When Madonna released “Like a Virgin” in 1984 she dedicated the album to “all the virgins of the world.” At that time, her fans (including me, a reserved high school girl infatuated by Madonna’s commanding sexuality) thought we knew what she was talking about. But if this album were released today, it’s likely that many high schoolers and others would have a more diverse understanding about Madonna’s message.
This is because several forces have been in the works for many years (at least in mainstream American culture) which have allowed people to envision “sex” — and hence, virginity — as including more than the presence or absence of heteronormative, procreative, penile-vaginal intercourse. (Societies and cultures across time have always had a variety of meanings attached to various sexual acts, so this shifting and broadening perspective on “sex” is actually a global norm). A new study from researchers at The Kinsey Institute provides further empirical support that the idea of “having sex” is not seen as static or universal in contemporary US culture. The following comes from a press release from Indiana University, which houses the Kinsey Institute:
The study involved responses from 486 Indiana residents who took part in a telephone survey conducted by the Center for Survey Research at IU. Participants, mostly heterosexual, were asked, “Would you say you ‘had sex’ with someone if the most intimate behavior you engaged in was …,” followed by 14 behaviorally specific items. Here are some of the results:
- Responses did not differ significantly overall for men and women. The study involved 204 men and 282 women.
- 95 percent of respondents would consider penile-vaginal intercourse (PVI) having had sex, but this rate drops to 89 percent if there is no ejaculation.
- 81 percent considered penile-anal intercourse having had sex, with the rate dropping to 77 percent for men in the youngest age group (18-29), 50 percent for men in the oldest age group (65 and up) and 67 percent for women in the oldest age group.
- 71 percent and 73 percent considered oral contact with a partner’s genitals (OG), either performing or receiving, as having had sex.
- Men in the youngest and oldest age groups were less likely to answer “yes” compared with the middle two age groups for when they performed OG.
- Significantly fewer men in the oldest age group answered “yes” for PVI (77 percent)
… William L. Yarber, RCAP’s senior director and co-author of the study, said its findings reaffirm the need to be specific about behaviors when talking about sex.
According to Yarber, because “There’s a vagueness of what sex is in our culture and media,” it is especially important for sexual health workers to be specific about what they mean when they talk about sex:
“If people don’t consider certain behaviors sex, they might not think sexual health messages about risk pertain to them. The AIDS epidemic has forced us to be much more specific about behaviors, as far as identifying specific behaviors that put people at risk instead of just sex in general. But there’s still room for improvement.”
These study results appear to show that respondents have a broad range of understandings of sex: Men and women across generations are likely to count “sex” as including oral, anal, and vaginal activities. And while many assume that sexual change always starts with youth, this study indicates that the attitudes and behaviors of older men (who were LEAST likely to count penile-vaginal activities as sex) as not what we might expect.
Given the disconnect between popular culture and people’s lived experiences around sexuality, I have a proposal:
- To Madonna: I think that you should re-release “Like a Virgin” in 2014, 30 yrs after its original release, and partner with sexual health organizations like SIECUS and the Guttmacher Institute to critically discuss the various meanings and cultural associations attached to being a “virgin” as well as being “like a virgin.”
- To sexual health workers: By entering into a cultural conversation around the varied meanings that people attach to virginity and sex, you would open up a needed, and much broader conversation about sexuality, health, and the various pathways to living a vibrant life. (Plus, come on, how cool would it be to partner with the goddess herself?!)
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Study citation:
Comments 7
Clarisse Thorn — March 14, 2010
In my experience, it's not sexual health workers who need this reminder. It's the governments and organizations that employ us and decide our funding. I'd love to "enter into this cultural conversation", but I am unable to do that in my current job (HIV mitigation in sub-Saharan Africa) without getting run out of town. And Heaven knows that plenty of sex educators in America would love to do it too, but can't because they know they'll be fired.
Kari Lerum — March 15, 2010
Clarisse, thanks for your reminder of the structural/cultural barriers faced by many sexual health workers! Even more reason for non-governmental orgs like SEICUS and Guttmacher to take the lead. Thank you for the work you're doing in sub-Saharan Africa!
Fangirl — March 21, 2010
"95 percent of respondents would consider penile-vaginal intercourse (PVI) having had sex, but this rate drops to 89 percent if there is no ejaculation."
Did the study ask about whether or not PIV intercourse is still considered sex if the woman does not orgasm?
Chenoa — March 27, 2010
I find these differing definitions a little funny, if only because being in a same-sex relationship means a decently-sized portion of the population would, what, define my partner and I as virgins for our entire lives? Of course, WITHIN the lesbian community different people define sex differently - does there have to be an orgasm, as my partner suggested? But sometimes that doesn't happen, for whatever reason, does that make it retroactively not sex? Is it the intent of having orgasm that makes it sex? Or touching genitals with SOMETHING? Or what?
But, having been in the medical community for a few years... I learned to ask broader questions, I guess? More than just "are you sexually active?" Of course, I did my medical training in the San Francisco Bay area.
Stephanie LaFavor — April 29, 2010
One of the reasons that this ambiguous definition of sex may be so prevalent is the lack of open communication regarding sex in today's society. Sex isn't something that is freely talked about but it is something that is overplayed and glamorized in today's media. No one is supposed to actually be participating in it (I'm speaking mostly about teens here, but as far as everyone else goes it's only "acceptable" to talk about in a monogamous, same sex, marriage relationship) but everyone is supposed to buy the products that are represented by it.
Open communication is the change that the US needs to combat these vague and potentially dangerous views on sex.
regan — April 30, 2010
I think Stephanie brings up some great points. Since sex isn't an acceptable conversation to have in today's society, it raises many issues, mainly for youth. For example, the question of when a person becomes "sexually active," it seems as if this title is ambiguous. However, that's not good. Once a person defines themselves as sexually active, they are more likely to take responsibility and get the proper protection. However, if people don't consider themselves to be having sex, yet still engaging in risky behavior they are putting themselves at danger for STIs and other bad consequences. I think even being "like a virgin" still requires the same care as being sexually active.
zcato — May 6, 2010
It really is quite amazing how much we as a society take the double stance where sex is both a taboo and an obsession. The prevalence of the belief that we have a right to not be offended has caused many to try to take sexual discussion out of both primary and secondary education, and it has succeeded. With such a stance on sexuality and openness about it, it almost comes as no surprise that the idea of sex is ambiguous among young groups. Most of their education comes from other young adults.