So Philip Weiss recently “reported” in New York Magazine on the secret lives of married men. And the gals at Slate’s XX Factor blog responded, calling the piece “not an outré confession but a fiftysomething baby boomer’s long-winded attempt to rationalize his desire to screw a variety of women despite being married.” I concur. Though Weiss’ article presents itself as provocative and edgy, the piece is inflected with the naïve, wishful rhetoric of 1970s thinking about sex. Here’s the XXers’ take:

Weiss explains that men “hunger for sexual variety” and determines that this hunger is “a basic and natural and more or less irresistible impulse.” He reports that men are using more porn than ever and quotes Mark Penn wondering what will happen when women “realize it.” He notes that sexless marriages among power couples are endemic. He harps on his own desire for “some[thing] strange.” Yet when his exasperated wife proposes an open marriage in response to all his bellyaching, he flinches at the thought that she might avail herself of the new rules, too.

Ah, Phillip. Double standard, much?

This is a pic of my authors’ group, the Invisible Institute, celebrating our fourth year last night! Sadly, I had to miss. But I’ve been writing here about my love of this group and so I thought I’d share a visual. This group has supported its members from proposal to publication–many are on our third books now–and it’s been like oxygen to me. Profound gratitude to Annie Murphy Paul and Alissa Quart for starting us and keeping us going all these years.

Hi girlwithpenners, Laura Mazer here again, this time blogging from BEA in Los Angeles! BEA, or BookExpo America, is the annual international book-industry convention held here in the United States, and it’s a major scene—everyone in the industry shows up to buy, sell, pitch, scope the competition, and score some pretty neat swag. (Thank you, Chronicle Books, I love my new sky-blue tote bag!)

The mood is buzzy on the floor, and I love to eavesdrop on the meetings in the lounge areas and booths. The Canadians are selling European book rights to the Italians, the Brits are working out co-publishing deals with the Americans, agents are pitching publishers, publishers are pitching booksellers, and everyone is eyeing each other’s new releases, wondering what the next big breakout title will be. It’s book-lover heaven.

The reason I wanted to blog from here is because BEA always reminds me just how many thousands of publishers, editors, and literary agencies there are. I used to think of the book world as small, insider-y. It seemed as though there were only a handful of publishers, and if you didn’t know someone who knew someone at one of those houses, you probably wouldn’t get a book published. But looking around me here on the convention-center floor, I’m seeing row after row of big houses, indy houses, academic presses, niche publishers, boutique publishers, nonprofit publishers, and all the hundreds of imprints that specialize in certain categories (particularly popular this year are the mind/body/health/spirituality publishers, which seem to be cropping up all over the country). There are so many publishers here that I actually got lost one afternoon when I went in search of a publicist friend’s booth without my floor map.

The point of my telling you all this is: If you have a good book idea, there is a publisher out there that’s right for you. There’s a little bit of a dating-and-mating game to be played in the process of finding that publisher, but I guarantee you it’s out there. Make yourself familiar with which imprints and houses are publishing the kind of book you want to write, and target those houses when you’re pitching your idea.

And if you’re in New York next year, drop by BEA for a day and see for yourself how big and beautiful this industry really is. (Just wear comfy shoes, and don’t lose your map.)

Some interesting tidbits today, once more, on momhood:

First, an interesting article by Paul Nyhan in the Seattle Post-Intelligencer, reporting that the gap between the demands of work and home in 2008 remains wide, far wider for those sitting on the bottom and in the middle of the wage scale, according to Virginia Rutter, a senior fellow with Council on Contemporary Families. They have less money for child care and often face meager benefits at work.

In another twist, older moms are more likely to keep working after having children than younger moms, according to an analysis of federal data by former Bureau of Labor Statistics economist Charlotte Yee. In 2004, 67 percent of moms age 30 to 44 were in the labor force after having their first child, compared with 56 percent of moms in the 20 to 24 age range.

And finally, a propos of this weekend’s grand opening of Sex and the City, a Slate article reports that one of the three married mommies innocently trailing their little tyke is cheating. Wowza. The data comes from a new “Sex and the American Mom” survey conducted by Cookie magazine and AOL Body and apparently filled in by 30,000 women. Researchers, does this data ring true?

My intergenerational feminist panel went out together to see Caryl Churchill’s play, Top Girls, the other night. Courtney wrote it up over at feministing yesterday, and hence I point you over there. C writes that it got her thinking about women’s lives, childbirth, sacrifice, our feminist legacy–and it got me thinking too. This pic is from the first scene, which is a nutty dinner party with women from different points in history. And speaking of dinner parties, I’m going to see Judy Chicago’s version at the Brooklyn Museum in a few weeks. In lieu of a “bachelorette” party, my friend Rebecca arranged a private tour. I’d love to hear what other brides-to-be out there have done to revamp the ole “bachelorette.” Share?!

Well, speakin’ of reproduction! This just in via Elaine Tyler May, who currently teaches at the University of Minnesota and was twelve years old in 1960 when the Pill was approved by the FDA. Although not yet old enough back then for the event to have had any personal significance for her, she was already interested in the subject because her father was one of the clinical researchers who helped develop the Pill, and her mother was a founder of free birth control clinics in Los Angeles. She’s now doing research for a book and asks that this query be passed around widely. Please pass it on!

To learn more about Elaine and her oevre–which includes the groundbreaking book Homeward Bound: American Families in the Cold War Era—click here.

Dear Friends (and friends of friends…),

The Pill is often considered one of the most important innovations of the twentieth century. As I investigate this claim for a new book—set for release on the 50th anniversary of the Pill’s FDA approval (Basic Books, 2010)—I’m looking to include the voices and stories of real people. I hope yours will be one of them. I’m eager to hear from men as well as women, of all ages and backgrounds.

Have you or any of your partners taken the Pill? Why or why not? How did it work for you—physically, emotionally, and ethically? How has it compared with other contraceptive methods you or your partners have used?
· What has been the impact of the Pill on your sex life, relationships, political or social attitudes, and beliefs about the medical or pharmaceutical establishments?
· Do you have opinions about public policies related to access, availability, approval or limitations on the development and distribution of the Pill and related contraceptive products (the patch, the “morning after pill,” long-term injections, etc.).
· Anything else you think I should know?

Send me your most richly detailed answers to any and all of these questions (and don’t forget to include your age, gender, where you live, occupation, ethnic/religious/racial background, sexual orientation, marital status, political party affiliation, or any other biographical info you think is important). If you would like to participate in my study but would prefer to respond to a questionnaire, please let me know and I will happily send you one.

I’m interested in hearing from men and women who have used the Pill and those who have not, those who used it briefly or a long time ago, or who use it now. I am also eager to hear from people who work in fields that relate to the use and availability of the Pill (such as medicine, public health, social work, education, etc.). You will remain anonymous. I will use your contact information only to respond to you directly and to let you know when the book will be available for purchase (at a discount to contributors!).

And just one more thing. I not only want to hear your voice, but the voices of those you love, teach, preach to, learn from, and work with.

Please pass this request on! The more responses I receive, and the greater the diversity of respondents, the more the book will reflect the wide range of experiences and attitudes that have shaped the Pill’s history over the last half century. I hope to hear from you. Please write to me at elainetylermay@gmail.com.

Thanks very much! Elaine Tyler May

Ok ok, confession contagious. While I PROMISE that this site will not become Girl with Pen: Bridging Feminism and Fertility, I’ve had an interesting week and without getting into the subtext (which you will no doubt figure out) I must throw this question out there to all you gals out there who I know have gone down the fertility road: Why do they refer to it as being treated for “infertility” when really it’s just expediting one’s fertility? I mean, doesn’t “in-” means “un”? Words hold psychological and ontological power here, people, and methinks the medical establishment might consider redefining its terms. But then, I would think that, being an English major and all. Rant over. Back to being UNconfessional now.

…But I’m curious. What do others think? Rhetorical question perhaps, but is this why folks turn to midwives? Do they use different language over there?

I’ve been more interested in the response to Gawker blogger Emily Gould’s highly confessional 8,000-word cover story in this weekend’s NYTimes than in her article itself, which bugged me mostly because I found it not very well written. I was obsessed with the autobiographical as a field of study when in graduate school. I wonder what the scholars are saying ’bout this one.

In the popular realm:

Check out this clever response to the blogger takeover of prime old media real estate by my gal Alissa Quart over at CJR. “Take back the word count,” cries Q.

And this one, by Salon’s Rebecca Traister, which urges, “So rather than being troubled by the fact that Gould — or Bushnell, or Bradshaw, or whoever — has the spotlight, why not question why so few other versions of femininity are allowed to share it?”

What she said.

So a bit of confession this morning: I’d been having a bear of a time with my latest book proposal last week. I spent part of the week avoiding it and doing other things. Then I went to the beach for the weekend with my computer (and with Marco) and tried again. And then my writers’ group met last night and reaffirmed my faith.

So here’s a little shout out to my writers’ group, which is named Matilda, after the cat at the Algonquin Hotel, which is where we had our first meeting. And a shout out, too, to the Invisible Institute, my other writers group, which has been meeting now for 4 years. Yes, I am in two of these groups. Because writing groups keep me going, and this girl just can’t get enough.

And while I’m at it, a shout out to all the writers groups and communities out there that keep us writers going. Writing is SO much better when not tried alone.

Young Women’s Ethical Leadership Retreat (NY)
June 6-8, 2008
June Dinner Seminar (NYC)
June 18, 2008
Young Women’s Ethical Leadership Retreat (CA)
June 13-15, 2008
June Dinner Seminar
June 18, 2008
Raise Your Voices: An Intensive Non-Fiction Writing Retreat for Women (NY)
July 11-13, 2008 – Hey – I’m teaching at this one! Join me there?!
Young Women’s Ethical Leadership Retreat (NY)
August 8-10, 2008