Flashback Friday.
Heather L. sent us a link to a business called The Occasional Wife. It’s slogan: “The Modern Solution To Your Busy Life.” The store sells products that help you organize your home and office, and provides all kinds of helpful services to support your personal goals.
There are two things worth noting here:
First, the business relies on and reproduces the very idea of “wife.” As the website makes clear, wives are people who (a) make your life more pleasurable by taking care of details and daily life-maintenance (such as running errands), (b) organize special events in your life (such as holidays), and (c) deal with work-intensive home-related burdens (such as moving), all while perfectly coiffed and in high heels.
But, the business only makes sense in a world where “real” wives are obsolete. Prior to industrialization, most men and women worked together on home farms. With industrialization, all but the wealthiest of families relied on (at least) two breadwinners. In the 1950s, the era to which this business implicitly harkens, Americans were bombarded with ideological propaganda praising stay-at-home wives and mothers (in part to pressure women out of jobs that “belonged” to men after the war). Since then, women have increasingly participated in wage labor. Today, the two parent, single-earner family is only a minority of families.
So, in our “modern” world, even when there is a wife in the picture, there’s rarely a “wife.” But, as the founder explains, it’d sure be nice to have one:
See, she was his wife, but not a wife.
Of course, this is nothing new. Tasks performed by wives have been increasingly commodified (that is, turned into services for which people pay): for example, house cleaning, cooking, and child care. This business just makes the transition in reality explicit by referencing the ideology. The fact that the use of the term “wife” works in this way (i.e., brings to mind the 1950s stereotype) in the face of a reality that looks very different, just goes to show how powerful ideology can be.
Originally posted in 2009; the business has grown from one location to four.
Lisa Wade, PhD is an Associate Professor at Tulane University. She is the author of American Hookup, a book about college sexual culture; a textbook about gender; and a forthcoming introductory text: Terrible Magnificent Sociology. You can follow her on Twitter and Instagram.
Comments 41
Philip Cohen — June 23, 2009
And in compliance with employment laws, this outfit will not discriminate by gender in hiring its staff, right? Why should the wife need to be a woman?
Mr. Kedi — June 23, 2009
i hate to say this but it is very intresting they leave out the sex part. always thought (talking from the mysogynic perspective, depressingly) that the biggest duty of the wife is to make her husband's penis happy...
or else (side tracker) why is there an abstienence movement, telling the girl to save themselves for their husband?
Nick — June 23, 2009
In our area we have a handyman called "Husband for a Day" who has helped out at our house on occasion. A related concept at least.
Jennifer — June 23, 2009
@Mr. Kedi
I wondered the same thing. Maybe that's why they call it the "girlfriend experience" when it involves intimacy and the "occasional wife" when it comes to housework. Perhaps it's because, when a girlfriend becomes a wife, she is no longer responsible for the bedroom duties and they pass on to the new girlfriend?
Vidya — June 23, 2009
I hope they're open to same-sex 'marriage', because I could really use this service. :-p
And yes, I found the erasure of sex from the 'wifely' role here interesting. I'm sure if I told my (male, straight) roommate he could purchase an 'occasional wife', that would be his first expectation.
Barbie — June 23, 2009
I love how she's holding up a martini like it's the Holy Grail. Also, the wife in their logo is white, thin, and happy to be where she is... The ideal woman, right? It looks like if she were a real person, she would tip over in a slight breeze.
I'm from New Orleans, and I really want to tell these women (Yes! This company was started and is run by women!) something.
AR — June 23, 2009
I was immediately reminded of this feminist essay.
When you look at the historic institution of marriage and the position of women in society, why shouldn't "wife" be used as it is being used here? Swap the definitions around and most historical uses of the word would be unchanged! One might just as well stop using wife to refer to married females as to change the effective definition of wife to something less sexist.
md — June 23, 2009
This post reminded me of a book that came out a few years ago:
The Meaning of Wife by Anne Kingston
http://www.harpercollins.ca/book/index.aspx?isbn=9780002000130
@ Nick, I have also seen the "hubby hire" handymen in my area.
Its sort of as if because now the gender roles are becoming sort of blurred, there are expectations that we are all superwomen and supermen: women don't just have to run a perfect home, but they also have to have a career and earn money. Men don't just have to go to work and come home and read the paper in the evening and maybe cut the grass on a Saturday.. they also have to pick the kids up from day care and drop them off at soccer, help with the housework etc..
These sort of services are appealing because it lets people admit that they can't do everything and that its okay for a woman to need a bit of help from a "wife" who can organise your clutter, or for a man to need a "husband" to fix the toilet!
Why I (Don’t) Want A Wife [Wifely Duty] | GOSSIPGOSSIP.INFO — June 24, 2009
[...] Sociological Images brings us screenshots of and explanation on The Occasional Wife, which promises to “Organize Your… Home, Office, Projects, Events, Everyday Life.” Services offering embody “holiday decorating and un-decorating,” “preparing a home for a baby and childproofing a home,” and “anything you do not have time for.” Sociological Images willingly explains: First, the commercial operation relies on and reproduces the unequivocally thought of “wife.” As the website creates clear, wives have been people who (a) have your hold up some-more silken by receiving caring of sum and every day life-maintenance (such as using errands), (b) classify special events in your hold up (such as holidays), and (c) understanding with work-intensive home-related burdens (such as moving), all in whilst ideally coiffed and in high heels! [...]
06.24:top.10.reads « must be spoken, made verbal, and shared. — June 24, 2009
[...] Sociological Images » Wouldn’t A Wife Be Great!?. [...]
Matthew Yglesias » Endgame — June 24, 2009
[...] — Wife-as-slave. [...]
neil wilson — June 24, 2009
In Islam you really can have a temporary wife. You can have up to 4 wives at a time and you can use a temporary wife to take care of ALL of your needs.
http://www.al-islam.org/encyclopedia/chapter6a/8.html
I believe the link is written by Muslims. I also know Wikipedia has something on this but I haven't bothered to search for it
Vidya — June 24, 2009
"These sort of services are appealing because it lets people admit that they can’t do everything and that its okay for a woman to need a bit of help from a “wife” who can organise your clutter, or for a man to need a “husband” to fix the toilet!"
It's the old servant-help model under a new guise, I suppose. The new 'spousal' names obscure the class issue for those who would be horrified to think themselves the sort to have visiting 'servants', as is still common in many countries (e.g., India).
New York: day 20 « My stomach may never be the same — June 24, 2009
[...] 24, 2009 · Leave a Comment I think this is not such a bad idea. A good alternative to same-sex [...]
Why I Want a Wife « Modern Mitzvot — June 24, 2009
[...] 24, 2009 by Julie The picture won’t fit here, but Sociological Images has a post up about The Occasional Wife – a business that sends out (I’m assuming) women to clean homes, organize offices, and [...]
Mac Mintaka — June 24, 2009
I find this fascinating because I have sat and watched two different couples have this very conversation and needing a "wife" to do this very work.
This "wife" concept is still going strong in our middle-class-white culture, it seems.
Wants One — June 26, 2009
@Mac Mintaka - I've had this conversation with my husband, when seeing a 50's/60's movie I was like, "I want a wife!" Man, to have dinner done when you're home from work...priceless.
And I agree they help us admit we can't do it all, which I think is difficult in this day and age. But we all have our own strengths and weaknesses, and can't do everything.
Also, I have to admit, when I first read the ad, I thought it was a great idea, even with the name :) My feminist nature must be slipping!
Julia — June 28, 2009
My mother used to tell me she loved it when I came home for college breaks because it was "like having a wife" - meaning I had dinner ready when she got home from work.
~SerendipityCat~ » Lyst til å leie en kone en gang i blant? — July 6, 2009
[...] om “Occasional Wife” ble funnet via Sociological Images) Jeg håper at mennene er redde for å få en kjæreste, kone, samboer som de ufrivillig selv [...]
Korean Sociological Image #11: When you REALLY need a man… « The Grand Narrative — July 6, 2009
[...] Jeez, where to start? Okay, probably the first thing to mention is, well, the second thing that the article instantly reminded me of, and that was that by coincidence the blog Sociological Images that inspired this series of posts recently had a post about a New Orleans business called The Occasional Wife. As author Lisa explains there: [...]
heather leila — August 14, 2009
So, just next to The Occasional Wife, a store called Queen on the Scene has opened up. This could also lead to some good discussion on where homosexual men fit into a domestic sphere- and where they don't. Check out the store's logo:
http://heatherleila3.blogspot.com/2009/08/occasional-queen.html
What is the “Traditional” Age of Marriage? » Sociological Images — October 18, 2009
[...] see: everyone needs a wife and what does “traditional marriage” look like? 1 Comment Tags: age/aging, [...]
Sociological Images Update (Nov. 2009) » Sociological Images — December 1, 2009
[...] Dmitriy T.M. sent us another example of services being marketed as “wife” or “husband” services. [...]
Quick hit: the gender binary fractal in geekdom | Geek Feminism Blog — January 9, 2010
[...] thus: The gender binary–that is, the rule that everything (oh animals, jobs, food, kleenex, housework, sound, games, deordorant, love and sex, candy, vitamins, etc) gets split into male and [...]
Sociological Images Update (Jan. 2010) » Sociological Images — February 1, 2010
[...] Jessica H. sent us another example of a business marketing its services with gender: The Occasional Wife, and The Handy Husband and, Jessica’s find, Boyfriend for Hire. [...]
Like Goldfish: The Sexual and Cultural Revolution in Ôoku, Vols. 3 & 4, Part 3 « The Lobster Dance — May 15, 2011
[...] about masculinity in modern US and Japanese society as evidence to the contrary. The idea that the popular form of masculinity of the 1980s (and 1950s) is outdated and represses men is slowly gaining some ground [...]
chellax — May 20, 2011
I owe the beauty of my kitchen to property maintenance adelaide, with the way they fixed it...it's really amazing
Wouldn’t A Wife Be Great!? - Treat Them Better — January 16, 2015
[…] Wouldn’t A Wife Be Great!? […]
fork — January 16, 2015
This doesn't seem all that different from housecleaning outfits. Sure, they offer additional services, but it's the same idea, with the same problems with exploitation and gendered power differentials.
Barbara Ehrenreich did a stint as a maid for Nickel and Dimed, as did Jan Wong in Canada. I think Ehrenreich summarized it well:
"Housework was not degrading because it was manual labor, as Friedan thought, but because it was embedded in degrading relationships and inevitably served to reinforce them. To make a mess that another person will have to deal with -- the dropped socks, the toothpaste sprayed on the bathroom mirror, the dirty dishes left from a late-night snack -- is to exert domination in one of its more silent and intimate forms. One person's arrogance -- or indifference, or hurry -- becomes another person's occasion for toil. And when the person who is cleaned up after is consistently male, while the person who cleans up is consistently female, you have a formula for reproducing male domination from one generation to the next."
"But, the business only makes sense in a world where “real” wives are obsolete."
"So, in our “modern” world, even when there is a wife in the picture, there’s rarely a “wife.”"
No, we still have "real wives". Your definition of wife is about the work she does or is expected to do, not whether she works outside the home or not. We still have the expectation that women will do those tasks, even if they have jobs or their partners are unemployed. In Mad Men, while Betty didn't work outside the home, she still had a maid, Carla. Yeah, I know it's a TV show, but it's consistent with what we know happens IRL:
" In Domesticity and Dirt: Housewives and Domestic Servants in the United States, 1920-1945, Phyllis Palmer cites a 1937 Fortune survey showing "70 percent of the rich, 42 percent of the upper middle class, 14 percent of the lower middle class, and 6 percent of the poor reported" hiring help."
a — January 16, 2015
it's/its error
GKK — January 16, 2015
My grandmother uses a very similar service. They do the same things listed here. It is called 'Dial a Daughter' and is marketed to the elderly. Some people in my family have half-joked that there ought to be another such service, where they do handyman stuff, wash cars, move furniture about, set up the new DVD player, and other 'masculine' household chores, and that one ought to be called 'Summon a Son.'
sonia — January 16, 2015
Ha!Ha! this advertisement is really interesting. I'm from India where definition of roles between genders used to be clear until about 10-15 years ago. Now things are changing considerably and working wives in urban households may not carry the same burden their counterparts did in the past. However this is largely because a new trend is emerging in home care and home making. (which sadly because of patriarchal bias is demarcated by and has always included and continues to include many physically and mentally fatiguing and frustrating tasks) Now a days it is very common, in middle class and upper middle class urban homes with working mothers, to have full time 'help'(almost always women) who stay with and work for the household throughout the year (going back to their own homes for just about a month each year) at a fee. While the employer (wife) is freed from many chores as she goes about taking on new tasks while going about the job of making money to supplement the household income, the employee (wife) leaves her home to take on new tasks too and is thus freed from her daily chores to also make money to supplement the household income. It is also interesting to see that this employee wife becomes partly a surrogate wife and mother to the children in her employer's home while she gives up being able to do the same for her own family back home. So to a large extent the new capitalistic economies of the world seem to help liberate women while also reinforcing the old stereotypes in a bizarre way.
Zornitsa Hristova — January 17, 2015
In Bulgaria, there is the opposite service - rent-a-husband: http://www.saprugpodnaem.com/
It's basically a one-man enterprise, from what I've heard (it was commented upon in the radio) and mostly offers help in home repairs. The man was asked once to escort a lady to a wedding so she would shut the relatives up.
Wouldn’t a[n] [occasional] wife be great!? (feimineach) — January 17, 2015
[…] sociological images: There are two things worth noting […]
Hazel Stone — January 19, 2015
A similar agency and concept has existed in the UK since 1921: http://www.universalaunts.co.uk/. The history tab is particularly worth reading as it has one of the early adverts. The major difference is that this service was originally run by, and for the upper-middle and upper classes, where unmarried aunts were expected to provide minor (or not so minor) services to the rest of the family.
This expectation about unmarried women still exists in some countries today. I live in Ireland and know of an unmarried (and un-partnered and childless) woman, call her Sarah (name changed to protect her privacy), who had spent many years caring for her elderly mother. When her mother died she assumed that she would then be free follow her dreams and go to art school. However, shortly afterwards an elderly aunt developed dementia. Her family told Sarah she was expected to move in with the aunt and care for her. Sarah’s brother, who was also childless and single, was not expected to pitch in and help. The
story has a happy ending. With support from her friends Sarah stood up to her
family, refused to provide full-time care and went to art college. She is now
one of Ireland’s leading young artists.
Nora Reed — January 19, 2015
I saw an ad for this on a streetcar in New Orleans once (or for a similar service) and a middle age dude standing next to me points at it and says "cheaper than an actual wife, eh?" (I was not talking to him). I told him that my wife worked and he got incredulous (I am a woman) and then uncomfortable and found a seat so he didn't have to keep standing next to me as soon as he could
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