Two amazing young gender and sexualities scholars stepped up to offer a column this month on what I have dubbed “the real BDSM.” Heidi Rademacher and Suzan Walters are PhD students in sociology at Stony Brook University. Heidi has an MA from Brandeis in sociology and women & gender studies; Suzan has an MA from St. John’s University. They are working on a longer critique of the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy that explores women’s experiences with BDSM, and offer this preview. Now to Heidi and Suzan on BDSM:
Are you, like many women, completely in awe of the incredibly sexy, powerful and accomplished Christian Grey? Are you contemplating how to bring that orgasmic sex into your bedroom as illustrated throughout the bestselling trilogy Fifty Shades of Grey? If so, let us tell you what you really need to know before you strap up and get your whip on!
Fifty Shades of Grey has captured the imagination of women worldwide. The trilogy tells the “unconventional” love story between Christian Grey (closeted BDSM practitioner) and the young and innocent Anastasia Steele, who falls in love with him and his sexual prowess.
Within the first six weeks of sales in the US, over ten million copies were sold. As of September 2 , 2012, E. L. James’ controversial books are still holding strong at the top of the New York Times Best Seller list for fiction. The first two books of the trilogy (Fifty Shades of Grey and Fifty Shades Darker) have held the top two spots for 25 consecutive weeks. The third book, Fifty Shades Freed, has been ranked third for 24 weeks.
This trilogy brings this alternative sexual life style into public consciousness in perhaps a way no other mainstream book has. But, how well does it illustrate the real BDSM world? A few clarifications will help you decide.
The first thing you need to know is that unlike Grey’s practice, people involved in BDSM often form communities. In Staci Newmahr’s book Playing on the Edge we learn that these communities are generally local groups that are tied (no pun intended) to larger organizations located throughout the US and the world.
People gather in clubs or dungeons because these spaces provide the equipment that we read about in Grey’s playroom (the average non-billionaire BDSM practitioner cannot afford in-home playrooms). But also, such locations provide a space where people share experiences, form networks and take on roles.
Some members of the community serve as educators and provide workshops to teach others how to perform sexual acts and how to be a member of the community. They eat meals together, talk online, have private and public gatherings, etc. What is important to know is that BDSM rarely happens in isolation. As you may gather from this short explanation, communities serve a much larger purpose than just providing playrooms.
Second, the unequal power relations between BDSM partners are generally confined to a scene. A scene is an individual BDSM act. This might be surprising if your only exposure to BDSM is through this trilogy. When Grey (the dominant) proposes the BDSM contract to Ana (the submissive) we read that she is supposed to obey him always and in everything because she is to be his property. She must have at least seven hours of sleep each night, wear certain attire, always be clean shaven and/or waxed, go to beauty salons chosen by Grey. She is not allowed to masturbate unless permitted by Grey. She has to eat a diet that he has constructed, be on a strict exercise regimen, and never look Grey in the eyes unless it is at his request.
This is not common practice in the BDSM community. Instead, according to research conducted by Dr. Charles Moser at the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, there is a very small population of BDSM participants who engage in what is called 24/7 relationships and Total Power Exchanges (TPE)—the arrangement Grey initially proposes to Ana in the Fifty Shades series. In a 24/7 relationship the dominant and submissive both consent to maintain their roles in all aspects of their everyday activities, both sexual and non-sexual. In these relationships there is a TPE, which provides the dominant with complete authority over the submissive’s actions, behaviors and decisions. While 24/7 relationships and TPE are part of the BDSM spectrum, they represent a very small number of practitioners and are even somewhat stigmatized and taboo within the larger BDSM community.
We suspect that TPE and 24/7 relationships are not all they are hyped up to be. In fact, we think ways in which BDSM is portrayed in the Fifty Shades trilogy is suspect. In a recent NY Post article we learn of a real life banker who leads the double life that Grey does. But this story does not end with love, marriage and a baby carriage like the trilogy. Instead, it ends in a heart-shattering break up and violence.
Thus, what we read in Fifty Shades of Grey is even more fictional than we might have originally thought. For now, we’ve given you some of what we’d like you to know about BDSM. What we want to know is why is the low-base rate TPE so popular–in fiction?
–Heidi Rademacher and Suzan Walters
Comments 3
Heather — September 5, 2012
I believe this trilogy is so popular because, well it's different. Most housewives are satisfied with their harlequin romances which talk of handsome pirates rescuing the damsel in distress. And afterwards, of course, they make love passionately with the sound of crashing waves in the background. I had know that when adults engage in sexual activity, that some like to be whipped. Does the phrase, "sticks and stones may break my bones, but chains and whips excite me" ring any bells? I had not known the details of a BDSM relationship, I had to use Google. The fact is, that this book is all about fantasy. Women get to read about the body they'll never have, the money they'll never achieve, the man they'll never touch, and the sex they'll never experience. Although those harlequin romances are entertaining, FSOG is more about the damsel rescuing the hero. The fact that a woman can change a man. The fact that there are sexy men that engage in BDSM relationships, and that they might be the lucky victim. FSOG was the "stumble heard around the world." E.L James has all women tearing down the doors of every CEO's office.
Al — October 18, 2012
I have so much to say about this. I'm sorry I waited so long. Now the topic is off the front page and in the heat of the election season, I imagine no one cares. I am almost certainly not in the target demographic for this post, or even this blog. I'm a BDSMer. This is not some proud public proclamation, as I hide behind a pseudonym and a proxy server or two. We don't all band together in happy boisterous groups forming some kind of kink community. My experience is just the opposite, and I don't think Rademacher and Walters are particularly well informed just because they read a book. Look at the treatment of BDSM in popular culture: the mockery, the condescension, the sense that in a world where anything goes there is still something wrong with "those people" TV shows like Lost Girl and CSI are a good example. Buffy the Vampire Slayer, though long out of production, still re-runs every day on some channels, still portraying the same stereotypes. As far as 50 Shades goes, why is everyone acting like this is something new? Story of O, anyone? Or Anne Rice's Sleeping Beauty Trilogy? Every generation seems to have it's little dalliance with the kinky side of the world, then just as quickly returns to normal. Try going to a shrink sometime and asking if anything can make this go away. And when you don't get the answer you want to hear, go to another. There's my real BDSM. Sorry for the meltdown and thanks for listening.
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