Frank D. and Sara E. sent in these two examples, respectively, of humor that points to women’s disproportionate responsibility for housework and childcare.
Diaper changing wheel with “Mom” in many more slots than “Dad” or “Nanny” (Nanny? I know, that’s a whole other post):
Both of these point to the fact that WE KNOW that women do this work disproportionately, even as most women work as many paid hours as their husbands. These are inside jokes for everyone in America. But this disproportionality is perhaps the number one cause of women’s continued economic disadvantage (compared to men). Motherhood, as Ann Crittenden explains, is the greatest predictor of poverty in old age.
I suppose we still think it’s funny–and not very, very serious–because most women in the U.S. don’t have much hope of escaping these responsibilities. It’s easy to make personal sacrifices to fight patriarchy (like not wearing make-up), but once kids and a home are involved, you’re not making personal sacrifices; refusing to do more than your share of childcare (and the housework that comes with it) means that your child is sacrificing too. And that is too big of a sacrifice for most women to make.
So, I guess sometimes humor is all we ladies have got.
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Lisa Wade is a professor of sociology at Occidental College. You can follow her on Twitter and Facebook.
Comments 20
columbia thorndale — November 24, 2009
We call our Grandmother Nanny.
karinova — November 24, 2009
"These are inside jokes for everyone in America."
Yeah, I'd say they're mostly jokes for men in America.
Women are free to laugh along (so as not to cry?), but the joke's on them, and they know it.
I find the shirt label especially mean-spirited. Who is likely to be looking at care labels? A man could easily own this shirt and never see the "joke." Is it really directed at him?
I shudder to think what's actually printed on the shirt.
Tabatha — November 24, 2009
This was a constant throughout a custody battle with my husband (we ended up not getting divorced, but for a while there it was pretty horrible) ... he had been granted custody, but because he worked and I have been a stay at home mom, I essentially became his nanny -- to my own child. To not care for my child not only punished my son, but it made me look like a bad mother to the courts. So I had no choice but to watch my son every second I could, even if I knew that my husband was letting me keep the baby overnight so he could go out partying. This isn't to say I didn't want to spend time with my son, because I did and I treasured every moment I was able to spend with him, however it was hard to make the choice to live by my husband's schedule instead of "teaching him a lesson" as I was advised and refusing to care for my son so that he would learn what it was really like to be a parent. It was pretty much a no-win situation other than I wasn't shut out of my infant's life completely.
Sorry, this wasn't very sociological.
karinova — November 24, 2009
Regarding the "chore wheel," I could see that being given as a gag gift at say, a baby shower. (In fact, I'm having a hard time imagining any other likely use for it.) That would be a case of laughing-cuz-it's-better-than-crying. Rueful solidarity, and all that. I can't see a man being stupid enough to buy that for a woman. Or, even amused enough, really; the situation's generally taken for granted.
Die, Commie Bastard! » Blog Archive » GIVE IT TO YOUR WIFE It’s Her Job — November 24, 2009
[...] Sociological Images: …women do this [housework] disproportionately, even as most women work as many paid hours as [...]
Other Kelly — November 24, 2009
I think our own families often go a long way towards reinforcing these roles. When I have relatives visit my boyfriend an I's apartment they see it's state of cleanliness as a reflection on ME, not on both of is! They even tend to assume that the decorating scheme is entirely my idea, although my boyfriend and I are both artists who enjoy modifying our surroundings.
This outrages me to no end!
Graves — November 25, 2009
I think the problem of financial inequality is more specific to single parents and primary carers of young children than of mothers overall. It's not pleasant to choose between financial dependence on a partner or paid care for one's child - and that's supposing there's even an option. Perhaps public-funded creches are the way of the future? It's a shame if kids will be brought up outside the home and away from parental care but now it's common for both partners to work there seems little alternative, because the cost of living has swallowed any gains couples made into the marketplace. It's a wonder that single parents can survive at all when services and goods are priced as if everyone enjoys a dual-income household. Once children can take themselves to school though the burden is much less. Of course, the financial dependence of the children is likely to continue for another decade, but these costs can be more evenly negotiated on a dual-income. As far as unremunerated work, I'd suggest that a lot of the contribution husbands make to the family unit is indirect; more generally delegated to assembly, labour, maintenance/repair, troubleshooting or transport. It mightn't be housework but if it's household-work I think that's still valid.
Noelley B — November 25, 2009
You could always try to have kids with a guy who is willing to fairly divide childcare responsibilities.
Dragonclaws — November 25, 2009
The shirt tag's been Photoshopped, by the way. I saw a site a while ago that pointed out the original image as well as a few different versions of the joke.
Shana — November 28, 2009
My husband changes most of the diapers around our house. Not because I make him, or because it is some attempt at gender neutrality, but because he WANTS to do it. He enjoys helping and being involved in their care and upbringing from birth on. We have an 11 year old who is severely disabled and still wears diapers and daddy still changes him, feeds him, gives pony rides, etc. Division of labor is not an argument to raise about childcare. Both parents should want to be involved.
Brigid — November 8, 2010
Like most people 'round here, I am not a fan of jokes based on stereotypes (except goth stereotypes, those amuse me greatly), but I at least feel less angry when something is competent comedy. These are so unfunny it doesn't even feel like the intent is to amuse, it feels like they are -only- there to reinforce certain ideas.