When young Americans leave home to build their own lives, many are also leaving behind their family’s religious traditions—but not necessarily their spirituality. Our decade-long study reveals that as young adults establish independent identities, many break free from religious institutions while crafting more personalized spiritual lives that better align with their evolving values about family, relationships, and individual expression.

Religious Change in Early Adulthood

The religious landscape is dramatically shifting. The proportion of religious “nones” has grown from just one in twenty to more than one in four Americans in just a few decades. But beneath these numbers lies a deeper story: as young people transition into adulthood and separate from their families of origin, they often reconsider inherited religious practices and especially institutions.

This transformation happens during a crucial developmental period. Whether they attend college or enter the workforce, many young adults experience a similar religious trajectory as they establish independent identities. They’re not simply drifting from faith—they’re actively choosing spiritual paths that feel authentic to their emerging adult selves.

When Family Religious Socialization Backfires

Interestingly, those raised in the most religious households often show the steepest declines in institutional involvement. The very intensity of religious upbringing can sometimes plant the seeds of later disaffiliation.

Chris, who grew up in a devout Catholic family in rural Pennsylvania, attended church weekly throughout childhood. By his twenties, he had distanced himself from the institution while maintaining personal faith. “I was tired of going to church and hearing about politics,” he explained. “For a church that says they’re accepting, we pride ourselves on being holier than thou.”

Despite leaving the institutional church, Chris maintained a belief in something more, showing how religious disaffiliation doesn’t necessarily mean secular materialism. This pattern of rejecting institutions while preserving at least some elements of personal spirituality appeared repeatedly in our interviews.

The stories of the young people we followed illustrate how rigid religious socialization can sometimes produce the opposite effect parents intend. Young adults often seek spiritual paths that honor both their upbringing and their evolving identities—even when that means leaving behind family religious traditions.

Same-Sex Marriage and Religious Transformation

The cohort we followed from adolescence into adulthood from 2003 to 2013 came of age during a period of rapid change in attitudes toward LGBTQ+ rights, culminating in the 2015 legalization of same-sex marriage. This shift profoundly influenced how many young people viewed religious institutions.

Our data shows that supporters of same-sex marriage disaffiliated from religious institutions much faster those who opposed it. For many, the perceived conflict between institutional religion and their deeply-held values about inclusion and equality became simply untenable.

Daniela’s experience exemplifies this tension. When she joined her high school’s Gay-Straight Alliance, she encountered confusion from her religious peers: “When someone found out I was in the GSA, they were like, ‘But you go to church,'” she recalled. “And I’m like, ‘I’m a Christian who thinks it’s okay [to be gay]… I don’t see a contradiction.'” Despite her initial attempts to reconcile these perspectives, Daniela eventually left organized religion altogether, like many others who supported same-sex marriage.

Similarly, Claude, a Methodist from South Carolina, struggled with his church’s stance on sexuality. After losing a close friend to an anti-gay hate crime, his religious participation declined significantly. “The Bible says being gay is wrong, but I don’t personally believe that,” he reflected. “You’re born how you are.” For Claude and many others, religious institutions’ positions on sexuality directly contradicted their lived experiences and deepest values.

Reimagining Family Values

The term “family values” has often been associated with traditional religious perspectives on marriage, gender roles, and sexuality. But young Americans are redefining family values to emphasize authenticity, inclusivity, and personal fulfillment over institutional rules.

This shift mirrors broader changes in the family as an institution. Just as Americans increasingly form families outside traditional pathways, they’re crafting spiritual lives outside traditional religious institutions. The same values driving both transformations: authenticity, self-determination, and inclusivity. Similar to how young people are reimagining family as an institution especially as it relates to patriarchy and heteronormativity, they are doing the same thing with religion.

Even during this reimagining they’re seeking to keep, and amplify, love as a core element in both family and in religion. As one participant put it: “I still really believe in the core beliefs, in God… living in a way that pleases God is important. And that to me is—beyond just following rules—is a way to show that you love God. But also by sharing love, and being a servant to people around you.”

Supporting Authentic Faith and Family Development

For parents hoping to pass down religious traditions, these findings suggest considering not just what beliefs they transmit, but how they do so. Religious socialization that leaves room for questioning and personal interpretation may foster more lasting connections to faith than rigid approaches demanding unquestioning acceptance.

Faith communities seeking to reach younger generations might consider creating spaces that honor both tradition and individual authenticity, the golden rule and its implementation—which, for emerging generations, includes considering issues like LGBTQ+ inclusion and women’s equality.

This DIY approach to spirituality reflects broader shifts in how Americans approach all institutions, from marriage to work to education. The challenge—and opportunity—is creating new forms of family and community that support individual flourishing while still providing the belonging and connection that humans fundamentally need.

Landon Schnabel is Associate Professor of Sociology at Cornell University, where they study religion, gender, sexuality, and social change. Their forthcoming book with Oxford University Press is titled Is Faith Feminine: What Americans Really Think About Gender and Religion. Follow them on Bluesky or Twitter @LandonSchnabel.