intergenerational

So the intergenerational feminist panel I travel with, “Women Girls and Ladies”, is presenting at George Washington University next Thurs (Sept 25, 6pm) and at the Association for Women in Communications conference next Fri (Sept 26, luncheon keynote). At GW, we’ll be doing our “what made me a feminist” version, and at AWC, we’ll be specifically talking about communicating among women across generations at work. The panelists are: Gloria Feldt, Kristal Brent-Zook, Courtney Martin, and me. I love traveling with these ladies. And speaking of Courtney, stay tuned for a guest post from her here at GWP next week….

For anyone in the DC area, thanks in advance for any help spreading the word about these events!

Thank you to Kristen and Virginia for keeping us posted on the latest in Palinography! I’ve been in another zone here in Chicago, mourning my grandmother, though I have watched The Speeches and pretty much want to PUKE.

Anyway, thought I’d share some of where my head has been these past few days by posting a letter I wrote to my grandmother and read at her funeral. I’m back in action next week.

Dear Grandma,

Because death is like that, I can’t quite absorb the fact that you’re no longer here so I’m writing you this letter as if I’m off at camp and you’re simply back home, knitting. I remember all the letters you wrote me at camp, and later at college and into adulthood–with their beautiful script and news about the weather in Chicago and lines like “not much going on here” and “counting the days until I see you again.”

You were a fixture in my life, as were your brisket made with onion soup mix and our visits to Indian Trail restaurant to see our favorite waitress Inga, our travels to England, and later our shared high teas at The Drake.

I remember eclaires and truffles and sleepovers and talking back to the evening news. I remember Tonelli’s and your neighbor Shirley with the funny last name and the way you would take me around to your “beauty operator” and the salesladies at Loehmans.

“This is my granddaughter,” you’d say, beaming.

“Oh,” they’d say. “Your grandmother is always talking about you.”

As a teenager, I remember talking to my friends about you. I’d tell them how stylish my grandmother was and how cool you were because you volunteered at LINKS, a clinic that provided counseling and contraception to teens.

In college, our conversations turned to love and politics and I grew interested in the YOU of you. As an adult, I learned that you weren’t always easy, and that it must have been hard, sometimes, to be you.

As you grew older, and friends and loved ones died or moved away and you grew more isolated, I felt your sadness and your loneliness and wished I could help fill your longing. But I couldn’t, and we couldn’t, and I learned to cultivate compassion. I tried to wrap my love around you from afar the way your afghans always warmed me.

And now, I have your afghans and hats and scarves to remember you by, and your letters to me, which I have kept. The last one you wrote just a month ago, in slightly shakey hand but with a beaming heart. You had just returned from my wedding, and I was so glad to have had you there, as was Marco, who I am so glad you had a chance to love.

“Dearest Debbie,” you wrote. “No one has ever been to such a wonderful wedding. There are no ways to tell you how wonderful we felt just to be together and watch the simcha and feel so much a part of it. Needless to say you were all gorgeous. I’ll never forget how you all looked and shared your warmth and love. I hope that happiness and all good things will always come to you. Accept my wedding gift to you and my hope for a great and glorious life.”

I don’t really believe in an afterlife, but I believe that spirits live on in our heart. And so my wish for you Grandma is that your spirit finds peace and rest after this too quick and sometimes painful journey called life. I will carry you forward in my heart, and hopefully, with some help, in my genes. And if one day I am lucky enough to become a grandmother, I hope that I can be one like you — generous, reassuring, kind, warm as a just-baked roll at Indian Trail or a cup of high tea at The Drake. And one who lets her granddaughter know daily how very deeply and thoroughly she is loved.

Always,
Debbie

Yesterday, EMILY’s List released their 2008 Women’s Monitor Study, “From 18 to 80: Women on Politics and Society.” Based on interviews with over 1,400 women voters in four distinct generational groups–Gen Y, Gen X, Boomers, and Seniors–the national study looks at look at “the gaps and bridges between generations and what they mean for the next president of the United States.”

Among the findings:

• After Gen Y women, Senior women are Senator Obama’s next strongest generation: Obama leads Senator McCain by an incredible 30 points among Gen Y, 11 points among Seniors, 8 points among Gen X and 6 points among Boomers.

• Hope and Optimism vs. Safety and Security: The key thematic divide in the presidential race is the equal split between those women who are looking for a candidate who offers hope and optimism (supporting Obama by a 60 point margin) and those who are looking for a candidate who offers safety and security (supporting McCain by a 35 point margin). The women’s electorate divides exactly evenly among those who are looking for hope and optimism (38 percent) and safety and security (38 percent).

And, yes, my personal favorite:

• Young women don’t take equality for granted. Seventy-seven (77) percent of Gen Y agrees that sexism is still a serious problem for women today, including 36 percent who agree strongly. Seventy-eight (78) percent of Gen Y agrees that there is still a need for a women’s movement that has a strong political voice, including 34 percent who agree strongly. Eighty-three (83) percent of Gen Y thinks it would be better if more women were elected to office, including 48 percent who agree strongly.

The complete report is available on the EMILY’s List website at www.emilyslist.org.

And for those lucky ducks attending the DNC, EMILY’s List will hosting a breakfast and a talk about the findings on Tuesday, August 26th at the Downtown Convention Center, Korbel Ballroom 2C, from 8:30-10:00. RSVPs required.

So here’s to the latest women about to be demonized in the media: Michelle Obama. My heart goes out to her, and so will my pen (or keyboard, whatevs). Meanwhile, check out this piece in Women’s eNews by Sandra Kobrin, “Michelle: Hold Your Head High; We Got Your Back.”

And by the way, for an expanded version of Courtney’s comments from yesterday’s forum on media coverage of the 2008 elections, do check out “Generation Y Refuses Race-Gender Dichotomy” in AlterNet today. An excerpt:

The million-dollar question: How, with a generation bent on individuality and multiplicity, do we confront racism, sexism and all the other insipid -isms that have been brought to light by this unprecedented campaign? To my mind, we must continue to use novel interventions — like the Women’s Media Center’s great montage “Sexism Sells, but We’re Not Buying It,” the brand-new blog Michelle Obama Watch, and the evergreen experts at Racialicious — to educate people. We must use humor — as my group blog Feministing often does, as the brilliant Sarah Haskins does on Current TV, as Ann Telnaes does through cartooning over at Women’s eNews. (Note: It’s not just the boys — John Stewart, Stephen Colbert, and the Onion crew — that know the power of a laugh.)

We must take our roles as media consumers dead seriously, calling television executives and newspaper editors on their misguided choices and celebrating them when they get it right. In an increasingly corporatized media landscape, it is your dollar, not your disgust, that will most readily get big-wig attention. Don’t buy sexist magazines, don’t tune into to racist radio, and don’t watch reductive, recycled infotainment being pawned off as news.

But most of all, it seems to me, we must continue to push for a deeper, more authentic conversation overall. We must let the mainstream media know that we don’t want to debate “reject” or “denounce” for 24 hours or go on witch hunts for Geraldine Ferraro or Samantha Power. We want to understand what these women were trying to say. We want to explore the real issues. We want to, as my co-panelist Juan Gonzalez of Democracy Now so brilliantly put it, call into question the whole idea of empire. The debate shouldn’t center on the quandary: How can we make our empire more effective? But, do we want to be an empire in the first place?

And we must demand that our candidates rise to the occasion, as I believe Obama did so beautifully with his speech on race following the Reverend Wright controversy. He brought that conversation to a new level, and we are all better off for it. We need to continue to push for that kind of brazen truth-telling — about gender, certainly, about class, for sure. That’s what politics is supposed to be about — not partisanship or strategic spinning, but honesty and uplift. Call me naïve, but that’s what the young are supposed to be, right?

When I was writing my book Sisterhood, Interrupted, I knew that my manuscript submission deadline was to be but an arbitrary end. I could have kept writing and writing and writing. Because mama drama (Chapter 5) is a story that just doesn’t quit.

In a recent issue of The Daily Mail, Rebecca Walker writes, “My mother may be revered by women around the world – goodness knows, many even have shrines to her. But I honestly believe it’s time to puncture the myth and to reveal what life was really like to grow up as a child of the feminist revolution.” Rebecca is a colleague of mine, and a peer. She contributed an essay to my anthology Only Child. I’m saddened to hear, as she reveals in The Mail, that she’s having trouble conceiving a second of her own. But publicly blaming her mother, and through her mother, flaming feminism, seems extreme.

Like Rebecca, I’m starting my journey to motherhood later. Had it not been for feminism, I might have stayed married to a first husband who was wrong for me (we divorced). Had it not been for feminism, and more specifically, the Pill, I might have conceived in my early twenties, a time when I was still growing up myself and would have failed miserably at motherhood. And let’s face it: had it not been for feminism, I would not be a writer publishing feminist articles and books–including some that question and critique the movement’s hot contentions and debates.

Like Rebecca, I too have had my share of conflict with my mother. We’ve screamed, fought, brought each other to our therapists, and duked it out. My mother is not a famous feminist, and to be sure she’s been ever present in my life–perhaps unlike Alice Walker in that regard, according to Rebecca’s account. My mother was overly available, and therein our troubles began. As one of the writers in our Only Child anthology puts it, sometimes we onlies can long for neglect.

Yes, my mother-daughter troubles were of the fixable variety. Perhaps Rebecca and Alice’s are not, and perhaps it is unfair for me to even compare. The personal is by all means political; when your mother is Alice Walker, no doubt those boundaries are bound to slide. But when Rebecca writes that “Feminism has much to answer for denigrating men and encouraging women to seek independence whatever the cost to their families,” I fear she is revealing far less about a movement and more about herself.

Image cred

Oh boy, I gotta jump in over at Slate’s XX Factor — and likely will — but just wanted to share this article by Dahlia Litwik with ya’ll, called We Need To Talk, which concludes:

[I]n the spirit of reconciliation, I’d ask our mothers and grandmothers to take another look at the young feminists of 2008—supporters of Clinton and Obama alike. We’ve got money we earned—not by pole-dancing for the most part—and we’ve chosen to spend it on political candidates! Not shoes! (Or at least on political candidates and shoes.) We are smart and educated and politically engaged. We are passionate about repairing the world for your grandkids and goofily confident that those same granddaughters will be someday number among the joint chiefs of staff and the National League pennant winners. And wasn’t that at the core of your dream for us? You are not invisible. But we are not blind. And maybe now’s not the best time to confess to this but these rose-colored glasses we’ve been wearing since January? We borrowed them from you. …

And for another generational take, do check out Linda Hirshman’s piece in The Washington Post, “Looking to the Future, Feminism Has to Focus”, in which Hirshman cites my fellow PWVers Gloria Feldt and Sonia Osario as well as feminist bloggers Jessica Valenti and Jill Filipovic.

Your thoughts?

(Thanks, Marco, for the heads up on Slate.)

As promised, my thoughts on Tuesday’s Leaders Who Lunch event, sponsored by Woodhull, on the theme of intergenerational issues among women at work:

Sitting at a table of leaders from various organizations, I was struck once again by the ubiquity of a problem within the organizational structure at many small nonprofits. There are entry-level jobs and director-level jobs, and not much in between. Hence, for many young people who enter small nonprofits, there is nowhere, really, to grow.

I worked at a small, national nonprofit fresh out of college. I was a research assistant. I loved my job and was mentored well. Following the path of many who work the nonprofit circuit, I went back to graduate school for a PhD, thinking I’d like to teach. Once I realized I didn’t (want to teach college, that is), I returned to the same nonprofit, by then under new leadership, as a Project Director. And again, I loved my job. But in the end, and to my surprise, I found myself facing the same dilemma as my younger colleagues: nowhere, really, to grow.

As Courtney, Gloria, Kristal, and I also do regularly at our WomenGirlsLadies events, Woodhull’s gifted facilitator Karla asked us to think of one thing we’d like to share with our elder–or younger–colleagues about the kinds of generationally-tinged struggles we sometimes face. So here’s what I offered, in the context of that safe space:

To my elders in women’s organizations:
1. Have a succession plan in the works for the executive director, and start grooming.
2. Make room for us. Some organizations seem to have distinct limits in terms of voices of leadership. If there is room for more, those of us who end up leaving may instead decide to stay, and help the organization grow.
3. Try to operate from a psychology of abundance, rather than one of scarcity. Your staff are not your competition, but allies.

Whew — pretty feisty for so early in the morning, huh? I just got back from trying a spinning class for the first time in years, which must be giving me the chutzpah to speak my mind.

Gratitude to Woodhull, and again to In Good Company, for a very rich event. Woodhull is running an Intergenerational Leader Retreat up in Ancramdale on May 16-18. Note: I won’t be there, but I urge folks to check it out.

Our next monthly guest blogger needs no introduction, but just in case you don’t know her yet, Courtney E. Martin is a writer, teacher, and speaker whose book, Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters: The Frightening New Normalcy of Hating Your Body, was published to critical acclaim in April 2007 and will be released in paperback by Penguin in September. Courtney writes a column on politics and gender for The American Prospect Online and is the Book Editor of Feministing. She writes regularly for Crucial Minutiae, Alternet, Women’s eNews, the Christian Science Monitor, and metro. And now, she also writes monthly for GWP! Courtney is the resident youngin on our traveling panel, WomenGirlsLadies: A Fresh Conversation Across Generations and teaches me things daily about writing and life. Here’s Miss C, with some intergenerational wisdom to share for all those seeking to write for popular audiences–which include, of course, the young folk.

Reaching the Next Generation

When Deborah talks about “making it pop”—i.e. translating academic or movement-specific messages for the popular culture—I sometimes imagine that sound my high school best friend used to make with her gum when she was intent on interrupting our painfully boring biology teacher….POP!

Which is as an apt anecdote for what I’ll be writing about in this monthly column: reaching the next generation. One of the most coveted and challenging populations to reach is us youngins. In an age of Facebook, 24/7 news, and competitive college admissions overload, young people don’t have much spare attention to go around. So what can you—teacher, writer, evil marketer (just kidding, sort of)—do to make it pop specially for Generation Y (defined, for our purposes, as those born in the 80s and beyond).

Lesson #1: Don’t fall for trendy schemes.

Whether we’re talking politics or sex education, young people’s least favorite thing is to be confronted with forced intimacy and/or adults who think they only know how to communicate in acronyms (LOL, BFF etc.). Recent studies from Young Voters Strategies, a project of The Graduate School of Political Management at George Washington University, reveal that young people are still most likely to get involved in the political process via peer-to-peer, face-to-face interactions, not text messages or YouTube videos of candidates (though they do check these out).

This isn’t to deny that we’re IM-ing, texting, and writing on one another’s walls (if you’re an adult over 40 and you’re confused by any of this, it is a good sign that you’re not trying too hard–congrats), but to say that just because we’re communicating that way doesn’t mean that a) we want you to and b) we don’t still value good old fashioned in person interactions. In fact, expressly because our communication has gotten so remote, chatting over a meal or while sitting on the grass in the park is more special than ever to young people.

In sum, acknowledge our technological communication habits but don’t reduce us to them. In return, we promise not to make fun of you when you talk about how cell phones used to be the size of Bibles.

Ok, so I never had a Bible-size cell, but I do remember VCRs and (gasp) Betas. Edsel, anyone? Tune in next month for Lesson #2…. -GWP

I just saw a clip from The League of First Time Voters on CNN and must say I’m impressed with what CNN is doing over there. I just watched a panel of young women — first time voters, all — talk with the host about the issues. Nice site. I urge folks to check it out.

Last night I informally celebrated the 90th birthday of one of my mentors and guides: Mariam Chamberlain, founding president of the National Council for Research on Women, major funder of women’s studies back when she was at the Ford Foundation, economist at Harvard from the days when women didn’t do such things. Mariam was surrounded by the young women who know and love her from our various stints working at the Council. (I worked there for two years straight outa college, and then returned for another round after I finished my PhD.) When conversation came round to the election, my favorite response came from friend and former colleague Gwendolyn Beetham, who simply said: “I’m for whoever is going to be McCain.” After amazing lemon cake from Buttercup, all rushed home to watch the returns.

To Mariam (who is on email daily): May your 90th year be filled with hope, love, continued faith in the vitality of a women’s movement in all its flavors, and a candidate who can beat McCain.