Yeah, I hate having to think about other people's feelings too...

I found that postcard really offensive. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who felt that way.

"OH BOO HOO NOW I HAVE JEWISH FRIENDS AND I HAVE TO THINK ABOUT THEIR FEELINGS!" What a jerk.

Does this person put no thought into gift-giving at all? Isn't thinking about (the feelings of) the receiver the whole point of gift-giving?

I would like to take a minute to point out the source. PostSecret is an ongoing community art project where people mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a postcard. People, generally, send in things that they aren't necessarily proud of, things that they keep secret.

Though this project Frank places "no restrictions...on the content of the secret; only that it must be completely truthful and must never have been spoken before. Entries range from admissions of sexual misconduct and criminal activity to confessions of secret desires, embarrassing habits, hopes and dreams. The secrets are both empowering to the author and to those who read it. The postcards are inspirational to those who read them, have healing powers for those who write them, give hope to people who identify with a stranger's secret, and create an anonymous community of acceptance."

Every Sunday I go to postsecret.com and read the Sunday secrets. Some make me laugh, some touch my heart. I refuse to judge them. I don't know the motivation behind using this persons secret on this site but I don't think it was in the spirit or what postsecret is; acknowledging a persons embarrassing secret and realizing that our emotions and feelings don't always match up with what our heads and society tells us to say, do or be.

I found this card amusing in a sad sort of way. I was RAISED to pick out nondenominational wrapping paper, because you never know what a person's beliefs are. Lots of people celebrate at this time of year and lots of non-Christians have adopted Christmas traditions to fit in, but that doesn't mean it's appropriate to give them wrapping paper with Jesus or some such slapped all over it.

This guy who sent this secret seems like a jerk.

On that note, I went to no less than FIVE card stores yesterday and could find only ONE nondenominational card. Everything else said "Christmas" or had a Christmas tree or the whole manger scene ... I didn't think it'd be such a big deal to find a snow covered cabin or penguins/snowmen ice skating, and "Happy Holidays" or something like that. The one I did find was inappropriate for what I needed.

Uh, I actually think this postcard writer needs some slack; they clearly realize their entitlement & privileged & are processing it. Like-- there is an interior dialogue. The unflattering unpacking of the backpack is the SECRET.

Or I would think that if I didn't think PostSecret was 100% scam fiction.

I think that postcard is also an interesting illustration of how "culture does the thinking for you." I'm assuming the person doesn't just put on a blindfold and grab the first roll of wrapping paper they come across. Some thought & attention has always been paid to the selection - color, design, price, quantity. But being part of the dominant group (in this case, Christianity in the United States) means you can pick from a wide range of papers because retailers are catering to you.

When the list of options narrows due to no longer being part of the dominant group (or walking in the shoes of those in that position, in this case), you realize you have to reset your expectations about what is offered and what you can have. You become aware that you're no longer being catered to, and for someone who used to have privilege in that area, it's a real downer until you get used to it.

It reminds me very much of becoming a new vegetarian, and realizing that when you go to a restaurant, you can't pick most of the items on the menu. For the first few months, you really feel the limitations, and you may resent your lack of choice. Eventually you adopt new behaviors to automatically skim past the meat without desiring it, and it's no longer a shock or a feeling that you're missing out. I would imagine it's the same kind of feeling when you unexpectedly have to cut back on expenses, or you discover you have a severe allergy, or any other lifestyle change where suddenly you have fewer options because your privilege in that area has been reduced.

I don't understand. Why would the wrapping paper matter at all?

I think that some people are being way too hard on whoever wrote this. At least this person is paying attention to the wrapping paper. The person is actually being thoughtful.

Part of understanding prejudice and privilege is understanding that you're not always going to like every aspect of it.

Having to think about wrapping paper choices? Honestly? That's the very least you could do.

Douchebag.

P. S. I will bet good money that postsecretfan is *not* Jewish. Any takers...? No?

This reminds me of a conversation that a friend and I (we're both African American) were having with my friend's friend, a white guy who had recently done for fraud. It was this time of year and we said something and he responded:

Him: You KNOW you want to say MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Us: --No, "Happy Holidays" is fine with us.

Him: Oh, come on, that's what you're thinking.

Us: --No, it's not actually. We like being inclusive.

This discussion went on and on. *Sigh*

People have used both he and she when talking about the secret writer. Just ease of typing? or are assumptions being made?

What do our assumptions about the gender of the secret teller say?

I'll share that my mind went to female. I thinks this goes to the fact that, in my house, it was my mom who did all the wrapping.

Wow. Just....wow.

I like that this person resents 'having' to be inclusive in spreading seasonal consumerism to their friends who don't even observe the holiday the presents were purchased in recognition of. But I do appreciate that they feel guilty about these feelings. On the other hand, if their Jewish friends resented receiving Christmas presents wrapped in Christmas paper, they may want to rethink things, too.

Hanukkah wasn't always, and for most still isn't, a HUGE gift-giving holiday like Christmas. Except for little kids, usually.

Now, with more interfaith families and the mainstream influences, I see my family observing both and it's great for everyone involved. It's a nice sharing of what's important to us all: family and joy.

I don't think anyone would be unhappy here with a simple "Happy holidays," and I'm neither offended by this nor Merry Christmas/Happy Hanukkah, so it does seem like the gift issue is more of an added imposition or misunderstanding by the post-secreter. (Which I suppose is part of the privilege, too...maybe one that is not yet realized by the writer.)

If a Jewish friend takes such great offense to some Christmas wrapping from a Christian, they're being kind of intolerant, as well. It almost feels like the poster is making a bigger deal of it than anyone else would, which really emphasizes the differences between two people instead of bringing them closer together as friends. Seeing a gift as an 'obligation,' for anyone, sort of defeats the purpose of having holiday cheer.

(PS This is a nice post for the holiday season! Love and tolerance, no matter who you are or what you believe. :))

Check out the greeting on the card. Very cute and apt.

http://lifehacker.com/5433065/make-your-last+minute-gifts-printable?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+lifehacker%2Ffull+%28Lifehacker%29

I must admit that I find this post amusing because I know many people who are not exchanging presents this year; some haven't for several years.

Happy Secular Gift-Giving Season and Winter Solstice!

I think its a bit rich the way a number of folks on this thread are basically judging the writer of this message as some kind of rabid anti-semite, or just a complete asshole. Remember that it is a small piece of text, with a context that we don't entirely know about.

I wondered if there was any element of irony in the confession - eg. joking as if having Jewish friends equals an incredibly arduous burden such as having to think about wrapping paper.

Remember also that the "hate" is used for a wide range of experiences, including the only mildly negative (eg. "don't you hate it when you forget what you were about to say?")

And remember another key phrase here - "Jewish FRIENDS". Not many anti-semites have those.

Even if it is to be taken at face value, I don't see any real problem with it. To go out of one's way to some degree to accommodate another can be an inconvenience, eg. cooking something different just for one person's dietary needs. Even if one was to "hate" that inconvenience, the point is, they are still doing it, out of respect for that person.

I also interpreted it as reflecting a little guilt, and an awareness that the negative feeling was not a good thing. All of us are prejudiced in some way - perhaps this was the writer's way of processing the awareness of his/her own prejudice.

Or maybe they really are an anti-semitic selfish ass, as Sue wants to believe. It's possible. But I don't know if it's possible to make that judgement based on a brief message that as we can see, can be interpreted with many different nuances.

I also think it's ironic that the paper the poster chooses to write on just happens to be non-denominational.

I want to pose a question to everyone (and it's not a douchey rhetorical "you're all wrong so there" kind of question): It's been mentioned that giving someone a Christmas gift who does not celebrate Christmas could be considered insensitive to their beliefs.

So, let's take that scenario: I have a non-Christmas-celebrating friend (I am not saying "Non-Christian" because plenty of non-christians, myself included, celebrate Christmas). I get all of my Christmas friends gifts, but I do not give a gift to my non-Christmas friend. Taking value in the literal monetary sense, does this mean or ostensibly mean that I value my non-Christmas friend's friendship less than I value my Christmas friends' friendship? Is it discriminatory to refuse to give someone a gift just because they don't celebrate the same holidays that you do?

Wow. Are we all that amazing of people that there isn't something that we feel/think that others would find offensive? It's called being human. This person obviously knows that this feeling isn't ok which why it's a secret. If their worst secret is that they don't like buying multiple types of wrapping paper then I think they're doing alright. I would LOVE to hear some of your secrets.....

I see the points many people are trying to make here. The word that bothers me most in this is 'friends' rather than 'hate.' I really think that if these people are your friends, then it shouldn't be that big of a deal. These aren't obligatory co-worker gifts.

Speaking as a person who has a Jewish best-friend who just turned Kosher wrapping paper isn't that tough to deal with. I'm not complaining about my friend's wish to keep kosher, by no means, I was one of the first people she told.

But wrapping paper is nothing compared to the fact that I have to make sure my recipes don't use milk and meat together.

As an atheist who hates the holiday season for all the undue stress and financial hardship its rituals cause to people of the class I grew up in, I want to give this vaguely ignorant PostSecreter a big Hannukah hug.

I'm not surprised that Lisa reads this Secret and sees nothing but baldfaced privilege. It fits her recurrent narrative.

Personally, I see a person struggling with the notion of how to be a "good" person, doing the "right" thing, in a world that's less black-and-white than he/she was brought up to believe. Someone admitting to frustration with the fact that what is a kind and decent gesture in one context is an offensive one in another, and that despite the obvious distinctions in religion the boundaries aren't always easy to predict. These thorny matters are a normal part of growing up - I have no idea how old the holiday wrapper was, but I'm guessing fairly young - and one that most of us who are lucky enough to receive gifts are quite compassionate to.

When I was little - I was of the opinion that wishing someone happy winter holidays was just something that you said according to your respective beliefs -- A Christian could say 'Merry Christmas' to a Jewish person and they would say 'Happy Chanukkah' back, even though the Jewish person doesn't celebrate Christmas and the Christian person doesn't celebrate Chanukkah. I thought of it as stating your beliefs if you wished and wishing that person a good time no matter what their beliefs through a period of time which you believed to be special.

I have to agree with this being annoying though - there's plenty of non denominational paper out there for everyone. I'm pretty sure this person would be able to explain if they couldn't find any anyway.

I know what PostSecret is as well and that really has nothing to do with this person's feelings about buying Jewish gift wrap. It has everything to do with privilege. The only difference is that they anonymously posted it and sent it in instead of walking around simply thinking it like a lot of other jerks do. One expressed it, the other don't. We're discussing the sentiment, not how and where it was expressed. It's only a "secret" because he or she knows there is something wrong with feeling that way about it.

Could he or she just buy plain wrapping paper and get over it? Yeah. Instead he or she would like to live in a fantasy world called "We're all the same, and by the same I mean of a Christmas celebrating religion." It's a branch from the white privilege tree.

I rarely read PostSecret, but I went there last night, and most of confessions were the fare to which I was accustomed, guilty but funny:

"If my husband loses his hair I'll love him less."

"Dad, Sometimes I don't answer the phone on purpose. You deserve to be lonely. You could have had us."

I've always enjoyed seeing how people juxtapose their message with the postcard. A lot of them are small works of art, or at least social commentary.

It really bothers me that you put Post Secret postcards up here. This is someone's personal secret and within the realms of the Post Secret website, people understand and tolerate that. Not so much on Sociological Images.

@Adrian: That wasn't really the point I was making. I was saying that much of the website is harmless and then all of a sudden, you DO get the racists, the prejudices, the homophobes. It's off-putting to hear those claims being put into a context of "okay, just another okay personal secret." It offers a justification to people who DO have those feelings.

It's not a personal secret that applies to yourself or your life circumstances, it's a personal judgement you've carried and displayed about an entire group of people. I can't judge your personal circumstances, but I sure as hell can judge a racist remark.

I see it as wildly different, and the use of post-secret to air something like a broad generalization or prejudice, and then expecting not to be judged on it, is absurd.

This is so bizarre to me because IT IS THE EASIEST THING IN THE WORLD TO GET AHOLD OF SECULAR WRAPPING PAPER.

My family and I are all atheists, but we still get caught up in the general good-times and gift-giving of the season. We even usually have a "holiday tree." As others have pointed out, most of the tradition surrounding Christmas have very little to do with Christ/the Christian faith.

For obvious reasons, I never buy Christian-specific wrapping paper. I usually try to pick something "fun" that won't turn the holiday into some serious religious celebration. (Yes, I put too much thought into this!) This year I chose my paper out of a rather small selection at a chain pharmacy, but I still had plenty to choose from that wasn't Christian-specific -- even if I avoided direct references to Christmas tradition, like Santa or decorated trees.

I ended up with silly little penguins dressed for skiing. Honestly, how difficult is it to pick a paper with snowmen or penguins or polar bears or snowflakes or even just random nonsense designs on it? Resenting such a tiny non-sacrifice *is* anti-semitic... because I can't imagine anyone else thinking anything of it.

When Bill O'Reilly and other conservatives complain about the "War on Christmas," it's code for white Christian men are freaking out that they're not the center of the universe.

But of course they can't say that.

I wish I'd seen this post earlier - I actually wrote a bit about it on my own blog.

Basically, I'm Jewish, I don't have a problem with being wished a "merry Christmas" or receiving Christmas cards or gifts wrapped in Christmassy paper. As long as no one is offended by me only sending out "happy holidays" cards and using non-religious or holiday-neutral wrapping paper, I'm not bothered.

What does sort of bother me is that Christianity is the default, just as being white is seen as default. I don't love people assuming that I'm Christian, simply because my physical appearance doesn't indicate otherwise.

The full impact of the privilege expressed by that postcard can't really be felt until you realize that a majority of Jews in the US will bend over backwards to make sure our Christian friends, coworkers, and neighbors have a good Christmas holiday. Large Jewish efforts exist to organize Jewish volunteers to cover social service organization work shifts on Christmas so Christians can spend the holiday with their family. I'll say that again: volunteers.

We spend two months a year being othered by the pervasive Christmas media blitz, being likened to Grinches and Scrooges, and being told that we must not understand things like love for one's family, generosity, and so forth because we don't celebrate someone else's holiday. We then go out of our way to make sure that the Christians in our community can spend that holiday with their families. For a Christian to whine about having to be mindful of our existence when giving us presents that, supposedly, ought to show that you care about and are thinking about the person you're giving them to, when we're hopping through all of those hoops....yeah, screw that.

The post secret defenders make me dislike post secret even more than I did before! I'd be willing to guess someone posted a call to arms to DEFEND THE SANCTITY OF THE SECRET POSTCARDS on the "PSC" website.

Do most Jews find snowflakes offensive? Santa Claus? I've never seen wrapping paper with a manger and all that on it, so I don't see what would be so offensive about getting "non-Jewish"/Christmas holiday paper. Personally, I wouldn't be offended if I got a gift wrapped in paper with the Star of David printed on it, but that's just me. I don't go out of my way to look for ways to be offended.

It's really hard for someone to be offended by a card or wrapping paper that says:

"Joy to the World."

If perplexed, that's what I'd go with.

The thing that confuses me is the assumption that saying "Merry Christmas" is all-encompassing goodwill holiday wishes because of the belief that most people in the US celebrate Christmas. Self-identifying Christians are just over 75% of the population. Wishing "Merry Christmas" as a blanket default holiday statement might be more understandable if 99% of the population celebrated the holiday - but the other QUARTER of the country consists of agnostics, atheists, Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, and other people who often do not celebrate Christmas.

As someone who is not Christian, I am not personally insulted by a "Merry Christmas" wish because I do understand the simple desire to express holiday greetings and well wishes as part of the season. I understand how ubiquitous it is. Even people who know my religious beliefs still unintentionally, out of sheer habit, wish me a Merry Christmas and then correct themselves. Still, though, while I do not feel insulted by the gesture, I cannot help but feel excluded, feel another little verbal reminder that I am Other.

In a holiday season's ideals of generosity, hope, caring, good spirits, and happiness, I truly do not understand how a "Happy Holidays" as an inclusive statement is problematic or difficult to do. It's simply taking the message of the holidays, whichever those might be, and carrying them forward in communication and respect for other people.

I must say I don't get it. I'm a Jew and reside in Israel, and i couldn't imagine why any one would be offended by someone sending him a present wrapped in red wrapping paper with Santa and a sled. In my culture, when you get a present you usually say "thank you" instead of pondering about the cultural meaning of the wrapping paper. Christians don't have to hide from Jews\Muslims\Whatever the fact they are celebrating Christmas, we somehow found out about it already. Our best Intel says it happens every year near the end of December and it involves trees(!?). We are OK with it. really.
So when you say "happy holidays" we know you mean Christmas, and we are brave enough not to break down and cry just because someone else is having fun and we are not involved. Show me a guy who is offended by wrapping paper and I'll show you an asshole.

Saying "Merry Christmas" is as meaningful as asking "How Are You?"

That's what I thought before this post taught me that saying “Merry Christmas” is actually one of the benefits that come with privilege. Question is, I'm a Jew, But I did said “Merry Christmas” to my Christian co-worker, am I privileged? Is she? Who is enjoying the benefits and who should get offended? Luckily I've never said “Merry Christmas” to a Scientologist, it would be like dividing the privilege balance by zero and will likely tear a hole in the universe.

I just read the funniest children's book by Lemony Snicket, "The Latke Who Couldn't Stop Screaming: A Christmas Story." It's about a Hanukkah latke that escapes from the frying pan and encounters a series of Christmas objects, all of which "helpfully" try to incorporate it into Christmas. But it keeps telling them, "Christmas and Hanukkah are completely different things." But they don't get it.

On the penultimate page, the narrator observes:

"It is very frustrating not to be understood in this world. If you say one thing and keep being told that you mean something else, it can make you want to scream. But somewhere in the world there is a place for all of us, whether you are an electric form of decoration, peppermint-scented sweet, a source of timber or a potato pancake."

I am a latke.

My 9 year old daughter was listening as I read this to my husband and she said, "It isn't about the paper. It isn't even about the gift. Its about spending time with your family and friends."

I just figured that the writer comes from a relatively monocultural background, and is frustrated by their own poor resources in dealing with a multicultural circle of friends. Perhaps that's because I can relate to that perspective, having grown up in a small Scottish town, but it doesn't seem any less feasible to me than the other interpretations offered. It sometimes seems like a lot of posters here have zero capacity for ambiguity.

in my personal opinion, atheists, muslims and jews shouldnt celebrate chirstmas, period. christmas is about the birth of jesus christ. if you dont believe he is your savior why do you want to celebrate this? it just devalues it and makes a mockery. for this reason if i know someone is not christian i will say happy holidays. ive never understood why people wished merry christmas to non christians. yes we should try to spread the message of christianity whenever possible, but these people have spent their entire lives denying christianity, and sad as it may be to say its not like theyre going to suddenly accept jesus into their hearts because someone gave them a card.