From GWP’s very own Jacqueline Hudak! For a whole bunch more, be sure to see the posts contributed at Write to Marry Day’s host site, Mombian. – Deborah
I happen to think kids are very smart people. And there are some kids who have been around my relationship with my partner, Sarah for a number of years. So I thought I would solicit their opinion about marriage.
With just a little time, I tracked down my daughter Lauren, age 17, a senior at The Emma Willard School in Troy, NY, and sent her this email:
“I know you’re very busy honey, so if you don’t have time to answer this, I completely understand. But, if you get a chance, can you give me a sentence or two? Do you think Sarah and I should be able to get married? Why or why not?â€
Here’s her response:
“Honestly, when has discriminating against someone or a group of people EVER ended well? When has it ever been a good idea to tell someone that they’re not as good as someone else, or that they’re restricted from participating in something because they’re different? People get married because they’re in love, not because they’re heterosexual, so I think you should be able to marry whoever makes you happy. You and your husband, wife, or partner deserve the same happiness and benefits as the people who find love in different places than you do. So obviously you and Sarah should be able to get married =)
I happened to see our friend Lincoln today, who I might add, is an avid GWP reader! His Mom and I are best friends; I have known him since he was 3. Lincoln is now 16 and a junior at Allied Academy for Health Sciences here in NJ. We were doing a typical drop off/pick up when I posed the same question. He indulged me, as he often does with my queries, took a moment to think and said,
“Of course you should be able to get married. It’s no different than any other relationship, any other marriage. It’s no different.â€
Finally, on the way home from school today, I told my son Vincent about this column. Vincent is 13, in eighth grade, and has known Sarah since he was 8.
“Mom, you should be able to get married because you guys really love each other.â€
And to that I say, “AMEN!â€
So here’s what I have to say today in response to the wisdom of these children: Sarah, I love you fiercely, will you marry me?
PS. Katie, Sammi, Aaron and Georgia, I am so sorry I didn’t have time to talk to each of you about this! Please post your comments and get your voice heard!
-Jacqueline Hudak
Comments
Mombian » Blog Archive » Write to Marry Day: Contributed Posts — October 29, 2008
[...] WRITE TO MARRY DAY: Kids Say the Darnedest Things [...]
Wendy Shankin-Cohen — October 29, 2008
From the mouth of babes. Although I know all of these three children and they have exceptional minds (absolutely my unbiased opinion,) I don't believe they are in the minority in their sentiments.
Maybe we should have kids voices be heard more often on all kinds of policies. Then we would get some real, raw and uncensored thinking. Instead of scripted talking points that are anything but raw or real.
Good Job Lauren, Lincoln and Vin. I value your opinions on this and many other topics.
Ken Silvestri — October 29, 2008
What a wonderful message, love and be loved and let the world know of your bliss and gratitude..it is an addition to our collective soul..and an inspiration to our children..
Heidi Killen — October 29, 2008
Wendy- couldn't have said it better ... raw, real and uncensored, and I must agree this is the nature of our little darlings and i am grateful for it. Ken- thanks for voicing your gratitude, it is always a great prompt. Jackie- I hope for you, I hope for your loved ones, I hope for us all that we don't choose regression! All who can- Please vote against P-8.
Amanda Merullo — October 29, 2008
Growing up in the very tolerant vicinity of Northampton, MA my two daughters, aged 10 and 7, have many friends with 2 moms or 2 dads and it doesn't even raise an eyebrow. It is clear from this that if children grow up knowing, seeing and believing that people are free to love, marry and have children with anyone they choose then the world is a happy, more open and more loving place. Jackie - Alexandra and Juliana would be thrilled to be your flower girls!!
John Bisceglia — October 29, 2008
To me this is one of the most cruelest aspects of Marriage Inequality - It Affects Children. As a lifelong child-advocate and teacher, this idea of children growing up in a country where family rights are voted on is sickening.
I sincerely hope PROP 8 fails miserably.
BUT - if it DOES passes, is everyone prepared to spend another ba-zillion dollars on PR and possibly wait 20-30 years to "win" equality in CA?
AND - if it does NOT pass, which state will we focus on next so we can spend another ba-zillion dollars to purchase civil rights?
I know I am virtually alone here (except for Charles Merrill and his partner), but I think all of you are insane. Truly crazy....one step away from writing-on-the-wall-with-your-feces crazy.
Because if ALL of us truly believed we WERE equal, we would not be so patient as tax-payers and U.S. citizens. We'd simply KNOW we ARE equal, and refuse to pay into a system that not only denies our familes civil marriage but doesn't even acknowledge our existence (wait for the 2010 census).
I'm 43, and I will NOT wait until I'm 73 for fair and equal treatment. It's OK for the country at large to be ignorant, bigoted, mid-guided, and mid-informed. But that's not my fault. So until people GROW UP and show my family the same "civil" respect heterosexually-identified families are given, I owe this country and the IRS nothing.
How many times do I need to say this?
TAXATION WITHOUT REPRESENTATION AIN'T GWANNA HAPPEN!
Jacqueline — October 29, 2008
I must say I never considered not paying my taxes as a response to the hate and inequity. It is an idea I just might consider, John.
I would hope to stay in conversation with you, John, but the calling us "insane- truly crazy" thing, I'm afraid, just won't work.
We have moved beyond those dualities: sane/insane - right wrong/ - good/bad.
It is my hope that we can hold all of the complexities of a particular issue, without a right/wrong way to do it.
It is hard in these times to stay open, to stay respectfully engaged in conversation.
But what choice do we have?
Sherri Hughes — November 3, 2008
Congrats Jackie and Sarah. Your love is an inspiration to others and certainly to Lauren and Vincent. What a gift you have given them.
Your story as a couple demonstrates the power of determination and the inalienable right to be who we are without apology or explanation.
How many adults sublimate their essence for societal norms that smack of falsehoods and injustice? How many children grow up in the lie and fraud that is their parents' life? Most sad is the loss of opportunity for those young people to observe true love and to model its beauty in their own lives and hearts.
Sherri Hughes November 3, 2008