A while back, in a post about Kim Kardashian’s fame, Lisa summarized the concept of a patriarchal bargain as “a decision to accept gender rules that disadvantage women in exchange for whatever power one can wrest from the system. It is an individual strategy designed to manipulate the system to one’s best advantage, but one that leaves the system itself intact.”
Christine B. sent in an excellent example of an individual-level attempt at empowerment with the confines of gender inequality. The video, part of the Howcast series of how-to videos, explains to women how to get men to buy them drinks at a bar:
In case you didn’t feel like watching the video, I can sum it up for you:
- Dress sexy, but not slutty, or you’re asking for it. How do you know if you’ve crossed the line? Well, if any men act inappropriately toward you, you must have shown too much boob. Better luck next time!
- Instead of planning a fun night out with your female friends, select only one — the bubbliest one, obviously — and go find a male-dominated environment.
- Buy yourself one drink right off the bat, so it looks like you’re an independent-minded woman who isn’t trying to get free shit in return for being pretty. I mean, you are doing that, but you don’t want to make it obvious. Men might be turned off if the gendered exchange were made explicit.
- Assume all men are stupid.
- Don’t ever stop to question a system that tells women that trading on our appearance, faking interest in people, excluding friends from social outings because they might be annoying to random men you’ve never met, and being manipulative are all totally empowering and socially-acceptable ways to behave as long as ladies get a fairly low-cost item for free in return for our efforts.
Transcript after the jump.
It’s already easy, but we’ll help you make it even easier.
To complete this How-To you will need:Your most vivacious girlfriend
A lively bar or nightclubStep 1: Dress nicely
Dress nicely. The more flattering your outfit, the more comfortable you’ll feel and the more drinks that will come your way.
Tip: Don’t, however, dress too revealingly. You want a drink, not a pervert!Step 2: Choose the place
Choose a lively place with high ratio of men to women. The perfect scenario? A sports bar during a big game.Step 3: Ditch the group
Ditch the group. Traveling in a pack reduces the chances of men approaching you. Instead, enlist a fun girlfriend to be your partner in crime.
Tip: Talk about something positive or ask him questions about himself—surefire ways to attract drink-buying men.Step 4: Surround yourself w/ men
Set up shop in the midst of a group (or groups) of men. Proximity vastly increases your chances of a free drink!Step 5: Buy your first drink
Buy your first drink. It’s a small price to pay to appear independent—and therefore more attractive.Step 6: Be courteous
Mind your Ps and Qs. Courtesy increases the odds that he’ll keep the drinks coming!
Warning: Don’t accept drinks that you didn’t see being prepared by the bartender.Step 7: Buy a guy a drink
If all else fails, buy the nearest cute guy a drink! Chances are, he’ll reciprocate. If it’s still not happening, it’s not you: it’s the bar.
Comments 108
Waugh — June 29, 2012
This is supposed to be taken seriously? After watching the one embedded here (and a couple on Howcast, a site I'd not heard of before), I don't think they're much than parodies and satires.
Tusconian — June 29, 2012
First, this perception that any woman under the age of 80 goes to a bar an "easily" has men buying her drinks. UM, no. I know very few women who actually get multiple drinks purchased for them regularly. The one I can think of is aggressive, annoying, and more or less tells random men to buy them drinks. From the perspective of a person working at a bar or club, women who expect to get drinks tend to be rude, obnoxious, and cheap. This "OMG girls have it so EASY because men buy them DRINKS" is, from what I can tell, a myth made up by "nice guys" who are pissed off that their dashing acts of chivalry weren't met with immediately dropped panties.
Second, what stood out to me is the incredible discrepancy between what whoever made the video considers "revealing" and what the average woman in her 20s would consider revealing. Tank tops and jeans are now only clothes that sleazy perverts would find attractive, but send the good guys running? I think I had that shirt when I was 11.
myblackfriendsays — June 29, 2012
This kind of thing irritates the hell out of me. It reminds me of that article floating around (maybe it was discussed here?) about the woman who only did online dating to get men to buy her dinners.
barf.
interestingproblems — June 29, 2012
So many women think that this actually works? Not really its funny how all my guy friends get approach this way after realizing Im not a threat. The only thing the guys would do is just have that look I know so well "you are easy and we all know it". Its even worst when we are all in uniform its like "military= money" I have to say its embarrassing seeing the things women would do for attention specially since Im a woman. I am not going to deny some do get lucky and get to come back to the barracks but the walk of shame is the worst since from that day forward you are known for it by almost everyone so do yourselves a favor and dont give yourselves a reputation you dont want for as long as you go to the same bar or hang out with military personnel. In this Im just giving a helpful tip not being sexist in anyway.
Mae Spires — June 29, 2012
I personally loved the fat shaming. Two friends are excluded for their actual behavior; one is just excluded for her body. And, as an extra touch, they have the "fat chick" friend incessantly stuffing chips at her face. Classy.
Snuhfoo — June 29, 2012
I love how step 6 includes a warning that basically says be careful, some drinks from guys may be roofied, but a free drink is totes worth it.
ADub — June 30, 2012
I don't get it. Is this the point where I'm supposed to get really aggressive and slut-shamey about other women trying to make their way in a patriarchal, capitalist society? Yeah, that'll fix things. Other dumb bitches getting free drinks, thats been the problem all along, how did I miss it. Probably cause they didn't call me when they were going out.
John — June 30, 2012
BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN
Why American men should not marry American women
I am an American man, and I have decided to never marry an American woman. In a nutshell, American women are the most likely to cheat on you, to divorce you, to get fat, to steal half of your money in the divorce courts, don't know how to cook or clean, don't want to have children, etc. Therefore, what intelligent man would want to get involved with American women?
American women are generally immature, selfish, extremely arrogant and self-centered, mentally unstable, irresponsible, and highly unchaste. The behavior of most American women is utterly disgusting, to say the least.
I encourage ALL American men to NEVER MARRY American women, and date/marry only foreign (non-American) women.
Tens of millions of American men have had their lives completely destroyed by American women through the following crimes:
1. False rape accusations (it has been proven that up to 80 percent of rape accusations are FALSE)
2. False domestic violence (DV) charges (same as above)
3. Financial destruction of men in divorce courts through alimony and support payments (women get up to 95 percent of their ex-husband's income and savings, as well as the house, car, etc)
4. Emotional destruction of men by ex-wives who have stolen their children from them and forbidden the fathers from having custody or contact with their own children
5. Divorced dads who commit suicide as a result
Not one single American woman has EVER condemned their fellow American women for committing these crimes against men. Silence means consent. Therefore, American women support and enjoy destroying men's lives and causing men to commit suicide. Apparently, American women think it is okay to be a criminal, just as long as you are a woman. Therefore, is it any surprise that a huge percent of American men no longer want anything to do with American women, other than using them for easy sex and then throwing them away?
The women always say "Well, not all women are like that". Okay, if that is true, then why are there no American women who are speaking out against feminism? Sorry, but YOU ARE ALL EXACTLY LIKE THAT! I personally have asked over 2,000 American women during the past year to help me speak out against feminism. Only two agreed to help me. So, the other 99.9 percent of women support feminism and feminism's crimes against men either directly or indirectly through their silence. So whenever a woman says "Not all women are like that", they are LYING. THEY ARE ALL EXACTLY LIKE THAT!!! And if they are not all like that? Then why don't they speak out against feminism and the crimes that their fellow women commit against men?
American women hate men so much that they do not even care if you commit suicide. In America, 25,000 men kill themselves every year, many of them due to the abuse they have received from their ex-wives and through the divoce courts. Do the women speak out against feminism even then? No. They could care less if men kill themselves. Even if their OWN SONS kill themselves due to the abuse they have received from their ex-wives or through the divorce/custody courts, EVEN THEN THE WOMEN WILL STILL NOT SPEAK OUT. To all the men reading this- your own mothers do not care if you kill yourself. If you are abused by your ex-wife in divorce and have your children kidnapped from you by your ex-wife, and as a result you become emotionally depressed and end up committing suicide? Guess what? NO WOMEN WILL GIVE A DAMN! EVEN YOUR OWN MOTHERS WILL NOT SPEAK OUT AGAINST FEMINISM. So, indeed, ALL WOMEN ARE LIKE THAT. Do not listen to the lies of the women when they claim "There are some good women out there, we are not all like that". Okay, if there are some "good women" out there, then why aren't they speaking out against feminism and women who commit crimes against men?
And when I speak about this very serious subject about men who have their children kidnapped and denied custody or contact by their ex-wives and who commit suicide as a result of being thus emotionally devasted? You know what the most common reaction from women is? THEY LAUGH ABOUT IT. THAT IS CORRECT. WOMEN WILL LAUGH AT YOU IF YOU COMMIT SUICIDE. THAT IS HOW EVIL AND MONSTROUS AMERICAN WOMEN HAVE BECOME! American women truly are the most evil people on this earth.
Another reason to never marry or have children with an American woman: 60 percent of child abuse/molestation in America is done by WOMEN to children, according to US Government statistics. Therefore, the majority of child abuse/molestation in America is done by WOMEN. Also, did you know that 1 out of 4 women in America take psychiatric drugs for mental disorders? Yes, AMERICAN WOMEN ARE INSANE! Oh, and just one more interesting fact- 70 percent of criminals in America were raised by single mothers. Single mothers produce future criminals. Criminals destroy society. Thus, feminism destroys society.
When confronted with this evidence, American women will deny any responsibility for their own criminal actions and behaviors, and will attack the man who is presenting these facts and evidences. This is proof that American women are a bunch of liars, hypocrites, and criminals. They REFUSE to accept the FACT that they have destroyed tens of millions of men's lives and ruined the lives of millions of children as well. It is because American women have become sociopathic man-haters. Far from being "equal" to men, American women can't even take responsibility for their own actions, which is the trait of any normal adult. Thus, American women are just a bunch of spoiled little children. They are NOT equal to men. American women REFUSE to accept the truth of how evil and vile they have become. American women are living in their own pathetic little fantasy world, where they think they are a perfect little princess. Sorry, but you are NOT a perfect little princess. In fact, you American women are the most hideous, disgusting, monstrous creatures on the face of the earth.
Remember, 90 percent of divorces are initiated by women, mostly against the will of their husbands. If you marry an American woman, there is a 90 percent chance that SHE will be the one that DIVORCES YOU, and will then proceed to financially destroy you in the divorce courts, demanding large payments of alimony and child support. Even worse, she will also kidnap your own children from you against your will and then deny you custody or even contact with your own children. That's right, there is a very good chance that you won't even be able to see your own children anymore, once your WIFE files the divorce. So marrying an American woman is not only extremely stupid, but very dangerous. If you want to get married, find a nice foreign girl from Asia, or South America, or Russia/Eastern Europe. DO NOT MARRY AN AMERICAN WOMAN UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!
Another thing I noticed, is that whenever you bring up the topic of American men marrying asian women in front of an American woman, she will make some racist and hateful comment about asian women, calling them "slaves" or "mail order brides". My question is this: If American women are so "independent", "confident", "strong", and "empowered" like they claim to be, why do they feel threatened by Asian women? Why are American women so jealous towards Asian women? The real reason is this- Asian women are 1000 times superior to American women, and any American man who has dated/married an Asian woman will tell you this.
Over 50 percent of American women are single, without a boyfriend or husband; so the fact is most American men no longer want to marry American women. Let these worthless American women grow old living alone with their 10 cats.
NEVER MARRY AN AMERICAN WOMAN! BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN!
http://boycottamericanwomen.blogspot.com/
mimimur — June 30, 2012
Note that that means American men, not supporters of that site and certainly not you personally. YOU are saying horrible things about half the population and unless the woman you're talking to is as horrible as you are (very unlikely by the way), all the flag waving american-ness in the world won't get her to look at you with anything but disgust. I've no doubt that your feelings for american women are mutual, but on the behalf of women across the pond I can safely say that none of the other billions of people that you mention wants you either. Don't even try it.
Liz Bloodbath — June 30, 2012
I like it when strangers buy me drinks, but it's certainly not worth altering my behavior/clothing/company for. I went to the bar intending to buy my own drinks, and if a guy or a girl buys me a drink I consider it a compliment on my personal style and appearance. Why would I alter how I actually want to look or behave to achieve that result? That would be completely pointless. I want to meet people who actually like me for me.
And I want to have fun when I go out, I want to go with my friends who are the most fun and dress and behave in a way that is natural to me. Specifically dressing up for general male approval and being super polite to men so they buy me drinks sounds like the opposite of fun.
Peter Nolan — June 30, 2012
So..the strong, empowered, liberated, emancipated, grrrrrlls who need a man like a fish needs a bicycle, who are doing it for themselves, who can do anything a man can do........need to delete John Rambos posts! LOL!!!
Like little girls they need to be "protected from the truth"!! LOL!!
Young men. Here is my new free eBook. It is called "The Truth Be Told". This is what women do NOT want you to know. Grab the link and send it to all your mates before the strong, empowered, liberated, emancipated, grrrrrlls suppress the truth on you.
http://www.mensbusinessassociation.com/LinkClick.aspx?fileticket=hNKVd0Hr7bU%3d&tabid=753&mid=1703
Sheryl — June 30, 2012
Sometimes I'm confused how I grew up in the same culture as the woman who made that video. I've never had a random guy I don't know offer to buy me a drink (granted I don't generally go to bars and the rare times I do it's usually with a group of friends), I know it's common behavior but it just seems weird to me. I can't even comprehend going out with the objective of having guys buy drinks for me, I go out to have fun not with an agenda for how to use other people.
molochmachine — June 30, 2012
In case anyone was interested in the original source of this theoretical approach, here's Deniz Kandiyoti's article on bargaining with patriarchy:
www.smi.uib.no/seminars/Pensum/kandiyoti,%20Deniz.pdf
Maybe it will clear up some confusion?
JontKopeck — July 1, 2012
Or: have some self-respect and ignore all steps other than step 5.
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Quirkzilla — October 23, 2013
This is a fabulous article. Thank you!
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Pixel — April 9, 2014
An entirely different idea altogether, but I often have men offer to buy me drinks. I always decline because I hate the implicit bond it forms between myself and a person that wants me to make this exchange of booze for attention. When I decline men will either tell me to not be passive/ make me feel like I should just say yes, they don't mind paying, they are chivalrous etc or the much more irritating hegemonic masculinity where they are offended I am not accepting a drink from them so insult me or physically pull me aside. Just no, I don't want you to buy me a drink. I suppose I see how these "charitable" men may feel otherwise seeing as there is video how-to guides on having drink offers. I think it's very strange.
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Corey — February 2, 2023
I'm the guy who started the Boycott American Women blog, and i admit i was quite a woman hater but i went thru a spiritual awakening and now I'm trying to heal women instead of hurt them. Anyway if you wanna ask me questions or do an interview, just DM me on instagram at tantrahealermaster