{"id":3025,"date":"2011-09-05T13:47:31","date_gmt":"2011-09-05T18:47:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/girlwpen.com\/?p=3025"},"modified":"2011-09-05T13:47:31","modified_gmt":"2011-09-05T18:47:31","slug":"mama-wpen-work-life-and-repentance","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/girlwpen\/2011\/09\/05\/mama-wpen-work-life-and-repentance\/","title":{"rendered":"MAMA W\/PEN: Work, Life, and Repentance"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"\"Note: This post originally here<\/a> on kveller.com, <\/a>a new site offering “a Jewish twist on parenting, everything a Jewish family<\/a> could need for raising Jewish children<\/a>–including crafts, recipes, activities, Hebrew and Jewish names<\/a> for babies…and advice from Mayim Bialik<\/a>.”\u00a0 We reprint it today, a few days later, in honor of Labor Day!
\n<\/em><\/div>\n
\n

Sept 1, 2011<\/strong><\/p>\n

For those not in the know (and until yesterday, I counted myself among you), today marks the first day of a new month on the Jewish calendar: Elul.<\/p>\n

The morning begins like any other: our toddler twins wake up screaming, I change diapers, prepare breakfast, play with them, get them dressed, call my parents so that they\u2019ll Skype with them while I shower and give me time to actually wash my hair.\u00a0 As I get the computer ready and open the door to the bedroom, wherein our linen closet lies, to find a towel, I realize that this morning is not<\/em> like all others.\u00a0 It\u2019s the first of Elul.<\/p>\n

I enter the bedroom and find my husband Marco wrapped in the tallis my parents bought him for our wedding, and my father\u2019s tefillin (phylacteries).\u00a0 Two Judaic reference books lay open on our bed, illuminated by the glow of his iPad, which is on.\u00a0 It\u2019s his first time laying tefillin, and he\u2019s trying to follow the rules.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve come in to hustle him into the shower\u2014I need to get ready before the babysitter arrives so I can start my workday on time, he needs to shower first and get out the door!\u00a0 But seeing him dressed in the regalia of full Judaic manhood stops me in my tracks.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh\u2014I\u2019m sorry,\u201d I murmur, slightly embarrassed that I\u2019ve walked in on him this way.<\/p>\n

He looks up from the texts.\u00a0 I notice a YouTube video streaming on the iPad: How to Lay Tefillin.<\/em> \u201cThis is going to take some time,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n

I restore his privacy by closing the door.<\/p>\n

In the Hebrew calendar, Elul is the twelfth month of the year.\u00a0 In Jewish tradition, it\u2019s a month of repentance and preparation for the biggest holidays of the year, Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.\u00a0 The word \u201cElul\u201d <\/a>is similar to the root of the verb \u201csearch\u201d in Aramaic.\u00a0 According to the Talmud, the Hebrew word \u201cElul\u201d is an acronym for \u201cAni l\u2019dodi v\u2019dodi li\u201d which means \u201cI am to my Beloved as my Beloved is to me\u201d \u2013 a line often recited at Jewish weddings.\u00a0 In this case, the Beloved is G-d.\u00a0 Put it all together and during this month of Elul, we\u2019re supposed to search our hearts and draw close to G-d in preparation for the big holidays, on which we are judged and atone.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m moved by Marco\u2019s embrace of the rituals.\u00a0 Just one Elul ago, he dipped in the Upper West Side mikvah in the presence of three rabbis and officially became a Jew.\u00a0 His becoming a Jew is the most romantic thing I\u2019ve ever encountered, on so many levels.\u00a0 He did it so that we could raise our boos as Jews and he would know what to do.<\/p>\n

But on this particular morning, this first morning of Elul, I\u2019m cranky.\u00a0 Either I didn\u2019t get enough sleep, or the sleep I got was interrupted, I\u2019m not sure.\u00a0 After Marco emerges from the bedroom, I\u2019m still compulsively pestering him to hurry.\u00a0 I can\u2019t seem to stop myself, even though I\u2019m aware, now, that this day is special for him. \u00a0But it\u2019s also now become stressful for him: Since the time spent on davening conflicted with his getting ready for work, he\u2019s made himself late.\u00a0 He already feels rushed so he lashes out at me, a rare occurrence.\u00a0 I breathe tightly and murmur \u201cf*ck you too,\u201d under my breath.<\/p>\n

\u201cF*ck you too,\u201d echoes a sweet little voice.\u00a0 Baby Girl.\u00a0\u00a0 My crankiness breaks and I walk into the bathroom, where Marco is now showering, to share.<\/p>\n

My Beloved and I share a chuckle.\u00a0 We remind ourselves how careful we have to be with our words around here these days.<\/p>\n

And how careful, I\u2019m reminded, we should be with each others\u2019 hearts, too.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d I say.<\/p>\n

\u201cI know,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n

He tells me how Baby Boy had spotted him from the hallway when he was busy donning the tallis and tefillin, and laughed.\u00a0 \u201cI think he thought it was funny,\u201d Marco says.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s not used to seeing you that way,\u201d I say.\u00a0 \u201cOr maybe he thought it was Hallowe\u2019en.\u201d<\/p>\n

Frankly, I can relate.\u00a0 I\u2019m not used to seeing my mod, handsome Puerto Rican husband wrapped in the accoutrements of a traditional Jew.\u00a0 When he first told me he was interested in learning how to lay tefillin, I rolled my eyes.\u00a0 We’re not Orthodox; we don’t keep kosher; Marco grew up Roman Catholic, for Chrissake.<\/p>\n

But seeing him there this morning, hands and head bound by the leather straps my great grandfather, an immigrant from Russia, gave to my father when he was bar mitzvahed at thirteen, I\u2019m humbled by the extent to which Marco\u2019s conversion has prompted my own remedial education as a Jew.\u00a0 What I\u2019m learning is not knowledge, per se, but practice.\u00a0 We\u2019ve started playing a recording of the bedtime sh\u2019ma for the babies before they fall asleep.\u00a0 We light candles and eat challah, which Baby Girl affectionately calls \u201cagah\u201d, on Shabbat.\u00a0 We observe all the holidays\u2014even the minor ones with names I used to mix up, like Tisha Ba\u2019av and Tubishvat.\u00a0\u00a0 To the extent that we can, we\u2019re creating a life lived in sync with the Jewish seasons.\u00a0 It\u2019s given our life beautiful new grounding amidst the swirl of potty training, jobs, earthquakes, and hurricanes too.<\/p>\n

Later this morning, Marco leaves for work. \u00a0The boos Skype quickly with my parents and I get my shower.\u00a0 I feel repentant.\u00a0 Even if I don\u2019t get to shampoo.<\/p>\n

K\u2019tiva VaHatima Tova, a todos.\u00a0 And Marco: may the search find you, and your heart, renewed.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Note: This post originally here on kveller.com, a new site offering “a Jewish twist on parenting, everything a Jewish family could need for raising Jewish children–including crafts, recipes, activities, Hebrew and Jewish names for babies…and advice from Mayim Bialik.”\u00a0 We reprint it today, a few days later, in honor of Labor Day! Sept 1, 2011 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1902,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[21107],"tags":[8959,21554,1976,3109,42,21938],"class_list":["post-3025","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-mama-w-pen","tag-families","tag-marriage-today","tag-masculinity","tag-motherhood","tag-religion","tag-worklife"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/girlwpen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3025","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/girlwpen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/girlwpen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/girlwpen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1902"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/girlwpen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3025"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/girlwpen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3025\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/girlwpen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3025"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/girlwpen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3025"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/girlwpen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3025"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}