want to see that - although that is more on the grounds of good taste rather than gender.
Pauline — January 24, 2010
I agree that the article is pretty offensive, but it does remind me of my own boyfriend, a little, and the relationship he was in before he got together with me. He would be forced to sit down and watch awful 'girlie' movies (we're talking about the trash that tells 13yo's to lose weight and wear makeup and find a boyfriend) and his girlfriend refused to ever doing anything with him that he enjoyed doing.
Whether the things she enjoyed doing were traditionally 'girlie' and the things he wanted to do were 'masculine' doesn't really matter, the fact that there was no balance with him doing some of the things she liked and her doing some of the things he liked was what hurt the relationship the most. (at least, from what I could tell as an outsider)
So to me, while this article is awful for trying to enforce gender roles in the way it has (and sneering at women for dating men into 'girlie things') I think the message at its heart - that you shouldn't force your partner into doing what you want to do without being willing to do what they want to do in turn - is a good one. It's just a shame that Cosmo's writers couldn't present it better.
Buffy — January 24, 2010
Every time I see something like that I'm even more glad I'm a lesbian and don't have to worry about such nonsense.
Alexicute — January 24, 2010
my BF leaned over my shoulder as I was reading this article to see what I was looking at. He is wearing mascara left over from last night. Forget you,cosmo.
haha balled up shirt!
Noelley B — January 24, 2010
This isn't the first time Cosmo has said incredibly, obviously stupid things. http://www.cracked.com/article/156_7-sex-tips-from-cosmo-that-will-put-you-in-hospital/
It's very crass, male perspective, but the Cosmo sex tips are a perfect example of how Cosmo gets it wrong from every perspective, even a heteronormative male one.
I just have to say, if I ever tried the "anti-valentine" date with my fiancé, he would throw a fit. If anything, he "sissified" me over the course of our relationship. I'm the one who drinks, and I'm the one who isn't into the whole romance thing.
Manly dates? How about shooting fish in a barrel?
Pizza every week. I think we'd both get sick of pizza pretty fast. This isn't manly, this is juvenile.
Dog shopping. So, you're either going to the pound to play with animals that are prolly going to die, or looking at over-bred puppy mill products. No thanks.
Play Hookie. How is this specifically manly? Oh, right the sixpack. Only men drink, and they drink beer in quantity.
Snowboarding. Actually, this one sounds kinda fun, but again, you have to get drunk for it to be really manly.
Have him teach you his favorite video game, get naked. Okay, so much wrong with this one: he plays, you don't, his favorite game is competitive, you can't play it yet. Sex it up? your body is a prize to be won? Did he pay your daddy for the privilege? My fiancé and I love to play Rockband, which is a cooperative game.
Cook a steak dinner together. Is he allowed to wear an apron this time? Anyone who is vegetarian or Hindu is automatically a sissy.
Make out in the bleachers of your old high school. The hell? I'm twenty four. Cosmo is read by people who are in their twenties and thirties. How creepy would it be for two adults to go to a school event to engage in sexual activity? This is horrifying.
Anti-Valentine's Day. I can only imagine the fuss my fiancé would raise if I suggested we spend Valentines day at a dive bar. I personally hate a lot of the trappings of this holiday: the cheap waxy chocolate, the flowers grown in the tropics on land that used to grow food for local populations, the ugly stuffed animals, but who doesn't like candlelit dinners with the one you love?
mordicai — January 24, 2010
I'm a pretty "masculine" cisgendered dude. I just can't understand how what tv show I watch or whatever is defining my gender role? Like-- you aren't even talking about fighting or having babies. Am I missing something?
The Martian — January 24, 2010
The word "girly" is itself sexist (maybe too obvious to comment on)? It trivializes girls and women.
Speaking of which, college women increasingly call themselves "girls" and dislike the word "woman." Hard to have a women's movement without...women.
anna — January 24, 2010
I like to comfort myself in knowing that this written months ago, since they list the film "A Couple of Cops" which is now titled "Cop Out."
For reference, I'd love for boyfriend to sing along to Lady Gaga because I'm getting a little bored with the Glee songs we've been listening to, and the only thing I see wrong with lounging on the couch in a Snuggie is that lounging in a blanket is much more conducive to actual snuggling. This reinforcement of perceived "masculine" and "feminine" is unnecessary and probably harmful.
Tweets that mention “Are You Turning Your Boyfriend into a Girlie Man?” » Sociological Images -- Topsy.com — January 25, 2010
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by SocImages, Gary Dunion, Michael J. Faris, Steve Greer, Miss Marjie and others. Miss Marjie said: RT @sisypheantask: As if I needed another reason to HATE Cosmo Magazine: http://bit.ly/4XWCIV [...]
nathan — January 25, 2010
First off I'm more girly than my wife and I'm not ashamed of that. I'm a huge nerd and would much rather be the intelligent and capable guy who is slightly feminine than a useless fat waste of meat in this article. This is what America has reduced itself to and I'm tired of it. I always hated this whole "man" thing. I fix things around the house, I maintain the cars, and the other lame things men do.(which women can certainly do as well) Doesn't it make me even more of a man that I also try to be friends with my wife and do fun things with her? Doesn't it make me more of a man that I can provide more than just money or muscle? I mean how many men know how to fix electronics, build computers, cook, and can photograph their fun moments?
Do they think movie stars never wash their face? Kung-fu masters can kick above their head so how is it NOT manly? No cheese, egg, or bacon, and dressing on the side keeps you FROM GETTING A HEART ATTACK! I'm sorry, but there's nothing manly about a freaking heart attack. That's just being an idiot.
Celebrate anti-valentines day? Okay to hate valentines because you had bad experiences in the past is one thing. Buuut your boyfriend's a dick if he blows you off on valentines day. Sorry.
Richardhg — January 25, 2010
Hey, the answer is for guys to have a boyfriend who likes to snowboard, cook brownies together, do the cleansing trip, and go out together hunting for girls. Or just take up guys. They are more fun, they drink beer, they play video games, they get outdoors.
Women and drag queens don't break a leg, they break a fingernail.
Find 'em. F@*# 'em. Forget 'em. And don't ever lay a finger on the girls you want as friends, because just do them right once and they become sex maniacs and really strange.
DD — January 25, 2010
I do kinda agree, to a point. I know women who've forced men into pegging and crossdressing, typically by guilting them or the "well, if you loved me.." speech. Honestly its bullshit. Then they brag about it. This is why I almost never stay friends with a girl for long, because I dont keep friends who are just interested in using people.
Yes it pushes a stereotypical view. But if the gender lines were ever to become so blurred that there wasn't a difference.. I dont know, I guess neither gender would be attractive to me anymore. The feminizing of males, even across species, is supported by scientific fact due to hormones in water and food and such. Sperm count and testosterone is going down. A 'manly man' is extremely rare to find these days. And yes, I like a guy who is sensitive at times to my feelings, but if I wanted a woman, I would date a woman.
So honestly.. I think denying something that is supported scientifically and trying to say "YADDA YADDA GENDER YADDA YADDA DISCRIMINATION YADDA YADDA BECAUSE EVERYONE BEHAVING THE SAME IS THE BEST EVER" is just stupid. Have you ever considered that maybe some people prefer traditional gender roles? I'm a woman, and no, I don't like wearing dresses or makeup, but I love cooking. I also love video games and some typically 'manly' things. My fiance is a bit more traditional, but he likes some typically 'girly' things. But just because there are parts of us that are traditional, that we would prefer to keep that way... that makes us wrong?
I get the point. I do. But the publishers of that article are just as entitled to an opinion as you are, and since they are opinions, neither can be right nor wrong. But, I know my children will be raised to follow in our footsteps, and hopefully they wont sway to all of this "WHATS GENDER? LAWL" bullshit that is going on now. It wasn't like this when I was a kid so honestly I am hoping it is a fad just like extreme environmentalism when everyone finds out the actual motives behind carbon credits and shit.
J — January 25, 2010
The problem is, Cosmo (and others) spout their opinions as if they were universally-accepted facts.
depresso — January 25, 2010
Wow. My husband turned me on to being vegan and I taught him how to play my favourite video game. *the sound of the Cosmo-verse imploding*
daniel — January 25, 2010
well, thanks. :)
i was often confronted with the fact i'm not a stereotypical man and allways thought like "what the?!" - this article, especially your conclusion made my day.
by the way: a few years ago i was in the top 10 highscorelist of bejeweled. :D
Robin — January 25, 2010
They forgot to mention men wearing skirts:
CassandraSays — January 25, 2010
...What if I chose the guy precisely because he was kind of girlie/metro/whatever dumb label we're putting on men who aren't particularly macho these days? I'm supposed to try to change him into someone I'd like less?
Um, OK. I'll get right on that.
DJ — January 25, 2010
This reminds me of a Gore Vidal observation: 'To hear two American men congratulating each other on being heterosexual is one of the most chilling experiences - and unique to the United States. You don't hear two Italians sitting around complimenting each other because they actually like to go to bed with women. The American is hysterical about his manhood.'
Sarah TX — January 25, 2010
I think this is part of that really weird US narrative where men are supposed to desire women sexually, but not actually want to hang out with them at all. For a woman to ask the man that she's dating to hang out in "a feminine way" would be too much of an imposition. So if you want to hang out with a man outside of sex, better make sure it's some activity that validates his masculine performance.
Of course I think that's bullshit. Although it's really funny to watch the reaction of waiters when my partner and I go out to eat and he orders a salad while I order the pot roast or ribs.
pg — January 25, 2010
American men are supposed to treat women kind of like shooting deer or wrestling a bear. It's a "conquest" in which the man "wins" if he can get his penis in a woman. Otherwise, men are supposed to hate women; of course there is nothing worse than being like a woman, that is, a "sissy" (like a sister) or "pussy" (no explanation needed). God forbid a man and woman be lovers AND friends.
Jean Maitland — January 25, 2010
Allison — January 25, 2010
I'd like to see the opposite in a men's magazine.
"You should run away from your woman if she ever does any of the following:
* At a restaurant, orders a steak--or worse, a pizza
* Asks to learn about your favorite video game
* Wants to go shopping for dogs
* Pretends that she'd rather play pool and hang out than get Valentine's chocolate
Why would you WANT your girlfriend to act like one of the guys? Your desire stems from your experience with your dude friends. "Mmn are always hanging out and having fun," according to Joe Awesome, PhD...
Nora — January 25, 2010
Man, Cosmo is late to the strip video games club. That was, like, the best part of 2005 for me.
Anonymous — January 25, 2010
I was really surprised when I came across that article reading Cosmo. Surprised and disappointed.
Luna — January 25, 2010
Dude. When my man makes me brownies, and is considerate enough to wear an apron so I don't have to wash that crap off his clothes, it earns him all sorts of "special favours".
/tongue in cheek mode
lex — January 25, 2010
God I love this blog. It's so nice to have a community where what I think about and what I see and experience every day is discussed and analysed in this way. Just when I think I'm on the brink of a societally-induced breakdown and can see no good and no way out, I come on here and am reassured that I'm not the only one who sees this stuff and thinks it is bloody important. Even the trolls are good, because they represent the mainstream and help to bolster our resources and develop kick-arse arguments against them. Thank you all for saving my mind. Especially KD and Bagelsan. You really are good.
Off-topic mush ceases. Enjoy your respective days :)
Original Will — January 25, 2010
I think it's hilarious, because I have violated a bunch of those rules (how much worse is it if a man puts his own apron in the laundry and OMG WASHES IT HIMSELF... and not as part of a special favor for his SO on her birthday or something...)
But I have to say, with all deference to the authors of the blog, Cosmo is really low-hanging fruit. My wife had a subscription for a while and it seems like there is an article like this every month.
Tadjio — January 25, 2010
I've always suspected that a few women out there are attracted to large, hairy, masculine men because they fulfill a sort of bodyguard/handyman/provider role. Obviously, most women who prefer super-butch men are into this look for its sex appeal, and not because they need pickle jars opened and spiders swatted -- but sometimes I wonder.
I suspect that the rise of "metrosexuals" has to do with women's liberation: specifically with women no longer needing to attach themselves to a man for their very survival. Given that, women who are naturally attracted to more masculine sorts will continue dating them, but women who don't see any appeal in all that testosterone are free to find men who act just like "one of the girls."
It depresses me that many people, male and female alike, apparently don't WANT to be friends with their lovers (or at least don't want to have more than a few hobbies in common), but maybe there's some sort of 'mystique' there that makes it worthwhile. I wouldn't know.
I also find it ironic that there's no equivalent "Are you turning your girlfriend into a BUTCH?" article. Hell, the "manly date" recommendations are practically that -- steak! pizza! dogs! sports! -- and yet nobody seems concerned.
AMarie — January 26, 2010
hmmph, obviously 'masculinity' is so fragile that 'femininity' presents a threat to it. It must be stable, unchanging whereas femininity may only exist IN RELATION to it, b/c that's the nature of binaries. (I do believe that these are nothing more than constructs to mask the insecurities of the hegemony, while reifying inequity and difference.)
Hmmph. The fact being "girly" is an undesirable state says a lot about the internalized oppression (misogyny) of our culture. It also points to the idea that "manly" is the ideal, default state.
I'm not about to get into gender politics tonight, though.
Joy-Mari Cloete — January 26, 2010
@Luna: Oh, I didn't see that bit.
silicasandra — January 27, 2010
Well, when you consider that Cosmo is owned by the same people who own Maxim, you find that the magazines compliment each other quite nicely. Also known as, "I'm not surprised, but still disgusted."
Plus Cosmo's sex positions articles are bogus. :)
Links Roundup: ‘Quick, let’s do some research!’ Edition « The Solution — February 8, 2010
[...] is ‘girly‘, just like cooking, or being intimate with your girlfriend. Um, right. That’s [...]
Max — February 8, 2010
OMG this is trash condensed and magnified. Real men are kind to animals. I'd like to shoot this woman. in the stomach.
Phill — February 13, 2010
I find it hilarious that the movies mentioned under "play hooky" not only weren't out when the article was written, or when the mag hit the stands, they are only coming out now, more than a month after your post. "A Couple Of Cops" isn't even called that anymore. It smells like a publicist's plant, even though they're from different studios.
Intersectionality ‘Round the Interwebs, No. 17: F-O-O-D.* » V for Vegan: easyVegan.info — February 17, 2010
[...] Gwen @ Sociological Images: “Are You Turning Your Boyfriend into a Girlie Man?” [...]
I Would Rather Shoot Myself in the Face Than Ever See Another Cosmopolitan Issue. « Feminist Punk Rock and Women's Protest Music — February 18, 2010
[...] http://thesocietypages.org/socimages/2010/01/24/are-you-turning-your-boyfriend-into-a-girlie-man/ (Check here for pictures of the really classy sections of the article.) [...]
LexieDi — June 15, 2010
I can't help but laugh at ads that talk about how much men like meat. My boyfriend is vegetarian and is a vegetarian for the sole reason as he doesn't think it's right to kill animals even for food. (I'm not a vegetarian and he doesn't hassle me at all about it.)
Also, there's an ongoing unspoken battle between him and myself on who says "Happy Anniversary" to the other first every month (meaning, we both try to say it before the other). And to be honest, he remembers these special dates far more often than I do!
I guess I should remind him that "real" men eat meat and don't care for these mushy markers of time spent together. *eyeroll*
I mean, by the media's standards, my boyfriend just might as well be their idea of female. He can often be caught window shopping on the web, is really smart and encourages me in my studies and also puts off things he'd like to do in order to focus on his studies, he puts more kissie emoticons in our internet conversations than I do, he talks about how he wants to go shopping with me, he wants marriage, he wants kids... But he's a man! These things don't make him not-a-man!
It's it funny how patriarchy is a double-edged sword?
Fritz — September 4, 2010
Okay, the 'manly' date ideas seem like a hell of a lot more fun to me on any given day, and I certainly don't think of those ideas as 'manly'.
I take special offense to the "Have HIM teach YOU how to play his favorite video game". Given generation gaps, one can readily find women much more interested in video games than men.
As far as being attracted to a stereotypical 'macho' man, there is nothing wrong with that. What drives me biologically does not have to typify the gender role. My husband is a hairy-chested, bald-headed, muscle slinging goatee wearing dude. He hates video games, I love them. I swat spiders, he doesn't. He does all the cooking and cleaning, I change brakes.
The point is: in any decent relationship, one part of the equation should not have to embrace all parts of the 'gender', regardless of what each person values aesthetically or biologically.
janelle (◣_◢) — August 22, 2012
I teach my boyfriend to play video games, and he got me into eating healthy. I was unaware that this was incorrect until Cosmo told me so...