There are lots of posts that start but often go unwritten. Some don’t even make it past the first sentence. They just sit in the posts list in WordPress or in a Google Doc until I pronounce them trash. Here, in order from phoning it in to most profound (in memoriam of David Letterman’s Tonight Show, or is it the Late Show I don’t even care enough to Google it), are my best false blog post starts of the year.

10. My iPhone home screen changed forever today.

9.  The Google Doodle might be the most-viewed piece of Post-Internet Art in existence.

8. It is a moment where the Hot Take becomes an icy stare. You never know when public apologies can

7. OpenOffice crashed for the last time today and Zotero never remembers my settings.

6. The X-Files is still the best TV show streaming on Netflix and possibly in the entire world. (Star Trek doesn’t count because it is a religion.)

5. [Say something about being wrong about Ello. Something about no GIFs in the profile banner.]

4. I found myself alone together today.

3. 

2. Were late night shows the first Internet?

1. There are lots of posts that start but often go unwritten.

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