I am on OKCupid, and I don't have a real profile, but rather an "advisory" one for men who stumble across it. It's totally relevant here, so without editing it for sociologists, I'm sharing it. Enjoy.

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/OK_Geek/

I'm pleased to see that people also respond well to those who know the difference between "you're" and "your".

I sort of want to print off hundreds of copies of this entry and start handing them out whenever I hear cat calls.

The flipside is that one can spam out thousands of generic "You're hot, wanna bump uglies?" fearsome fast. The guys who're doing that don't care about the rate of success, but the rate of success multiplied by the number of attempts.

I wonder how these results hold up outside of the internet. I don't know, but I can imagine that a compliment such as "you look nice" on the internet comes off as creepy, but in person it might be well taken.

I think that on the internet, in terms of looks, women put their best foot forward. The photo shown usually puts them in the best possible light, so if a man responds to them physically, they are naturally hesitant given that this physicality was carefully premeditated. Thus, when men attempt to attract them using physical compliments or commenting on their attractiveness, women are aware of the construction of the physical attractiveness the man is reacting to. Furthermore, it could be theorized that common amongst women (or people in general) on dating sites is the desire to look for romance and love irregardless of physical appearance, or at the very least, that they seek to have their physical attractiveness play less of a role in their choice of a partner, ie "I want someone to love me for me." Therefore they would respond with less degree when they are approached on primarily physical grounds.

I am glad to be able to read such things, whether they be completely true or not. People try to figure out what is good and what is bad. A relationship will never last on looks alone. So thats why I don't think so badly of internet dating, cause you get to know the person, before you see them.
The people that are just yelling you're hot, you're sexy...etc. right away arent after a meaningful relationship..

True beauty is not what the eye can see.
Inner beauty will shine farther then outer.
Let your inside become your outside.

If i go around saying to every girl that looks good. You're hot. It doesnt mean anything. You tend to mean it less. The people that you are telling know they look good, specially if you are taken to walk up to them and tell them.
Girls are more then looks, they have brains and want us to know it. Taking interest in something more then their shell means a lot more to them then telling them how hot they are. Oh. and dudes stop saying "hot" that just seems slutty. Cute, pretty, adorable, etc are more acceptable terms.
Just think, you are trying to figure them out, to the point where you try to figure what to say..I promise you they are doing that too.

Adam S. Austin

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"...many women cannot be flattered into a date..."

I don't know if the data show that. Referring to someone as "cool," "fascinating," or (Lord help us) "awesome" seem just as likely to me to constitute flattery as using words like "cute," "hot," or "beautiful." I mean, the Grand Canyon is "awesome." Some kid's OKCupid profile is probably a trifle less overpowering.

What we might be able to say is that many women can not be flattered into a date on the grounds of their _appearances_. Praising their thoughts, interests and experiences seems to go a lot farther. But that's just as capable of being "flattery" as anything else. I've flattered a few bosses and clients in my time, and I've never called any of them "sexy."

I notice that the graphs represent not how many messsages result in an actual date, but rather a reply.

Crucial difference here. If you get a thoughtful/personal message from someone you're not interested in, it would seem very rude not to at least send a polite note back. But if you're merely getting hit on for your photo, there's no such feeling of obligation.

It tends to work the same way on gay male dating sites, which are less subtle about their photo-driven meat-market approach. So perhaps this says less about what women want than about the social norms of flirtation.

I'd be interested to see a similar graph that shows which opening lines resulted in an actual date!

Ok, so based on the graphs I've written the perfect online dating site introduction:

Cool! It's nice that I found your profile. It was fascinating. No, it was more than that. It was awesome. I had pretty much given up on finding that special someone online, even though I was pretty sure that I am a pretty good catch. I know this message is unexpected, and I'm sorry, and by that I mean I truly apologize if it puts you into a pretty awkward situation. You're probably kinda curious what I thought as I read your profile. Your name caught my attention right away. It was pretty much awesome. I also noticed that your profile layout and choice of font reveal exceptionally good taste, and when I noticed you mention you were looking for a guy who was interested in more than your looks, I immediately went and did a bunch of research about how to make it seem like my interest in you is based on more than your small low-resolution profile photo.

Anyway, not everyone signed up on these sites is seeking a relationship. Some are after something much less involved, like a weekend tryst or something similarly casual. An analysis of terms that were replied to vs. deleted should take the respective intentions of those involved into account rather than make an assumption that they all want "a relationship" (whatever in the Hell that means).

So it turns out the Pick-up Artists are correct. No real surprises there, most women can be gamed.

I mean, OKCupid has gay personals too. I'm actually kind of offended they didn't bother to do any research on us too. Unless they did and I can't find it.

"Further, the site found that when men sent messages, the recipient preferred humility to bold self-confidence."

Is this a good thing? If men preferred women who engaged in self-effacement, wouldn't we chastise them for wanting a meek and timid woman?

I'm throwing my two cents in with Sighter. The fact that they only measured heterosexual interactions is frankly kind of offensive. OKCupid has a substantial queer community, and it really wouldn't be that much of a stretch to record and analyze those answers as well. Did they just not think we were interesting enough?

I'm also pretty shocked that Sociological Images didn't point out this blatant absence in their post. :/

This just reminds me of Why Women Hate Men.

Oddrid, you are such a sockpuppet. ;)

Honestly guys, i think you are all kind of missing the point of why women do these things...

Maybe we find it rude to be approached on the street and complemented because it is a purely selfish act on the part of the guy. It doesn't suggest that he wants the woman to think she is pretty. It suggests that he wants her to, in a split second,

1) asses that he is not a threat to her physically
2) give him control of her ability to find a mate
3) confirm that he is indeed the "alpha" male
4) stroke his pride
5) forfeit her own pride
6) and sacrifice her standards and beliefs for the sake of the man's ego. Because, honestly, anyone who makes judgments about others in a split second must have no standards.

Obviously it's rude to expect anyone to sacrifice so much, even if you've known them for a long time, not to mention just a second. So any person with self respect will not respond to being approached on the street.

Also, Andrew -
"A woman’s job is in the public eye..she in fact is a model..and is paid to look (gah) “hot” So when a dude in fact says you are so hot and pretty… She is taken to believe she is doing a good job no?"

I would disagree that it always makes a girl "feel good" to do what she should be doing in the opinion of the public. Instead, a girl who is smart will care only about the opinions of those who will treat her well. That's what makes it even more unacceptable for random guys to make physical compliments about someone. If it is a person you don't know at all, you have no way of knowing if that person is even safe to know or talk to, or is interesting, or fun, or violent, etc. That's probably why girls respond better to someone who is obviously trying to get to know them a little. It gives the girl time to judge whether that person is a threat to them or is gentle or whatever...and even if she makes the wrong decision, at least she's minimized that risk. So even if she just wants a fling or a weekend of fun or whatever, she wants to know that the person she's hooking up with isn't a fucking creeper.

That's why internet dating sucks, cause it's a lot harder to judge those things online...and real life meeting and dating is head and shoulders above because it allows for some forsight if either of the people want it.

I mean, even just on the pure basis of looks - if a girl goes out seeking a date, shouldn't she care more about whether she thinks the dude's good looking than about what he thinks of her? It takes a seriously insecure person to date someone who finds them attractive but who they find unattractive (or even mildly attractive). This is just another case of disproportionate stress being put on the woman's looks than the man's.

And i think a lot of this applies to gay couples too...the meat market thing makes it really hard to form lasting relationships...it's really sad, the physical standards that guys are held to in gay communities...

I realize I am five years late to the party; reading this because it's been re-posted.

I see a huge problem with a confound in the data. Everybody knows that women are much less likely to reply to messages in the first place. As Lisa points out, women are probably the ones being given the lion's share of the comments on their attractiveness. So if we look at the data for all genders rather than just looking at women, that first graph is very misleading. A big part of the reason "awesome" is more successful than "sexy" is that it's equally likely to be directed at men, who reply often, while "sexy" is usually directed at women, who do not reply often.

I don't know if it's enough of an effect to totally cancel out any of the data presented. But I know it's enough of one that I can't really view any of this data as meaningful unless there are gender-specific graphs as well.

"They respond positively to phrases that indicate that a gay actually read their profile"

'Heterosexual'? Please point me to where in the original article the word 'heterosexual' was mentioned. There were a few places where it was specified that it was an interaction between a man and a woman (such as the caption on the 'male self-effacement' graph), but 1) women seeking men/men seeking women does NOT equal 'heterosexual' because there are many people on OKCupid that are bi/pan/poly/etc; and 2) I found no place in which orientation was mentioned or discussed.

Your assumption of 'heterosexuality' given the absence of any clear statement on the matter is heterosexist. Especially considering that OKCupid has (and has always had) a large MOGAI community, I would highly recommend you attach a correction to this and the original post that removes the assumption of heterosexuality from the context. And in the future I would highly suggest that you do better on challenging your heterosexist 'heterosexual unless explicitly specified otherwise' assumptions.

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This research is absolutely infuriating! This should be taught in our schools, something as elementary as women responding to men who treat us as human beings. I was on OKCupid around 2010-2011 and it was 100% depressing.

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