sexuality

Just over a month ago, the New York Times featured a column by Charles Blow lamenting the state of young people dating (in case it’s not obvious, his main points: dating = desired; hooking up = “sad”). The column was filled with over-generalizations, most notably about “what girls want.” To see a more even-handed, inquisitive, if still problematic, article about our fairer sex’s needs, you should probably take a look at the New York Times Mag’s “What Do Women Want,” which includes such felicitous quotes as, “Meana made clear…that, when it comes to desire, ‘the variability within genders may be greater than the differences between genders,’ that lust is infinitely complex and idiosyncratic.” As a keen follower of many a cultural-sexual zeitgeist article, it was a refreshing moment.

Far away from the Op-Ed page in the NY Times’ Health section yesterday, there appeared yet another article that made me sniff the air and wonder, “Has change really come to America?” The article, titled “The Myth of Rampant Teenage Promiscuity” documented how, despite making guest appearances on Oprah as an “oral-sex epidemic” and on Tyra, the idea of millions of not-yet-legal Americans getting it wildly on, is, well, not totally the case. (For the record, the Guttmacher Institute rebutted the notion of a teen oral sex epidemic last year: their research showed that most teens who have had oral sex have also had intercourse, and only 1 in 4 virgin teenagers have had oral sex.)

Tyra’s shows, on a teen pregnancy epidemic and teenage unprotected sex, were at least more on topic, though like most TV hosts her unscientifically-surveyed data was thrown to the public replete with exclamation points and sad-face emoticons.

So what’s the real dish on teenage sex? The National Center for Health Statistics troublesomely reported this month that “births to 15- to 19-year-olds had risen for the first time in more than a decade.”

But does this necessarily mean a rise in teenage promiscuity? Of course not, as one perspicacious NY Times reporter, Tara Parker-Pope, demonstrates. Having done her research, Parker-Pope also reports that “Today, fewer than half of all high school students have had sex: 47.8 percent as of 2007, according to the National Youth Risk Behavior Survey, down from 54.1 percent in 1991” and goes on to write:

The latest rise in teenage pregnancy rates is cause for concern. But it very likely reflects changing patterns in contraceptive use rather than a major change in sexual behavior. The reality is that the rate of teenage childbearing has fallen steeply since the late 1950s. The declines aren’t explained by the increasing availability of abortions: teenage abortion rates have also dropped.

And indeed, as the Guttmacher Institute has reported, there has been a shift in sex education: in 2002 the proportion of teens likely to hear information about contraception had declined from 1995, while the proportion who were likely to have heard only abstinence information had increased.

Kathleen A. Bogle, an assistant professor of sociology and criminal justice at La Salle University and the author of “Hooking Up: Sex, Dating and Relationships on Campus” (N.Y.U. Press, 2008), who was also cited in the Charles Blow column, though in a very different context, closes off the article by telling everyone to basically just chill the hell out:

“I give presentations nationwide where I’m showing people that the virginity rate in college is higher than you think and the number of partners is lower than you think and hooking up more often than not does not mean intercourse,” Dr. Bogle said. “But so many people think we’re morally in trouble, in a downward spiral and teens are out of control. It’s very difficult to convince people otherwise.”

Of course, reporting that we actually shouldn’t be worried about teenage sexuality isn’t sexy –it takes away our society’s opportunity to fetishize the idea of forbidden, rampant teen sex, our society’s leeway to take a morally outraged and overwrought approach to young people’s sex lives. So why should I be surprised that the article hasn’t gotten anywhere near the “Most Emailed List,” even in the Health section, and even though the Blow column spent a number of days in front-page, Number One spot? I guess I’m not. I just wish I could be.

-Kristen Loveland

Image Credit.

For all those as intrigued as I was by the sexyhot cover of the NYTimes magazine this weekend, do check out GWP’s own Jacqueline Hudak’s review of the work of one of the researchers profiled in the cover story. Jacqueline’s “Heteroflexibility” can be found here. I admit, I haven’t yet finished the Times article, but for a critique of it, see Tracy Clark-Flory at Broadsheet, “Narcissism: The Secret to Women’s Sexuality!”

“C’mon, Love, think about it,” he says in that adorable and sometimes impossible-to-comprehend British accent of his, “You can move in with me! Save loads of money, we’ll see each other every night…”

He looks at me with such certainty, such confidence in his proposition. I close my eyes and bury my face in his chest while I consider my options.

He has asked me this question four and a half times now. The first time, I could not suppress my dismissive laughter, as we had only just agreed to be exclusive, making the offer too impulsive to be taken seriously (the four vodka cocktails I’d consumed that night didn’t help, either).

The second and third time, I began to accept that he was serious and that I therefore needed to devote serious consideration to this prospect. I also separated from the Navy (and therefore gainful employment) around this point in the ongoing conversation. I had never experienced “broke” before, and the dwindling contents of my checking account (and slowly rising credit card debt) made the idea of rent reduction more and more alluring. But still, I had resisted in charming and sardonic ways, which he was clearly not accepting as my final answer.

Now, at the fourth mention, I am cognizant of the fact that I need to respond with seriousness, and that this will be a binding answer.

I imagine coming home, exhausted from a long day at my new job and the two-hours-each-way commute from Annapolis to Rockville, Maryland. I imagine slipping my shoes off at the door (his rule—to protect the white carpets in his spacious, two-bedroom apartment) and trotting over to him, cuddling in front of his flat-screen television in the adorable business casual ensemble I’d be able to afford, since I’d be living virtually rent-free. The amenities of his high-rise apartment building would make the now-daily headaches of finding a parking spot, doing my laundry, and maintaining my fitness regime virtually disappear. Staying with him every night without having to worry about whether I’d packed a comb and a toothbrush. . .

I can’t deny it. It’s a tempting offer.
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In case you missed it, an article in today’s NYTimes (“A Rise in Efforts to Spot Abuse in Youth Dating“) highlights the increased prevalence of violence in teenage dating relationships.  Here’s a quick and depressing glance at the stats:

• According to a survey by the New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene showed that dating violence had risen by more than 40 percent since 1999, when the department began asking students about the problem.
• Public health research indicates that the rate of such abusive relationships has hovered around 10 percent.
• According to a survey last year of children ages 11 to 14 by Liz Claiborne Inc., a quarter of the 1,000 respondents said they had been called names, harassed or ridiculed by their romantic partner by phone call or text message, often between midnight and 5 a.m., when their parents are sleeping.
• A study published last July in The Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine found that more than one-third of the 920 students questioned were victims of emotional and physical abuse by romantic partners before they started college.
• In the C.D.C.’s 2007 survey of 15,000 adolescents, 10 percent reported physical abuse like being hit or slapped by a romantic partner. Nearly 8 percent of teenagers in the survey said they were forced to have sexual intercourse.

The good news: “Last month, a group of Indianapolis organizations won a $1 million grant from the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation to help schools tackle the issue, part of $18 million in grants to 10 communities to help break patterns where children exposed to violence at home repeat it in their adult relationships.”

The bad news: There are no definitive national studies on the prevalence of abuse in adolescent relationships.

Clearly there is a need.  (AHEM – calling researchers!)

The other day I stumbled across Rafael Casal on YouTube and was blown away. The first thing I did was to send out an email to a bunch of my friends that said: If you knew about this guy and didn’t tell me about him, y’all are in some deep shit.

A slam champion poet, recording artist, and educator, Rafael Casal is turning up the political heat. His message is steaming hot. And now that I’ve found Casal, I want to tell as many people as possible about this amazing hip-hop influenced poet who cuts straight to the heart of so many issues.

Take the Bill of Rights. You know, those 10 amendments to the U.S. Constitution that were ratified as a package deal in 1791? Remember those 10 gems that are supposed to protect us from an overzealous federal government? Freedom of speech, the right to peacefully gather, freedom from cruel and unusual punishment or unreasonable search and seizure. Yeah, that Bill of Rights.

Well, “I’m billing them for my rights,” Casal says.

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I hope everyone’s gone out to see the phenomenal Milk, and I also hope that everyone’s going to have a fabulous time tonight with their friends and loved ones. But if you do get a chance, I recommend that you take a break and see the 1984 documentary, The Times of Harvey Milk, which sheds further light on the trial of his killer, Dan White, on the work and outreach efforts of San Francisco’s mayor George Moscone (also murdered by White), and provides loads of profound, moving archival footage, some of which Gus Van Sant used in his movie. Happily, the documentary is now up on Hulu:

Had to peek my head outside the void once more to note that the top-emailed story on the New York Times website is about the “demise of dating”–yet another shocker of an article that misconstrues, simplifies, and wags its finger at the state of teenage sexuality. Read it here if you must.

The great thing about this one is that while it profoundly sums up teenage dating, or the lack thereof, as “sad,” Charles Blow, the author, hasn’t appeared to have spoken with one teenager about this issue–instead relying on the latest research. Of course, he provides no context for this research. And he plays into gender stereotypes, claiming that cons of hooking up “center on the issues of gender inequity. Girls get tired of hooking up because they want it to lead to a relationship (the guys don’t), and, as they get older, they start to realize that it’s not a good way to find a spouse.” Clearly guys aren’t interested in ever finding a spouse themselves. It’s truly amazing the number of strict binaries set up in this article: hooking up vs. dating (and never the twain shall meet); girl perspectives vs. guy perspectives; sad vs. not sad.

I don’t mind research into this “phenomenon,” (scare quotes very much intended), but this research is too often used to bolster scolding lectures, and researchers, or those who use the research for polemics, need tell us where this data is coming from: what age group, geography, socioeconomic status, etc, and acknowledge, even analyze, how this may play into their results.

Ok, back into the void. See you all in a week.

–Kristen

Two tidbits for your Monday morning, courtesy my colleagues at CCF:

“Study Suggests ‘Hanging Out’ on Facebook, MySpace Isn’t a Waste for Teens,” Joe Crawford, St. Louis Post-Dispatch

A study by the MacArthur Foundation concludes that interaction with new media such as Facebook is increasingly becoming an essential part of becoming a competent citizen in the digital age. And further, all that Web surfing isn’t necessarily eroding the intelligence or initiative of the young generation. “It may look like kids are wasting a lot of time online, but they’re actually learning a lot of social, technical and also media literacy skills,” said Mizuko Ito, a researcher at the University of California, Irvine who lead the study.

Teen Birth Rate Falls to 28-Year Low, John Fauber, Milwaukee, Journal-Sentinel
Contraception, abstinence, media campaigns all helping to influence city’s youth, experts say.

This here’s one of my favorite conferences of all, and not just because Stephanie Coontz, Steve Mintz, Virginia Rutter, Lara Riscoll, and Barbara Risman are fun to dance with.  Though that part’s fun too.  I love the Council on Contemporary Families Annual Conference because of the caliber and savvy of its participants.  It’s the cream of the crop, bringing together researchers, practionners, and media types who are interested in the way public discourse sees and understands “family” in our day.  I joined the CCF Board this year, so I’m feeling very fancy and all grown up.

The gathering take place this year on April 17 and 18, 2009 at University of Illinois at Chicago (OBAMALAND!), and the theme is RELATIONSHIPS, SEXUALITY, AND EQUALITY.  What more could a girl want?

Deets:

Changes in American families have radically altered how we define ourselves as men and women. These changes have affected romantic relationships, power dynamics in same and opposite sex couples, and the way we parent. The 2009 CCF conference will examine the latest research and clinical findings about where the lives of boys, girls, men, and women have become more similar in recent years, where they continue to be different, and how these differences affect the prospects for each.  Nationally recognized speakers will address the dramatic ways these changes are affecting work patterns and political life, and in turn, how changing work patterns and social mores are affecting men, women, and diverse families.

Keynote speaker: Andrew Cherlin, author of the new book The Marriage-Go-Round: The State of Marriage and the Family in America Today.

The conference will also include a conversation between historian Stephanie Coontz, Ms. Magazine Editor Kathy Spillar, and Chicago Tribune columnist Dawn Trice, titled “Gender, Race, and Equality: What Has the Election Taught Us?”

A pre-conference workshop features media training for everybody. In sessions with Stephanie Coontz, Virginia Rutter, and Deborah Siegel (that’s me!), hone your skills in op-ed writing, get started turning your good work into a media message that makes an impact, or learn how—and why—to use the blogsophere. This conference workshop is free to conference attendees, but folks who are not attending the conference are invited to attend these practical workshops for a modest fee.

Click here for the full conference schedule.  Hope to see a bunch of you there, as I often do!