motherhood

Hey–there’s a nice quote from Stephanie Coontz in an article published in USA Today on Feb. 17, “Single and Now a Mom.”

“People feel more free to pick and choose their life trajectories and feel less compelled to marry,” says Stephanie Coontz, professor at The Evergreen State College in Olympia, Wash., and research director for the Council on Contemporary Families. “It’s a sea change.”

The article notes that nearly 40% of all American babies were born out of wedlock in 2006, an all-time high, government statistics show. That’s more than twice the rate in 1980, when 18% of children were born outside of marriage. The fastest-growing group of unwed mothers: women 25 to 29. The number of babies born out of wedlock to women in this age group was 10% higher over the course of one year (2005-06). About half of unwed mothers live with boyfriends.

And speaking of CCF, I’m busy reading the entries for CCF’s 2008 Media Awards while I’m away – fantastic reading, all!

Coming in May 2008 from Seal Press: The Maternal Is Political: Women Writers at the Intersection of Motherhood and Social Change. Edited by Shari MacDonald Strong, and with a foreword by Kristin Rowe-Finkbeiner, the book includes thirty powerful, hard-hitting literary essays by women who are striving to make the world a better place for children and families—both their own and other women’s—in this country and globally.

From the book’s description:

Each contributor tackles complex issues facing mothers and society today. Whether it’s a mother teaching her children to live ecologically responsible lives, a mother struggling to get out of poverty while raising her kids, a mother’s response to her child being sent to Iraq, or a mother voting for the first time, each writer forges the link, the crucial relationship, between the personal (life with family) and the political (life in the world) to give voice to, and thus empower, other women to realize and seize their collective political clout as mothers. Written by and for mothers, The Maternal Is Political is crafted to help motivate us to discover, appreciate, and use with greater effectiveness our tremendously powerful (and too often underutilized) political votes and voices to create positive social change.

(Thanks to Helaine Olen , who has an essay in it that I can’t wait to read, for the heads up.)

Just in time for Valentine’s Day (ugh, why can’t I seem to get off the Valentine’s Day hook this week? forgive me!), demographer Steven Martin analyzes the latest data on childbearing trends among American women. In a briefing paper prepared for the Council on Contemporary Families, Martin explains:

— Although fertility rose in 2006, we are NOT witnessing the start of another baby boom. But we have reached the level at which the population is reproducing itself without added immigration.

— Love, baby carriage, and no marriage? Almost all the increase in births was accounted for by non-marital births, although educated women and very rich women, who are more likely to be married, also increased their birth rates.

— There has been a significant rise in the proportion of 3 and 4 child families among the super-rich, but this is confined to such a small sliver of the population that it does not affect national fertility rates.

— Women are increasingly delaying childbearing, and the fertility rates of educated and uneducated women seem to be undergoing a slow convergence.

— Higher birth rates of immigrants account for only a small part of the recent fertility rise.

— American women are more successful than women in most other industrial countries in being able to pursue higher education and develop careers without foregoing childbearing.

Jeesh. That last one puts things in a little perspective. But still.

(Thanks to CCF for the heads up.)

Ok, nuf about candidates. Let’s talk issues. Tomorrow is the 15th anniversary of signing into law of the Family and Medical Leave Act. Check out what’s still at stake, courtesy Ellen Bravo.

I’m sick as a dog today, lying in bed with the covers pulled up to my nose (and my loyal cat at my feet). Can’t quite put a sentence together, so thought I’d just share a few quick links, following on yesterday’s post.

The Evolution of Dad Project weighs in on the Daddy Wars, noting, “The conflict isn’t being perceived between Traditional Dads and the Stay-At-Home Dads (which would be obvious manufactured companion to the ‘Mommy Wars’) but between dads who desire to have more of a work/family balance and their bosses, who are more typically dads themselves at a slightly older age and bred more on being more of a dedicated breadwinner.”

And the BBC reports on new research from the Institute for Social and Economic Research finds that mothers who work outside the home are happier than SAHMs, via Broadsheet

I hear cannons booming. Or maybe that’s just my head?

Check out this upcoming series for professionals who are looking to get back into the workforce, called Opting Back In: A Program for Professionals Re-entering the Workforce.

When : Wednesdays, January 9th, 16th and 23rd, 2008
Where : Newman Conference Center, 151 East 25th Street, NYC

Offered by the Zicklin School of Business at Baruch College, Opting Back In is a program for women (and men) who want to relaunch their careers after stepping out of the workforce. For three intensive days, professional coaches, line managers, and Baruch faculty will help participants re-assess their career interests and goals, refresh their negotiating skills, re-energize their careers, and renew and update their knowledge of current business trends.

Speakers include current employers who have hired re-entry professionals, authors of recent books on career re-entry issues, award-winning business school faculty, and professionals who have successfully relaunched their careers after years at home.

My gal Lori Rotskoff is moderating one of the panels, and authors Leslie Bennetts and Pamela Stone are among the speakers. Psst…pass it on!

Sometimes there is just too much panel goodness going on in this town. I am SO going to this one. Join me?!

Tuesday, October 16, 7:00 p.m.
Wollman Hall
65 West 11th Street, 5th Floor
Admission: $8

Are increasing numbers of elite women voluntarily opting out of serious careers thereby betraying feminism, stalling their own development, and gambling with their own and their children’s economic futures? Moderated by E.J. Graff, senior researcher at Schuster Institute for Investigative Journalism, Brandeis University. Panelists include Joan Williams, Distinguished Professor of Law, University California at Hastings; Heather Boushey, senior economist, Center for Economic and Policy Research; Ellen Bravo, author of Taking On The Big Boys: Why Feminism is Good for Families, Business and the Nation and Linda Hirshman, lawyer, professor emeritus Brandeis University. Sponsored by the Wolfson Center for National Affairs.

(Thanks to Anthony Deen for the heads up.)

If you’re in NYC and write (or want to) about parenting, I strongly recommend this panel on October 3, sponsored by the Newswomen’s Club. My friend Helaine Olen is moderating. Both she and Rachel are terrific — and I’m sure the others are too. And if those newswomen don’t have the damndest logo! Here are deets:

Join the Newswomen’s Club of New York at 6:30 pm on October 3rd, when we discuss the world of writing for parenting magazines. Our five guests — all editors at nationally known parenting magazines — will offer an overview of how to pitch, research and structure articles ranging from service pieces to personal essays. They’ll also discuss what kinds of ideas do and don’t work for their publications as well as answer questions from those in the audience.

Panelists:
Ada Calhoun, Editor-in-Chief, Babble.com and AOL News Blogger
Judy Goldberg, Senior Editor, Parents
Rachel Lehmann-Haupt, Executive Editor, Plum
Jenny Rosenstrach, Senior Editor, Cookie
Joy Press, Culture Editor, Salon

Cost: $20 members/$25 non-members to be paid at door

Location: Playwright Act II restaurant at 732 8th Avenue bet 45th and 46th in the party room. 212-354-8404. Attendees can get food and drinks before and after the event. RSVP: olenroshkow@yahoo.com

And while I’m on the subject, don’t forget to check out The Motherhood and Work It, Mom! — the latest in online mommy networking.

A must-read over at Brain, Child magazine: In “Soccer Mom Loses Her Kick,” Tracy Mayor asks whether, starved after decades on the sound-bite diet, mothers might get some meat from politicians in ’08.

Think moms are apolitical? Think again. Check out these posts from one of my favorite political moms, here, here, and here. And definitely, always, stop by Pundit Mom, MomsRising, and the Mothers Movement Online, too.

(Thanks to Steve Mintz, Stephanie Coontz, and Veronica Arreola for the heads up!)

I’ve been thinking all week about that recent New York Times article by Shira Boss, titled “Wedded to Work, and in Dire Need of a Wife.” Does anyone remember an article by Judy Syfers in the premier issue of Ms. magazine, called “Why I Want a Wife?” Yes, well, that was back in 1971. Things haven’t changed that much. Except maybe our consciousness about it all.

Syfers’ article was a bit of a satire. But Jessica over at feministing has an excellent, and serious, point about the meaning of “wife” when she writes,

Now, I know the [Times] article is trying to make a point, but framing support for a spouse’s job and chores at home as “wifely” duties is not exactly the best way to hold men (remember them?) accountable for their role in the domestic sphere.

We need some new lingo. I tried to get past the old formulas in an article I wrote for July’s Psychology Today called “Two People, One Breadwinner.” After interviewing couples who could afford to have one parent staying at home with their kids while the other worked, and talking to a slew of couples counselors and psychologists for that piece, here’s what I surmised:

Breadwinner wives—still often expected by their mates to act as social director, housekeeper, and meal planner—resent stay-at-home husbands who are lax about household upkeep. Househusbands (for lack of a better term) adjusting to their new domestic roles often resent wives who tell them what to do. Primary earners of either sex can feel trapped by work, resentful that they didn’t have the choice to stay home. And primary earners can also feel let down by partners who, once professionally ambitious, now relish their domestic identities to an alienating degree.

Bottom line: regardless of who is at home and who works, tensions and resentments around the breadwinner / domestic caretaker dynamic are hardly gender specific. Of course, in the majority of American couples, both partners earn. Most of us are still trying to figure that out. But as Jessica points out, and regardless of whether couples are living off of one income or two, getting past the equation of “wife” with “domestic maid” would be an excellent place to start.