After the holidays, many parents breathe a collective sigh of relief. The holidays and their many challenges — travel, presents, and time with extended family — are so stressful that they make people wonder whether raising children has always been this hard. A recent The New York Times piece by Claire Cain Miller confirms that parenting has indeed gotten more time-consuming and expensive. Miller draws upon an arsenal of sociological research to illustrate how and why parenting has become so relentless.
Much of the pressure parents feel stems from wanting to pass on advantages to their children — especially since American children today are less likely to be as affluent as their parents. According to Phillip Cohen,
“As the gap between rich and poor increases, the cost of screwing up increases. The fear is they’ll end up on the other side of the divide.”
As a result, parents use “intensive parenting,” a child-rearing style that demands a great deal of their own time and resources. Sharon Hays’ describes intensive parenting as “child-centered, expert-guided, emotionally absorbing, labor intensive and financially expensive.” And according to Jennifer Glass, intensive parenting is rooted in the American view of child rearing as an individual — not societal — task, though it has begun to gain popularity in England and Australia.
But not all parents engage in these efforts equally, nor are they expected to. Jessica Calarco explains that intensive parenting allows affluent white mothers to ensure their children remain advantaged in society. Middle-class black mothers also use intensive parenting strategies, but for different reasons. According to Dawn Dow,
“They’re making decisions to protect their kids from early experiences of racism. It’s a different host of concerns that are equally intensive.”
The demands of intensive parenting affect mothers’ lives far more than fathers. Liana Sayer’s research on American time use diaries shows that the time women spend parenting cuts into their sleep, time alone with their partners and friends, leisure time and housework. Moreover, while fathers today have increased the amount of time they spend with their children, mothers still spend significantly more.
So, drawing on research by over a dozen sociologists, Miller shows us that we are not wrong to find intensive parenting problematic. Not only does this parenting style disproportionately burden lower income families — and mothers in particular — but we’re not even sure it is effective in passing advantages on to the next generation. By stressing the importance of individualistic approaches to parenting, we fail to seek structural solutions that could ease the burdens of working mothers. In the words of sociologist Caitlyn Collins, intensive parenting “distracts from the real questions, like why don’t we have a safe place for all kids to go when they’re done with school before parents get home from work?”
Comments 5
Mirda — March 24, 2020
Parents' attention to children is indeed a very important and necessary topic for discussion. Because many parents rarely think about the feelings of their children in certain situations. I work as a teacher, and one of the children in my class started drinking alcohol and then take drugs. It's all because his parents filed for divorce in New York, and when he needed their support, they didn't give him it. It was a very difficult period, he took various rehabilitation courses, visited a psychologist. Parents, be more attentive to your children.
Emma — March 31, 2023
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cortneybills — May 5, 2023
Hello. I also agree with this statement, because such upbringing has a direct impact on children.The process of studying is not easy enough, and when you are worried about your parents, it is even harder.For example, I worry about my assignments the most. Because of this, my friend recommended me to contact
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Amanda Woods — July 31, 2023
I just finished reading "The Problems with Intensive Parenting" on thesocietypages.org, and it really made me reflect on the societal pressures and expectations that come with modern parenting. The article shed light on the phenomenon of intensive parenting, where parents feel the need to constantly be involved and provide the best opportunities for their children, often at the expense of their own well-being.
It's eye-opening to see how this parenting approach can lead to burnout and stress, not only for the parents but also for the children. As a parent myself, I can relate to the desire to give my child the best, but it's essential to find a balance and prioritize self-care to be a healthier and happier parent.
Coincidentally, I recently came across an article on bignewsnetwork.com that discusses Online Therapy for Everyone: An Overview of the 12 Best Platforms - this made me think about how parents can benefit from seeking support and guidance through online therapy platforms. Parenting can be challenging, and having access to online therapy resources can be a valuable way to navigate the complexities of parenthood and take care of our mental well-being.
James — September 11, 2023
Intensive parenting has handicapped our children. Coupled with these idiots harming our unescorted children to their extracurricular activities, this has caused our children to regress and be less accountable for their actions. Most are too busy looking over their shoulders for their parents reactions a they achieve or fail to perform well in practice. Kids will learn how to take up for themselves and other kids will step up to prevent their friends from being bullied. It's a part of growing up as a kids. I have never seen so many kids in need of someone to tell them what to do. Which is why they make so many poor decisions when they are away from the watchful eye of their parents. The damage is done and we're living in the norm now...too late to fix this, unfortunately.