{"id":3084,"date":"2016-11-28T11:41:07","date_gmt":"2016-11-28T16:41:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/monte\/?p=3084"},"modified":"2017-03-12T17:36:30","modified_gmt":"2017-03-12T22:36:30","slug":"you-must-go-on-i-cant-go-on-ill-go-on-samuel-beckett-murphy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/monte\/2016\/11\/28\/you-must-go-on-i-cant-go-on-ill-go-on-samuel-beckett-murphy\/","title":{"rendered":"\u201cYou must go on. I can\u2019t go on. I\u2019ll go on.\u201d Samuel Beckett, \u201cMurphy.\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"
With multiple symptoms worsening, I went to Mayo Clinic for a week of testing: Heart disease stable; cancer in remission; kidney disease no change; emphysema still moderately severe; congestive heart failure steady. Extensive testing provided no answer for the mysterious neurological episode in July.<\/div>\n
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In the depths of seasonal affect disorder, I was at the end of my tether. The fatigue persisted, requiring 15-16 hours of sleep a day. Fogged in, my mind could not navigate. My legs and feet were shackled by neuropathy. Panicked thoughts of retirement and assisted living fluttered about.<\/div>\n
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As I was leaving, they gave me an, \u201cOh, by the way. We want you to return next week for an overnight sleep study.\u201d I packed my jammies and a supply of dark chocolate and headed back to Rochester. The next morning, I met with the Doctor. Disturbed by the pattern of my sleep APNA, he dramatically re-calibrated my CPAP machine.<\/div>\n
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One should never underestimate the power of mere chance. Day by day, the fatigue is diminishing, the fog is lifting, and mere numbness is replacing the shackles. I am on the road again: Vitality, quick-witted repartee, and the foolish illusion of invincibility are back.<\/div>\n
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\u201cA man devoid of hope and conscious of being so has ceased to belong to the future.\u201d<\/div>\n
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\u201cThe struggle itself towards the heights is enough to fill a man’s heart. One must<\/div>\n
imagine Sisyphus happy.\u201d<\/div>\n
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Albert Camus, \u201cThe Myth of Sisyphus and Other Essays\u201d<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

With multiple symptoms worsening, I went to Mayo Clinic for a week of testing: Heart disease stable; cancer in remission; kidney disease no change; emphysema still moderately severe; congestive heart failure steady. Extensive testing provided no answer for the mysterious neurological episode in July. In the depths of seasonal affect disorder, I was at the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":27,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3084","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/monte\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3084","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/monte\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/monte\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/monte\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/27"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/monte\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3084"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/monte\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3084\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3120,"href":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/monte\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3084\/revisions\/3120"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/monte\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3084"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/monte\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3084"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/monte\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3084"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}