Emily K. Carian is an Assistant Professor of Teaching in the Sociology Department at the University of California, Irvine. She studies why gender inequality is so persistent by examining masculinity, male supremacism, and cultural processes at home and at work. Her most recent research appears in Social Problems, Men and Masculinities, and Sociological Perspectives. Here, I ask about her new book, Good Guys, Bad Guys: The Perils of Men’s Gender Activism, which is now available from NYU Press. You can learn more about Emily at her website. And you can follow her on Twitter @emilycarian.

AMW: How does the desire to be perceived as “good men” motivate men to engage in gender activism?

EKC: I interviewed two groups of men: those who identify as feminists and those who identify as men’s rights activists (members of an antifeminist social movement). Both groups do gender activism to feel like and be perceived as good men. Their trajectory into gender activism begins when they become aware of the feminist claim that men are privileged because of their gender. Believing that others see them as privileged and thus immoral, they experience a threat to their sense of self and negative emotions, like discomfort or anger. Both groups of men seek what I call privilege renegotiation strategies, or ways to navigate negative emotions and moral identity threat given their privileged place in the social order. Gender activism is a privilege renegotiation strategy. By identifying as feminists, men can feel like they are exceptions to the rule that men are the bad guys. Because the men’s rights movement claims that men are disadvantaged by feminism, becoming a men’s rights activist allows men to portray themselves as victims and thus morally blameless.

AMW: How do even self-proclaimed feminist men inadvertently perpetuate gender inequality through their attitudes, behaviors, and relationships?

EKC: In the book, I focus on how feminist men’s motivation limits what they can accomplish for the feminist movement. Feminists want to recruit men to the movement so that men can contribute their labor, resources, and power toward feminist change. The feminist men I interviewed are genuinely interested in making society a more equitable place, but they are also motivated subconsciously by a personal, almost self-centered reason: they are using feminism to remake their own identities as good men. Unfortunately, that means they often prioritize identity work that makes them look like good guys over the real work of activism.

One example from the book is Theo, who was a thirty-something professional working at a university. Theo told me about his discomfort with his own privilege as a straight, white cisman. Feminism was a way for him to deal with that discomfort and see himself as giving up privilege. He designed events for men students to talk about masculinity and work together to make their campus more equitable and inclusive. In one of these workshops, a student recounted how his boss had asked him which of the women interns the student would like to sleep with. The student didn’t know how to respond; he didn’t want to engage in sexist talk but also didn’t want to risk retaliation from his boss. The student did nothing, which is understandable given his subordinate position, but also objectionable given how egregious the sexism was. Theo didn’t push his students to see how their inaction in situations like these make them complicit. Their conversations never moved beyond how men can deal with the tensions and difficulties of being feminist allies. That’s because Theo’s activism is borne out of his concerns about his own identity and so centers the feelings and challenges of people like him, not women, trans men, non-binary people, people of color, or queer people who would benefit most from dismantling privilege. Theo’s approach to activism and feminism is mirrored in the stories of the other feminist men I interviewed.

Additionally, feminist men often relied on women to teach them about gender inequality, particularly through women’s stories about personal experiences with sexism. While these lessons were helpful to men’s awareness, it also required the women in their lives to make themselves vulnerable and expend emotional energy. Some feminist men also held defeatist attitudes about gender inequality—for example, claiming that people of different genders would never be equal because of entrenched sexism. While gender inequality is undoubtedly a complex and difficult problem to solve, this attitude excused feminist men from engaging in meaningful activism. Indeed, only about half of the men I interviewed (all of whom identified as feminists) did any activism.

AMW: Why do some men become feminists while others become men’s rights activists?

EKC: Men’s trajectories into these two different movements are sparked by their exposure to the idea that men are privileged. The way they react to this idea—which movement they choose as a privilege renegotiation strategy—depends on their social contexts. Men who became feminists were more likely to describe close relationships with women peers (e.g., classmates) than men who became men’s rights activists. They learned about gender inequality and privilege from women that they liked and respected, which tamped down feelings of moral identity threat. Men who became men’s rights activists, on the other hand, were more likely to learn about male privilege outside of their relationships with women and the context of women’s lived experiences—for instance, through solitary reading or social media. Men who became feminists were also more likely to understand gender in a way that aligned with the social movement frames used by feminist organizations on college campuses—the sites where most feminist men were first exposed to the movement in a serious way.

Alicia M. Walker is Associate Professor of Sociology at Missouri State University and the author of two previous books on infidelity. She is the current editor of the Council of Contemporary Families blog and serves as Senior Fellow with CCF. Learn more about her on her website. Follow her on Twitter at @AliciaMWalker1 and Instagram @aliciamwalkerphd