{"id":3646,"date":"2024-07-30T07:00:00","date_gmt":"2024-07-30T12:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/ccf\/?p=3646"},"modified":"2024-06-21T17:09:57","modified_gmt":"2024-06-21T22:09:57","slug":"how-antiracism-becomes-a-mom-topic-in-white-families","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/ccf\/2024\/07\/30\/how-antiracism-becomes-a-mom-topic-in-white-families\/","title":{"rendered":"How Antiracism Becomes a \u201cMom Topic\u201d in White Families"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Untitled by ParentiPacek licensed by Pixaby<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n

For parents of color in the U.S., talking to their kids about race and racism<\/a> is a fundamental aspect of parenting, but for white parents, most try to avoid these topics, or offer unhelpful lessons to \u201ctreat everyone the same<\/a>.\u201d This approach ultimately perpetuates colorblind racism and allows white privilege to remain a \u201clived but not seen<\/a>\u201d aspect of growing up white. However, a growing minority of \u201cantiracist\u201d white parents<\/a> have begun intentionally speaking with their kids about systemic racism and whiteness. Both white moms and white dads<\/a> report a desire to raise racially aware white children, but little is known about who is leading these efforts within white families and why<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In our recent Social Problems<\/em> article<\/a>, we examine this question using interview data from 28 \u201cantiracist\u201d white parents in heterosexual marriages to examine how and why gender influences which parent is more likely to discuss race\/racism with their children.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In theory, the white moms and dads shared similar beliefs about race\/racism and the importance of discussing these topics with their kids. In practice, however, moms disproportionately led these conversations. We trace this divergence between parents\u2019 shared principals but unequal practices back to moms\u2019 distinctively antiracist embrace of intensive mothering<\/a>\u2014a cultural ideology with extremely high expectations for moms\u2019 involvement in their kids\u2019 lives. More specifically, we highlight how moms refashioned three intensive mothering practices to develop the tools, resources, opportunities, and a sense of integrity needed to proactively talk with their kids about race.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(1) Moms pursued expert-guided education <\/strong>on race\/racism. They listened to podcasts, joined book clubs, attended workshops, and followed DEI professionals on social media. Gracie, for example, described seeking guidance before her son was even old enough to talk: \u201cI did research one night about talking to your kid about race, and found a book\u2026I was just like, I need a place to start. I need some ideas. Let’s go to a professional.\u201d  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

(2) Moms took a hands-on role in their kids\u2019 education<\/strong>, which allowed them to recognize racism in their children\u2019s classrooms and curricula. These observations gave them concrete examples to discuss with their kids. Through classroom-volunteering, for instance, moms saw that teachers were \u201ctreating kids of color differently [and] disciplining them differently\u201d (Heidi) and used their evolving race-related knowledge to explain to their kids that \u201cthe teachers are probably having unconscious bias in the classroom\u201d (Audrey). <\/p>\n\n\n\n

(3) Moms strategically cultivated activities<\/strong> for their kids that de-centered whiteness or sought to advance racial equity. Moms joined antiracist community organizations and \u201cracial equity teams\u201d at their churches or synagogues, workplaces, or their kids\u2019 schools, and would bring their kids to organization events, as well as marches\/protests, whenever possible. These events served as natural conversation-starters, as Gabby explained: \u201cIt’s really easy to just invite conversation. We\u2019ll go to things like protests, we\u2019ll go to marches, so we\u2019ll be surrounded by messages.\u201d Getting involved in antiracist community coalitions also gave moms a sense of integrity to talk about racism with their kids. As Nadia explained:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I feel like if you aren\u2019t doing anything it can be hard to talk about\u2026it can be a little embarrassing [to say] like about race, \u201cI should be making sure things are fair\u201d but like not reading or doing anything actively\u2026having even the small tiny thing that I\u2019m doing\u2026helps me feel empowered to talk about it more.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Culturally, dads don\u2019t face the same intensive parenting pressure that moms do. Perhaps as a result, the dads in our study didn\u2019t pursue the same level of racial re-education that moms did; they didn\u2019t look for everyday examples of racism and inequality in their kids\u2019 classrooms or curricula; and they didn\u2019t plan race-related activities for their children. Consequently, they felt ill-equipped and unprepared to initiate conversations about race\/racism, commonly saying they \u201cdon\u2019t know how\u201d (Erik). They were also less comfortable discussing race because as Nadia described, it feels awkward and phony to preach one thing but practice another. Whereas moms\u2019 antiracist intensive mothering prompted them to pursue personal- and community-level work aimed at social change, dads weren\u2019t \u201cin the mud doing this type of stuff\u201d (Miller), so they felt \u201cbad and uncomfortable\u201d (Jacob) talking about racism. As Jacob explained, \u201cWe don\u2019t like to say we\u2019re the foot on the neck of people who are different from us.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because dads were ill-equipped and uncomfortable initiating conversations proactively, they took a more passive approach. They were willing to answer their kids\u2019 questions when asked but believed their kids should \u201cdictate how much information they want\u201d (Frank) and \u201ctell you what they need to know\u201d (Daniel). In other words, they looked to kids to instigate these conversations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

However, since moms had already established a communication line and demonstrated ongoing interest\/knowledge about race, kids logically brought any questions about race to their moms instead of their dads. Together, moms\u2019 proactive approach, dads\u2019 passive approach, and kids\u2019 response to this contrast created a reciprocal cycle that allowed race to become a \u201cMom topic\u201d within these white families.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why does it matter if antiracism is primarily moms\u2019 domain? We suspect that gendered divisions of labor threaten the sustainability of antiracist parenting practices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Norms of colorblindness and white silence are hard to break in white families, and new habits are even harder to maintain (and encourage kids to practice) if one parent is still practicing old ones. While there can certainly be \u201cracism without racists<\/a>,\u201d white people also have significant agency in reducing racism, and white parents have an important part to play. Parents of color have always<\/em> talked to their children about race and racism, because they do not have the privilege to remain silent<\/em>. It\u2019s time for more white moms and dads<\/em> to follow suit and start talking with their white kids about these issues too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Reilly Kincaid<\/em><\/strong> is a PhD Candidate at Purdue University. Her research focuses on family, gender, work, and social inequalities. You can follow her on Twitter\/X at @ReillyKincaid.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Megan R. Underhill<\/em><\/strong> is an associate professor of sociology at the University of North Carolina Asheville where she teaches and researches about race and racism among white Americans. You can follow her on Twitter\/X at @Soc_Seeker.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

For parents of color in the U.S., talking to their kids about race and racism is a fundamental aspect of parenting, but for white parents, most try to avoid these topics, or offer unhelpful lessons to \u201ctreat everyone the same.\u201d This approach ultimately perpetuates colorblind racism and allows white privilege to remain a \u201clived but […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2124,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3646","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/ccf\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3646","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/ccf\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/ccf\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/ccf\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2124"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/ccf\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3646"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/ccf\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3646\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3649,"href":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/ccf\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3646\/revisions\/3649"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/ccf\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3646"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/ccf\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3646"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/ccf\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3646"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}