Fun Fact: In college I once had a date flat out ask me, "What, are you smart or something?" No second date.

we need to stop telling boys "You can succeed at anything" and tell them "Its ok to be lesser than other people"

I have a few thoughts about this:

1) I wonder how looks or more "traditionaly feminine success" play into men's insecurities.

I.E. Hillary Clinton and Sheryl Sandberg are successful in the "man's world" of politics and business. They directly compete with men for promotions, respect, etc.

What if the partner was more "trophy wife" successful, like a model, beauty queen or actress? Careers that are far less threatening to male dominance and superiority, as well, putting the value on her looks (modeling) and not her physical or mental capabilities. Would not the male partner feel like there is gain to be had in the "hot trophy wife" rather than career threat area?

I mean, it's all grossly sexist, I'm just curious how looks and gender roles play into success and insecurity.

2) I think the ease of women accepting the success of their partner plays into training from fairy tales.

Women are supposed to feel secure with a partner who is vastly more wealthy / smart / successful than them because they *chose* them. And that choosing signifies a binding kind of contract. The choosing itself is something to be cherished and not competed against.

For example, Cinderella, Snow White and Sleepign Beauty, when found by their respective princes had very little going their way. Cinderella and Snow white lived in poverty, while sleeping beauty was princess of a kingdom in dire trouble. Once they were chosen by their princes, we assume fidelity on teh princes part (happily ever after). No one questioned the princes getting a divorce and seeking out a princess who was wealthier and more literate.

We train women to see success in a partner AS a success of themselves. if you marry rich, his welth and power become yours. It is something to be shared.

We don't teach men and boys the same values of shared wealth. Women need to be "won". like amusement park prizes. Once she becomes successful in her own right, she no longer needs you to take care of her.

This is NOT my own experience. Intelligence and success in a woman to me is a big turn on.

Listen, George Bush was elected for a second term! He got the majority of the White Male vote. What do you expect? If you want the general population of men to be enlightened, then you are looking for disappointment.

Besides, if you just compare what men feel about the success or intelligence of women, without comparing how they feel about the success or intelligence of other men , you cannot come to an accurate conclusion about how men feel about smart/successful women. Where is the control data here?

Studies like these are simplistic generalizations. Statistically, they may be true, but that does not mean that they are revealing the whole picture. I bet you anything that men are threatened by anyone else's success, other than their own!

I assure you, a woman who is smarter, more successful, and more intellectually engaged than me, rises meteorically in my book. I long for intelligent conversations and for the wisdom success brings from the people I date. Maybe all those " badass women" out there who are inexplicably single are smart enough to stay away from losers who are threatened by them. Or maybe they are just as single as the "not so badass women" out there! Where is that data? But, my question is: Where are they? I want to meet them!

For those of us who are turned on by our partners success, can someone please start "OK Cupid, PhD"?

This is a bit less depressing to read if one is a lesbian.

Particularly interesting is, from what I can gather, men in general tend to be pretty vocal about disliking women who are ignorant, vapid, or airheaded. In fact, I hear men talk all day long about how they want a smart, strong, independent woman. Which means that men don't actually want a wife or girlfriend who is "stupid," they just want a woman who is smart, strong, and independent.....except compared to him.

Poke a dot dreams. We're out here. Most of us didn't choose to be smarter than the males in our dating pool and I for one was actually frightened upon learning of my superior IQ. Oh, my gosh, whose at the helm? If mine is one of the best brains around this world is in a lot of trouble because I don't know anything.

Mosf of us don't go through like feeling superior to others but we are often regarded as freaks.

It was a long time before I realized others didn't have total recall or couldn't think about several things at once so people had a hard time relating to me and vice versa. If I asked a question while someone was trying to concentrate for instance I was seen as annoying while being totally unaware others needed quiet to concentrate.

Sometimes the hardest thing about being intelligent is having to live among those who aren't.

And when a woman is beautiful as well, her chances for happiness are almost nil.

I find intelligence rather hot, but success I had to think about. I often enjoy the success of others, but sometimes I do have an initial negative feeling that I then have to mediate into something more positive. It seems to me that the closer you are to someone, the more strongly the context of that relationship and your pre-existing degree self-esteem in it determines your initial response. Perhaps we more consistently enjoy the success of others that we are not so close to, while our responses vary more with our siblings and colleagues, for example. It would be interesting to to do a similar trial with people in relationships other than marriage/partnerships and see whether the results still vary with gender. I am male, BTW.

Is this exclusive to heterosexual couples? I wonder if men are perhaps wired to judge themselves based on those around them? Do mens self esteem increase, decrease or stay the same when they find out about a friend or colleague's success and failures?

Has anyone actually read the article? It's a terribly limited research sample, and the analysis has strong shades of confirmation bias. The article is just adequate enough to get published, but really not good research at all.

What's really depressing is not the research content, but that the article got broadly featured in popular media (it was also featured in Slate and other similar websites), which is way more attention than it deserves.

May I offer a suggestion? The phrasing "The short story: men feel bad about themselves when good things happen to their female partners. Women’s self-esteem is unaffected" suggests (to my queer mind, anyway) that we are comparing men with female partners to women with female partners. Perhaps for clarity it could be changed to "The short story: men feel bad about themselves when good things happen to their (female) partners. Women’s self-esteem is unaffected" or "The short story: men feel bad about themselves when good things happen to their female partners. Women’s self-esteem is unaffected by the success of their male partners". Or just leave out the word "female" and let the previous mention of heterosexual relationships speak for itself.

LOL @ "Diverse internet sample".

Start with the self-selection of people taking surveys on the internet...

Back in undergrad I was in a relationship with a guy who was also a self-motivated, smart guy. But I was a little smarter than him and did a little better than him in most of our classes. It made him very insecure and he tried to overcompensate by becoming very controlling. Of course I had to end that relationship. Ive noticed, at least in the African American community, smart guys like dumb women (or at least a woman that is easily controlled and not as independent) and as your education level increases, your options decrease.

Weird. Intelligent, driven women are the ultimate aphrodisiac to me.

Maybe there IS an upside to senescence . . . !!!!!

Well, this certainly explains a LOT.

Can the men here *please* stop babbling about how they're turned on by intelligence? I'm pretty sure that the men who'll admit that they want a stupid partner is few and far between. Sadly, the men who'll let these intelligent women change their opinion of anything are even fewer, even as they are asking for intellectual conversations - that is, about their interests and with them being in the right.

I feel good about the success of my husband because a) I want only good things for him and want him to be happy and b) I know his success will be good for the both of us. Like some of you already said, a couple should really be a team rather than compete with each other, and that's how I feel and think it's sad if (some) men/people cannot think this way.

But maybe this difference in the responses of men and women to their partners success is truly just because men are generally more competitive than women. Even as a woman, I will admit that were we in the same field and competing for the same jobs etc. I might feel jealousy for my husband's successes. On the other hand, we did study some courses together, and I never minded that he got better marks than me. But then I knew I was better at something else and that we were both smart so a small difference in a test score was completely inconsequential. It is probably a hard thing for anybody to feel they are not as good as their partner, but a partners success shouldn't be interpreted in this way! If the men questioned had a good self esteem, they should be able to be proud and happy for their partner's success. And the same goes of course for women.

Also, one other cause for this difference between men and women can be that women are in general more emphatic than men (there are actual studies on this too, sorry don't have a reference now here though) making it easier for them to think about their partner's success from their partner's point of view, and therefore enjoy their partner's happiness instead of concentrating on themselves and feeling jealous or insecure.

I think there is a double standard at play here. As a dumb, unambitious man, I think it's about time women felt good around me.

What about the dual problem? What would happen if women see that their couple is dumb?

The first graph intrigues me. It's interesting that women showed a higher perceived self-esteem after hearing their partners scored well on an intelligence test. I wonder if this higher self-esteem in relation to the other option (partner scored poorly on the intelligence test) is a competitive reaction. Is it possible that the women surveyed were determined to think more highly of themselves after hearing that their partners tested intelligently?

this is a pretty bad bit of reporting, taking such a drastically negative conclusion out of this study makes me a bit annoyed. There are some interesting social psych implications made from her study and its disappointing to see that this is the only bit of news getting any mention. First off it's a miniscule difference in self-esteem and therefore at most on a subconcsious level. There were no outward signs of a loss of self-esteem or anything like that.

In the study it doesn't appear that it is just against women but that men are generally more competitive whether with their friends, colleagues what have you and that this may explain the subconscious decline in self-esteem when they see others succeed. The study discusses also why women feel a subconcious self esteem boost when their partners succeed. Possible reasonings given were men as bread winner sort of discussions. anyways check out the real study or some articles that include more than 1 graphic from a 15 page study... http://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/psp-a0033769.pdf or this article offers a bit more coverage of the actual study. http://www.boston.com/lifestyle/health/blogs/daily-dose/2013/09/03/men-self-esteem-may-suffer-when-their-female-partner-succeeds-study-suggests/yexyKCfEiF9ZvUEfvgNY6K/blog.html

Just gonna chuck this out there. I've been with the woman who is now my wife since we were 17. She's always done about the same as me academically, and earns more than me.
I don't care.
I love her.
Occasionally I do feel bad, because I feel like I'm not contributing as much to our financial security, and I would feel better if I was kicking in 50% of what we earn. I know that on those rare occasions I've been the sole breadwinner she's felt the same.
I know she's smart, and she's definitely funnier than me, and that makes me feel lucky. I'm proud that she'd choose to be with me, having someone like that love you back does wonder for your self esteem.
So remember, some guys are jerks, some are insecure, some are not. Same as women.

It amazes me that so many people ate this biased article up and spread it all over the internet without even questioning it.

1. As someone else said before, the research sample is very limited. Why only undergraduate students?
2. The study NEVER asks the men why they feel this way or how they feel about their responses.
3. I don't think a lot of you know what hypergamy is. Women are naturally more hypergamous than men because they tend to choose men that are more successful than they are. As a result, men try to earn as much money as possible in the hopes of getting women. This is why men feel bad when their partners succeed: if their partners make more, these men are afraid that their women would leave them.

In conclusion, it's NOT a matter of insecurity and sexism, as so many people here are insinuating. It's a matter of biology, something a lot of feminists don't seem to understand.

I really wish people would stop portraying men so negatively. This would never happen to women, so why is it fine to do it to men?

Made me laugh. I think it is instilled in men/boys early on - for example being rejected/dumped for lack of money/status will just do that to a man. Or to put it more bluntly, the more successful/independent women are always the most classist, stuck-up b....... Over time that (probably) affects people/men’s self esteem because they just don’t get it.

Boo fucking hoo.

I love smart women. I would be even more enamored by a women who is actually smarter than me. The problem is that most women already know how to use their womanhood to get things they want by manipulation. I don't mean this negatively, as many positive things can be done in such ways. The problem is that smart women who are also sexy (yes, I enjoy sexiness, sorry if that troubles you) tend to be FAR too good at manipulation. Now, this is just my experience. I'm sure this probably also differentiates by locale.

If I found a woman who was smarter than me that I was really attracted to and didn't cause me to constantly worry about being used, I would die happy. This has never happened, however. The smartest woman I was ever with nearly ruined my life. I'm now content dating women who may not be the intellectual cream of the crop.

Yes, most men are really that insecure. They are not only insecure, but deep down they know they are not as strong as you are, they know they are phony and they know they are not as smart as you are. However, on the surface they do anything to hide their weakness. Men do not accept who they really are, they always want to be more than they are. Men have high egoes. Ego survives only by comparison. The moment you come in their life, they will see you and they will start to compare themselves with you. They think that you are way above them. And this is the most difficult thing for a man to accept, a woman who is stronger and smarter than them. They feel that you take their power away. It is an illusory power because they simply do not accept who they really are. But, you won't be happy with insecure men anyhow. Trust me, better alone for life. Also, a true bright and intelligent person is never opinionated in public. A truly intelligent person keeps his/her opinions to himself/herself and acts upon them with no fear about any human being and with no dependence on anyone except God who is the only real creator of everything good. But many men also think they are bright while they only prove their stupidity or destructive behavior most of the time. Pride always goes before the fall. I wrote each word from personal experience.

A part of the general more aggressive treatment boys receive from one year onward to make them tough is the granting of love and honor only on some condition of some achievement, status, image, etc. Incidentally, this more aggressive , less supportive treatment is creating more failing boys and much less successful men. This whole treatment was designed to keep the esteem of boys and men low so they would keep trying and be more willing to give their lives in time of war for ounces of love and honor from society. This places a much higher premium on esteem and need for feelings of self-worth. Boys not achieving are given more ridicule and discipline to make them try harder. Support is not an option for fear of coddling boys. As boys grow, they learn to capitalize on their strengths and avoids any weaknesses, for those perceived weaknesses create more harshness and even abuse by others as is openly allowed by society. As they become men, they have grown adapt at various means of portraying some semblance of strength to ward off less respectful and more aggressive treatment from others. This makes it a much more tenuous position for boys and men who are dealing with girlfriends and wives who may be in a stronger position.
As for us as girls, we are given love and honor for being girls, regardless of our image and status. The more kind, stable, support we are given by parents, teachers, other, and society given us is creating many more successful women in the information age. This is greatly apparent in the African American Community where the differential treatment is most highly given. What is making it tougher for individual marriages is that: 1. As women the protection and support we are given has and maintained for us, much more freedom of expression to state our feelings, ideas, and even give forms of verbal, silent abuse, and hollow kindness with impunity. We have been doing this for so long, we may not think about it even during some moments where the Male is in a more weakened position. 2. Due to the false genetic models, we are not attuned to and not aware of the great differential treatment today that is creating more failing boys and men. 3. That same false, genetic model is creating both false feelings of superiority among those succeeding and false feelings of inferiority for those not succeeding. This mixture of feelings must create some tension in society, especially in areas where such genetics models are more highly valued (middle to upper class areas). 4. Society is also now creating both in public and the media a real belief, girls and women are smarter. This is creating many more real or imagined micro-abrasions for many boys and men who will tend to hold and accumulate more sensitivity and in time, real hurt from collective effects of those abrasions. 5. These abrasions will also collectively lower the threshold for resentment and more wariness for others, -yes girls and women individually. 6. This treatment then causes those boys and men with already low esteem and low feelings of self-worth to begin creating much more distance between themselves and the hurt they will begin to experience from any perceived negative treatment from his girlfriend or spouse and from their friends and family who, due to society’s open belief boys and men should be strong, will invariably treat those boys and men with less respect. When we understand the whys and the actions society uses almost religiously upon boys, breaking up or divorce becomes an almost certain outcome over time.
I fear the differential treatment still used by society along with false belief in genetics and sheer effort will lead to a very large gap in achievement gender, favoring women. I fear this will lead to much more isolation, fear and distrust of others by gender. I fear there may be a growing anger and resentment in men that may be growing under the surface. I fear if we do not change from our current, false genetic models, we will create much more violence and conflict between men and women, not to mention in the future, perhaps a more divisive and violent world between girls and boys long before they reach adulthood.
http://learningtheory.homestead.com

The real problem with these kind of women, is that they really think they're so very high and mighty which makes it a real turn off for many of us men.