Marriage is often regarded as one of the most vital aspects of Hispanic culture. This is largely attributed to the traditional Hispanic cultural values— Familismo. Marriage is not just a union between two individuals, but an extension of the most significant social network – family – over other forms of social relationships, such as friendship networks and professional networks. Because of its cultural significance, marriage can impact many aspects of life, such as health, happiness, and quality of life among Hispanic adults.

One’s social network tends to shrink in later life for three reasons. First, language barriers may prevent making friends and participating in social activities. One in three Hispanic adults are immigrants in the United States, and English may not be their first language. Second, not all Hispanic immigrants or Hispanic Americans are fully acculturated to the mainstream U.S. culture, and therefore, are left behind in cultural and political participation. Third, from a life course perspective, some older adults experience aging-related changes, such as retirement from work (e.g., partial loss of professional network) and functional limitations (e.g., hearing impairment, joint pain). These aging-related changes may make their existing social network smaller and make it challenging for some older adults to be socially engaged. As a result, Hispanic older adults may rely more heavily on their spouses and immediate family for companionship and socialization.

Previous research has shown that the quality of close social relationships — spouses, family, and other social circles — can impact older adults’ health and happiness. One of the longest-running 85-year-old (and counting) research studies by Harvard University showed that people who maintained positive social relationships, regardless of the size of their social circle, are more likely to be happy in later life. Also, a number of research studies show that social relationships are linked with optimal aging, health, and well-being.

So, perhaps it sounds like having a good social relationship is all that matters? Not so fast. Family sociologists Kristi Williams, Adrianne French, and Daniel Carlson explain that marriages can have different impacts on one’s life. On the one hand, the marital resource model suggests that marriage can provide an essential social circle (e.g., a sense of belonging) and a variety of other forms of economic and instrumental support. On the other hand, the marital crisis model suggests that a “bad” marriage and relationship conflicts are major sources of stress, which leads to mental health problems. And it is also possible that people who have good mental health, resources (e.g., financial resources), and social skills just get married and stay married.

What happens when a marital relationship is not entirely positive? Two things. Marital quality matters. Having a close social relationship is one thing, but the quality of that relationship may impact health and well-being. Culture matters. When people value certain aspects of life, such as family relationships, based on their cultural briefs and norms, the impacts on health and well-being become larger. In other words, a “good” marriage may provide more health benefits, whereas “bad” marriage may harm health even more among people with a family-oriented cultural background. Let us also not forget that a marital relationship can be both good in some aspects and bad in other aspects.

Putting these puzzle pieces together, we decided to learn more about marital quality, which is important to our health, and Hispanic older adults who have unique demographic characteristics (e.g., high % of immigrants) and culturally value family relationships (i.e., Familismo) in the United States.

In our recent research, we looked at the relationships between marital quality and depressive symptoms among older married Hispanic adults aged 51 years and older in the United States. We analyzed the data from the 2016 and 2018 U.S. Health and Retirement Study. Positive marital quality of Hispanic older adults is assessed by their ratings of whether their spouses understand their feelings, can be relied on for serious problems, and listen to their worries. Negative marital quality is assessed based on their rating of how often their spouses make too many demands, criticize them, let them down, and get on their nerves.

We found that both positive and negative marital quality are related to the number of depressive symptoms reported. Positive marital quality is protective of depressive symptoms and negative marital quality is detrimental to depressive symptoms. Indeed, Hispanic older adults who reported higher positive marital quality scores (1-4 points: low-high) by 1 point, had about 24% fewer depressive symptoms. Those who reported higher negative marital quality scores (1-4 points: low-high) by 1 point had about 24% greater number of depressive symptoms.

Our research suggests that promoting marital relationships is a public health investment. Family support and social support policies are public health policies in the United States. Throughout adult life stages, aging is related to changing social networks, which may lead to greater reliance on close family relationships in later life. The impact of social relationships and relationship quality on health may differ based on sociocultural background. In this respect, marital quality can be more imperative to Hispanic older adults, as some of them may face limited social circles due to language and cultural barriers in U.S. society, despite the cultural significance of familism. A better understanding of marital quality and sociocultural characteristics can help develop culturally sensitive public health and family support policies. Our research project will continue disentangling complex relationships between marital quality and health among Hispanic older adults. We believe that other cultural characteristics, such as religiosity and alcohol consumption as a stress coping mechanism, can help us better understand what sociocultural factors matter to the health of Hispanic older adults.

About authors:

Jaminette M. Nazario-Acevedo, MPH, is a doctoral student in the University of Maryland, Baltimore (UMB) and the University of Maryland, Baltimore County (UMBC) Gerontology Doctoral Program. Her research interests are aging and health among Hispanic populations in the United States and Puerto Rico. Follow her on Twitter @Jaminettena

Takashi Yamashita, PhD, MA, MPH, FGSA is a professor of sociology and gerontology at UMBC. His research interests are the wider benefits of lifelong learning and education over the life course, health literacy, gerontology education, and social statistics education. You can follow him on Twitter @dryamataka

Jennifer Roebuck Bulanda, PhD, MA, is an Associate Professor in the Department of Sociology and Gerontology at Miami University. Her research interests include family relationships and their connections with physical and mental health, particularly during the later life course. You can follow her on Twitter at @JenBulanda

J. Scott Brown, PhD, MA, MS, FGSA is Professor and Chair of Sociology and Gerontology and a Scripps Gerontology Center Research Fellow at Miami University. His research interests are inequalities in health across the life course, especially racial and ethnic inequalities, and statistical and quantitative methodologies.

A woman’s independence is often linked to her ability to control her body and her reproductive choices. If women can prevent and plan for pregnancies, they can control not only their bodies but other life decisions. Although the women I interviewed do not necessarily identify with being part of a childfree cultural movement, there is no denying that their individual choices to not parent are part of a choir of voices challenging the expectations of womanhood. One of my participants, Nancy (44), talked about never wanting children and wondered if there was something wrong with her because she never felt the ticking clock:

“Um, I have never wanted children. That’s something that I have known. Gosh, since I was young. And I’ll you know, and I think norms are cultural norms. And society kind of puts a lot of pressures. And I know, I’ve gone through a stage in my life where I’ve questioned it. Even when I was 38-39. I remember seeing my, my doctor and I was like, can you do like a hormone check to maybe like, check, because I’ve never had this like, ticking clock. I just never had had this desire to have children. I love children, I was a school counselor. But personally, I’ve never had a desire to, to have children.”

The women in my study are not women torn between motherhood and profession. Most did not feel they had to make a choice between professional goals or their desire to be mothers. Most of them never wanted to be mothers, nor did they see having children as essential to their lives. They wanted to pursue a life of independence on their terms, and motherhood was incompatible with that lifestyle. Sam (38) also felt she was not emotionally healthy enough to raise a child and thought it would be selfish of her to raise a child without first raising herself:

“Um I don’t want to put another being through what I went through, and I don’t feel

healthy enough that I actually have the capacity to raise a human being. So that’s part of it. Um, that’s absolutely part of it. And like, you know, I think my mother never should have had kids, like she wasn’t capable of raising and caring for beings the way they need. Um, and then the other part is, like, you know, I would call it somewhat jokingly being selfish, but like, I have so much work to do re-raising myself, and putting it like, that I didn’t have as a kid … I am the one, the only one I can get that from. So, I’m already raising a person and it’s me.”

Sam may have been joking (somewhat), but the role of nurturing can be multifaceted. Sam is not incorrect to acknowledge the role we play in nurturing ourselves. For some people, it may take a lifetime of self-care to make them whole. The women in my study are not all carefree following ducks in a park. Some of them are responsible for others in their lives. Two of the women have power of attorney for ailing parents, and others are caretakers for a parent or other family member. They are not immature or selfish. Some of the women in my study took care of others when they themselves were still children and had adult responsibilities. Although this has been viewed as a form of selfishness, I contend that these women have every right to live an autonomous life. Caring for one’s self, including physical and mental health, should not be interpreted as being selfish in the conventional sense of the word. These women have chosen to focus on self-care.

A woman’s body is the battlefield for which the cultural war of motherhood vs. non-motherhood is waged. Yet, this is a war where no one can win. Society has created divisions within divisions, and the divisions of women who are mothers and those who are not mothers are seemingly endless: women who gave birth vaginally or mothers who had cesarean births, women who breastfed or women who bottle fed, women who received an epidural and those who did not, women who carried their baby in their body or women who used a surrogate, and this does even begin to address the women who do not have children voluntarily and the women who wanted children and were not able to conceive. Even the terms childless and childfree are both problematic. These create a moral division between women who want to have children and could not, and women who never wanted children.

Motherhood is not the only important role women can play in society. Single and childfree women are not expendable. Women can fulfill a myriad of roles that help make society better, even if they are not wives and mothers. I argue that womanhood and motherhood are not synonymous and they should be viewed as independent identities. This separation would allow for a broader landscape to describe and define women who choose not to have children. They have chopped down their own trees, cleared the brush, and they are entitled to live a life for which they have created the path for. They are not asking others to live with their choices, nor do they want to be forced to live by the decisions of others. Therefore, there is no need to feel pity for the childfree woman. She has bought her own bed, assembled it herself, and is perfectly content to sleep in it alone – if she chooses.

Kimberly Martinez Phillips is a Ph.D. Candidate in the Sociology Department at Memorial University of Newfoundland and Labrador. Her dissertation studies the lives of childfree, never-married single women of color. Follow her on Twitter @ichoosefeminism

It’s nice to be liked—and it even comes with benefits in the workplace. Likeable individuals are seen as nice, sincere, good-natured, and trustworthy, and consequently are more likely to be rewarded at work. Likeability is so widely recognized as desirable for workers that nearly every business-focused website has articles providing tips on how to be seen as more likeable at work.

In a newly published study in Community, Work & Family, we considered whether workers are seen as more likeable when they take longer periods of paid parental leave. While numerous studies document workplace penalties for workers who take paid parental leave (such as assumptions of lower job commitment), we anticipated some positive consequences as well that have mostly been overlooked. Specifically, we suspected that parental leave-taking may demonstrate concern and compassion for others and consequently enhance perceived likeability. To test this idea, we conducted a survey experiment involving approximately 1,600 U.S. participants to assess the general public’s perception of how taking paid parental leave affects perceptions of worker likeability.

We find that workers are generally perceived as more likeable when they take longer periods of paid parental leave. But, there are some important gender differences. For mothers, likeability increases with each week of paid leave-taking. Consistent with intensive motherhood norms, mothers are seen as more likeable when they take longer leaves because they are demonstrating commitment to parenting and adhering to broader gender norms. In contrast, fathers are seen as more likeable when they take most, but not all, of the parental leave offered to them. Although fathers are now expected to be engaged parents, they are also still expected to be breadwinners. Our findings likely reflect these competing expectations, as fathers are seen as most likeable when they appear to balance both parenting and work obligations.

These results provide important nuance to our understanding of workplace consequences associated with parental leave-taking. Americans are largely supportive of paid parental leave policies, but remain fearful about possible workplace repercussions from taking leave. On one hand, our results could be seen as reinforcing these concerns. Mothers are seen as most likeable when they prioritize family over work which could reinforce gender stereotypes and workplace disadvantages for women. And, fathers are indeed penalized if they take especially long periods of paid parental leave. On the other hand, our study demonstrates that there may be positive workplace consequences to leave-taking as well. Knowing this may lead workers to be more willing to take parental leave given that likeability is a desired and rewarded workplace trait. In fact, our analyses also suggest that more likeable workers (both mothers and fathers) are more likely to be recommended for raises and promotions. Thus, expanding access to paid parental leave and encouraging workers to take leave may improve perceived likeability, which may ultimately be beneficial for workers’ careers and help promote gender equality in paid labor.

Richard J. Petts is a Professor of Sociology at Ball State University. You can read more about his research at www.richardpetts.com and can follow him on X @pettsric.

Trenton D. Mize is an Associate Professor of Sociology at Purdue University. You can read more about his research at www.trentonmize.com and can follow him on X @MizeTrenton.

Gayle Kaufman is Nancy and Erwin Maddrey Professor of Sociology and Gender & Sexuality Studies at Davidson College. You can read more about their research at www.gaylekaufman.com and can follow them on X @gakaufman22.

This picture was found on unsplash.com. Caption: “Workers who take paid parental leave are seen as more likeable.”

Christian colleges and universities make up around one-third of all colleges and universities in the United States, and many of these schools maintain policies that make it difficult for people of different genders to interact with each other in campus housing. For example, while an increasing number of secular colleges and universities offer gender-neutral housing, many Christian colleges and universities refuse to do so. Why might this be the case? In our new study, we argue that many U.S. Christian colleges and universities’ decision to maintain “gendered” housing, roommate, and visitation policies may be informed not only by their conservative, cisnormative (the assumption that everyone identifies as the gender they were assigned at birth) views on gender, but also by their heteronormative (a world view that promotes heterosexuality as the normal or preferred sexual orientation) views of sexuality.

Through an analysis of residence life policies at 609 Christian colleges and universities in the United States, we discovered that 27% of Christian colleges and universities segregate women and men into different residence halls. In addition, 86% of Christian colleges and universities require that students room with someone of the same gender. And 72% of Christian colleges and universities maintain gender-specific visitation policies that require students to follow a strict set of rules if they wish to visit the room of someone of a different gender, such as signing in at a front desk, leaving doors propped open, and keeping lights turned on.

Schools’ conservative, cisnormative beliefs about gender certainly inform their decisions to maintain these policies. Specifically, members of white, conservative Christian denominations are more likely to believe that there are only two biologically determined genders and that women and men are characterized by innate, essential gender differences. Such beliefs likely influence some Christian colleges and universities’ decision to place all students into one of two types of residence halls—women’s dorms or men’s dorms—and then enforce roommate and visitation policies that assume all students identify as women or men.

In addition to adhering to such beliefs about gender, most Christian colleges and universities expect their students to adhere to conservative Christian norms regarding appropriate sexual behavior, such as avoiding premarital sexual intercourse. LGBTQ students are also discriminated against at many Christian colleges and universities; for example, in line with prior research, 28% of Christian colleges and universities in our sample explicitly prohibit same-sex relationships. Because many Christian colleges and universities believe that their students are (or should be) heterosexual, and want their students to refrain from sexual intercourse, they place students into rooms and residence halls where they cannot easily be alone with a person of a different gender.

Yet, our work also suggests a deep irony in schools’ adoption of gendered residence life policies. Specifically, the same schools that condemn same-sex relationships and seek to exclude LGBTQ students from their campus actually craft policies that provide more opportunities for lesbian and gay students (as opposed to straight students) to live alongside, room with, or visit the dorms of their romantic partners. Thus, the assumptions about sexuality that underlie Christian colleges and universities’ gendered housing, roommate, and visitation policies are internally contradictory in that they have the potential to enable some of the same behaviors (e.g., same-sex dating) that they seek to prohibit and undermine some of the same behaviors (e.g., heterosexual dating) that those schools support. 

To be sure, we do not suggest that it is easier to be LGBTQ on a conservative Christian campus; many schools continue to punish students who are caught dating people of the same sex, and many schools have chilly campus climates that make it difficult for LGBTQ students to be comfortably out. But what our research does suggest is that schools’ heteronormative residence life policies are not firmly tethered to reality. Crafting residence life policies that assume that all students are men or women who are attracted to the so-called “opposite sex” inevitably means that some students will be living alongside people of the gender to which they are attracted. 

The internal contradictions underlying Christian colleges and universities’ residence life policies suggest that Christian colleges and universities’ residence life policies are in need of rethinking and that attempts to enforce cisnormative, heteronormative policies simply will not work. Although evidence suggests that gendered residence life policies have a negative impact on LGBTQ students’ (and especially transgender and nonbinary students’) mental health, current U.S. Department of Education policy enables religiously affiliated colleges and universities to maintain them. To challenge this state of affairs, organizations like the Religious Exemption Accountability Project have filed lawsuits against many Christian colleges and universities’ policies on gender and sexuality. Many LGBTQ students and their allies also continue to mobilize in favor of more inclusive, equitable policies at their schools. It is possible that such efforts will convince more schools to adopt gender-neutral residence life policies in the years to come.

Jessica Schachle-Gordon is a Ph.D. candidate in the Department of Sociology at Oklahoma State University. You can follow her on Twitter @JessicaSchachle

Gabby Gomez is a Ph.D. candidate in the Sociology department at Oklahoma State University. Follow her on Twitter @gabgo128

Jonathan S. Coley is an Associate Professor of Sociology at Oklahoma State University. You can learn more about his work here and follow him on Twitter @jcoleysociology

Dan Morrison is an Associate Professor of Sociology at the University of Alabama in Huntsville. You can follow him on Twitter @danielrmorrison

Reprinted from Council on Contemporary Families Brief Reports published on May 31, 2023

Recent infant formula shortages in the United States have reignited debates about the importance of breastfeeding for child health and development. Major health and medical organizations unanimously recommend that mothers exclusively breastfeed their infants for six months or more, and breastfeeding has become a hallmark of ideal parenting. Children who are breastfed generally have lower rates of child obesity, fewer behavior and conduct disorders in childhood, and higher cognitive test scores compared to children who are not breastfed.

Although over 80% of infants receive some breastmilk, only 26% are exclusively breastfed for the recommended six months. This is partially because breastfeeding is time-intensive and requires a lot of support. As a result, breastfeeding is socially stratified in the United States and is most common among those with the most resources. For example, women with a college degree are twice as likely to exclusively breastfeed for six months compared to those with a high school degree.

Public health initiatives suggest that increasing breastfeeding rates among populations that are less likely to breastfeed is an important strategy for improving children’s health and development. But a growing body of research suggests that benefits of breastfeeding may have been overstated. We cannot conduct randomized controlled trials for breastfeeding, so it’s difficult to tell whether it is directly causing improvements in children’s health, or if breastfed children tend to have better outcomes because of their parent’s other socioeconomic advantages. Studies using sophisticated statistical techniques to account for these complicated dynamics find that, all else equal, the causal effect of breastfeeding is weak or nonexistent. For example, when we compare siblings in the same family who were fed differently (one sibling was breastfed and the other was not, or they were breastfed for different amounts of time), they tend to have very similar physical, behavioral, and cognitive development.

The lack of an average causal benefit of breastfeeding, however, does not mean that it confers no advantages.  Averages can obscure substantial variation, particularly for behaviors like breastfeeding that are highly influenced by social and economic factors. In such cases, asking if breast is best is too simplistic a question. Better questions to ask are: Does breastfeeding benefit all children equally? Or do some children reap greater benefits than others?

I conducted a study with my co-authors Kerri Raissian and Jiyeon Kim to answer these questions. Our study analyzed data from a longitudinal nationally representative sample to evaluate the relationship between breastfeeding and a comprehensive set of longer-term developmental outcomes for children ages 4-14. Specifically, we examined body mass index (BMI), three measures of behavioral development, and five measures of cognitive skills. We used statistical techniques to carefully compare children who were breastfed to children who were never breastfed but had very similar characteristics. We also grouped children based on their likelihood of breastfeeding and compared the effects across these different groups to assess whether everyone benefitted equally. We found that breastfeeding provides small benefits for children’s behavioral development, math scores, and academic ability, but only among those that are highly likely to breastfeed. We also found small benefits for children’s reading comprehension and vocabulary, but these effects were concentrated among those who were least likely to breastfeed.

One key takeaway from our study is that breastfeeding does not equally benefit everyone. What explains this variation?

One potential answer is that people experience the costs of breastfeeding differently. Although breastmilk is “free,” breastfeeding is not costless in American society. Breastfeeding is associated with prolonged earnings losses for women, in part due to lack of paid parental leave and time out of the workforce. This economic penalty may be more easily absorbed by women who are financially secure but is a more significant hardship for low-income or single women. Lack of economic resources may offset some of the benefits of breastfeeding for these children who are less likely to breastfeed. This could explain why we found that breastfeeding is related to better behavior, math scores, and academic ability among those who are most likely to breastfeed.

Another potential source of variation is that people experience the benefits of breastfeeding differently. If more advantaged parents are already providing an optimal home environment or parenting in ways that promote their children’s health or cognitive skills, they may not receive an additional boost from breastfeeding. For example, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that all parents read to their children from birth through kindergarten, and it is possible that parents who adopt this practice are also likely to follow the AAP recommendations for breastfeeding. If parents who are less likely to breastfeed do not engage in these early literacy activities to the same extent, the benefits of breastfeeding could be amplified among this group. This might explain why we found that breastfeeding is linked with better reading comprehension and vocabulary among children who are least likely to breastfeed. Parents may be less equipped to compensate for quantitative skills given that we did not find this pattern for math scores.

The second key takeaway is that the benefits of breastfeeding are modest. For example, among children who were least likely to breastfeed, those who breastfed for 6 months or more had about 30% of a standard deviation higher reading comprehension score than those who were never breastfed. In comparison, four extra days of mother-child shared reading time per month increases reading achievement by 32% of a standard deviation. On a broader scale, expansions in Universal Pre-K are linked with larger increases in letter-word identification (79% of a standard deviation) and spelling scores (64% of a standard deviation).

To be clear, we are not saying that breastfeeding isn’t an ideal source of nutrition for infants, or that other parenting practices or policies are direct substitutes. Rather, parents and policymakers should consider breastfeeding as one potential tool among others that may provide comparable or larger benefits for longer-term child development. This is especially useful information given the very real tradeoffs that many mothers make. It may also help to relieve some of the stigma and shame that some mothers experience when they are unable to breastfeed.

Our study provides insights for public policy. We highlight socioeconomic and racial inequality in breastfeeding within the United States. The US provides a weak safety net for parents of young children and offers no federal paid family leave. Factors such as race/ethnicity, socioeconomic status, education, income, marital status, and employment are strongly related to the likelihood that a mother will breastfeed.

Furthermore, we demonstrate that the social context not only shapes who breastfeeds in American society, but also who benefits most. Efforts to increase breastfeeding rates among populations that are least likely to breastfeed are unlikely to close disparities in child development. The benefits of breastfeeding are largely concentrated among the populations that are already likely to breastfeed. To level the playing field, rather than merely telling mothers that “breast is best,” policies should focus on reducing structural barriers and economic costs for mothers who want to breastfeed. For many mothers in the United States, breastfeeding is ideal but unattainable.

Jessica Houston Su is an Assistant Professor in the Department of Sociology at the University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill. You can follow them on Twitter: @jesshoustonsu

Bella DePaulo is the author of Singled Out: How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After, and How We Live Now: Redefining Home and Family in the 21st Century. She is also an Academic Affiliate in the Department of Psychological & Brain Sciences at the University of California, Santa Barbara. She has written for Medium, Psychology Today, HuffPost, New York Times, the Washington Post, NBC, CNN, Time magazine, the Atlantic, New York magazine, and the Chronicle of Higher Education. Her TedX talk, What no one ever told you about people who are single, has over a million views. Here, I ask DePaulo about her new book, Single at Heart: The Power, Freedom, and Heart-Filling Joy of Single Life. You can find out more at: https://belladepaulo.com/ You can follow them on Twitter: @belladepaulo

AMW: What is being single at heart? Is that different from just being single?

For people who are single at heart, single life is their best life – their most joyful, meaningful, fulfilling, psychologically rich, and authentic life. They love being single and want to stay single. They don’t want to organize their life around a romantic partner. They are happy and flourishing because they are single, not in spite of it.

Single people who do not like being single are not single at heart. Even single people who want to stay single may not be single at heart if their reasons are only negative ones – for example, they hate dating, or they have given up on “finding someone,” or they have challenges that make it difficult to pursue or maintain a romantic relationship. People who are single at heart are powerfully drawn to single life for positive reasons; they value all that single life has to offer.

AMW: What are the advantages of being single at heart?
Here are a few of the advantages of being single at heart that I discuss in my Single at Heart book:

1. People who are single at heart love the time they have to themselves. In solitude, they enjoy the opportunities for relaxation, creativity, productivity, spirituality, and just getting to be themselves. That’s a whole different experience than fearing solitude or finding it deeply distressing, as can happen, for example, when people are alone not because they enjoy being alone, but because they have been rejected or ostracized. People such as the single at heart who appreciate alone time have some great advantages. Contrary to stereotypes, they are very unlikely to feel lonely. Feeling comfortable in solitude helped the single at heart fare better than a lot of other people during the worst of the pandemic. Their embrace of solitude also means that they are very unlikely to become the caricature of the older single person who is isolated and sad.
2. People who are single at heart have the freedom to follow their hearts and live according to their values. Within the limits of their resources and opportunities, the single at heart might use their freedom to continue to learn and to grow, to do meaningful work, and to chart their own life courses, rather than following the expected path through adult life. They appreciate their financial freedom, getting to be the deciders, and arranging their homes and their everyday lives just the way they want them. One of the stereotypes of single people is that they are selfish, but some people who are single at heart use their freedom to be there for the important people in their lives and to contribute to their communities or their nation.
3. Because they are not organizing their lives around a romantic partner, the single at heart are often devoted friends. They can spend time with, and care for, as many people as they want, whenever they want, without worrying about romantic partners who may want more of that attention for themselves.
4. Because the single at heart embrace their single lives and invest in them, they are often particularly well prepared for later life. Because they don’t marginalize their friends to focus on a spouse or romantic partner (they have “The Ones” rather than “The One”), they are likely to have a number of people who are there for them as they grow older. Because they don’t divide up the chores and tasks of everyday life with a romantic partner, they head into their later years already knowing how to do everything that needs to be done, or they have found people to hire or who will help. They are often good planners. For example, one of the single at heart women who shared her life story with me was only 33, but she was already having renovations done on her home that would make it more likely that she could live there as long as possible.  
5. The single at heart have more expansive, open-hearted perspectives on intimacy and love. Sure, intimacy can include sexual intimacy, but it also includes emotional intimacy. And to the single at heart, love encompasses so much more than just romantic love. For example:
   1. About intimacy, a 61-year-old single at heart woman said: “When people share their deepest sorrows, fears, and joys with you, that’s intimacy. Giving people long hugs is intimacy.”
   1. About love, a 47-year-old single at heart schoolteacher said: “I love my blood family. I love my chosen family. I love my students, my pets, and pursuing my creative endeavors. My family, pets, and friends love me. My students love me.”

AMW: What are the biggest misconceptions about single life?

One of the most important misconceptions, and the one I most fervently want to dismantle in Single at Heart, is that what single people want, more than anything else, is to not be single. I review some striking evidence shattering that stereotype in the book. Challenging that misconception is important because when people believe that no one really wants to stay single, then single life gets treated as a lesser life. The stories told about single people’s lives are deficit narratives. What I find really stunning is that these deficit narratives are so powerful, and so rarely challenged, that single people who love their single lives worry that there is something wrong with them. Think about that: They have what we all crave – a life they find meaningful and fulfilling. And yet, they write to advice columnists, read self-help books, and go to therapy to figure out why they have this “problem” of liking single life!

Just about all the other stereotypes of single people turn out to be exactly wrong. For example, single people are often described as “alone” or “unattached” or as people who “don’t have anyone.” But in fact, research shows that single people are often more connected to more different people. Single people are often regarded as selfish, but in important ways, they are more generous with their time, money, and caring. And of course, the big one – that single people are unhappy; and as they grow older, they become even more dissatisfied with their single lives; and if only they would get married, they really would live happily ever after. I review evidence dispelling all of those misleading notions, and more, in Single at Heart.

Reprinted with permission from Online Sexuality Scholars blog

Why did you decide to write this book?

First – as a parent myself, I know how often kids surprise us with questions about bodies, relationships, and sexuality. Also, things come up in our kids’ lives – maybe in their friend group or at school– and sometimes we find ourselves addressing topics years before we ever thought we would. I wanted to write a book that helped parents navigate these conversations with more comfort and confidence.

Second – from both my own research on the mainstreaming of rough sex among young people and from talking with Kristina and Susan about what they see in their legal cases – it’s clear that sex has changed substantially over the past decade and we need to talk about it. In my team’s research, we’ve found that most college students report engaging in sexual choking (which is actually a form of strangulation) and that, even though it is usually described as consensual and often as pleasure, it also poses a number of health risks to young people, including to their brain health. As parents, we need to be informed so we can support our kids.

What’s behind the title – “Yes Your Kid”?

The title “Yes Your Kid” reflects an experience that so many sexuality educators have had, which involves sharing information with parents of teenagers about what sex is like today and being met with not quite disbelief, but some sense that their own child would never engage in those behaviors. Whether it’s sending a nude image (“sexting”), pressuring a peer for a nude image, watching pornography, or exploring rough sex, too many parents think their child would never do something like that. The title “Yes Your Kid” is meant to invite parents to step into the conversation, to accept that – whether or not they think their own child is doing a particular thing – that their child will be helped by open, frank, fact-based conversations with their parents.

What kinds of topics does Yes Your Kid cover?

Yes Your Kid provides parents with numerous tools to have ongoing conversations with their kids about bodies and sexuality. There’s an entire chapter on how to become a more askable, approachable parent. Whether readers are gearing up for conversations about how babies are made, puberty, condoms, birth control, sex and technology, pornography, or various forms of sexual behavior that are common today, Yes Your Kid has something to offer.

How is Yes Your Kid different from other sex education books for parents?

Let me be clear: there are many terrific books for parents about how to talk with their kids about sex. That said, most were written in the “before times” – before the widespread access to online pornography, before the COVID pandemic when kids and teens began living even more of their lives online, before most kids had access to smartphones, and before rough sex (like choking, slapping, and smothering) became normalized among teenagers. In Yes Your Kid, I talk about how we can use popular media as teachable moments to learn from our kids what their worlds are like and share our perspectives too. For parents who want to talk with their teens about the normalization of rough sex, consider this: the song “Lovin’ On Me” by Jack Harlow – which not only mentions choking, but describes it as “vanilla” – recently reached #1 on Billboard, has been a viral hit on TikTok, and its YouTube video has been viewed more than 60 million times in just two months since the song’s release.

Parents need updated information to talk with their kids about the realities of sex today. Throughout Yes Your Kid, readers will also find examples from Kristina and Susan’s legal cases, which provide real-world insights into the kinds of things that can and do go wrong – whether among middle school students, high school students, or college students – and what parents and their kids can learn from these situations.

There’s also a chapter on sexuality education for those with autism spectrum disorder, right?

Yes, we decided to include an entire chapter dedicated to sexuality topics for autistic teens and young adults, especially given how often I get questions from parents of autistic teenagers and young adults on this topic. As background, for many years I worked with children on the autism spectrum and their families. Also, as a college professor, I regularly have autistic students who have taught me a great deal about what more inclusive sexuality education can and should look like for them. Readers will find information about how to approach topics like puberty, reproduction, sexual and gender diversity, sensory needs, and much more in this chapter.

Anything else you want to add?

Yes, that talking about sex (and even some of the more complicated topics like sexting and pornography) may be awkward at first, but it’s also completely doable. Learning to talk openly about sensitive topics is a gift – especially when these conversations can be critical to our children’s safety and to their ability to develop healthy, connecting intimate relationships as they grow older.

Dr. Debby Herbenick – a sexuality researcher, educator, and Provost Professor at the Indiana University School of Public Health – has a new book out titled Yes Your Kid: What Parents Need to Know About Today’s Teens and Sex. The book includes contributions from Kristina Supler and Susan Stone, attorneys who have led numerous sexual misconduct and sexual assault cases throughout the United States, including at many college campuses. Follow Dr. Herbenick on Twitter or Instagram @DebbyHerbenick

Educational systems and school experiences were fraught with challenges during and following the height of the COVID-19 pandemic. Without attending school, students across the country faced a unique form of isolation and lack of connectedness.

Given differential access to educational and social resources and technology amongst the families and communities of these students, we expect that challenges associated with the pandemic disproportionately impacted youth of color. To this end, we investigated whether youth of color differed from their white peers in their sense of belonging.

We defined a sense of belonging as feeling included, respected, and supported, rather than feeling isolated or excluded. Past research explains that sense of belonging matters for students’ well-being and academic success. This research has largely examined school belonging. We expanded past research by also examining social belonging—relationships that are trusting and supportive for youth to feel connected to school and social groups—and community belonging, or how youth felt a sense of connectedness and safety out of school. If minoritized youth report lower senses of belonging, that lack of belonging informs understanding of the compounded disadvantages these youth experience and underscores the need for educational policy and community initiatives to prioritize support for vulnerable youth.

Most survey research on belonging focuses on belonging within the school setting, but we conceptualize belonging as extending beyond the educational context. We emphasize that belonging can be shaped by perceptions of support from the broader surrounding community, and further, that belonging and the contextual factors that shape it may differ critically by demographic group: race, ethnicity, and gender.

Thus, we move beyond a focus on just school belonging to include three other types of social belonging: community belonging (referring to feeling discriminated against or unsafe in the community), out-of-school belonging (referring to experiences with extracurricular/after-school activities), and identity (whether students’ racial/ethnic identities are affirmed or rejected by those around them). We join with other scholars to assert that these measures of social belonging matter for students’ well-being and educational trajectories. In our study published in Educational Researcher, we investigated whether school belonging and social belonging varied by race, ethnicity, and gender for high school and middle school youth in a public school district. Our sample included 1233 youth from fifth to twelfth grade and 40 items about categories of belonging as well as an open ended response question where youth could add additional experiences they have had.

First, we focus on key findings regarding the high school youth in our sample. Using survey data in a midsize district in the Mid-Atlantic, we found that Black and multiracial high school students were less likely than others to feel a strong sense of belonging in their schools. Black high school students also were more likely than other students to feel discriminated against or unsafe in their communities. Hispanic and multiracial high school students reported lower out-of-school belonging, or a lack of connection to social activities and relationships outside of school. We also found that high school students who spoke English as a second language struggled to belong in the after-school setting.

The middle schoolers in our sample were similar, but with some differences. Black middle schoolers reported both struggles to belong within the school setting and in the out-of-school setting; further, Black, Hispanic, and Asian middle schoolers were less likely than other students to feel a lack of belonging in their communities. Middle school students who spoke English as a second language were also less likely than other students to report a lack of belonging in both the community and out-of-school contexts.

Indeed, minoritized students in our sample reported weaker senses of belonging, both in-school and out-of-school, compared to their white peers. Through analysis of over 600 open-ended response items in the survey, we found that youths’ lack of belonging often stemmed from negative experiences at school, few trusting relationships with adults, and little affirmation from adults in school of students’ identities (e.g., racial/ethnic and language backgrounds). Youth reported various forms of bullying in relation to race, gender identity and religious preferences as well:

Figure A: Youth perspectives on factors that inhibit belonging in schools

Our findings have implications for educational policies. If Black and Latino students, students of immigrant backgrounds, and nonnative English speakers report a lower sense of belonging than their White peers, schools should be intentional in seeking to understand and affirm students’ needs and racial/ethnic and linguistic backgrounds. As many school districts face challenges related to racial inequity, anti-immigrant rhetoric and policy, and anti-Black racism, systems and structures must transform to support marginalized youth. In fact, in the open-ended responses youth reported their desires for change, which included:

 “We need to learn about black culture, and other cultures and races and identities generally. It would help to have a more welcoming school envirnment.”

These results underscore the importance of centering youth voices and experiences in efforts for improvement of racial inequity and reducing negative experiences of belonging. Going forward, we hope research further investigates specific reasons for lower belonging amongst racially/ethnically minoritized youth. Additionally, research should aim to identify how school districts can best address race-specific bullying and in the case of this district and districts alike gender, religious and culturally-specific bullying and lack of supportive relationships and affirmation of identities both within-school and in afterschool programs.

Belonging is critical for youths’ well-being and their educational and social trajectories—schools and communities must strive towards fostering belonging for marginalized youth who face compounding social inequities and need to feel safe and connected.

Sophia Rodriguez PhD (@SoRoPhD), is an associate professor of urban education at the University of Maryland, College Park. She is incoming (Fall 2024) associate professor of educational policy studies at New York University. With generous funding from the William T. Grant and Spencer Foundations, her research investigates how community-school partnerships and educators promote equity for immigrant youth; her research appears in AERA Open, Sociology of Race & Ethnicity, Teachers College Record, Urban Education, and the Washington Post.

Gabrielle Cabrera Wy, MA (@GabiCWy), is a doctoral candidate in the Department of Criminology & Criminal Justice at the University of Maryland, College Park. Her research interests focus on immigrant generational disparities in key life outcomes.

The COVID-19 pandemic led many single adults to put a hold on dating, both for health concerns and social venue closures. For those who decided to keep dating, they were left with questions like, How could you meet someone if everything was shut down? Where would you go on a date if bars and restaurants were closed? How do you handle physical intimacy when even breathing the same air is dangerous? Single older adults faced additional concerns, not only because the virus was particularly deadly for this demographic, but because many in this group had not dated in decades and were trying to learn how to date in the middle of a pandemic. Would older adults continue dating, even when the health risks were higher?

Answering this question is not so straightforward. There are many layers to consider, including how older adults generally experience higher levels of loneliness and that these feelings may have increased because of pandemic isolation. Older adults who are single were at even greater risk of loneliness and isolation because they did not have a romantic partner with whom to isolate. The opportunity to meet other single adults also played a role, as older adults are using the internet frequently, and like many others, single older adults have increased their use of online dating. When older adults are feeling isolated and alone, they can connect with an endless number of peers to mitigate loneliness both in the immediate moment and in the long-term. Additionally, there is evidence that younger adults took safety precautions when dating during COVID, but it was not clear if older adults would do the same or limit their physical interactions with others.

In my recent research, I investigated how the context of the COVID-19 pandemic impacted single older adults’ dating experiences and desires. I recruited 100 single older adults, ages 60-83, from online dating websites to discuss their dating preferences and desires, and how they saw their experience in light of the COVID-19 pandemic. All respondents were single, heterosexual, and interested in dating to some degree, but varied by race, education level, marital history, family structure, employment status, and location. Since interviews were conducted in the latter half of 2020, all interviews included some discussion about the pandemic and the impact on dating for single older adults.

This research found that many single older adults were still interested in dating during a pandemic, despite the potential threat to their health and lives. In fact, older daters used COVID-19 health regulations to justify dating, alleviate their concerns for contracting the virus on a date, and get more creative with date ideas.

First, respondents took safety precautions in their daily lives, including limiting indoor interactions and wearing a face covering during interactions, and used these behaviors as evidence that meeting up with a new person would be safe, since they had been so cautious to not contract COVID-19. Next, single older daters followed safety directives while on dates. Audrey (age 68) went on a date where they had lunch outside, walked around for a bit, and wore face masks when they went into a shop. Fred (age 66) met a woman in a parking lot for a date, where they both stayed at their cars and talked through face masks. Though they were meeting new people in person, single older adults felt that their dates were safe because they followed healthcare directions in their daily life and while on dates, allowing them to justify meeting new people at a time when doing so could be dangerous.

Though both men and women spoke about COVID-safe behaviors and dating practices, men and women approached the issue differently. Men seemed generally less adherent to COVID-safe dating measures on their own, but the women they dated requested it. More men stumbled over planning a date during a pandemic because the standard dates of going to the movies or a restaurant were unavailable. Women, however, more often spoke of COVID-safe dating practices and provided a range of COVID-safe date ideas, from video calls to kayaking.

We may imagine single older adults would retreat from dating during a pandemic, when meeting in person posed a significant health risk, particularly among that population. Though this may be the case for many single older adults, those I spoke with pointed to the impact the pandemic had on their lives as leading them to date. This speaks to how deeply people, including older adults, can value and desire a romantic relationship. Even in times when meeting in person was dangerous and the common dating venues were closed, older adults used online dating and safety precautions to continue (or begin!) their search for a romantic partner. (Take a look at the article for discussion on the role of loneliness and the proliferation of online dating in prompting older adults to date in a pandemic.)

This study includes early COVID dating experiences, as data were collected between June and December 2020. Future research should investigate how COVID may (or may not) have a lasting impact on dating norms, for both younger and older adults. Additionally, this study focuses on those who are seeking a partner, so still little is known about how the pandemic and isolation impacted those uninterested in dating or in burgeoning dating relationships. This study does uncover, however, how single older adults used COVID precautions to justify dating during a pandemic, despite health risks and the closure of public places. This study helps to dispel some myths and finds older adults do not always take health risks as seriously as younger adults would assume and that romantic relationships are important to older adults. Single older adults value romantic relationships just like everyone else, even to the point that they are willing to stand next to their car in a large parking lot to see if there is chemistry with the person they met online.

Lauren Harris is an Assistant Professor of Human Development and Family Studies at the University of New Hampshire. Her research focuses on the meanings, processes, and transitions associated with developing romantic relationships, currently among older adults. You can learn more about her work here, here, and here, and on twitter @lauren_e_harris.