There are two distinct variations of The Talk. There is The Talk about sex and The Talk about racism. Regardless of the variation, Black families are bound to have both discussions with their children. The Talk about sex is the most known of the two discussions as it applies to all racial and ethnic groups, aiming to educate youth about sexual development and provide precautionary lessons to avoid sexually transmitted infections and prevent pregnancy. Parents generally have this discussion with their children at the onset of puberty. In contrast, The Talk about racism is a social and cultural phenomenon that has existed within Black families dating back to the days of chattel slavery. Similar to The Talk about sex, Black families typically have The Talk about race and racism with their children at the early onset of adolescence but may have this discussion with their children sooner due to the adultification and criminalization of Black youth. The Talk is a racial socialization practice that Black parents use to shield their children from the threats and dangers of racism.

The Talk is directly associated with the racial etiquette that was enforced on Black Americans during the days of Jim Crow. During those times, Black families would instruct their children to adhere to Jim Crow laws and social norms, such as stepping off the sidewalk when White men and women were passing and drinking water and using the restroom before leaving home to reduce temptations to use White-only water fountains and restrooms while away from home. Emmett Till’s mother, Mamie Till-Mobley, gave him The Talk prior to his trip to Money, Mississippi by warning him to follow the racial etiquette of the South to ensure his safe return to Chicago. Tragically, Till would not return alive. The prevalence of racism and incidents of racialized violence such as the murders of Trayvon Martin, Tamir Rice, Ahmaud Arbery, Jordan Davis and countless others has maintained the relevance of The Talk.

As the world grappled with the devastating effects of the COVID-19 pandemic in 2020, it also witnessed the murder of George Floyd at the hands of Derek Chauvin, an officer with the Minneapolis Police Department (MPD). The video footage of Floyd’s murder went viral, sparking widespread discourse surrounding race and racism, leading to massive protest and what many perceived to be a racial awakening. One of the many discussions focused on The Talk and how Black parents discussed racism and safety. Despite The Talk being a practice that Black parents have used dating back to the days of American chattel slavery and it becoming a discussion that has filtered its way into the homes of the general public, there still remains few scholarship that explicitly explore The Talk.

            As a family and fatherhood scholar with a particular interest in Black fatherhood, I aimed to explore the perspectives and lessons that Black fathers instilled in their children when having The Talk. I chose to use a modified version of photovoice that allowed my participants to use their cell phones and photos found on the internet. What I found was that The Talk was a practice that was a practice that involved immediate family members, mentors, and other community members.

The fathers reported The Talk being an emotional discussion for both them and their children, and often initiated after an incident of experienced racism. Interestingly, all the fathers in the study shared experiencing some form of racism in elementary school, mirroring the experiences of their own children. One of the participants shared the following about having The Talk with his sons:

“There’s a range of emotions for me, you know, it’s always an emotional conversation because you start to question your skills as a father, because now I have to have this conversation and I’ve sworn my life to protect you.”

It was also found that cell phone use and social media influenced exposure to racism and how soon the fathers had The Talk with their children. One of the fathers discussed his children seeing and hearing about protest and the murder of George Floyd by way of social media and the news. He disclosed the following about his experience:

“I’ve always been a little apprehensive about these topics. Because there’s a part of me… that just don’t want to take the innocence away from the kids. Like, you want them to still be kids… [My eldest daughter] is so innocent and emotional. She would literally go out the door and walk with the weight of the world on her shoulder because she’s so caring of other people no matter the color of your skin.”

The fathers in the study expressed including lectures about driving while Black (DWB), equality, use of the N word, navigating racism, police encounters, code switching, activism, history, and what it means to be Black. However, The Talk that these fathers provided varied based on the gender of their children. The lessons that the fathers taught their sons were centered around safety and protection, while the lessons for their daughters focused on exceptionalism and beauty, such as hair and complexion.

There were a few participants that expressed gratitude at the end of the study. One of the participants shared:

“I appreciate all the comments. Man, I’m sitting here full. I feel like I’ve gone to church. I want to thank you for this. This has really been inspirational. It’s been insightful, and it has been powerful. And I want to thank you thank all of you for allowing me to be a part of this today.”

The exploration of The Talk and the involvement of Black fathers in such practice is important to further explore, as both areas are limited in existing research. Additional research should examine how men and women of other racial and ethnic groups have discussion surrounding race and racism with their children. Parents of all genders, racial, and ethnic groups can find resources on how to discuss race with their children by visiting the American Psychological Association’s website.

Conial Caldwell, Jr. is an Assistant Professor within the Department of Social Work at the University of Maryland, Baltimore County. He can be reached at ccald@umbc.edu. You can also follow him on Instagram at @conial_c and LinkedIn @Conial Caldwell, Jr.