{"id":2691,"date":"2022-01-25T07:00:00","date_gmt":"2022-01-25T13:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/ccf\/?p=2691"},"modified":"2022-01-23T14:30:32","modified_gmt":"2022-01-23T20:30:32","slug":"mothers-are-the-primary-earners-in-growing-numbers-of-families-with-children-including-married-couple-families","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/ccf\/2022\/01\/25\/mothers-are-the-primary-earners-in-growing-numbers-of-families-with-children-including-married-couple-families\/","title":{"rendered":"Older mothers and their troubled adult children"},"content":{"rendered":"\r\n\r\n\r\n

\"\"<\/a><\/em>A therapist colleague got a call in the middle of the night from a mom in his practice.\u00a0 The woman was frantic.\u00a0 Her daughter\u2019s anger had escalated into physical attacks.\u00a0 The mother had locked herself in her room \u2013 not knowing who to call.\u00a0 The friend asked me if I could recommend resources that he could give the family.\u00a0 He was familiar with my research and new book \u201cDifficult: Mothering Challenging Adult Children through Conflict and Change\u201d<\/a> which will launch on February 2nd<\/sup>, Rowman & Littlefield.\u00a0<\/p>\r\n

Difficult <\/em>is the first book to speak to and name the experience of older mothers of troubled adult children who have become the default safety-net in the face of a failed mental health system, limited substance abuse treatment, and sky-rocketing rents.\u00a0 Little known face \u2013 the most likely perpetrator of what is called elder abuse is a dependent adult child living at home suffering with mental illness and\/or substance use disorder.\u00a0 Vulnerable adults who cannot manage, or afford to, live on their own turn to their families.\u00a0 But the shared household arrangement often only benefits the adult child.\u00a0 Most cases of elder abuse do not get reported in part because older parents do not want their troubled adult children to go to jail.<\/p>\r\n

My work is based on several years of qualitative research with older women (all over 60) who self-identified as having adult children whose problems were negatively impacting their quality of life.\u00a0 After analyzing their stories, I coined the name \u201cdifficult adult child\u201d to capture the dilemmas that each of the women reported about the complex difficult mothering that emerged for them when their adult child who had returned home because they could no longer support themselves. The older mothers (and fathers if available) do not feel appreciated for the sacrifices they are making by re-opening their homes to their children later in life. Each mother shared with me her feelings of helplessness regarding the conflict whose needs take priority \u2013 mine or hers?\u00a0 \u00a0<\/p>\r\n

While this book will be extremely helpful to therapists and physicians who often do not sufficiently understand the stress that older parents with difficult adult children experience, Difficult<\/em> is also written for the parents of challenging adult children. \u00a0There are chapters on mental illness, substance use and family violence that offer accessible psycho-education and resources for getting help.\u00a0 This is a book you can suggest to your clients. It will help them see that they are not alone.\u00a0<\/p>\r\n

So many families who have adult children who are \u201coff-time\u201d in their development and\/or engaged in deviant or stigmatized behavior, keep their adult children\u2019s troubles secret and often blame themselves.\u00a0 The book is empathic to the terrible conflicts that parents feel when their adult child\u2019s life is stopped by mental illness and\/or substance abuse problems.\u00a0 \u00a0Beyond allowing mothers and fathers to feel less alone, there are several chapters that offer readers a way to use the Stages of Change model applied to changingtheir \u00a0relationship with an adult child; and there is a large section devoted to resources for self-care, getting social support, and staying safe.\u00a0<\/p>\r\n

\u00a0 Difficult is not about \u201cboomerang kids\u201d who will bounce back into independent living.\u00a0 Instead, the book shines a light on a large, usually unseen, population of parents who often feel that their adult children\u2019s problems have no solution.\u00a0 The book presents the deep feeling of being \u201ctorn in two\u201d that each woman is living with.\u00a0 Each felt that she had no choice but to support her adult child when they were in crisis and had invited them to move back into the family home. \u00a0As clinicians, helping women see their problem as connected to other mothers and not a result of their unique failure in parenting can be empowering.\u00a0<\/p>\r\n

The book can be ordered on-line<\/a> from your favorite on-line book seller. <\/p>\r\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\r\n

Judith R. Smith, PhD, LCSW,\u00a0is a senior clinical social worker, therapist, researcher,\u00a0and professor at Fordham University.\u00a0She is a leader in gerontological research focusing on women\u2019s experiences as they age.\u00a0Her book,\u00a0\u201cDifficult: Mothering Challenging Adult Children through Conflict and Change\u201d<\/a> Rowman & Littlefield, will be available Feb. 2022.\u00a0 Follow them on Twitter @JudithRSmithPhd<\/em><\/p>\r\n

\u00a0<\/div>\r\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A therapist colleague got a call in the middle of the night from a mom in his practice.\u00a0 The woman was frantic.\u00a0 Her daughter\u2019s anger had escalated into physical attacks.\u00a0 The mother had locked herself in her room \u2013 not knowing who to call.\u00a0 The friend asked me if I could recommend resources that he […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2124,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2691","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/ccf\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2691","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/ccf\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/ccf\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/ccf\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2124"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/ccf\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2691"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/ccf\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2691\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2734,"href":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/ccf\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2691\/revisions\/2734"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/ccf\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2691"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/ccf\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2691"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thesocietypages.org\/ccf\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2691"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}