I'm addicted to 'What Would You Do?', and I found this segment very interesting. It's very telling to see people's honest reactions without their knowledge of the cameras vs. the answers they give after the host reveals himself and asks them questions.

I wouldn't know what to do in this situation. I would be incredibly uncomfortable, but you never know if the abuser is packing heat and going to turn on *you*! Are we always supposed to call the police? If so, how does ABC know that's not what people did when they left?

Maybe if they gave us helpful advice as to what to *do* in the situation, we bystanders could start to change our behaviour in situations like this.

I was not really aware of this show (although this is the second time this week I have read about it), but it seems like something well worth watching. I gather I can watch past segments online, something I might do even this weekend.

As Lizzy says, I don't know what I would do in this or any of their situations. I would like to think I would step up, but that's not been my past history. You really don't know how dangerous a situation in the real world can get (I have heard of the abuser and abused suddenly joining forces against an outside intervention). In the case of a woman being abused in a restaurant, I would hope I would get up and talk to the restaurant's manager, suggesting he/she call the police. If the manager did not act, then I think it would be appropriate to call the police. Contacting the cops might not be the "manly" thing to do, but it might be the best long run action.

About Lizzy's question about whether patrons called the police, I would assume ABC would have mentioned it if the police showed up. But I didn't see the segment, so I don't know what happened.

I think the way the man is dressed has a lot to do with whether or not to lay hands on him. People in suits are feared. They have the whole power of the state behind them at all times. People sitting in that restaurant are taught all day to cower before men in suits who are their bosses, who are their politicians. You touch a guy in a suit, even to stop someone else from being battered, prepare to be financially ruined and thrown in jail. Prepare to lose your job and risk the welfare of your family. People say class doesn't exist in the United States, I think it's abundantly clear that this is the sort of class training we are given from the moment we enter the workforce. It trains us to be cowards in front of men in suits.

I haven't watched the second clip yet, but from the first I'm having this really odd mixed reaction. On the one hand, it was heartening to see the groups of people gathering to defend the woman...and on the other, I have this nagging feeling that there's something I should be examining about the fact that she becomes a Damsel in Distress. It feels like it's still a potent cultural trope to come to a woman's rescue, and in the video's case it seems to have been a positive thing. But I can't help wondering if anyone would step in to protect a man from his abusive girlfriend, or his boyfriend for that matter. I find the WWYD segments really interesting but they always raise more possible scenarios that I wonder how they would have gone.

It's interesting that in the black couple, the boyfriend is obviously black, while the girlfriend is racially ambiguous....I don't know that I'd immediately assume she was anything, and she could have told me she was white, black, Hispanic, or mixed, and I'd believe her. The reaction is likely more to HIS race than hers. Not so much not caring about the black woman, but being afraid of the black man. There's an assumption that when confronted, white men are easier to fight and less likely to pull a weapon than black men (I can recall certain white male friends even now, and even more in high school, immediately asking 'is he white, black or Mexican?' if I say that another man is annoying me or harassing me).

And ho boy, the women saying she looked like a prostitute. Revealing, sure, but no more shocking than what any college girl, maybe even high school girl, might wear to a party on Friday night. Nice to know that if I'm wearing jeans and get hurt, I'm a victim, but if I want to look sexy once in a while, it's clearly my fault and no one would help. >.< Not too sure if I'm the intervening type, but I can't imagine watching a girl cry alone at a table for 15 minutes or more and not doing ANYTHING but call her a hooker!

I don't really know how I would react because I'm painfully shy, but of course after watching this I like to think I'd go over to talk to the woman if she ended up alone. I *do* know that I wouldn't care what she looked like. Whether or not I'd go over when the couple was engaged would probably depend more on my impression of the guy.

I've never seen this situation in public myself, but what I HAVE seen is mothers hit and verbally abuse their small children in public and I have found myself absolutely unable to intervene. There are several reasons why I held back the impulse to say or do something in those situations: I was truly afraid of the mother. I was afraid that drawing more attention would make the mother more angry and take it out on the child. I was afraid of being told - even by other also-silent people around me - that it isn't my business, it isn't my child. I still remember these situations, I still feel bad that I didn't do anything.

But what do you do? Are there any suggestions or protocols for witnessing the abuse of a child in public, whose name you don't even know?

*I say mothers because I have only ever seen mothers do this. But I'm not trying to say fathers don't also do it.

If the dress (which isn't even that provocative) is the reason, that's absolutely sickening and shows that the Madonna/whore dichotomy is alive and well.

For those who wondered what to do and feared intervening in person: as a former battered wife, it's my feeling that calling the police is probably the more helpful course of action anyway. A concerned stranger who steps in will probably be quickly forgotten, stopping the abuse in the moment but offering no long-term help, but once the police are involved, the batterer (in a situation like that in the video) will likely be arrested, the victim will have access to protection, medical treatment, counseling and legal assistance; or, at the very least, there will be a police record of the incident. So, although I don't want to discourage anyone from also intervening directly if so inclined, please, if you see a situation like the one in the video, call the police.

I saw a post about this show on a different website. the clips there were what happens when a restaurant refuses to serve a gay or lesbian couple and their children. Not much difference whether the couple were gay or lesbian; at one point bystanders turned away from a crying child who stood by their table and said "we have to leave because he's being mean"

I am so nosy that I would have stopped the boyfriend regardless of who he was. Race or how someone is dressed does not cross my mind when someone is in need. I see people ignoring people who need help all the time.
From my experience, it tends to be white people who try to ignore people who need help. Especially when I am volunteering at a hospice or at the campus gym. If a handicapped person walks into the lobby before or after a white patron, they ignore them and push pass them--90% of the time. It sucks, but I will leave the front desk unattended (which is a big "no, no!") if it means I am helping someone out. :o)

I can understand the fear that the abuser might turn and attack you as legitimate, but really - we're talking about a living, breathing, human being who is being abused before your very eyes. Are people really unable to take a hit to protect someone else, or at least try to protect? Interveners, unlike most victims, will likely press charges and get his ass out of her life for a little while (depending on how strict the state that they live in is). I'm not trying to judge or anything, I just don't share the same mindset, so it's hard for me to understand I guess. I've spoken up or stepped in for many things in my life (never witnessed abuse though) and I was hit only once. I'm short, not very broad, and really am not much of a fighter, but I have never been able to sit by and watch something go down. Being hit doesn't deter me.

An interesting variation of these scenarios would be if they had a guy abuse his girlfriend, and then a guy abusing his dog. And, I'm not someone who thinks that dogs are less important than humans, but you'd be surprised to see the same people who sit quietly in anguish while a woman is abused wouldn't hesitate to lay it down for a dog. I've wondered what it takes to cause that. I thought it could be that the victim can't defend his/herself, but that doesn't hold true when the victim is a child and "belongs" to the parent like a pet does. So I don't really know what it is...

This just reminded me of an experience I had once. I was walking through the business district of a downtown area of a big American city on my way home in the afternoon and saw someone beating a homeless person in the middle of the sidewalk. There were tons of people around but no one seemed to be doing anything. Being small and female, with no possible weapons nearby, I didn't stop them, but I did immediately pull out my cell phone and call the police, and hover nearby to make sure that the police came and helped him. Intervening would probably have only gotten ME beaten, which wouldn't have really helped at all, but the police are trained and equipped to deal with these circumstances. The only instances where I think immediate intervention would be necessary is if the victim seems to be seriously hurt or if one was in a neighborhood where the police were slow and/or not likely to show up.

If I was there I would be extremely hesitant to help out the women, simply because I'm also afraid for my well being. I'm not going to get involved in this and then regret ever stepping in because the guy pulls out a gun or the situation gets escalated.

intelligent commentary and social analysis here aside, am i the only one who was completely horrified by those goddamned images of rihanna again and that awful british psa about violence?! holy crap, triggering.

I have heard of incidents when the person stepping in was the one who was prosecuted. The abused partner stood by the abuser in court and the poor guy who stepped in got charged. Everyone knew what had happened, even the police, but they had to follow legal procedures. I would have to say just call the cops.

I observed something similar (but real) in a lower class of situation while at uni. After a night out with friends a couple of us went to a burger bar on the way home around 2am; it was pretty crowded and on the other side of the room there was a young woman hunched over a table with a man standing over her. He hit her on the back a few times and I think she was crying. A guy stepped in and said something like "you don't have to do that" only for the boyfriend and another large man to start beating the crap out of him.

It was not a comfortable situation. I don't remember now what happened after - I know the police are out on that street to break up bar fights but I don't know if they were brought in for this or if they just found those guys fighting outside. I feel bad now for not doing anything, but I was a little drunk and a lot frightened and I didn't know what to do.

I don't understand the reasoning for going to the trouble of taking screenshots of text on another website, splicing down the images and posting the segments that way. It makes the content completely inaccessible to a lot of people, and it's more work to do than just copying the text itself. Why was this done?