I like that. You could argue that the dominant model of masculinity is more punishing of deviance than the one for femininity -- though it depends on the kind of deviance and who's doing the punishing, I guess. Paula England wrote a review of the "gender revolution" in which she pointed out that women have changed more than men, at least on the things we commonly measure (occupation, education, family patterns, etc.) : http://familyinequality.wordpress.com/2010/04/06/in-education-gender-integrationand-stall/

It's also like that with clothes. It's seen as sexy and cool when a heterosexual woman wears a suit or tie. Yet when a heterosexual man wears women's clothes, people make fun of him and tease him about being a "faggot" or something.

for the male gender, sexism and homophobia go together.

Seems to be going along with the notion that male things are the standard and for everyone, while feminine things are marked and only for women.

While women are still expected to be feminine, and men masculine, pants have been appropriated for women's wear while men don't wear skirts without risking a lot of ridicule. This is because it's better to be male than female. A woman doing male things is trying to be like the better sex; why would a male person degrade himself with female things?

Of course, someone like Elena Kagan gets derided for being too masculine, but being masculine is the only direction it's even possible to go. Do we have any male public officials who anyone would consider "feminine?" Even someone like Barney Frank, who is openly gay, still has a masculine gender presentation. Women in power can't win anyway. If they are too pretty people don't take them seriously; if they are too ugly or masculine, people whine about how ugly or masculine they are. It's representative of the sexism still rampant in our culture that anyone even cares what she looks like or how she wears her hair.

I think that a lot of parents today would be less worried if their children like playing with toys that are not coded for their genders than they were in 1974, but still more worried about boys doing this than girls. It's pretty okay these days for a girl to be a tomboy, but not for a boy to be a "sissy."

It's interesting that the cut-off for boys to start adhering to gender norms starts earlier than for girls, in this case. The "problem" girl is 9, but the "problem" boy is only 7...but he is still far more worrisome, apparently. I'm under the impression that usually girls are expected to grow up/mature/fall in line faster, while boys are allowed to remain childish well into adulthood, and it's striking that gender-policing seems to be an exception to this other "rule."

What a missed opportunity to respond "Sounds like you have two healthy kids with varied interests."

Another injustice of this response is that gay males do not exclusively do 'girly' things nor want to be girls, themselves. Movies love to portray every gay man as a drag queen who swishes around, has a lisp and lives for Broadway reviews. The truth is, the behavior of gay men is as varied and different as anyone else may be. Gay men are just as likely to enjoy traditionally masculine things as any man, but you don't hear about the ones who do anywhere near as often because they aren't "obviously" homosexual in their behavior or mannerisms, except in privacy where it's no one else's business.

What's more likely for children like this boy is not that he's potentially gay, but that he identifies himself as female, making him an MtF transgender. Given the common trends of transphobic behavior and reactions, Landers would probably consider being gay to be a less horrifying possibility; it's small wonder that it wouldn't be considered as even a possibility.

I saw a story much like this The Week a couple years ago, that still haunts me for how wrong and misinformed it was. It involved two twin 4-year-old boys: one every bit the straight masculine stereotype, and one that wanted to wear dresses and play with dolls and make-up; there were no other women in the family but their mother. Although the story's main emphasis was on wondering how identical twins could differ so much, both the piece's author and the parents considered the second child's behavior as likely homosexual. It wasn't. It's transgendered, and she's going to grow up in an environment of being told she's something she's not. Even if the parents tell her it's okay to be gay, that's not the issue (transgenders attracted to the same gender they identify as are the minority) and it's only going to be profoundly confusing and retarding to the child to be comfortable with her own nature.

What's wrong about playing with dolls? I did it all the time when I was little, and I still like dolls.

She does say "You may have TWO problems", so she isn't particularly accepting or encouraging the girl's experimentation with boy-coded things.