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My daughter turned eleven this week. Though I agree with Allison Kimmich’s earlier post, which argued that it’s great to be a girl here in 2010, I can’t help but worry that growing up female in our culture still results in growing down.
Some examples to ponder:
When my daughter and I went to the mall to have her ears pierced last Saturday, we were deluged with anorexic size mannequins in thongs and barely-there bras.
Later, at the movies, we watched yet another film with a male protagonist (which included a male sidekick who ogled females throughout the entire movie).
For school, she worked on yet another dead white male report.
On television, she is still inundated by stories that focus on a girls looks and emphasize romance and/or beauty as the most important pursuits for a girl.
In music, there are undoubtedly many power-house female musicians, but this seems dampened by all the singing of ‘ho’s’ and ‘get-lows.’
Yet, there are positive aspects to each of these observations. At the mall, my daughter noticed the sexualization of the mannequins and complained about it, showing her awareness that our culture objectifies women in damaging ways (and revealing what I like to think is more feminist awareness in the culture generally). As for the film we watched, it did include one rockin’ strong girl character – only one, but one is better than none. As for books, we are able to find many feminist-friendly reads to fill her endless reading desires (and she subscribes to New Moon, a great feminist magazine for girls). Television may be the area most difficult to put a positive spin on, but at least there are more girl-driven shows. As for school, in general I think there is more emphasis on a diversified curriculum, one that offers more than the hetero white male view of the world.
However, I wish we had come further since I turned eleven back in 1982. The Equal Rights Amendment failed to pass that year, and has yet to be ratified. Laura Ingalls was still rocking the prairie feminism in “”Little House on the Prairie,” and my mom watched a show driven by the super-heroines “Cagney and Lacey.” Sure, Daisy wasn’t wearing much in “Dukes of Hazzard” and Suzanne Sommers was the stereotypical blonde ditz “Three’s Company,” but at least we had the strong mom and daughter trio of “One Day at a Time.” In music, female power abounded via the likes of the GoGos, Joan Jett, and Stevie Nicks. And ET, the top grossing film of the year, gave us one of my longtime favorite female actresses, Drew Barrymore. It was the year Women’s History Week was officially recognized, which has happily expanded to an entire month. (Ah, would that we could have inclusive history year round!)
In my hazy recollections of being eleven in 1982, I recall feeling I could be or do anything I set my sites on. I think here, in 2010, my daughter feels the same despite the fact popular culture still inundates her with the message she is only a sex object, only good for how she can please men, only important so long as she “plays by the rules” and shrinks to fit the mold of the “ideal female.”
As her world expands to include more ideas and experiences, her body is still expected to shrink to fit ever smaller and tighter fashions. As she grows up, the “queen be” culture at school seems to become ever meaner and more judgmental. As she is able to watch “more grown up” television and films, she is introduced incessant sexualization, dehumanization, and silencing of females. And, as her body starts to show the markers of womanhood, she will undoubtedly become more battered by the male gaze of a culture that is more pornified than ever.
Alas, growing up for girls in our culture in many ways still means growing down – but with feminist moms like ourselves guiding our daughters as they grow, I take heart in the fact that many girls are given the opportunity to expand their thinking, their horizons (and yes, even their bodies) without exhortations to “be quiet and diet.”
Comments
gwp_admin — March 5, 2010
Hi Natalie. This is such a thoughtful and unfortunately, disturbing post. In my research on "feminism for kids" in the 1970s, I am discovering that many girls during that time---back when we were both pre-teens---DID in fact focus on activities, following their passions, and doing what interested them, rather than worrying obsessively about fitting in, looking skinny or sexy, or agonizing about fashion. Certainly, we did our share of that by the time we were teenagers (I am not saying it was all roses all the time, and I recognize that nostalgia can blur memories) but I think there really WAS a spirited-ness, and a sense of freedom and possibility at least for younger girls that today seems, somehow, diminished by the time time girls hit age 11. Magazines like "New Moon" are an attempt to update this older, second-wave feminist impulse for girls today--and it's great that your daughter and so many other girls are reading it. Whether we are raising boys, girls, or both, we parents have a long, windy road to navigate when it comes to fending off--and helping our kids formulate alternatives to--the dominant, restrictive gender stereotypes that our culture celebrates. It isn't fun, or fashionable, constantly to point out the insidious ways in which the media objectifies and demeans girls and women--but then again, it never has been. And it seems more necessary than ever.
Barbara Berg's new book "Sexism in America: Alive, Well, and Ruining Our Future" offers more evidence and data along these lines. And of course, our fellow blogger Courtney Martin's book "Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters" belongs is a must-read for every parent of girls today. Even better, they are books our kids can read, when they're ready to, as well.
gwp_admin — March 5, 2010
The above comment is from Lori Rotskoff (I don't know why it keeps saying "admin")...
gwp_admin — March 5, 2010
Thanks for your comments Lori. I have read and also highly recommend Martin's book. I will look into Berg's. Other in this genre I find useful are Odd Girl Out, Queen Bees and Wannabes, So Sexy So Soon, and The Lolita Effect.
Jenny McPhee — March 6, 2010
Excellent post Nathalie. I have two sons and feel just as sad for them that our culture insists that girls' power is overwhelmingly to be found in their role as sex objects for men to freely project upon. Every day I find myself ignoring or overlooking outrageously sexist images, portrayals and behavior because if I were to stop and address it every single time I would do nothing else and descend into a perpetual state of fury. I am even more discouraged than you are in that I feel our culture has actually taken a few steps backwards with regard to feminism. The other day I heard Germaine Greer say that actually as far as she was concerned feminism never really happened. I suppose the best we can do is to teach our children to be aware of how they are constantly being duped/brainwashed into thinking in a very restricted way about gender by the prevailing and insidious culture. But another part of me wonders why we're not up in arms and marching on Washington. I must say that our lack of progress since I was a girl in the 70s does break my heart. Jenny McPhee
Adina Nack — March 6, 2010
We have to be pro-active about using capitalism to our advantage -- supply and demand. We must increase our demand more anti-sexist pop culture and avoid/condemn the stereotypical garbage that is still plentiful. Natalie, I'm glad you mentioned New Moon magazine, and, as the mom of kindergartner, I enjoy watching shows from PBS Kids and Discovery Kids like "Word Girl," "Grossology" and "Time Warp Trio" that feature 10-12 year-old girls as smart, courageous heroes. [Note: these shows are still not 'perfect' because the female characters are slender-to-thin.] For moms of sons, these same shows also feature fairly non-sexist portrayals of boys. And, ever the nerdy academic mom, I love that my daughter's learning cool vocabulary words, scientfic facts about bacteria/viruses/insects, and reasonably accurate stories of famous men and women from history.
jacqui Ceballos — March 6, 2010
Wonderful article.. So important for women to read and ponder all you said. I'm copying your letter to pass around at VFA's board meeting in Dallas March 19th...
Would you join Veteran Feminists of America to discuss how we and younger generations can get the ERA passed? Thanks, Jacqui Ceballos - President, Veteran Feminists of America..www:vfa.us
Deborah Siegel — March 9, 2010
Natalie, you give me so much to think about as my daughter - ok, so she's only 4 months old now - grows up! I SO want to help her grow up, not down. Love your articulation of that here.
Natalie Wilson — March 10, 2010
Thanks for all the comments everyone.
That quote from Germaine Greer is a shocker! I too find myself wondering why we are not marching on Washington, yet I take heart in all the "virtual marching" we do on the feminist blogosphere and in other written/spoken acts. This might in the end be more of a game changer than Washington marches which the media tends NOT to cover anyhow...
And I agree that "supply and demand" plays a role but when the "supply" is largely dominated by a few corporations I fear we as consumers only get to choose between lesser evils, so to speak.
I too like some of the shows mentioned and also note that girl characters are almost always deathly thin - Coraline and Tale of Despereaux being two more recent examples of this meme...
Allison Kimmich — March 12, 2010
Hi Natalie. I definitely hear you. My post on reasons why it's great to be a girl was an effort to focus on some solutions in the face of so many problems. I think to some extent that is our ongoing challenge as feminist parents. Allison