families

I was SO sad to hear that the organization Dads and Daughters had to fold its tent this month due to lack of funds. I add my voice to the chorus of women sending shout outs to the folks behind DADs for their wonderful work these past 10 years.

One door closes, another creaks open. I’m excited to share a new blog by a member of my writers group, Paul Raeburn (left), over at Psychology Today. It’s called “About Fathers”. Paul also blogs at Fathers and Families, and he culls from the latest research and writes Very Smart Things about the importance of fathers and how fathers affect children’s development. Paul’s a journalist and the author of “Acquainted with the Night,” a memoir of raising children with bipolar disorder and depression, and a new father himself. I encourage GWP readers to visit and comment and check him out.

Oh, how men take pride in their sperm.

As a fertility specialist cum (hey no pun – it’s Latin) interview subject recently told me, often when a man learns that his sperm are plentiful, mobile, and strong, he’ll proclaim right then and there: “My guys are good! My guys are good!” Meanwhile, awaiting her diagnosis, his partner will slowly retreat back in her chair. And get this: even in an era when severe male factor infertility is one of the diagnoses most easy to treat, some guys who go in with their partners for fertility workups refuse to go through with the semen analysis because they’re too afraid of the results. For more on all this, of course, check out Sperm Counts: Overcome [pun intended] by Man’s Most Precious Fluid by sociology and women’s studies prof Lisa Jean Moore, a book I blogged about here a while back.

So with all that as a prelude, I thought I’d start out the week by karmically balancing the universe. Color me 1970s, but I firmly believe that more women should greet the news that their ovaries are working with “My Girls Are Good!” Or something like that. “Girls” doesn’t quite cut it. Any one out there got an alternative expression for ovum pride? I’m taking suggestions.

This week my colleagues at the Council on Contemporary Families released a briefing paper, “Families and the Current Economic Crisis,” examing the maelstrom of financial dilemmas facing Americans today, along with the far-reaching human impact. The report is available at www.contemporaryfamilies.org. Here’s a quick rundown of the different effects of the current economic crisis by age, race, and gender:

Gender

Men and women are affected by the job market cuts differently. In the recession of 2001-2004, women lost jobs at a higher rate than men. Today the reverse is true. From November 2007 through April 2008, men lost 700,000 jobs, especially in traditional “family-wage” occupations such as manufacturing and construction. Women, by contrast, gained almost 300,000 jobs, since female-dominated fields such as health care have remained strong. No one is “winning” any gender battles here, though. The pay gap between men and women had been narrowing for several years, but this past year it began to widen again. And in families where women have become the main providers, the results are mixed. Some families report increased respect by husbands and children for women’s economic contributions. But men who have a strong identification with the “male breadwinner” role experience a decline in marital quality when their wife begins to bring in a larger share of family income.

Age

Thirty million Americans are over age 65, and with the average social security payment set at $1,079, there is not much of a margin to cover rising medical, prescription, food, and gas bills. Since more than a third of retired Americans help their children financially, according to a recent AARP poll, their financial troubles may trickle down to their children and grandchildren as well. The AARP reports that the majority of baby boomers (aged 44-62) say they are struggling to make ends meet. Sixty percent have cut back on extras and 25 percent report having trouble paying their mortgage. Young adults aged 25-35 have their own issues. Many are still paying off student loans, and 35 percent are not saving for retirement at all.

Race

As is so often the case, African Americans and Hispanics are at higher risk both for job loss and foreclosure than are whites. Studies consistently show that even where black and white families earn the same yearly income, African-Americans have much lower levels of accumulated wealth, largely because their mobility has been more recent and they did not inherit homes or assets from earlier generations. More than half of all mortgages granted to African Americans in 2006 were sub-prime. In fact, a family living in an upper-middle class African American neighborhood is twice as likely to have a sub-prime mortgage as a lower-middle class white family. Hispanics were also over-represented in the sub-prime housing market. Given the continuing residential segregation in America, foreclosures on such homes will disproportionately affect African-American and Hispanic neighborhoods.

For more information, please contact Stephanie Coontz, Professor of History and Family Studies, The Evergreen State College, Olympia, WA (coontzs@msn.com; 360 556-9223).

Kudos to Nancy Polikoff for her smart LA Times oped the other week! Nancy is the author of Beyond (Straight and Gay) Marriage: Valuing All Families under the Law, and a law professor at American University, and a scholar who calls for valuing contemporary families not as they “should” be but as they are. Here’s the lede graf (journo speak for the opening paragraph) of her oped:

It’s the 1968 revolution you never heard of. Forty years ago today, tucked in between the assassinations of the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. and Robert F. Kennedy, a U.S. Supreme Court ruling repudiated centuries of settled law by granting constitutional recognition and protection to a previously outcast group: children born outside of marriage and their parents….

From a “making it PoP” perspective, I like her lede sentence. Very grabby. For the skinny, read the rest here.

According to the Families and Work Institute’s 2008 National Study of Employers, employers with more ethnic and racial minorities in top and senior level positions–and nonprofits organizations–are more likely to offer flexible workplaces, caregiving leaves, child and elder care assistance, and health care/economic security benefits.

This national study of employers with 50 or more employees is the largest and most comprehensive study of the programs, policies, and benefits designed to respond to the changing workforce. The report includes this interesting tidbit related to the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA): 22% of employers offer more than the 12 weeks of mandated maternity leave, yet 18 to 21% of all employers surveyed appear to be out of compliance with FMLA.

For more, you can download the report at www.familiesandwork.org.

So in addition to it being Jewish American Heritage Month and all, it’s also Older Americans Month. I told Marco this just now and he said, “Hey, a month for me!” (Note: he’s not really Jewish, just really likes my tribe. And he’s not truly old, just kind of.)

Anyway, here are three important facts about older Americans to start off your day, courtesy of Ashton Applewhite and CCF:

MORE MARRIAGE: Men and women over 65 are more likely to have partners than at any time in history. They are now more likely to be married (as opposed to widowed or divorced without remarriage) because both men and women are living longer and because the gap between sexes is narrowing. In addition, people are more likely to remarry at older ages, although unmarried elders are also much more likely to cohabit than in the past.

HOT SEX: There’s no association between menopause and reduced sexual desire, once we control for other factors. Nor are post-menopausal women less likely to be orgasmic, although some report their orgasms are less intense. And Americans in their sixties and beyond are certainly interested in sex: they’re fueling a booming Viagra market.

MORE POVERTY: Widowed and divorced women who took time off from work to raise children are especially vulnerable to poverty because almost all retirement income is based on work — theirs or theirs spouses’. And Social Security is the only source of income for more than 40 percent of older women living alone.

Ashton is currently working on a project about older Americans called So When Are You Going to Retire: Octogenarians in the Workforce. For much, much more on any of this, contact Ashton at applewhite@earthlink.net.

Lots of people have been asking me about last weekend’s Council on Contemporary Families conference, which I blogged about here. For more coverage, check out the Chicago Tribune and the Christian Science Monitor. Veronica blogged a bit about our blogging workshop here. And if other GWP readers who attended happened to blog about the conference, please do post your links in comments, to share!

It’s amazing to me how little research exists on teenage and young adult sexuality in contrast to all the hot media air the topic seems to inspire. At this weekend’s Council on Contemporary Families Conference in Chicago, I had a chance to listen in as journalists and sex researchers shared their latest thinking on hook ups, the orgasm gap, and girls gone wild.

Hook ups, argued Deb Tolman, founder of the Center for Research on Gender and Sexuality at San Francisco State and a scholar of adolescent sexuality, follow a rather male model of sexual behavior. Friends-with-benefits do not a “relationship” make, and hookups are supposed to occur without those nasty little things called “feelings” getting the way. How did that model get so broadly accepted as ok?, Tolman wanted to know. She added that the question of what “good sex” means is still up for grabs. Who decides? Is it always about orgasms? Kids need adults to talk openly about sexual pleasure in concrete terms.

But back to hookups. At the same time that hookups are part of kids’ sexual landscape, they are not the landscape in its entirety. Tolman reminded the crowd that the recent emphasis on hooking up overlooks the fact that coupledom still exists. Couples just ain’t sexy news. Pepper Schwartz later noted that relationships during adolescence were NEVER easy. So if we’re saying hookups are bad, what are we comparing them to? Young people today get more intimacy from each other than in days of yore. And perhaps that’s not such a bad thing after all.

Tolman feels strongly that the topic of teen sexuality has been reductively portrayed, fueled by moral panic. Laura Sessions Stepp, author of Unhooked, bypassed this (veiled?) critique of her recent work, concentrating instead on the downsides of hooking up. “Young women say they don’t have time for relationships, so they play at relationships — faux ones, aka hook ups — while they’re busy getting everything else done,” said Stepp.

And then came the larger frame. Stanford researcher Paula England commented that we’ve had a sexual revolution without much of a gender revolution in the bedroom. The focus in sex is still, often, male pleasure (orgasm gap being alive and well) and there’s a double standard about women initiating both dates and sex. Compare this to the gender revolution we’ve made in the realms of jobs and education. With sex, we’re still a bit in the dark ages.

England drew on findings from the College Social Life Study, which gathered quantitative data from students at Stanford and Indiana and qualitative data from an online study. According to the numbers, hookups do NOT threaten relationships. It’s true that most hookups don’t lead to relationships, but it’s also true that most relationships are preceded by hookups. When asked if they want to marry someday, under 2% of young women and men said NO; 98% said YES.

As the panel reached its close, my crew–late 30something/early 40something academic women–whispered conspiratorily amongst ourselves. “And what about hook ups in your 30s?” we asked, directed at nobody in particular. After all, hook ups are how many of us grown ups begin our long-term relationships these days. And I’m here to say hook ups ain’t all bad. Heck, I’m marrying mine!

For more on the CCF conference, see coverage in Saturday’s USA Today and Chicago Tribune.

Rushing off to catch a plane, but some quick news tidbits to share before I go, courtesy of Rebekah S:

Girl racers in USA Today: They thrive in the vast proving ground of the hugely popular sport of auto racing, where girls learn to drive by the age of 5 and go from zero to 80 by the age of 12. The vehicles they are racing are go-karts, not cars, but they are driving nonetheless. For them, the phrase “woman driver” is not another era’s term of derision. It’s simply the job title they covet.

40+ women in NY Times: Interview with some boldface names about their new Internet company, Women on the Web, or wowOwow.com. The site, a dishy, uncensored, freewheeling version of The View is their effort to create an online forum for women over 40 interested in smart discussions. (Oh my gosh – that’s almost me)

FMLA in Washington Post: This year marks the 15th anniversary of the landmark Family and Medical Leave Act, which made it possible for many workers to take unpaid job-protected time off to care for their newborn children or sick relatives. But instead of celebrating, workers’ rights advocates and the Bush administration are battling over what would be the most sweeping revisions ever to the law.

Variety: GLAAD Media Awards reality TV nominees – Gay Characters Just Another Slice Of Life

This weekend I’ll be at the Council on Contemporary Families 11th Annual Conference (April 25-26) in my sweet home Chicago, where I can’t wait to hang with all those CCFers board members I know and love–Virginia Rutter, Stephanie Coontz, Steve Mintz, and more. If in Chicago, come join me! I’ll be giving a workshop on blogging on Saturday (10:45-12:45), with the help of Veronica Aerrola, who prolifically blogs here, here, here, and here. My session’s aimed at researchers and therapists and is called “What You Need to Know about Blogging and Why.”

And here’s more:

CCF 11th Annual Conference
Family Issues in Contention
University of Illinois, Chicago (Room 605, Student Center East)
750 South Halsted

Featuring:

— A panel on the “hooking-up” patterns of today’s youth, with new
research and commentators from diverse perspectives on the impact of these practices.

— Another workshop on the controversial question, “Is Transracial and
Transnational Adoption the Right Policy for Parents? Children? Society?”

— Still another panel of demographers and clinical psychologists examines whether cohabitation is “good” for love or for marriage.

— And the latest thoughts of researchers and clinicians on whether unhappy couples should divorce of “stick it out.”

Full conference program available here. To register, visit www.contemporaryfamilies.org . Press may receive complimentary registration by contacting Stephanie Coontz, Director of Research and Public Education, at coontzs@msn.com.