I... have very little to say other than that this is unbelievably stupid.

Yeah wow. The person I will be marrying and I are already discussing what we will be doing about our name change because we are going to be changing both of our names to something very different, and we know we will have to go to court and do the whole paper announcement thing. Very obnoxious.

"Decided to buck tradition"

I lol'd

This is arguably unconstitutional. You can't make exceptions for one gender because it's customary. If you don't follow the law, your marriage should be void, or all other marriages under the same circumstances should be legal. It's not up to the government to reinterpret plain language of the law to mean "well if it's a NORMAL marriage then you don't have to file in court."

I agree with the first comment. Such bullshit. This kind of waste of time discussion about an unfair double standard just frustrates me.

Is anyone else impressed that Josh seems so matter-of-fact about the name change and even suggested it? When telling the story, his spouse said she was surprised that he wanted to take her name--and all to make the kid feel part of the family. I like these people and I wish they weren't being punished for doing something that, not only can any woman do easily, but that a woman will be somewhat punished for NOT doing.

Oh, right, double standard. Sigh.

I've always had a problem with women changing their last name--not because they do it, but because it's almost universally never questioned. I want it to at least be a discussion for every couple. For most couples, the woman will take her husband's last name. Period. I'm told over and over that it's "tradition" (uh, and so was slavery...). I interviewed "progressive" men about this and most of them said they didn't care if their wife changed her name or not, BUT they would not change their last name to her last name (or it wasn't even discussed) and their kids would DEFINITELY have his last name! Why is it assumed that even if the woman does not change her last name, the kids will have their FATHER's last name? I've heard of both people changing their name (but many other complain about following their ancestry (although women haven't been able to do this for centuries)... I don't have a solution to any of this, but the double standard remains and many couples don't even want to discuss it. Ugh.

@ Jill - I have found it incredibly difficult (as I'm sure most people do) to find information on female ancestors because of this "harmless" tradition.

As a side/anecdote: I am a woman married to a man and I hyphenate. Changing my name was easy as pie. I don't even know that I would call it a "loophole". I get shit for it all the time from friends/family who know it's a social button to push. For example, making up incredibly long names for our unborn children. Their jibes mean absolutely nothing to me personally, which I've helpfully tried to explain to them from time to time to no avail. Professionally, it's not been a problem, except it seems to give people an easy excuse for misspelling my name or not being able to "find" me on Outlook or in the directory.

If the ERA had passed this would not have happened.

I'm completely confused. In the UK anyone can change their name at any time regardless of marriage by deed pole. I'm sure there are fees but no court appearances. As far as I know after that you just send a copy of the paperwork around.

I'm sure less prepared institutions etc might push the paperwork around before they do it and might need hassling in the case of a man, but legally both genders have a right. It doesn't change your birth certificate at all, why should it need to?

For example my cousin who was born and given one first name on her birth certificate, but early in her childhood got renamed by her Dad, a name she and all the family have used throughout her life with people. When it became convenient as an adult, she filed the papers and now is both legally as well as socially known by one name, her birth certificate remains unchanged.

It IS hassle and her brother who has always disliked his name has simply opted to start using a middle name which requires no paperwork.

Having just gone through a name change myself, I can honestly say that in the state of California, anyone can change their name just because they got married.
They even ask you when you get your marriage licence who will be changing their last name.
My husband would have had no objection to taking my last name, for the record. I went with his because I had a horribly unpronouncable/unspellable last name, and he had an easy to spell, common name.

I am from Nebraska, and 3 years ago when I got married, my husband took my last name. Aside from one difficult and rather circular conversation in the DMV, we had no troubles at all.

People are still *surprised* but it wasn't any more time consuming or difficult than if I'd changed my name.

The whole institution of legal marriage involves gender discrimination in most states. Ann can marry Bill, but Bob can't.

In Massachusetts, marriage licenses have "party A" and "party B" on them and both parties have "surname after marriage" on them. Perfectly easy to change both names, neither of them, combine them, pick a totally new one, etc.

While this situation is indeed stupid, why not focus our energies on making every state do it like Massachusetts does? Problem solved for everyone.

My dad changed his last name.

*shrug*

My mom required it as a sign of fidelity or something.

/non-standard upbringing.

My husband & I both hyphenated our names. Legally, it was completely allowed in our state (GA) - although the lady at the social security office did need a bit of convincing on that point. Now, we just have the same issues as anyone with a hyphenated name does (you'd think that doctor's offices etc. would have figured out how to enter these things into their computer systems by now ... sad).

I am a woman married to a man. I didn't want to take his name because I didn't care for the patriarchal tradition. On the other hand, when HE suggested taking my name, I couldn't see keeping my last name as it was further continuing a patriarchal tradition - since it was my father's name.

We stuck like that for a while, married but with our own names, while we figured something out. When I became pregnant it was something we wanted now now now (so that our child had the same last name that we both did), and came up with a last name based on the place we met.

To change our names, we both went through the (Canadian) rigamarole of fingerprints, signed affidavits, criminal record checks, and an application (which cost about $300 each). Only to have the gov't call me and refuse to do my application - because I was married to him and could change my name to his new name without an application!

We decided that was fine, it did save us some money, after all. But it amused me that a) it didn't occur to us that I could take his new name and b) that the gov't official that called me refused to take my application. We were, indeed, 2 very different people.

In my state (or maybe it's by county?) it is easy to change your name upon marriage, but only in certain "approved" ways. We went to the county office to apply for our marriage license, which involved a computerized portion where we each filled out family info (names, birthplaces, birthdates of our parents, etc.).

Within that computerized portion, we were both asked if we were taking new names upon marriage. Based on our two last names, the system gave us limited options of different permutations of our last names. I was allowed to change my middle name to my current surname and change my surname to my spouse's; I was allowed to change to a hyphenated surname consisting of our two surnames, with either name coming first; I was allowed to keep my surname as a second middle name, adding my spouse's surname at the end. Both of us had the same options (het couple), which was pretty cool.

Sadly, what we *wanted* to do wasn't an option. We wanted to both retain our surnames, changing our middle names to the other's surname (or possibly adding a second middle name). To us, that was a nod to being part of each other's families without having to change the names by which we were primarily known. I think the deal is that you can only change your middle name if you are changing your surname.

This is definitely not the case in all states, although it wouldn't surprise me if more than just Nebraska got on the gender-enforcement bandwagon. even Though most people tend to think in terms of love and family togetherness, choosing whose last name to take after marriage or before starting a family IS a political decision - at least until some sort of utopian post-patriarchy blooms.

A few of my recently married (women) friends really looked forward to being "Mrs. ______." I think the name change reinforces the legitimacy of the relationship and is seen as proof of a serious commitment to the marriage. It seemed like they were voluntarily abandoning a part of their identities, especially when they omitted their first names from their new titles. They were so excited about it. My friends are not submissive, stupid, shallow, or any other nasty stereotype, but they changed their names explicitly for the sake of tradition.

I know that people change their last names when they marry for a variety of understandable reasons but more often than not those reasons are still unashamedly patriarchal*. I like the point that this guy was trying to be considerate, not make a statement.

We tell each other that the name change isn't degrading but we do all we can to prevent the groom from doing it. We tell the bride the Big Day is all about her while simultaneously performing a ceremony that originated in the transfer of ownership of a woman from her father to her husband. Judges marry people instead of preachers but the bride still wears a white dress. References to obedience are removed from the vows but the bride's parents still "give her away."

[Note: Of course I know not all weddings are like this. I'm just mentioning a trend I've noticed.]

*I'm doing it to show I love him, That's just the way things have always been, It doesn't feel like we're really married if I don't do it, etc.

I just changed my first name a few months back, and the actual legal name change was easy. The strange part has been changing everything else: driver's license, bank, school, etc.

Every time I go to fix my name, I always get the same reaction: "Congratulations!"

Everyone thinks I'm registering a name change because I got married and change my name to that of my (non-existent) husband!

I changed my first name back in 2000 (pre-9/11) in Pennsylvania.
step 1: get college ID card based on the name I told them
step 2: 'lose' my SS card and need a new one, use my new college ID as proof of who I am
step 3: take college ID and SS card to get DL, Passport, etc.

roundabout, but cost no more than the normal fees for a new DL or Passport.

I am from India- in some parts of India- some decades back- women used to change their first as well as last name when they got married!!! Its like a rebirth, I suppose!! Our great Hindu religion must have had some justification for telling a woman that she is just a newborn once she gets married!! Sigh sigh...

Thankfully don't see it any more. I didn't change my last name and neither did most of my friends- but sometimes, when applying for joint loan etc. - you have to give marriage certificate. To prove that the couple is married. Its not a law- but it just makes life easier.

Ugh!

I think it's strange some states make you ammend your birth certificate. It's like re-writing history. I got married in Florida and they didn't change my birth certificate, just my social security card. It didn't cost anything, but I did have to show my marriage license. It was easy and they said I could change it however I wanted. For example, though my mother just dropped her middle name when she married (a very long time ago) I chose to keep all my names. I made my maiden name a second middle name and took my husband's last name. I make a point to fill out all documents with all four names too, because they are all important to me. Once you change your social security card it is very easy to change everything else. Funny, the credit card company didn't ask to see any documentation, they just took my word for it that my name had changed.

Mostly I did it because I want to have children, and I want us all to have the same last name - just like the father in Nebraska.

I hate how women are expected by Western society to change their last name otherwise their COMMITMENT to their husband and 'new family' is questioned.

I'm lucky that I come from a particular Asian background where this name changing tradition is unheard of and when broached - frowned upon (in a 'why do they do that, your name is your identity?!').

However unfortunately, since I come from Australia, the dominant culture will force me to (re: commitment).

The main thing that escapes me about this is that, if someone chose to change their name, regardless of marriage, it would be perfectly OK. People change their names by deed poll all the time.

The reason for the husband changing his name should be irrelevant.

When I got married, I was rather keen on changing my name to my wife's, but she really didn't want me to. I didn't bother asking why, that was what she wanted. We both wanted her to keep her last name. My comment is always "I fell in love with Ms K. I have no idea who Mrs GoodGravey is. Don't really want to."

Then there are people who keep their own names, but the sons take the father's surname and the daughters take the mother's. In today's society, we ought to be free to do as we please when it comes to such matters. Yet we still seem bound by archaic and patriarchal crap. I for one would like to see it smashed to the ground.

That's why its called a NORM. The social order likes it and is cool with it.

My dad took my mother's name when they got married in 81. His name was a swear word though, so maybe that's why nobody kicked up a fuss...

When this topic came up in a Literature and Gender class that I took, I happened to mention that my fiance would probably take my last name when we married. One guy could not let it go, and insisted that either I was a ball-buster or my fiance was an emasculated pansy or both. There was shockingly little support from anyone else, male or female, in the class. It was a depressing and degrading experience to be arguing gender equality by myself.

Most hilarious argument that was presented, by both a man and a woman, in favor of the status quo: "What about men who are the last of their line? This would make their name die out. They would lose their heritage and identity." Which would be a fine argument for an *individual* man keeping his last name, but not an argument for a woman to change hers to his. It was most hilarious because they seemed utterly oblivious to the fact that many women, including myself, are the last of their family names, as well. They couldn't seem to wrap their heads around the idea that it's also sad when a *woman* has to lose her heritage and identity.

How do people feel about Miss and Mrs.? (I question the use of Ms, whose benefit is it really, the addressor of the addressee?)

It seems unfair that Mrs. demands more respect does it not? That an un-married women is less respectful and is less respected.

Would you change your title (when filling out forms etc) if you got married but chose not to change your last name?
It seems interesting that perhaps the change of title affects the need to change the last name and vice versa.

In the state of Oregon, the marriage license allows both husband and wife to choose any name they wish to use after they are married. That document makes the name change legal. My husband took my name and with the marriage license he was able to get his name changed at the Social Security office, the DMV, the Veteran's Administration, the college he attends, etc. But, we could have both chosen to use Rumpelstiltskin if we had wanted.

Under common law, an American can change their name by simply adopting a new one, without a judicial procedure. Court orders are for directing the government to update your identification documents.

Though our federal government has procedures to change your name on your Social Security card and passport without a court order or marriage certificate (but with a lot of documentation), some state governments like Nebraska won't alter an existing drivers license or birth certificate without a court order or a marriage certificate.

Contra Nebraska Vital Statistics, Josh Ristow did supply his legal name on baby Claire's birth certificate: Since he changed his Social Security card, as far as the federal government is concerned, that name is his legal name. He need not fret about his tax returns; the IRS won't care what name he pays his taxes under as long as his Social Security Number is correct.

My parents both kept their names when they got married. I have my mom's last name, with my dad's as a second middle name, while my brother is the other way around. According to my mom, their primary reason for doing this was to screw with people. I've always been attached to my full name and couldn't imagine changing it for any reason (I'm a woman).