sisterhood is…

Obsessed by rhetoric, I have a new body to contemplate: the review headlines that my book, Sisterhood Interrupted, have spawned in the weeks since its recent release. “Why Can’t These Mothers and Daughters Be Like Sisters?” asks the New York Observer. “Can Mothers Be Sisters?” muses the header on an interview I did over on Chicago Moms last week when I was in town. I’m fascinated with the whole mother-daughter-sister thing. Truly. And for those who haven’t, do check out Astrid Henry’s book, Not My Mother’s Sister, for more. But what interests me, really, and what I’ve been talking about on the road is this: Sisterhood is generationally interrupted, but feminism–“young” and “old”–runs strong.

Just not together.

I use the word “sisterhood” with nostalgia and a tinge of irony in the title (wasn’t ours supposed to be an ironic and self-contradictory age?!), and in the conclusion (spoiler alert?!), I talk about its limitations as an organizing metaphor for a social movement. Still, I can’t help but think a lot, these days, about sisterhood metaphorical and real. Of all the questions I’ve been asked, one of my faves was from an interviewer (Veronica Arreola) who had read my previous book, Only Child. Veronica asked me this:

Q: “Considering that you’re an only child, what does sisterhood mean to you? I have friends who are best friends with their sisters, others who rarely talk, and then others in the middle and can understand how they frame ‘sisterhood.’ I’m curious to see how someone without a sister frames it.”

I thought I’d share my response with folks here, because I’m curious how others, veterans and novices alike, those with sisters and those without, feel about the concept of sisterhood in regard to feminism these days. So here we go–here’s me:




A: As an only child, sure I idealized the idea of a sister—always wanted one—but I also saw the reality to be far more complicated. My best friend growing up was a twin, my mother’s a twin. My best friend was (and is) very close with her twin, but my mother and hers didn’t become close until mid-adulthood, and they have an older sister with whom my mom has a troubled bond. I‘ve watched these sets of sisters suffer hurt feelings and envy in addition to enviable closeness and great love. So my closest models of biological sisterhood were of this loving but tempestuous relationship.

Historically, for the women’s movement, the concept of sisterhood was powerful. But the idealized vision many had quickly erupted into something much more difficult, but, I think, far more real. Sisterhood (metaphorical or real) is not about twinship—looking into the mirror and expecting to see oneself—though sadly I think that’s sometimes what happens when you get swept up by an ideal. The word “sisterhood” today elicits an eye roll from many women under 40 (confession: myself, sometimes, included!) and particularly among a younger generation of feminists who are more conscious than their foremothers about the intensely significant difference of race in particular, but I use it in my book’s title to evoke a profound sense of lost common ground. Metaphorical sisterhood to me doesn’t necessarily mean sameness, or agreement, but rather recognizing commonalities across our differences. Solidarity. Generation is a new, salient difference, but the finger pointing going on right now (“younger women are throwbacks—they’re letting feminism down by dropping of careers, and flaunting their sexuality!” “older feminists are out of touch with our issues!”) has reached a new low. Women across generations have lost sight of what we do share in common—namely, lack of affordable childcare, reproductive justice, access (still) to many of the nation’s top jobs, equal pay (77 cents on the male dollar!)…I could go on.

And on. But I want to hear from *you*. C’mon, sisters big and little, tell me what you think. Got sisterhood? Got a new, 21st century metaphor? A free book goes to the commentor with the best new metaphor – for reals.

Washington DC.

My friend Heather once told me, soon after she had her first baby, that all the things that worry you about motherhood when you’re pregnant are none of the things you worry about once you have that kid. You worry about different things instead. I feel a bit like that about this book (Sisterhood, Interrupted). Before it was born, I worried (well, worried is strong – more like wondered) that I’d offend older women readers or alienate younger ones. Or both. Or that I’d be accused of adding fuel to the flame by writing about feminist fights. So far, nope.

In that miraculous stroke of stars in alignment and timing (I think being published right after Jessica and Courtney’s books took off like wildfire, starting crucial debates, was fortuitous), my book seems to be hitting folks in just the way I had hoped — and is drumming up some panels and forums for cross-generational conversation among gals old and young. (Stay tuned for more details – but the first one is a Demos Forum on July 26th. Lots more in the works for Fall.)

So what are the worries, a week post-delivery? Only the silly stuff. Like forgetting my camera on the South Jersey trip and not being able to preserve the memory of walking down Alice Paul’s staircase at Paulsdale, or not publicly thanking the manager of Olsson’s Bookstore last night in DC (THANK YOU, Olsson’s!), or not taking a photo (brought the camera this time) of Emily Napalo and Diana, assistants to Ellie Smeal at Feminist Majority Foundation and Kim Gandy at NOW respectively, who came to the reading, to post here on the blog….

So before I forget, a warm shout out to those in DC: Emily, Diana, Michal Avni, Heather Boushey, Allison Kimmich, Sarah Blustain, Ann Friedman, and especially to my host John Schmidt. And to the young women (esp Danielle) who interviewed me for PBS’s To the Contrary. You all totally made my day!

A thoughtful, intergenerational review of Sisterhood, Interrupted–by Linda Hirshman and then Nona Willis-Aronowitz appears in today’s New York Observer.

I’m off to catch a train to DC for a PBS taping and a reading tonight at Olsson’s, DuPont Circle. If you’re in the DC area, please, come say hello!

Official tour kicked off this week with a reading at a Border’s near Philly, hosted by the South Jersey Alice Paul chapter of NOW. Proceeds from the day went to the chapter — I hope they collected oodles! The audience was my ideal group, and I’m afraid they set the standard, now, for this tour. The president of the chapter was in her late 20s, and there were members there in their 60s as well.

Before the event, my host, the amazing, inspiring, long-time activist Judy Buckman, brought me to visit Paulsdale, the birthplace of Alice Paul. Apparently, during the long, hard suffrage campaign, Alice occasionally came there to recharge. Surrounded by acres of beautiful country, Paulsdale was her personal retreat. Judy told me about the more recent fight circa 1991 to register the place as a historic landmark (“Now it’d be easier if, say, you were talking about the home of Thomas Jefferson,” the Paulsdale crusaders were told.) The gorgeously restored farmhouse (above) is now home to the Alice Paul Institute, complete with leadership programs for young women and girls. I can’t wait to introduce the Woodhull (yes, as in Victoria) Institute to Alice’s Institute, if they aren’t friends already. I find it intensely moving the way first-wave heroines are being reclaimed by women’s institutions today.

In a stroke of perfect timing, Iron Jawed Angels arrived from Netflix last night. Can’t wait to check out Hilary Swank’s impersonation of Alice. Yeah, like I’m now on first-name basis with the author of the ERA. Guess that’s what happens when you visit Paulsdale. There’s something truly magical and inspirited about the place. Go there. You’ll see what I mean.

Coming this week on HuffPo: I just sent off a post, “Sex Wars Old and New,” commenting on the 103 (!) comments posted in response to Courtney Martin’s interview with me on AlterNet last week (“Why Feminists Fight”). Let me know what you think. It should be up soon.

Also this week: Watch for an excerpt of Sisterhood, Interrupted in the next edition Mothers Movement Online!

I am so excitedly overwhelmed at the response yesterday. Profound gratitude to all who have sent me such kind words of enthusiasm and support! People are starting to ask how I think we might foster better and rich conversations across generations of feminists. So here is my initial response:

1. Host or gather a group of women, girls, and grrls across the generations and use the DISCUSSION GUIDE in the back of the back of Sisterhood, Interrupted to spark conversations about our differences, our similarities, the unfinished business of feminism, and how we move forward from here.

2. Take a younger/older feminist to LUNCH! Do it today. Connections are far best when they’re one-on-one.

3. If you’re an academic wanting to join the more popular conversation about feminism and add nuance and you have a book that you think could go trade, take my online course this fall, “MAKING IT POP: TRANSLATING YOUR IDEAS FOR TRADE“ (more details on that soon, via Girl w/Pen email list)

4. If you can, participate in a LEADERSHIP RETREAT at the Woodhull Institute for Ethical Leadership. I’m a Fellow there, and we offer leadership retreats for women in their 20s/30s, another one for women over 50, and many, of course, that are intergenerational. (Scholarships are available.)

5. Stay current and in touch by reading FEMINIST BLOGS (if unfamiliar, check out my blogroll, for a gateway). They provide to-the-minute coverage on wide-ranging topics and are places where rich intergenerational discussion, ideally, can begin.

6. Send me suggestions of your own and I promise to post them here. Or join my Facebook group and start dialogue there.

Thank you again, and happy reading!! I look forward to continuing the conversation.

Ok, I’m more than a little psyched – PUB DAY IS HERE!! This morning I was carrying a copy of Sisterhood, Interrupted (which Marco has started to refer to for some reason as “Sisterrupted”) as I was waiting in line at Starbucks and the woman behind me asked “Is that book good? I like the title” and I got to say, “I wrote it!” Very fun way to start the day. That, and with a link to the awesome Courtney Martin’s piece on my book in AlterNet today. Also going live today is an interview by the amazing ladies over at the Center for New Words.

I forgot to mention yesterday how inspired I was by the Annual Spring Reading I went to on Sunday for Girls Write Now. Those girls have got it going on. The store (B&N at Astor Place) was jam packed, and the girls–all in their teens–read their heartfelt, beautiful, painful, poignant, courageous writing to the crowd. The fearless and ever-inspiring Jessica Valenti kicked it off. Congrats Patti and Maya and all the others over at GWN on such a stupendous event! And thank you for giving this grown up girl renewed energy and inspiration as I launch into this week!

My book Sisterhood, Interrupted: From Radical Women to Grrls Gone Wild officially goes on sale tomorrow (gulp) and people have been asking (bless their hearts!) how they can help. Here are some suggestions:

1. BUY THE BOOK!

2. Tell someone else to buy the book, or buy it for your mother / daughter / sister / friend (it might make a strange Father’s Day present, but hey, why not! Hey Dad – guess what you’re getting this year!)

3. Write about it – on your blog, in a note to your mother/daughter, on the bathroom wall…

4. Come out to a reading, or tell friends, sisters, and aunts about a reading in the cities I’m going to (events posted here)

5. Host or gather a group of women, girls, and grrls across the generations and use the discussion guide in the back of the book to spark conversations about our differences, our similarities, the unfinished business of feminism, and what we all can do…!

And thank you, Girl with Pen readers, for all your support. It means the world to me that people are excited to read the book! You bigtime make my day. You do. I really mean that.

I’m staring down my pub date (JUNE 12!) and I spent the weekend doing all these online interviews – which was hugely fun! One interviewer asked me about the subtitle, and I thought I’d post my response here:

The radical women are the radical feminists who appear in the early chapters of the book—the ones who came of age in the Civil Rights and antiwar movements and the New Left, grew tired of pouring coffee and licking stamps (and, though I didn’t say this in the interview, licking other things) for the male heavies, formed a movement of their own, and gave voice to that transformative slogan, “The Personal Is Political.” Grrl is the young feminist appropriation of “girl” first voiced by the Riot Grrls—punk girls who grew tired of playing sexual side dish to the drummer and started creating their own scene, which included all-girl bands. This is just one example, but there are continuities here that I think are lost on women from both these generations. Sometimes older women today think the boob-flashing on the video series Girls Gone Wild is all there is to a younger generation’s so-called feminism, when really there’s SO much else going on.

I just got back from the National Council for Research on Women’s 25th anniversary conference at Spelman, in Atlanta. Very historically rich feeling to be on that particular campus–and to hear directly from Moya Bailey, one of the Spelman students behind the Nelly protests. The conference was deliciously rich too. I had big fun unfurling the “Milestones in Women’s Research” banner I’d been working on with NCRW, and giving a workshop on translating research for trade. To balance things out a bit, I went to see Knocked Up last night with my beau. Since I haven’t had time for a real post since coming back, I’m vicariously offering up the following tidbits in the interim:

The New York Times has a piece today on new shows including The Starter Wife by Alessandra Stanley, who has an interesting observation on female bonding/fighting:

The fact that nowadays women are allowed to like one another, even at the expense of men, is at the core of ladies-night hits like “Grey’s Anatomy.” So atavistic series like “The Bachelor” and “Desperate Housewives” that play down female camaraderie and instead showcase hissy fits and catfights have a naughty, contrarian tang.

Let’s hear it for the death of hissy. Bonding is in!

Over on HuffPo Courtney Martin serves up some intergenerational wisdom in her
review of Hannah Seligson’s new book, New Girl on the Job: Advice from the Trenches, which, says Courtney, “speaks directly to this disappointed generation of highly ambitious and more than slightly unrealistic women” aka Gen Y:

The New Girl on the Job uncovers the new American Dream. It’s not the perfect house, the white picket fence, and the 2.5 kids — it is fulfilling work and respect. We don’t just want to make a good living and put food on the table anymore, we want to be professional creatives, entrepreneurs, inventors, visionaries, and influentials. Sure it is a tall order. Sure we’re a little entitled. But isn’t this what you raised us to believe was possible?

Seligson sees the intergenerational rifts and addresses them very matter-of-factly: “You shouldn’t fear that the arrival of a new girl will undermine your position, or write off the older women you work with as out of touch. There is room for all of us.”

Yes and yes.

And many thanks to Veronica Arreola at the Women in Science and Engineering Program at the University of Illinois-Chicago for calling my attention to CNN’s latest bit on GGW and porn that includes an uncharacteristically nice little bow (sort of) to the Suicide Girls.

More tomorrow for reals, promise!