What Would Simone de Beauvoir Say? Bringing Up Bébé by former Wall Street Journal reporter Pamela Druckerman is the latest addition to books that highlight our cultural obsession with motherhood, or the failings of American mothers. Even if you haven’t read the memoir you probably know the gist of the story given the raft of media coverage: after some time spent living in France where she gave birth to two children, Druckerman concludes that French women are superior mothers because they have time for themselves and their children are better behaved compared with her American counterparts.
Plenty of critics have taken aim at Druckerman’s argument but few have spent much time discussing the differences between French (read “extensive and nationalized”) and and American (read “few and individualized”) social supports for mothers and families aside from a quick mention before they move on to tackle other aspects of her narrative.
Surely it’s not so easy to dismiss these massive differences and the social conditions they create for mothers in their respective countries. As a feminist, I want to focus on these structural problems and solutions, not toss them into a “by the way” paragraph. I agree with my fellow GWPenner, Deborah Siegel, who argues here that we still need to demand some form of national childcare and better work-life options.
Work v. Motherhood Again New research in Gender and Society finds that most moms would work even if they didn’t have to. According to Karen Christopher’s findings, mothers said they found more fulfillment in paid work than in parenting, and most women (regardless of class, race/ethnicity, or marital status), said they would work even if they didn’t have to.
Mother-readers, does this ring true to you? Don’t get me wrong: I love my work at the National Women’s Studies Association. At the same time, I don’t want to have to rank-order work over my role as a mother. To me this sounds like an either/or choice that we should refuse.
Feminist Ryan Gosling Okay, this isn’t about motherhood, but Feminist Ryan Gosling falls squarely into the “and Feminism” portion of my roundup. I love Danielle Henderson’s take on “feminist flash cards.” I also love that Danielle is a graduate student in Gender and Women’s Studies. I think you’ll love her work and her sense of humor, too! Check it out and then post a comment here.
Comments
Terri — February 23, 2012
Any traveler will observe that children everywhere are better behaved then in the US. The problem is our Permissive Parenting style, a trend which started with the Self Esteem movement of the 70's. American parents are afraid their children won't "like" them if they discipline them and/or they believe in some half baked idea that correcting inappropriate behavior will destroy their self esteem and scar them for life. The result is that many fail in school and life because their parents have been cleaning up after them, doing their homework, blaming their teachers or " the other kid" for what ever bad behavior their children display. We even have a name for such parents...Helicopter Moms. Good daycare will not solve the problem, teaching respect for others and taking responsibilty for one's actions will.
Allison Kimmich — February 23, 2012
Terri, I appreciate your comment, and we are in agreement in some ways. I would argue, however, that children's behavior is also a reflection of their social context. In America, we emphasize and celebrate the ideology of individualism (as it relates to child care solutions and other things). That can certainly be fertile ground for unappealing behaviors.
Deborah Siegel — February 27, 2012
"Plenty of critics have taken aim at Druckerman’s argument but few have spent much time discussing the differences between French (read “extensive and nationalized”) and and American (read “few and individualized”) social supports for mothers and families aside from a quick mention before they move on to tackle other aspects of her narrative."
The most astute observation I've heard on this whole debate yet. I think Judith Warner (another American mama who spent time in France) would agree.
In the quick hits department, I also found that recent study saying that the new mothers who were most depressed were those who worked when hadn't wanted to OR stayed home when they hadn't wanted to. No choice = depression.
GLOBAL MAMA: Parenting Around the World | Girl with Pen — March 6, 2012
[...] Allison Kimmich pointed out last month, these books “highlight our cultural obsession with motherhood, or the failings of American [...]