Ricardo G. of Bifurcaciones sent in this ad from a catalog sent to homes in the U.K. by the company Hillier (via):
“Coordinating accessories available.” How thrilling. It reminds me of this post about how housecleaning is depicted as a joyful activity for women.
After being inundated with complaints, the company apologized, claiming it was a joke but they recognize it was inappropriate and should not have gone out.
While this does illustrate the gendering of housework, I think there’s another angle worth thinking about here. A number of the complaints weren’t just about it implying housework is women’s responsibility, but also that it is unromantic and therefore offensive to pose as a potential gift. I’m really interested in the idea of what makes an appropriate gifts, and that gifts between spouses should always be “romantic.” Romantic gifts are often things that have little intrinsic value; their value comes from the emotional and social implications attached to them.
Jewelry, flowers, lingerie–none of these are really helpful items, and they don’t make the recipients’ daily lives easier. A clothesline might, in fact, be a gift that would improve the lives of people who have to hang their clothing to dry. In my family, both men and women highly value gifts perceived as practical and useful, rather than simply sentimental or romantic. One year my mom and uncle got my grandma an air compressor because she would find it very useful on the ranch; she was thrilled. Once I paid to have my mom’s dog spayed and vaccinated because she’d been too busy to have it done. Men in my family regularly get leather work gloves and tools, and they never seem disappointed.
I think there may be a class element here. In Making Ends Meet, Kathryn Edin and Laura Lein discuss how low-income women often partially rely on the contributions of boyfriends to buy the things they need each month. The women complained, however, that boyfriends often bought unnecessary things they thought the women would like, but that did not really improve their lives, such as a stereo or purse. The women often referred to these gifts as a waste of money, something that was already in short supply. They much preferred to receive gifts that they found useful.
So not to defend a clothesline as a suggested present to women–even my mom got mad when my stepdad gave her a mop for either Mother’s Day or their anniversary–but the construction of “unromantic” gifts as inherently offensive is fascinating, and assumes that everyone believes money should be spent on non-essential items in order to display emotional attachment.
Comments 53
Austin — December 3, 2009
Well written post!
I think the company needs to seriously reevaluate their humor. Not because of it's offensive content, but because it's a very weak joke and won't be recognized as one.
Sarah — December 3, 2009
I have to share an anecdote:
My grandfather, for his first Christmas with my grandmother, called my great-grandmother to tell her this AMAZING gift that he had bought for his new wife. It was a cast-iron skillet.
His mother responded "Oh, you romantic thing." Catching on to the sarcasm, my grandfather asked what would have been a better gift. His mother suggested a bottle of Chanel No. 5.
From that year on, every single year, my Grandmother would get a bottle of Chanel No. 5.
She never wore Chanel No. 5. - not once in her life.
She used the cast iron skillet almost every day.
The point is, typical "romantic" gifts are kind of a load of crap a lot of the time. I would much prefer a new set of kitchen knives over a teddy bear that says "I love you beary much" when you squeeze the paw.
Of course, then the question comes up of "is it misogynistic to give a woman household items as practical gifts?" - but I don't think one can generalize that one. I do a lot of household chores, and when I got a working vacuum for Christmas last year, I was thrilled beyond imagination. But for a woman who doesn't do any household work and instead spends her time outside wrestling alligators, the gift of alligator-proof gloves would probably be akin to my vacuum - a practical gift that shows an understanding of her needs.
Peggy — December 3, 2009
My problem with most of the advertising around gifts for women is that they suggest that ALL women like the same thing, and there seems to be an assumption that men have no clue what their wives, girlfriends and mothers are actually interested in, so they buy some default "woman thing".
I don't wear perfume and I have more jewelry than I need, so those things are wasted on me.
I personally love getting quality cooking gear, because I enjoy cooking and trying new techniques. I hate cleaning and doing laundry, and I have a hard time getting my husband to help me out on those tasks, so a gift of a clothes line or cleaning gear would be unappreciated reminders that he considers those to be my job.
The gifts I love the most are those that demonstrate a knowledge of what I like or need and are things I wouldn't necessarily buy for myself. The clothes line could be the ideal gift for a woman who wants one. It's just not an ideal one-size-fits-all gift that every woman would enjoy.
Tiago — December 3, 2009
I think the boyfriends generally want to present their girlfriends with something that would be a luxury, in some way. So that they would be a provider of something special in her life, and not just everyday things.
Jamie — December 3, 2009
I would love this, because I'm such a pragmatist but it's not something I would ever think to buy for myself.
I just hate that it was SUCH a lame attempt at humor. If there's anything worse than bad food, it's bad jokes.
Kelly — December 3, 2009
"A clothesline might, in fact, be a gift that would improve the lives of people who have to hang their clothing to dry."
Or people who WANT to hang their clothing to dry. There are lots of us, y'know.
The joke is kind of funny - but only IF that kind of women=housework thing wasn't still ACTIVELY being used in all seriousness in so many ads and so much of our culture, as many of your posts have illustrated.
Gift-giving is personal in families and between couples; all I ask is that my husband put his best thought into it (like I do for him). Sometimes that can be something utilitarian, sometimes not. As a stay-at-home homeschooling mom, honestly, sometimes household tools really are super-handy. I don't reject them out of hand and they're only really a "crap" gift if either A. you know the giftee doesn't want them for gifts or B. you're going to say that housework itself is useless (even if you don't like doing it - SOMEONE has to wash and dry your dirty clothes, eh?)
Attilathenun — December 3, 2009
The interesting class issue here is in the picture itself. That's a rotary clothesline (they take up space) and its pictured in a big open garden space. Such space is not that often available in working-class terrace houses (especially in the parts of Northern England with which I'm familiar). If there is a dependent woman here, she's middle-class, not low income.
Samantha C — December 3, 2009
I'm not sure that it's so much that practical gifts aren't considered worthwhile, but that giving someone a gift is supposed to show that you know and care about them. I think a couple other commenters touched on this. Giving someone a pack of new socks for Christmas is plenty useful, but completely generic. And on the other end, giving a make-up kit to a tomboy is both useless and demonstrative that you don't actually know who she is. I often buy t-shirts for my friends; something practical in that it's an article of clothing, but also very personalized based on what's on the shirt. I think it's that balance of practical and personal that makes the perfect gift.
Gexx — December 3, 2009
I would love for my boyfriend to finish building my clothesline for xmas (got put to the side bc house was broken into, had to repair door/windows). But, that is because I want a clothesline. At the same time, I HATE housework and would normally find such a gift horrible if the person didn't know that I was working hard to green up my life. It's weird walking that line between trying to be eco-conscious and not appearing to embrace "women's work" and displaying the agency behind it.
Chungyen Chang — December 3, 2009
I think the ideal gift is one that has sentimental value AND which is practical. Oftentimes, it is the manner in which something is presented or given which can add that sentimental value. For example, one of my strongest memories of my girlfriend is when she came into my workplace at the end of what was a very long, draining day for me, and she gave me a pile of fried cheesesticks with marinara sauce. I was starving and I still had an hour to go before I could leave work, and I was bored and tired. Then this beautiful girl came in and gave me food. All gifts should have as much love and practical value as that.
Weather for Headphones » Blog Archive » The Perfect Gift — December 3, 2009
[...] Gwen Sharp over at Sociological Images made a post about how gifts these days are largely impractical. In the post, there was some controversy because a company put up a joke ad about clotheslines as a [...]
Victoria — December 3, 2009
I'll take your post a step off to the side and say that people need to just SAY what they want or don't want. If you want it to be a romantic gift - say so. If you want it to be a practical gift - yeah...just say it. When someone asks you what you want specifically don't make them figure it out. They're asking because they're clueless or on behalf of someone else who's clueless. Christmas is the same time every year. Have a list in your mind. If you can't bring yourself to come out and say it, then be just as open to getting a clothesline as you are to getting earrings.
I don't understand why so many women think that their significant others (SO) *should* know what they want. I don't know any men who expect their SO to know what they want. In fact, most of the women I know seem to think that since they've remembered every single thing their SO have said they wanted all year, that their SO are doing the same. I just don't expect that from anyone. I'm that pragmatic about gift-buying with EVERYone. And don't even get me started on the leaving hints around and then being disappointed when no one picks up on them.
Say.what.you.want.
Lindsey — December 4, 2009
Giving generic gifts based solely on gender is the problem. It's just as sexist to give a woman earrings as it is to give her a clothes line if the only reason for it is because she's female.
Just treat all people as people and give gifts according to the individual.
Elisanda — December 4, 2009
"Jewelry, flowers, lingerie–none of these are really helpful items, and they don’t make the recipients’ daily lives easier. A clothesline might, in fact, be a gift that would improve the lives of people who have to hang their clothing to dry."
It might, but I believe what makes a clothesline seem like an especially "unromantic" gift (as opposed to the "practical" gifts you listed as examples) is the fact that household chores are often constructed as work a woman does not do for her own benefit, but for her family and/or for her (male) partner.
So, against the background of traditional gender roles, a "practical" gift facilitating household chores could be interpreted as something not actually meant for the recipient deep down (so she can dry *her* clothing), but chosen out of selfish motives (i.e., in this case, so that the giver's laundry, presumably washed by the recipient on a regular basis, can be done more easily).
Mint — December 4, 2009
What I would really like is if homeowners associations and various city ordinances would stop banning clotheslines from people's personal property... as if the sight of people saving money by drying their laundry outside is offensive and wrong. Doesn't really have much to do with the advertisement, but it makes me so mad!
Niki — December 4, 2009
This whole post, and conversation, kind of reminds me of an anecdote from a friend's birthday party. She was opening her gifts, and her husband asked her to save his for last. When she got to it, it was an iron, and the very second she got the box out of the wrapper - before she could react - he yelled out to the whole room, "So now you can iron my shirts, bitch!" About half of the room, or maybe more, roared with laughter; the other half, or maybe less, was kind of appalled, but sort of laughed nervously and looked at her for guidance; and she just kind of chuckled, blushing and looking mortified (and hurt).
Afterward, she was talking to myself and another of our friends (all of us women), and explained that she had actually been hinting that she wanted an iron, so she was happy to get it - they needed one, and she even had a few wrinkly outfits she was apparently excited to smooth out. I don't know if this was entirely true or if she was simply saying this to treat her wounded pride (which I would completely understand), but for her sake let's assume she was being truthful. Then the issue wasn't with the gift, because the gift was actually a thoughtful one; the issue was with its presentation, and with her husband setting it up as a (very public) insult before she even had time to react with earnest gratefulness. He took what could have been a display of kindness and turned it into an opportunity for him to assert his masculinity and her domesticity. I liked her husband a lot less after that.
Bronwyn — December 4, 2009
Great post- it's a really good point about the "Romantic" gifts, especially since it's the holiday season and we are inundated with jewelry commercials and the like.
I think, though, that there's nothing worse than getting a gift that is so purely practical that it's no longer fun; I think the perfect gift should definitely be something that you would use- whether it is a computer chair, vacuum cleaner, or necklace- but that you might not ordinarily buy for yourself. Something useful, but "extra". My in-laws usually get me something computer related- whether it's a printer (this year), a new hard drive, or memory. Seems like a *totally* boring gift, but you know, I've never had any complaints. Sure, I'm not super *omg* excited about it, but it's useful, it's thoughtful, and it means I can go a bit longer without having to purchase another computer. Actually, with gifting, it's been years since I've actually had to purchase anything *big* for a computer for myself.
Personally I hate getting gifts that are purely things I "need." I also hate giving gifts that are things people really *need* I think everyone needs a little pleasure now and then, even if it's something small. I wouldn't want to buy your groceries for you as a gift, but I would love to give you a gift card for a nice restaurant. That sort of thing.
karinova — December 6, 2009
Does anyone really believe that this was intended as a joke?
Note that the "apology" doesn't say it was. What it says is that some of the people who contacted them about it asked if it was a joke.
What I want to know is, what indicates that it's a joke? I don't see anything like a punchline (like say, "comes with free apology card"), or anything contextualizing it as a joke (were there any other jokes in this catalog?). Is it just the egregious backwardness of it? I have a feeling it is. I submit that this reaction is the result of a decade-plus of Irony Gone Mad. Every day is Backward Day. We're now at a point where people hear some unilluminating cliché (or see it printed on a t-shirt) and practically apologize for not being "edgy" enough to get the "irony." What a perfect out for the serially thoughtless and offensive! And they're taking it.
I'm a GenXer, so I love me some irony/satire/sarcasm. But enough already. Can we please a) learn to properly identify satire, and b) go back to assuming that unless otherwise indicated, people pretty much mean what they say?!
Pauline — December 6, 2009
Completely off topic, but what I find interesting is the number of commenters referring to a clothesline as something to 'green' up their lives. Here in Aus it's pretty much standard that every house has a clothesline, and every family uses it. People might have dryers but I get the impression that they're considered 'second rate' to a good ol' clothesline.
To me the absurdity of getting a clothesline for Christmas is the fact that, well, everyone already has a clothesline. Why would you need to buy one for somebody??
But I understand (from the comments) that this obviously isn't the case for everyone. Just another instance of me not realising just how different other seemingly similar countries can actually be.
And for those interested, 'greening up' here in Australia would mean installing energy efficient light bulbs, solar panels, water-saving shower heads and using grey water on the garden. And in the laundry, using a front-loading washing machine instead of a top loader.
lady brett — December 7, 2009
okay, yes, the generalization is clearly a problem. anything that says "she" will like this one particular gift is clearly making the vast and silly assumption that all women like the same thing - be it a diamond or a clothesline.
but i think throwing this out as obvious rubbish is making much the same sort of assumption. i, personally, do find housecleaning fairly joyous. i already have a clothesline, but one of those little baskets to hold the pins would make me very happy this christmas.
the bigger issue is the idea that getting women practical gifts is somehow inappropriate and rude. the general social assumption (there we go again) seems to be that men *love* practical gifts. i think it reeks of the idea that women are inherently impractical.
Caravelle — December 9, 2009
I think the important factor is whether the person would or could buy that item for themselves. If a well-off person needs a clothesline, they'll buy themselves a clothesline. They're less likely to buy themselves luxury items like jewelry, or useful but one-off and expensive things like consumer electronics.
On the other hand, I imagine someone needs a clothesline but can't afford it will be thrilled to be given it as a gift.
I guess there's a kind of golden zone for gifts - it has to be something you want or would like, but for some reason aren't buying for yourself. Hence try to avoid both the extremes of the cast-iron skillet and the unused Chanel 5.
Worst. Gift Idea. Ever.: Clothesline to “Make Her Feel Special…” » Sociological Images — August 7, 2010
[...] Worst. Gift Idea. Ever.: Clothesline to “Make Her Feel Special…” » Sociologi... [...]
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