Apparently Porn for Women, the book that suggested that what women really fantasized about was a man who would do housework, was so popular that they decided to publish a Porn for New Moms. These pictures from the book (found here, here, and here), brought to our attention by Anna R., are a sad testament to what we actually think is realistic to expect from a father:
Text: “I told my boss I have to leave at 3:00 every afternoon so I can come home and give you a break.”
Text: “…and in just eight more hours, we can wake up mommy!”
Text: “Every time I see a cute, young coed these days, all I can think is, ‘potential babysitter.'”
So apparently fathers who take care of the child so moms can get some sleep, deprioritize their work, give moms a “break,” or stay faithful are unrealistic… even a “fantasy.” Confirming this, a quote on the back cover reads: “Finally, there’s erotica that’s guaranteed to fulfill every woman’s fantasy.”
Comments 17
Sociological Images » PORN FOR NEW MOMS: CULTURAL IDEAS ABOUT WHAT … - ezineaerticles — January 27, 2009
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mordicai — January 27, 2009
It isn't the "fathers are feckless & unreliable!" slant that bothers me-- it is the desexualization of women, again. Now, we all know ladies hate sex, & when I say "erotica" & "woman" you of course realize I couldn't actually mean it! I mean, they are women, of course they hate sex, it is just a duty they have to do to make babies!
Sara — January 27, 2009
I agree with both you and commenter mordicai - these books manage to reinforce negative stereotypes about men and women. Namely, men are completely unreliable as husbands/partners/fathers, which is why these books are 'fantasy,' and women aren't sexual beings who would appreciate REAL porn. Both feed into this ridiculous social narrative of women and men as two completely opposite beings - men are sexual and inconsiderate, women are emotionally needy.
drewconfused — January 27, 2009
Is there someone who can explain the choice to *use* the word "coed" here? Is there some demographic among which this word is commonly used?
I understand the origins of the term, I don't need that explained, but I have never in my life ever heard anyone use the word "coed" in conversation. It strikes me as an odd, even archaic word choice.
Bagelsan — January 27, 2009
"Coed" is one of the many words I have only ever used ironically, with much eye-rolling and syllable-mangling and maybe a bit of hand-gesturing.
That book is ridiculous. Especially when you look at (man?)-porn and see what all men apparently fantasize about... 9.9 Women want a nap while men want to rape a room full of 18-year-old virgins with their giant tentacle-cocks or something... I dunno. :p
SarahMC — January 27, 2009
Women are still characterized as the primary care-givers for the child, though.
Fantasy FAIL.
Ryan — January 27, 2009
Hey, at least they are showing a man in the role of a potential babysitter. It's not often that you see a man potrayed in what is normally a female-dominated profession of child care professional.
Bagelsan — January 27, 2009
Re Ryan: I think the man pictured is the one talking, not the one being considered for babysitting. "Coed" is used to refer to female college students, playing off that stereotypical married-woman-fear that her husband will be attracted to younger women instead of her.
So, still expects women to do all the work. Fail.
Bagelsan — January 28, 2009
Maybe they should write a book where I come home from accepting a Nobel Prize for biochemistry, and am greeted at the door by my harem of completely naked sexy men. I think that sounds about right. :D Bowchicka bow bow.
Will — January 28, 2009
“I told my boss I have to leave at 3:00 every afternoon so I can come home and give you a break.”
Because the wife doesn't work, see? She's a stay-at-home mom! So "every" woman's fantasy is to stay at home, raise children, and have a man earn the keep for the family... but come home and give her breaks. Not to take a part in raising the child himself, but to do favors for mom, because it's completely her job.
As someone who is seriously considering being a stay-at-home dad in the future, this really ticks me off!
Dubi — January 30, 2009
Will (and some others): it's Porn for *NEW* Moms. While the pictures are hardly age-appropriate, I assume they refer to moms still on maternity leave or some such other arrangement (hence the deal with 8 hours of sleep, an uncommon thing in, oh, the first year of a newborn's life). Try as you might, you won't be any good at lactating.
Now, it's not that I think this isn't stupid. As a father and the primary care-giver to my son since he was 9 months old up until when we got him into daycare when he was two, I think it's kind of stupid to assert that this is a fantasy and not something women should demand (if not simply expect) from their partners, and quite frankly, I don't understand fathers who don't mind coming home after their children are already sleeping. But still - dudes, it's a joke. It's a stupid joke, but a joke nonetheless. I don't get offended by it, nor should anyone else. At most you should roll your eyes at the sheer stupidity of people that find this amusing, and move on to something more important. Like changing my kid's diaper.
Also - what, no comments about the unrealistic way these guys look? What, you think it doesn't make ME feel bad about myself with my meat-ball-stained t-shirt and all, seeing all these perfect looking men having a ball with their kids in their perfect clean clothes?
Links « Stuff — March 18, 2009
[...] This makes me very, very angry. [...]
Sociological Images » Masculinizing Housework: “The Househusbands of Hollywood” — July 31, 2009
[...] check out our posts on “porn” for new moms (there’s another version here), shared parenting as class privilege, calendar with images [...]
A Continuation into the next School Year… | Gender and Technology Spring 2009 — September 9, 2009
[...] then on another note the link to Porn for New Moms. Wow. I mean, okay, anonymity on the internet allows for me to say crazy things, but the idea that [...]
holystrawberry@gmail.com — September 25, 2009
love it, funny..period. i can go deep on this, but the first time i got to see the book was just funny and made me laugh and that is what counts.. for me as a young mother...thanks.
Alex — January 16, 2010
I'm really intrigued by the usage of the word 'porn'.
This seems to be a bit of a trend (c.f. Marks and Spencers' "food porn" adverts here in Britain), where porn doesn't so much mean "erotic visual stimulus to help you rub your own genitals" but "aesthetically pleasing, but massively implausible fantasy". I think that's what the title's getting at, and it seems a sign of something quite heartening about human intelligence.