\u00e2\u20ac\u0153C\u00e2\u20ac\u2122mon, Love, think about it,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he says in that adorable and sometimes impossible-to-comprehend British accent of his, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You can move in with me! Save loads of money, we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll see each other every night\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
He looks at me with such certainty, such confidence in his proposition. I close my eyes and bury my face in his chest while I consider my options.<\/p>\n
He has asked me this question four and a half times now. The first time, I could not suppress my dismissive laughter, as we had only just agreed to be exclusive, making the offer too impulsive to be taken seriously (the four vodka cocktails I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d consumed that night didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t help, either).<\/p>\n
The second and third time, I began to accept that he was serious and that I therefore needed to devote serious consideration to this prospect. I also separated from the Navy (and therefore gainful employment) around this point in the ongoing conversation. I had never experienced \u00e2\u20ac\u0153broke\u00e2\u20ac\u009d before, and the dwindling contents of my checking account (and slowly rising credit card debt) made the idea of rent reduction more and more alluring. But still, I had resisted in charming and sardonic ways, which he was clearly not accepting as my final answer.<\/p>\n
Now, at the fourth mention, I am cognizant of the fact that I need to respond with seriousness, and that this will be a binding answer. <\/p>\n
I imagine coming home, exhausted from a long day at my new job and the two-hours-each-way commute from Annapolis to Rockville, Maryland. I imagine slipping my shoes off at the door (his rule\u00e2\u20ac\u201dto protect the white carpets in his spacious, two-bedroom apartment) and trotting over to him, cuddling in front of his flat-screen television in the adorable business casual ensemble I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d be able to afford, since I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d be living virtually rent-free. The amenities of his high-rise apartment building would make the now-daily headaches of finding a parking spot, doing my laundry, and maintaining my fitness regime virtually disappear. Staying with him every night without having to worry about whether I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d packed a comb and a toothbrush. . .<\/p>\n
I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t deny it. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a tempting offer.
\n
\nI open my eyes and frown, looking at the duvet cover on his bed. It is a berry shade of red with white flowers latticing across it in elegant simplicity\u00e2\u20ac\u201dclearly something his ex had picked out when they moved over here together from London. She had been his fourth live-in girlfriend (well, technically third, since the one he married back in the 90\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s had evolved to \u00e2\u20ac\u0153wife\u00e2\u20ac\u009d rather than \u00e2\u20ac\u0153girlfriend\u00e2\u20ac\u009d status). But still, the prospect of cohabitating with someone he has only known for four months doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t seem that daunting to him. To me, 24 years old (11 years his junior) and far less experienced in relationships, this is a really big step.<\/p>\n
He is stroking my hair. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153What d\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ya think, Sweetie?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
I hesitate. Am I really \u00e2\u20ac\u0153that\u00e2\u20ac\u009d girl? The one who jumps at the offer to be kept by an older, foreign man the minute my finances become even slightly unstable? Sure, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m feeling the sting of two months of unemployment and the pay-cut that have accompanied my transition from the military to the \u00e2\u20ac\u0153real\u00e2\u20ac\u009d world. And my future is unstable\u00e2\u20ac\u201dI\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve applied to graduate programs for the Fall of 2009 and although I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve secured a position with a good company, the job I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve just accepted is only a six-month contract, so I could easily be back in this position (read: broke) come the summer\u00e2\u20ac\u201dbut does that mean that I should sacrifice my domestic independence and potentially jeopardize this relationship in order to avoid fiscal responsibility?<\/p>\n
Well, obviously I should not. But this would not be the first time I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve proven myself capable of doing something I ought not to do.<\/p>\n
I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t even know his middle name! I still hesitate to send him a text message if he hasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t texted me because of some abstract idea of \u00e2\u20ac\u0153courtship\u00e2\u20ac\u009d I carry with me from my Midwestern upbringing. Shouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t I feel like his girlfriend before I combine DVD collections with him?<\/p>\n
I trace imaginary figures on his chest, and pause before speaking. I am definitely falling in love with this man.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I want. . .\u00e2\u20ac\u009d I begin. Why is this always so difficult to say? <\/p>\n
He squeezes me a little tighter and looks at me expectantly while I use my fingers to comb my bangs out of my face.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I think I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not quite ready to be\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6a\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6well, quadruped,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d I finally manage to complete my sentence. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I want to live with you eventually, but I need to stand on my own two feet right now.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d I await his response, to see if I have convinced him of what I am having such a hard time accepting myself. I mentally wave goodbye to that new outfit. . .<\/p>\n
He pats my behind and kisses my head, a gesture that would normally enrage me, but that I delight in nonetheless.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Whatever you need, Sweetie. I just want to help.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d <\/p>\n
I smile and kiss his cheek. . .that, I can live with. For now.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153C\u00e2\u20ac\u2122mon, Love, think about it,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he says in that adorable and sometimes impossible-to-comprehend British accent of his, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You can move in with me! Save loads of money, we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll see each other every night\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He looks at me with such certainty, such confidence in his proposition. I close my eyes and bury my face in his […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1911,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[131,21789,176],"class_list":["post-1451","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-economy","tag-sexual-freedom","tag-sexuality"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/girlwpen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1451","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/girlwpen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/girlwpen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/girlwpen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1911"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/girlwpen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1451"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/girlwpen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1451\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/girlwpen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1451"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/girlwpen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1451"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/girlwpen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1451"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}