Maybe you’ve never noticed, given that feminists are always talking about the ladies, that there are lots and lots and lots of things that (real) men are not supposed to do. For instance: drink fruity drinks, wear pink shoes, look at their fingernails the wrong way, enjoy a “chick flick,” like a girl, like cats, prefer not to fight, care about grades, eat salad… should I go on? You get the gist.
Comparably, women have got it good. We’re allowed to knit and play soccer, be a mom and be a lawyer, take dance and karate, wear skirts and pants!
How do we make sense of this? Crash course: Femininity is just for chicks. When men do feminine things, they are debasing themselves. Masculinity is awesome and for everyone. When women do masculine things, they’re awesome. This is sexism: Masculinity rules, femininity drools. Men are encouraged to stay away from femininity, so their individual choices are constrained, but they also are staying away from something debasing. In contrast, women are required to do a least some femininity, so women are required to debase themselves, at least a little bit, even as they are given more options.
I say this all to introduce these two hilarious examples of men and how they have to worry about doing masculinity (sent in by Vesko J.).
How To Give The Perfect Man Hug
How I Sit On The Bus
Comments 34
Dubi Kanengisser — June 26, 2008
I think you're way off there. It's not that masculinity is awesome and femininity debasing. It's not about women and men, actually. It's about gays. Most men have a mortal fear of being thought of as gay. Let's take me for example - I'm your regular run of the mill have-no-problem-whatsoever-with-gays-but-petrified-at-the-thought-of-being-thought-of-as-gay liberal kinda guy. I have a sincere aversion to wearing pink, to giggling and to a bunch of other stuff that is associated (stereotypically, of course) with both women and gays. I do not, however, have any problem with a variety of motherly-chores related to my son, even though those are equally associated with women. The thing is - they're not associated with gays, because children in general are associated with hetero families. So by being the boy's mother for a while, while I'm certainly not asserting my masculinity, I am most assuredly asserting my heterosexuality, and therefore have no problem with it. I think you'll find this is applicable to most liberal heterosexual men.
So, to sum up, what's "debasing" is not femininity, but "gaiety". Which means I'm still a jerk, but at least I'm no chauvinist.
Charli — June 26, 2008
Dubi - aren't gay men stereotyped as "effeminate" or "feminine?" They "lose" their masculinity by not participating in a heterosexual relationship, or by picking up certain feminine traits. I think that it comes right back around to the feminine being the "lesser" of the two characteristics. Men who are scared of being thought of as gay are scared of being seen as less of a "real man" since gay men are associated (whether correctly or incorrectly) with feminine behaviors (like leg crossing, having an interest in clothing or hair, or chick flicks).
Twinsen — June 26, 2008
@Dubi:
Lesbians are having sex with the correct object for sex - another woman. That's why their existence is not such a problem.
Gays are having sex not with the correct object (a woman), but with another human being (a man), which is degrading. A human, that voluntarily humiliates himself to go into the "passive" position in sex, reserved only for women. Yuck.
So, you think that gay disgust has nothing to do with female being inferior? Think again.
Dubi Kanengisser — June 26, 2008
I disagree, Charli. I gave an example of a clear feminine characteristic: motherhood(ness?), that men are less likely to feel embarrassed about than anything that would make them look gay. I remember a long time ago it was considered a "code" for being gay to wear an earring on a specific ear (left?). While it was, at the time, considered completely OK for men to wear earrings (at least where I lived), it was considered highly embarrassing to wear one on the (left?) ear, for fear of being misidentified as gay.
Dubi Kanengisser — June 26, 2008
Twinsen - I don't think that gays are degraded, debased or disgusting. I just don't want people to think I'm one. Furthermore, it doesn't humiliate me when people do think I'm gay, it just makes me panic and put on a real whoa-there-fella-I'm-a-boobs-kinda-guy face.
Oh, and gimme a break with the "human being (a man)" bullshit. Of all the people I know, chauvinists included, nobody today thinks women are not "real human beings".
Twinsen — June 27, 2008
A girl can hug a girl without this being sexual. But for men, it is.
It's not disgusting, OK, it's just "scary". The question is: why do you panic? What is so terrible?
On being female and resisting the feminist label.. « Prioritizing the Paranoias — July 2, 2008
[...] that’s what the feminist movement is - respect for persons regardless of gender - taking that idea and labeling with one gender - *femin*ism - strikes me as [...]
Sociological Images » RE-DEFINING MASCULINITY — July 10, 2008
[...] men if they are not stereotypically masculine (i.e, men should not know about ballet, hug or sit improperly, drink the wrong drink, go to the bathroom together, smell like flowers, or eat tofu), this ad [...]
Sociological Images » “WOMAN” AS AN INSULT — July 18, 2008
[...] a previous post I argued that sexism constrains men’s lives by making all things coded feminine off-limits [...]
Dustin Boston — September 25, 2008
The idea that women should be masculine is, in my opinion, a feminist institution. I don't know any men who expect women to be masculine.
Sociological Images » INSTITUTIONALIZED ANDROCENTRISM: BOYS NOT ALLOWED TO DO WHAT GIRLS DO — September 26, 2008
[...] Elsewhere on this blog I have commented about how the gender rules for men’s daily lives are more strict than for women because of androcentrism (a version of sexism in which masculinity is valued more than femininity). Yesterday, CNN reported on a school in Ohio that has told a 13-year-old boy he is not allowed to do what 13-year-old girls do everyday: wear make-up (hat tip to Jezebel): [...]
Sociological Images » WHY DO I BOTH LOVE AND HATE THIS COMMERCIAL? — October 30, 2008
[...] equally awesome when men cry, wear skirts, learn to knit, or become interior designers. Here is my crash course on [...]
E.M. — November 24, 2008
See this is the thing, it (gender relation issues) isn't a problem you usually seen on a small level. Most people really are generous enough to not make harsh judgement on someone they see who is not strictly in keeping with female vs male roles. Few people looks at a girl and say, "she not a human," because that pretty obviously contrary to the truth. It is the entirety of femininity that is considered 'not human'. But when I say 'human' what is meant is 'the acceptable mode'.
In short, it's not that individuals are saying women are to be reviled (anymore), it's that societal constructs (everything from language to our banking system, to fashion) is sending the message 'femininity is only to be displayed by these certain people at these certain acceptable times'
E.M. — November 24, 2008
Charli, I have to dispute your 'feminist construct' comment. I think there was a surge during second wave, 1960s style feminists, of groups that had the idea that women should act like men to the extent that they themselves need to eschew feminine traits, although not all feminist groups at the time supported that idea (the artist Judy Chicago being a prominent one). Anyway, third wave, contemporary, feminists groups (who still differ on many subjects) rarely support that to be a feminist you should act masculine.
I would really strongly argue that the idea of 'women should act masculine' actually comes from women just looking around, seeing where the power is (in what jobs, in what behaviors, in what dress) and saying, 'hey, a,b and c are traits of powerful people, I will a,b and c too.'
Asada — December 6, 2008
@ twinsen
new flash
women are humans.
Sociological Images » BUY HER DIAMONDS OR ELSE — December 8, 2008
[...] another example of androcentrism (see here, here, here, and here), one that is nicely combined with the representation of women as annoying [...]
Vesko J — March 10, 2009
Since the clip for hugging no longer works, here's a more direct link to it:
http://www.videojug.com/film/how-to-give-a-great-man-to-man-hug
Ranah — March 10, 2009
The link to the "hug" video no longer works, so here's another one:
http://www.videojug.com/film/how-to-give-a-great-man-to-man-hug
Sociological Images » Rejecting The Gender Binary In Fashion — May 4, 2009
[...] other examples of antrocentrism, see our posts here, here, here, here, here, and here. See also this post on [...]
Dinosaurs are for Boys (Girls Allowed) » Sociological Images — November 24, 2009
[...] or the idea that boy things are good for everyone but girl things are only good for girls, see here. And for examples of androcentrism, visit our posts here, here, and here. Leave a Comment [...]
A SET OF ADS SUGGESTING THAT MEN MUST ESCHEW FEMININITY, OR ELSE » Sociological Images — November 27, 2009
[...] ads policing men’s behavior: sissies suck, how to do masculinity (hugging and sitting), “woman” as an insult, and boys can’t wear make-up at [...]
ABOUT BODY LANGUAGE » Sociological Images — November 27, 2009
[...] This is a screen shot of McCain’s appearance on The View. I thought it nicely demonstrated both rules of femininity and the breaking of rules. Notice how all of the women, with the exception of Whoopi, have beautifully crossed legs aimed towards McCain so as to express interest. Whoopi, in contrast, is resisting conventional expectations by taking a masculine pose (ankle on knee) aimed away from McCain. (Of course, Whoopi as been seen taking controversial “positions” before.) Finally, McCain himself appears to be failing to live up to normative standards of masculinity in matching the leg cross of his female hosts. (See the second video in this post about anxiety over masculine leg crossing.) [...]
Xavier AM — September 27, 2010
Maybe it's not that culture has determined that feminine is sucky, but rather made a bunch of sucky things feminine.
Ex: I am drinking a simple mixed drink at the bar. It took the bartender 30 seconds to pour, is tasty if not sweet and is relatively inexpensive for its potency. You are drinking a fruity blended thing which took a couple minutes to make, with some extra pointless things hanging off the rim like fruit rinds and a umbrella.
Your drink sucks.
Sexist me « I live to eat — January 1, 2011
[...] From: http://thesocietypages.org/socimages/2008/06/26/how-to-do-masculinity [...]
Femininity can’t be that bad | Meteuphoric — January 8, 2011
[...] not immediately clear though why this would be unfair toward women, rather than men. She explains elsewhere: Comparably, women have got it good. We’re allowed to knit and play soccer, be a mom and be a [...]
Jordan — June 12, 2011
To all the other boys in the room: if someone thinks you are homosexual, or they perceive you as being feminine, it doesn't change who you are and it shouldn't change how you feel about yourself or how you act. If you feel the need to "butch up" when someone intimates that you might be gay then you have some self esteem issues to work on.
How Game of Thrones’ Arya and Sansa played the game of gender politics and won – Go4viral – Read Viral News — August 28, 2017
[…] a particular kind of gender stereotype. Here’s how sociologist Lisa Wade explained it at Sociological Images in 2008: “When women do masculine things, they’re awesome. This is sexism: Masculinity rules, […]
How Game of Thrones’ Arya and Sansa played the game of gender politics and won | Junk Host — August 29, 2017
[…] a particular kind of gender stereotype. Here’s how sociologist Lisa Wade explained it at Sociological Images in 2008: “When women do masculine things, they’re awesome. This is sexism: Masculinity rules, […]