Of course, there's no such thing as being either completely straight, completely gay or completely bisexual, i.e. perfectly neutral towards gender. Bisexuals often prefer a specific gender, and that bias might also be a part here.

I think Rudder's comment--the first one quoted--is a little offensive. That's exactly the sort of pervasive stereotype bisexuals are faced with all the time, and it's not a very insightful conclusion. I think the main explanation for this is simply that it's very common for bisexuals to prefer (even if only slightly) one gender over another. Very few bisexuals actually don't have a preference. Admittedly, it is a surprisingly large percentage who message only one gender, but to suggest that most people who identify as bisexual are merely using the label for their benefit seems to be taking it a little far.

As a bisexual, I can tell you that sometimes one might be looking for a partner of a particular gender at that particular time. Being Bi doesn't mean you're _always_ seeking relationships with both sexes - preferences shift back and forth over time. Also, what Patrick said. ;-)

One of the big stereotypes about bisexual people is that we don't really exist, that we're just liars, that allegedly bisexual men are just gay men who can't deal with the stigma of being gay, that allegedly bisexual women are just straight women who are out to catch straight men with the lure of potential hot girl-on-girl action. Rudder just repeats all of those stereotypes straight up, on no stronger evidence than what he believes bisexual messaging patterns "ought" to look like. Basically, Rudder is creating his own definition of bisexual, and then calling self-identified bisexuals liars because we don't meet the definition he made up.

Assumptions that Rudder is making here include: that a single online dating service captures all of a person's dating interests (as opposed to individuals using different venues in different ways); that individuals' histories on this single online dating service are long enough that the data would not be skewed by bisexuals who are just looking for a particular gender this moment/month/year; that sexual interest in both genders manifests as consistent sexual action toward both genders (there are many reasons why a bisexual person may be looking for dates with only one gender at any given time).

Using myself as an example: I'm a polyamorous bisexual woman; I'm married to a woman (or would be, if my state allowed it); I've only ever used online dating services to find relationships with men. Rudder would characterize me as someone who is lying about my bisexuality in order to be more alluring to men. But I am not lying; his data just fails to capture all of my relationships. Additionally, his characterization that I find the Hot Bi Babe phenomenon an asset when looking for a man to date is a ludicrous inversion of my actual experience: I value my relationship with my wife far too much to allow some dude who fetishizes it anywhere near it, and yet my relationship with her does in fact draw many dudes who fetishize it, and they are difficult to sort out from the guys I would want to date. Being bisexual makes it harder to find the men I might want to have relationships with, not easier.

And note well, please: my scenario isn't the only scenario that Rudder would mischaracterize as "lying".

The data here may be interesting -- a preponderance of self-identified bisexuals use this single online dating service to message one gender only -- but Rudder's interpretations of that data is a complete mess, and far overreaches the data he actually has.

Suppose a bisexual currently has a strong preference for one sex over the other. If he/she identified as heterosexual, it could prove pretty awkward in a developing relationship when the partner suddenly discovers an ex-boyfriend when expecting only ex-girlfriends, or vice-versa.

I think Rudder over-interprets it this as a strategy to attract more matches, when it could just be a sensible disclosure. For instance, it might just be prudent to weed out matches who will be freaked out by bisexuality at an early stage.

OkCupid doesn't allow users to "self-identify" as bisexual - it asks whether a user is interested in looking for men or women and labels users who check both boxes "bisexual." I don't identify as bi, and having that label on my OKC profile always bothered me.
Who self-identified bisexuals message on dating sites would be some pretty interesting data, but bisexuals on OKC aren't necessarily bisexual in reality.

i think sometimes bisexual people go through phases where they are more into one gender than the other, as well.

maybe bisexuals prefer to look for someone from the opposite gender for a serious relationship and can easily meet someone of the same sex for SEX in real life? I think it's easier to find sex in real life than online while it's the opposite for love, but that's just me.

The problem, in my strong opinion, lies in the fact that OKC has such rigid categories to begin with. Many many queer people would never call themselves "gay" or "lesbian" because they, in general, are interested in dating other queers -- of any gender (including those folks who are gender queer, trans, or otherwise not men or women). Given the choice, many choose "both" just because it's a better representation of their identity -- and many others choose "gay" because it feels like a way to make clear that they aren't interest in straight folks. It appears to me to be quite silly to analyze data that is driven by an incomplete categorization method. More than silly, actually -- rude and irresponsible.

Hooray! I hopped on over from my RSS feed to point out what so many of the commenters already have: that bisexuality is (often) a blunt instrument to define what is really the "everything but" category of sexual orientation: people who know themselves to be "not exclusively straight" or "not exclusively gay/lesbian." That may mean that they're sexually attracted to both genders (the binary itself being problematic here, but leaving that aside!) but only feel comfortable in relationships with one or the other. It may mean that their sexual orientation is fluid, and shifts over time. To name just a couple of possibilities.

While the findings from this albeit simplistic data analysis have potential to be an interesting STARTING POINT to explore "why?" instead, the researchers seem to fall back on the tired stereotype that people who self-identify as bi are being deceptive and manipulative. While I'm sure some people adopt sexual identity labels to be "cool," I think the majority of people are attempting to be as truthful about their sexual desires as they can be, and it's offensive that the best answer these researchers could come up with about the results of their study is "haha! look! we knew bi people are really lying!" *Yawn*. Tell a new story or don't bother.

This analysis was fairly bi-phobic and sickening from the beginning. I'm bi but have only dated men thus far because I live in a religious/conservative community and family and fear retribution. I might message women on a dating website because it would be a safer way to meet women than in my community (where coming on to the wrong person could mean social ostracizing and becoming an outcast), but that doesn't mean I'm a lesbian in denial or that my sexuality is somehow only a function of my desire to appeal to heterosexual men.

The data is interesting, but the analysis missed the mark to the point of really turning my stomach.

Your own comments, Lisa, of men turning from identifying as bisexual to "plain ol gay" reaffirms that the only "real" sexualities are ones that are stable/predictable/one way or the other. You're normalizing non-bisexual relationships and acting like bisexual is exotic (which apparently some people just can't "take" for too long). Being gay is "plain" in that it is "normal" and "expected" and "definable" (in this context) which is normalizing, and frankly, shutting someone like me out of this conversation.

For a blog that talks about the sociological phenomenon of normalizing and the damage it can do to identity and behavior, I'm surprised you weren't monitoring yourself more closely.

I think the people who have commented thus far would appreciate some reworking of the analysis here, or an apology. Maybe not, but I know at least I would.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who's speaking up about this- but it's fairly clear to me, as a bisexual, that it's just the case of people having a slight preference for one sex over the other. The fact that the conclusion being jumped to here is that people claiming to be bisexual are just saying that for one reason or another is so incredibly offensive to me.

I don't think people realize the type of marginalization one suffers as a bisexual- for example, I'm a bisexual woman with a preference for other women, but I happen to be engaged to a man- meaning that I'm constantly left feeling like I cannot mention my sexuality to people because they will inevitably say "But wait, I thought you were engaged to a man?" As if that completely obliterates any prospect of me being sexually attracted to women, or that I should simply ignore that part of myself because I've entered into a "straight" relationship.

I would say the data is interesting but frankly, I don't think it really is. I think most bisexual people will tell you that they have a preference for one gender, but aren't going to rule out the other gender, either. That has been my experience, anyway, with the other bisexual people I've known. I'm sure there are exceptions, but sexuality is a funny thing.

In general, I'm more attracted to women than I am to men, and I receive far, far more attention from women than I do from men. If I were looking for new relationships, I could easily meet potential female partners simply going about my daily business. But because there are fewer men I am interested in and they tend to reciprocate my interest more rarely, it would be more efficient to meet potential male partners online. On OKCupid, I would be one of those bi women who only messages men.

However, I am currently married to a man and not looking for new partners of any gender. Often, people express surprise when they learn I have a husband, because they did not think I was straight. Of course, I'm not - I didn't stop being bi when we married. I just stopped having sex with people other than my husband. I wonder how many bi people in normative (that is to say, long term and monogamous) relationships simply become invisible, which only reinforces the notion of bisexuality as exotic or exceptional.

CuteRedHood, your point is well considered.

So, I think we're all familiar with the stereotype of women who are not actually attracted to other women, but identify as bi and maybe even hook up with other women at parties in order to garner male attention. Where I live, this is generally seen as behavior that one engages in when one is young, wild and likely insecure in oneself, and then one grows out of it.

If this conventional-wisdom view of bisexuality in women were true, one would expect more young women claiming to be bi but only sending messages to men. The observed messaging patterns of bisexual women don't appear to support this at all. So, I thought the actual data supported the opposite of the notion that women were claiming to be bi in order to be seen as exotic.

I agree with those here who found Rudder's conclusions offensive. If a woman self-identifies as bisexual but doesn't actively seek out women (through this one thing and during a limited part of time) then that's evidence that women are just calling themselves bisexual because they know some men think it's hot? Please!

It couldn't possibly be because even bisexual people simply have a preference? Or because they are looking for a more socially acceptable partner? Or because they want someone to have children with biologically? If it is a "phase", perhaps the phase isn't desire for the same sex but rather coming to the conclusion that, given the choice, there are still a lot of benefits to being in a heterosexual relationship and conforming to social norms.

Ugh, came back to check out the conversation.

The more I read the OP, the more upset I get.

I'm hardly out to anyone around me. Representations of bisexuality as being "exotic" or in this case, "transient" or, "an excuse to get het dudes who fetishize lesbians" makes me want to be out even less.

Please also redact or change, "bi in practice as well as theory" in the second paragraph below the first pie chart. Offensive and stuffed full of het privilege. No one makes this practice/theory standard judgment for heterosexual people (although does happen often for people with other sexual identities). It's really patronizing, and acting like if I don't attempt to date both sexes at the same time I must be a fraud.

@CuteRedHood

Despite a women's studies major in undergrad, I still shied away from bisexual identity (despite knowing I "wasn't entirely straight") until I fell in love with a woman at 27 and couldn't avoid dealing with it anymore. And those stereotypes about transient phases and exploitative experimentation were a HUGE part of my avoidence. I really didn't want to hurt anyone, and I couldn't imagine approaching any woman with my same-sex attractions and being taken seriously as a potential partner as long as I continued to be honest about the fact I was also sexually attracted to men.

Possibly repeating stuff you already know, but check out "Sexual Fluidity" by Lisa Diamond -- fascinating longitudinal study of women's sexual identity that really makes the case for doing away with the negative connotations surrounding fluid sexual desires that may change over time.

Unbelievable. These damaging stereotypes are why I cannot come out as bi even to my closest friends.

Hello all,

I scratched out the problematic language I saw identified and directed readers to this excellent discussion.

Thanks!

-- SocImages

This entire study is flawed because you don't have to be actively romancing BOTH men and women to be bi! This assumes something about bisexuality that just isn't true.

Interesting, what is the ratio of homosexual to heterosexual users on okcupid? If the ratio is imbalanced, perhaps some of the "straight messages only" bi's are using gay and lesbian specific personal sites to meet same gendered partners? (gay.com manhunt etc...)

(I'm leaving this comment as a bisexual woman who has an OKC account, and no, I am not trying to get guys' attention by being ~exotic~ or ~sexy~ but rather I AM ATTRACTED TO BOTH MEN AND WOMEN WOW CRAZY THOUGHT)

May I also point out the blatantly heterosexist assumptions from the OP here:

"but men in their 30s and early 40s are much more likely to message only women. Ticking biological clocks and hopes for a wife and kids perhaps?"

YEAH, because when you get older you stop playing around with that whole bi thing and decide to settle down with someone of a different gender and start popping out babies. Good Lord, are we in the fifties?

Fail all around on the post, SocImages.

I'm frankly just kind of shocked (along with some of the others - I think Kelsey put it beautifully) that this was posted just utilizing the data and analysis provided by Christian Rudder. I mean, seriously? You really think the bisexual community is characterized by a bunch of transient/indecisive folks, liars, and Bar Bis? Seriously? You present this blog as something professional, usually, but this... was just sloppy. Do a little research, next time, or verify that your source has some analytical credibility before posting his "interpretations" of undeniably incomplete data. And maybe be a little conscientious of your readers. And for the record, I'm bisexual but decided that, since I was only interested in pursuing men lately, I would change my preferences to say Straight. As others said, I found that being bisexual attracted all the wrong kinds of guys, and it was misleading to the ladies. And I have bisexual friends who have their profiles set to Gay because they are only currently interested in pursuing one sex or the other, right now. I guess I am a liar, but the world of internet dating cannot effectively understand or cater to the situations of every user.

Fail, indeed. Again, do a little research, next time.

I'm just wondering why we haven't adopted a Kinsey-like scale of sexual preference yet. It seems like it would clear up quite a lot of the confusion regarding the rather large chasm between "totally straight" and "100% gay" that the term "bisexual" currently encompasses. :/

I, like most everyone else that commented, was extremely upset by the assumptions made in this study and the way it was made. I am a bisexual woman (but I prefer to say I'm a 2 on the Kinsey Scale because it more accurately describes my preferences) and if I were on a dating site I'd probably only message men. The reason for this is that, while I'm very attracted to women and have been in love with women before, I'm not 'out' to some of my friends and all of my family. I always thought dating sites were for forging potentially serious relationships, and while I would have a serious relationship with a woman I wouldn't want to actively seek one. I love women but I am so afraid of telling my family that I'm bi that I would only do so if I had met a woman I really loved and was in a very serious relationship with. Otherwise, I just don't feel like it's worth it to tell them. So while I would love to casually date women or have sex with them, I don't want to actively pursue a serious relationship with one because I don't want to have to tell my family. If I met an amazing girl by chance and it was worth the repercussions, then I'd tell them. I hope that makes sense.

But no, you're right. I'm sure I'm just confused or looking for attention from men. *eye roll*

I hate that stereotype. I'm in a very serious relationship with a loving man right now and it took me like 6 months to come out to him. It wasn't some ploy at a bar to get him attracted to me. It is something I am afraid to tell people - partly for the fear of how they will react if they actually do take me seriously and partly for the fear of the shaming from the people who don't take it seriously, like the person that did this study.

I am "bisexual" but I am really only interested in dating women, I am female. I am attracted to women more, but sometimes I date men. This does not mean I am completely a lesbian, but its unfair to say that I am bisexual on a dating site when the majority of time I would not be interested in men. Sexuality is fluid, not all bisexuals are 50-50. If asked by a man I was interested in I would say bisexual(its easier for them to understand..), but in other situations I just say im queer/ like women and let people assume whatever they want, but I do not say i am a lesbian. Sexuality is not black and white.

What I have to ask is... did they knock out all the inactive/new accounts from their statistics? Surely there's a glut of people who join, look around and send a message or two, and leave since it's not their thing. It happens with every other website. How many accounts out there only ever sent one message? Wouldn't that clutter up the results?

The second thing. I really only feel like dating women at the moment, but it would be a lie to call myself a lesbian. Some lesbians simply do not want to be in relationships with bi women and I'd rather be upfront so they can make that choice. A man could catch my eye in the future too, or I'll feel more comfortable dating them later on.

Third. It's quite a lot easier for me to find a man IRL who is interested in me because there are so many more straight/bi men than lesbian/bi women in the world. So I might look for men by more traditional means and women through OKCupid. Or maybe it's the opposite and I live in a big city where I can find a lot of gay associations to meet lesbian/bi women but turn to OKCupid to meet men.

There's really so many factors that play into this.

This post is...wow, I hardly have words. But it is the kind of speculation-ahead-of-data that gives sociology a bad name. Are you kidding me? Wild-ass guesses are the best you can do? Why did you even post this here?

HELLO IM A QUEER bisexuality went out with atheism.

there are no lines, no linear spectrum. sexuality and gender are dimensional and infinite like outer space

oh and ps okcupid is so straight and annoying. you have to read peoples' profiles to find out what they like. we queers have to sift through and read peoples' codes- it's all dimensional and awesome. plenty of dykes fuck cis and trans womyn and trans men, for example. Plenty of straight cis men only fuck trans womyn. And lots of us are way more into swagger and personality than the totally bizarre tradition of picking partners based on genital shape! it's the way of the world! get a cloooo

Okay, I have a few things I'd like to say:

To emfole - you are so right! I was going to leave a comment very similar to what you wrote. I read in I believe it was Kate Bornstein's "A Gender Workbook" (please don't quote me I could be wrong) that sexuality is a continuum. I'm not sure a continuum is the correct analogy because that implies two poles (Kate Bornstein is still totally awesome though - look hir up!). I would prefer to think of gender, and as an extension of gender, sexuality, as more of a circle, but that still implies boundaries. I was thinking the universe analogy was much better because who knows where the the universe ends? I probably don't know my science very well, and that statement could be wrong, but whatever, so sue me. If there is a limitation of the universe, then substitue "all known existence".

So here's a question - how are gender and sexuality related? Are they? If you feel identification with a particular gender, whether normatively acnowledged by culture and society or not, does that gender necessarily imply a certain sexuality? Conversely, because you have a certain sexual identity, does that imply a gender you identify with??? What if you feel like one gender in the morning and a different one in the afternoon (I know, simplistic...)? How can gender and sexual fluidity play into our self-definitions?

Now I sound like an essay question.

This is something I've been pondering for years and I just don't know. It might be that I find my own genders and sexualities to be undefined by normative as well as queer culture that I just don't even know where to begin.

Anyway, bisexuality. Like most labels, I feel like this is probably not very descriptive of people who identify with this label. Hold on and stay with me - at first, this could sound horribly derogatory of people who identify as bisexual. That is not the meaning of this statement. What I mean to say is that people choose terms, words, labels, etc that seem to best suit how they perceive themselves; although the generally accepted definition of bisexual can totally fit with some people, I am unsure that term adequately describes the complexity and three-dimensionality of most bisexual-identified people's experiences.

This still might not sound right. Ok, life example; in most situations I generally default to describing myself as a lesbian, but I really don't like the term - it gives people preconceived notions of who I actually am. While this might be the function of language (people agreeing on what a word is supposed to mean in a general sense), I'm not sure this is an adequate descriptor of myself as a multi-faceted human being. In a similar sense, bisexual is not the best term for how some of my good friends would describe themselves. In a world of one-word definitions, maybe, but I'd rather live in a world where people can take as many paragraphs or books or libraries to find an adequate way to define and discover themselves as they choose.

I really enjoyed reading everyone else's posts tonight and I hope that I've done an okay job of expressing myself as I am able to. The one-word labeling of gender, sexuality, race, class, and even spirituality is something that I find troubling, but I do to some extent see its place in society as a way to unite around perceived common ideology. However, this common identity should do its best to NEVER alienate or exclude people because they don't fit in the normative definition of the term they are rallying around!!!

Interesting post. I was probably parts of those statistics. I am a woman who dates women, but previously dated men. When deciding on whether to put "bisexual" or "gay" as my sexual orientation, I chose bisexual in the start, despite not being a fan of such labels. This is not at all because I wanted to attract men, actually I do not date men at all, and in my profile it states this (looking to date women, only want males as friends). The reason I chose bisexual was to inform other lesbians of the fact that I have been with men. I recently came out, and have come across certain women who do not want to date a woman who has been with men, for various reasons. I ended up changing my profile to gay, because the visitors to my profile were mostly men which made me uncomfortable. I am aware that bisexuality in women is seen as attractive to hetero males (thanks to the porn industry), and I don't want to be part of anyone's fantasy. I am sure that some women do choose bisexual as their orientation to attract men, but there are also a million other reasons they might choose this status. Keep up the great posts!

http://preetispurpose.wordpress.com/

As so many commenters have already pointed out, this article is actively discriminatory towards bisexual people, because it unquestioningly repeats the harmful and untrue stereotype that people who identify as bisexual aren't 'really' bisexual (as though anyone has a right to decide whether a person is bi or not, other than that person themself). It calls bisexual peoples' identities into question, and this causes real pain and harm (as several commenter have explained, with examples from their own lives).

While it's good that the site admins added a note to the end of the article recommending that readers also read the comments, I think it would be great if they would go a step further and write an apology, acknowledging the harm that was done by posting an article that perpetuates such harmful stereotypes.

One thing to think about with this data is whether or not it counts return messages. I am a bi woman who has never dated a man (and am often taken as a lesbian in many social circles), but put that I was open to men and women (both cis and trans) as well as people of other genders. I have only recieved messages from men as of yet, so, does it count as only messaging men if I respond because I have not been the first to message yet? Someone like me who sends a 'not interested' response to men (have only gotten right wingers and homophobes, though I used the phrase 'lefty queer' on my profile and declared myself a socialist) would still boost the statistics.

Hi I am Carmen. I enjoy your blog. i like dating i can found http://www.plentysingles.com this site for dating . i like it. If you are looking dating partner online you can visit this site.

I feel like extrapolations can't really be made from okcupid data in terms of gender and sexuality...I'm a transgender ftm person who identifies as queer. There are no options for me to choose from that reflex my identity so I put down "female" and "bi" just about every trans person and queer person I'm friends with does not have their identity correctly expressed through okcupid.

I am bisexual. If I were on a dating site I would almost always message women, and maybe even always. Why? I trend very much towards women for partners. In everyday life I don't have so much of a choice who I interact with, I don't have as much choice, so this doesn't show too much. But on a site where I have huge amounts of choice and can easily restrict who I look for? Yeah, I'm going over to the female side, because I'm more likely to find my match.

Sure, there will be many reasons for this... but in my experience, a good number of my fellow bisexuals are the same. Something to think about.

I had to chime in to echo the disappointment of other posters that SociImages handled the bisexuality data/issue so poorly. Striking through the offensive remarks is a fair start, as it visually represents a willingness to not only revise what could only have been thoughtless off-the-cuff commentary but a certain accountability in leaving up one's mistakes for all to see. I suppose an apology might be appropriate as well, but frankly, I would rather see evidence that this debacle changed the way folks think about bisexuality.

Other posters have hit the nail on the head: bi-phobia is rampant. Not only in the broader culture, but among many self-ascribed liberals who have no problem with other sorts of queers. Even among quite a few queer-identified people.

Sigh.

As a bisexual and a sociologist I encounter bi-phobia routinely in both my personal and professional lives. It's depressing and demeaning in both contexts. So many otherwise highly effective critical sociologists fall down on the bisexuality thing. I think that this is because our models of human sexuality remain grounded on deeply entrenched, ostensibly exclusive binaries - male/female; masculine/feminine; gay/straight; etc. etc. - that fail to describe the actually existing variety and richness not only of people as a group, but across the lifecourse of any given person. Labels and category names are always - ALWAYS - an approximation of the phenomenon we are trying to describe. When we imbue them the capacity to discipline, police, and de-legitimate people and their experiences we make the tools by which power is manifested. And that is a dangerous business.

In short.... Bisexuals: We're here. We're queer. Get used to it.

Apologizes if this has been said already. I didn't see it mentioned and I think this is an important point.

The analysis of this data doesn't take into account that the majority of the population identifies as straight and, one would assume, the majority of profiles on OKCupid are noted as straight. It's my opinion that some, if not most, bisexuals would not message a person of the same gender who identified themselves as straight. That is, as a bisexual woman I would search out straight men, lesbian woman and bisexual men and women.

Since it is likely that the majority of profiles I encounter are going to be those of straight men, I am much more likely to message a straight man than a lesbian woman or a bisexual man or woman. If I have other prerequites (non-smoking, like pets, wants children, lives close), the number of possible lesbian/bisexual contacts continues to decrease, possibly to the point that there are no suitable lesbian/bisexual options. As a result, this bisexual woman, even if she was completely neutral, would only end up messaging men.

Something else that may explain some of the data:

When I was on this website, I had two accounts. On one, I identified as straight. On the other, I identified as gay. I did not want a profile in which I identified as bi, partly because I was not ready for my coworkers to know (my second account contained much less identifying information), and partly because I didn't want the attention from people who may think it was an insincere attempt to get attention from hetero males. (People who might well be more confident in making assumptions like that now, thanks to the article.) With the first account I messaged only men, on the second I messaged only women.

I wonder how common this is.

oh lol I usually like socimages but this is hilariously bad.

Nrg boys” a social networking site for gays is all set to make it’s mark in United Kingdom. This site will allow users to express oneself with a avatar virtually.
Gays, Bi and Curious lads can upload their Profile, photos, videos, Blogs, news on their home page. Site will have two types of members: premium members and free members. A free member may any time upgrade his account to a premium member. Members will be allowed to communicate with each other through Messages . The members would be able to buy clothes, mobiles etc online.

In my experience with female bi friends, they are already in a relationship with a member of one gender and are looking to meet people of the other gender (generally, with the current relationship partner's consent).

Hi I know how we date and chat online because I visited one online dating site which gives great service and I suppose now it is going to give gold membership also.

I got to know pretty good things on this site. I have found same kind a site relevant to the topic.. Please, go through… http://www.adultsinglesdating.co.uk/ and http://www.datingpersonalsads.co.uk

Click Here to Contact & Meet Me Now!

Being "conventionally attractive" and very feminine in appearance I get plenty of male attention. If i wanted to meet a male in some public place I wouldn't have much trouble. When it comes to women, on the other hand, who, by the way, I am much more interested in meeting, I run into a problem. I don't like hitting on women, and always doubt my gay-dar even when I'm feeling up to it. When I make online profiles I ONLY look for women to date, because I have the most trouble meeting women in person. In our society, people tend to be perceived as gay or straight. There's no in between. If you're bisexual, like myself, and "look straight," you'll have trouble meeting women, but less trouble meeting men. If you're bisexual and "look gay," you'll have trouble meeting men and less trouble meeting women. Plenty of people use online dating as a means of supplementing their in-person dating, and for bisexuals, this supplementing may be entirely gender-specific.

I have several takes on the data. First I am bi and have a stronger preference toward women and would prefer an LTR with a woman. I am out to everyone and my family and friends don't care if I am bi or gay or straight. But I live in a very liberal city and in the art world. When I went onto Okcupid I realized quickly it is very hard to get a woman to respond, I a few dates and lots of emails. Now men are contacting me I don't have to pursue them. So I rarely message men. There easy. I can get it when I want it. I also know many women have hang ups on the bi label - it greatly reduces the amount of dates not increases it especially when you post you want an LTR with a woman. Now I know a guy who is bi and "prefers men" but what I get is he doesn't pursue women because he is a bit shy with women but the attraction is there he is mainly emailing men. I am 39 and most of my relationships have been with straight and bi women. He is 32. But the reality is both of us are bi but have very different experiences with that self identity.

I needed to add that all my straight and bisexual friends said if I am mainly looking for women on okcupid just put "straight". I did this for a while and got a lot more visits from women. A hell of a lot. So the other part of the data is that in my opinion many bi men are really putting "straight" or "gay" as their orientation because it greatly decreases who will date you. I changed it back to bi when I got back on and am willing to deal with the rejection and occasional harassment.

Other commenters have already identified a lot of the problems with this post and provided alternative explanations for the data, but I wanted to add that the assumptions in this post about the "real" sexual identities of people who identify as bisexual are very typical of stereotypes about male and female bisexuality. In the breakdown of the data by gender, the fact that fewer older men message only other men is interpreted as their "coming to terms with being gay." This is in keeping with the way that society polices men's gender performance, so that any demonstration of same-sex desire (or even nonsexual behaviors that are associated with women) can quickly lead to a man being labeled as gay. I also think it's interesting that while bisexual women who only message men are labelled as actually being straight women trying to appeal to men who fetishize lesbianism, there is no suggestion that the large percentage of bisexual men who only message women are "actually" straight--because, presumably, no straight man would want to pretend or admit to same-sex desire.

On the other hand, the analysis of women's messaging habits solely focuses on the idea that women claim to be bisexual "in order to appeal to the dudes." This analysis ignores the significant number of bisexual-identified women who only message women. While the graph shows roughly equal numbers of women who message only men or only women (with a slightly higher number of young women who message only men), the analysis states that "75% of women who identify as bisexual are not
messaging both men and women," and then attempts to analyze, in the same paragraph, only those women who message only men. The erasure of bisexual women who message only women reinforces the idea that female sexuality is always for men, even when it appears to express same-sex desire, while the juxtaposition of that 75% statistic with a discussion of *only* women who message men makes it seem as if a much higher number of bisexual women only message men than is actually the case.

One question I have - did they account for bisexuals who've only sent out messages to one person? Because obviously those people will have only messaged one gender.

Interesting that you're a professor given how black-and-white you seem to view the world based on statistics that don't even ask the actual people you are analyzing the questions you are pondering!

For more bisexual dating sites visit the best bisexual dating site here
http://www.bisexual-datingsites.com/

Nowadays, more and more women choose to find their half through online bisexual women dating. There are plenty of good reasons why they choose this kind of dating to the traditional one. They do it for the easiness with which they can find a partner online. We recommend the right website http://www.top10bidatingsites.com to u, you can find plenty of outgoing, fun and great looking women you would love to take out on a date. You can find plenty of new people who share the same vision as you.

Nowadays, more and more women decide to find their half through online bisexual women dating. There are lots of good reasons why they choose this type of dating to the traditional one. They do it for the easiness with which they can locate a spouse online. We suggest the best Panamanian website bestlatindating.com to u, you can find a lot of outgoing, fun and nice-looking women you would like to remove on a good date. You could find a lot of new folks who also share a similar eyesight as you.

Incessantemente leio sobre o ponto e também ultimamente sua postagem foi a que mas gostei.
Espero que você siga à aprender e também também
em contribuir para o tema.

One of the coolest sites that people have seen was flirtymature. You can even read flirtymature reviews, all the same, people's opinion will not change. Think for yourself, where else are there so many people? Where else is there such an interesting interface and such protection of personal data? Do not know? That's right, because there is no second such.

I'm aware of the problem of understanding your orientation. I thought for straight people it's easier to get into a relationship, but I doubt that now.

I'm straight, and I agree with you that sometimes finding a girlfriend may be challenging. I use some dating websites to find girls for communication, and on this page https://coomeet.reviews/, it's pretty easy to do. This website automatically selects chat partners of the opposite sex, and it's easy to find somebody to spend some time with.