Flashback Friday.
The number crunchers at OK Cupid recently looked at how age preferences disadvantage older women on the site. First, the post’s author, Christian Rudder, points out, the distribution of singles is pretty matched by sex at most ages:
But that doesn’t necessarily mean that women and men of the same age are reaching out to one another.
Women at most ages state a preference to date men who are up to eight years older or eight years younger:
But men show a decided preference for younger women, especially as the men get older:And, Rudder notes, men target their messages to women even younger than their stated preference. In this figure, the greenest areas represent where men are sending more messages and the red areas are where they are sending less:
So, even though men and women are more-or-less proportionately represented on the site, men’s decided preference for younger women makes for many fewer potential dates for older women.
Here’s what the dating pool looks like for 21-year-olds (the blue = men seeking women who are 21; the pink = women seeking men who are 21):
For 25 year olds:
For 30 year olds:
Rudder offers this summary measuring how a person’s desirability changes over time:
He writes:
…we can see that women have more pursuers than men until age 26, but thereafter a man can expect many more potential dates than a woman of the same age. At the graph’s outer edge, at age 48, men are nearly twice as sought-after as women.
Thus opportunities for dating are shaped by the intersection of gender and age to the detriment of women over 26 and men under 26.
Originally posted in 2010.
Lisa Wade, PhD is an Associate Professor at Tulane University. She is the author of American Hookup, a book about college sexual culture; a textbook about gender; and a forthcoming introductory text: Terrible Magnificent Sociology. You can follow her on Twitter and Instagram.
Comments 89
Undefined — February 22, 2010
An effect of this kind have been widely documented cross-culturally and quite probably has a a sociobiological explanation. See esp. Buss's classic article "Sex differences in human mate preferences": http://mentor.lscf.ucsb.edu/course/fall2007/psyc007/buss.pdf. For criticisms of Buss's work, see esp. Buller "Adapting Minds" (I forget the relevant chapters; the whole book is fantastic).
Meems — February 22, 2010
As a single woman who is about to turn 26, this is just depressing.
Christian — February 22, 2010
The sociobiological explanation would be something like this:
Men that liked women over 40 over women aged 20 would have gotten hardly no children at all. They may have been happy or not, but could´nt transfer their gens, so a gen for liking women over 40 would die.
Men that liked women independent from their age would have gotten more kids if they had a women aged 18-30 than with a women 30 - 60
Men that liked women from 18-30 would have had more kids than both of the groups above because the women they like have the best chance of giving offspring.
So there is a bioligal advantage in liking women from 18-30. That means evoultion had a starting point. It would be rather surprising if there was nothing in our brains that would make use of this advantage. A mutation in men to like women in this age-range (18-30 = more fertile women) would spread easily through a population.
That this happend is also shown in women, who have a lot of features that make them appear younger, like big eyes, small noses, round cheeks and other signs of cuteness. If men liked younger females there is an evolutionary advantage for women to look young.
shale — February 22, 2010
Judging by the last graph, although there do seem to be a few extra prospects for men at older ages than women, it looks less like the odds are stacked against older women, and more like they are stacked in favour of younger women, who massively out perform older women, AND younger and older men.
That said, I think Phil pretty much sums up the issue. There are plenty of decent men out there interested in older women. What is disturbing is a significant proportion of older men that seem inordinately attracted to younger women. Important questions are: Who are these guys, and do the young women have the necessary where with all and means to deal with them?
nakedthoughts — February 22, 2010
but Phil is saying "I'm decent and I date women who are up to 7 years younger than me and only 2 years older than me" That fits with this data. it doesn't go against the data to prove that there are "decent" men. (whatever that means) I'm not saying Phil isn't decent, he may be kind, and honest, and a lovely dance partner or something. but even he still has this lens.
It is a larger social issue than that. It is socially acceptable for women to date older men (regardless of the original origins of this practice). It is much less socially acceptable for women to date younger men. If they do, they are "cougars" in it to consume the poor lad sexually. (and you wouldn't search for a cougar, they would search for you as they are "predatory")
Men should be taller, older and make more money. relationships happen outside of this model, but when they do, it is unique, different, and going against social norms.
jfpbookworm — February 22, 2010
Some thoughts:
I've used OKCupid, and that first graph of distribution of singles by age throws the whole thing off. If you're younger than 23, you're going to find that most of your matches are older; if you're over 25, they're going to be younger (and if you're over 30, they're significantly younger).
Basically, look at the last few graphs:
For women -
* The most common age of men who would date a 21-year-old is 24
* The most common age of men who would date a 25-year-old is 25
* The most common age of men who would date a 30-year-old is 27
For men -
* The most common age of women who would date a 21-year-old is 21
* The most common age of women who would date a 25-year-old is 24
* The most common age of women who would date a 30-year-old is 26
The reason desirability is seen as falling off is because the site is overwhelmingly 20-somethings, who tend to want to date other 20-somethings.
I mean, going off the graphs:
* A 21-year-old woman tends to attract men between 18 and 28 (and is interested in men between 20 and 28)
* A 25-year-old woman tends to attract men between 21 and 36 (and is interested in men between 24 and 33)
* A 30-year-old woman tends to attract men between 25 and 45 (and is interested in men between 28 and 37).
* A 40-year-old woman tends to attract men between 35 and 48+ (and is interested in men between 35 and 45)
In contrast:
* A 21-year-old man tends to attract women between 18 and 21 (and is interested in women between 18 and 25)
* A 25-year-old man tends to attract women between 19 and 26 (and is interested in women between 19 and 30)
* A 30-year-old man tends to attract women between 23 and 33 (and is interested in women between 22 and 35)
* A 40-year-old man tends to attract women between 33 and 47 (and is interested in women between 27 and 45)
What this data tells me is that, at least through age 45, women are finding themselves in the situation where they're getting interest from men who they consider to be too young or too old, while men don't attract interest from women they consider to be too old until they're almost 40. Hardly the "Christmas Cake" conclusion the original post makes.
Shorter version: this data really needs to be adjusted for the age of the userbase.
Kat — February 22, 2010
I don't get the green stuff. So a 34 year old man would message who? Every messages 18 year olds? What?
Brandon — February 22, 2010
I just saw Crazy Heart this weekend. This is all so real.
Kim Aginary — February 22, 2010
All I can say is "Eww eww eww", and that it reminds me awfully of <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HxZ2ibDWipw"this geek-rock song.
Kim Aginary — February 22, 2010
All I can say is "Eww eww eww", and that it reminds me awfully of this geek-rock song.
KarenS — February 23, 2010
This makes me wonder about the preferences of women seeking women and men seeking men. Or of either gender seeking both.
Or, A bisexual woman may seeks a range of men 5 years older and two years younger. Will her age range remain the same with regards to the women she's seeking?
Ani — February 23, 2010
i am so happy my 25 year old husband didn't want to have kids....some people know they wouldn't enjoy it.
i'm 41 with a 15 year old daughter. i remember when i was 36, and especially with a kid in tow, thinking "i'm done, nobody's gonna want me at this age"
if you are enjoying your life, hzve a big heart, and know how to have fun, i think there is still hope, no matter what age.
Ed — February 24, 2010
I think put more simply, jfpbookworm's point is that, since, say, 90% of the members are people in their 20s, this data may come from the fact that men are less discriminating about what ages they will message.
So if you send messages to 100 people on OKCupid *completely at random*, congrats, you have a 'preference' for young people.
Katherine — February 26, 2010
I would like to point out that evolutionary psychology (very often evolutionary psychobabble) is just a new, fancier name for the sociobiology that has been heavily - and effectively - criticized for 30+ years. I think its current wave of popularity is as much rooted in the persistence of eugenic discourse as it is in the gender essentialism it purports to dress up as 'science'. This need not necessarily mean that it is all BS...just that we need to be especially skeptical of claims about our biological/genetic destiny as humans.
Now, of course, critical sociology has not necessarily handled the body problem - i.e. the fact that we are both biological and social entities - all that well. But there is something of a renaissance of theory/research growing in the sociology of the body literature. I'm going to pass on sociobiology for now, and await the fruits of these new efforts.
In the end, any argument about *extremely complex social behavior* that rests on a single, linear causal claim, especially one that is so teleological is, in all probability, utterly insufficient.
Danny — February 27, 2010
First off, thanks for this excellent and interesting data.
Second, your analysis is strangely skewed. In particular, why does this post construe men as the only ones looking for people of a different age?
You make the nonsensical conclusion that it's only male preferences that create the mismatch:
"So, even though men and women are more-or-less proportionately represented on the site, men’s decided preference for younger women makes for many fewer potential dates for women"
What? Why do you suggest that it's men's preferences that's causing the problem?
If you look at the distribution for the dating pool for a 30 year old male, about 80% of his potential dating pool is younger than him. For a 25 year old it looks like 60-70% is younger. The 21 year old male shows more ability to date older than himself than other men, based on the graphs here. And the second graph shows a distinct preference for older males among females in their 20's. As a 25 year old guy, this fits with what I see around me.
I suppose that in a perfect world, it would be handily efficient for these graphs to match perfectly, thereby increasing everyone's chances. But the fact that it doesn't is not men's fault for preferring younger women, it's just a matter of mismatched preferences.
For what it's worth, I prefer to date people my own age and find it somewhat annoying that my available dating pool consists mostly of younger women (i.e., 25 year old women prefer to date 28-31 year old men ~ballpark). According to this data, this problem's only going to get worse as I get older, unless I learn to love the younger lasses to get the most out of my available dating pool.
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MaeBeaBaby — July 4, 2015
All these graphs just reinforce my belief that we humans and most of our cultures tend to worship youth and beauty automatically in a knee-jerk genetic reflex. Breeding-wise, that makes some sense, but to intellectually remain fixated on that dynamic into late adulthood is demonstrates an unwillingness to self-check our bias.
Mary — July 7, 2015
I've been on OKCupid. The problem isn't with men in general- it's with the creeptastic guys who tend to flock to the site. Women soon learn that there are too many scammers and predators, and bail.
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penguinApricot — July 15, 2016
Yes children. Men and Women are different. Sorry about that.
John Smith — February 15, 2018
I will soon be a 48 year old chronically unemployed virgin so the dating pool that would be interested in me would be so small as to be virtually nil
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Grig Woods — February 11, 2021
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Heaven — June 7, 2022
@ Meems
Don’t feel sad, most people get married around 27-32 and only date for about 1-3 years on average. Men for a short term relationship want young women around 18-23, but when it comes to a long term relationship, most men want women around 25-30 or older depending if they want kids or not. Just read what jfpbookworm posted. I didn’t have any men pay attention to me when I was 18-23 and I didn’t get engaged until 26.
Heaven — June 7, 2022
Some sources say men are most attractive to women in their mid twenties https://www.eurekalert.org/news-releases/869803
Heaven — June 7, 2022
I wonder this applies to all race because people say that African Americans age differently
indignant — May 19, 2023
Most guys are going to be attracted to younger women. Why? Because they are more attractive. Whether older men admit to being attracted to younger women or not they are still stealing glances at the hot young body at the gym or the beach. Just because we get older doesn't mean out attraction changes. And to be honest why should it. I treat every woman I date with dignity and respect no matter what their age is. Why should that be restricted to a specific age range relative to my own. And who's business is it If I'm 45 and dating a 25 yr old woman. She is more than capable of choosing who she wants to date.
Heaven — June 4, 2023
Not engaged anymore. A little sad, but also happy. Let’s say it didn’t work out for me and I’m asexual and aromatic.
Heaven — June 4, 2023
Plus he was a lot older then me and I think him being with a woman closer too is age is better. I discover that I prefer to be single late twenties woman.
Ps. Older men finding early 20s attractive doesn’t mean they will date or marry them. Most age gaps are small. Plus I said before “ Men for a short term relationship want young women around 18-23.”
Kayla — September 13, 2023
I'm a 23 yr old female, I prefer men between 28-35 since they have their stuff together more so than men my age. Many of my friends are the same way. One of my girlfriends got married recently. She's 25 an he's 36. Age gap dating is real. I think it's fine. During HS my bf was same age as me but after HS I have only dated older.
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