Comments on: Christmas is Women’s Work

By: Ali

Ali — Fri, 23 Jan 2015 21:41:00 +0000

As a feminist who is in the first year of marriage I can testify that not all men are like that. My husband is 26 so it may be a younger generation thing but he does nearly all of the housework to support me while I am in school. He reminds me to do tasks that we have agreed on, such as the dishes from one of the many nights that I did not cook. He makes our food, my lunches, cleans the house and handles laundry and car repairs. We both work and have agreed to this so I can expend the time to study needed to maintain my 4.0 in undergraduate coursework. The key for us is that was a stipulation of marriage for me, that I not be expected to do an unequal amount of housework for being a woman. We will keep talking and tweak the balance once I am out of school I suspect.

By: Willow

Willow — Sun, 03 Feb 2013 19:55:00 +0000

As a woman, I tend to do a lot more Christmas shopping than my boyfriend, both for his family and for mine. I like Christmas shopping, though, and he doesn’t. He is willing to help pay for the things I purchase, so it doesn’t strike me as an unbalanced arrangement.

By: Willow

Willow — Sun, 03 Feb 2013 19:43:00 +0000

And the mother wants jewelry for herself. . . sigh.

By: Danie Kat

Danie Kat — Wed, 18 Apr 2012 21:16:00 +0000

Its just like cleaning ads being targeted towards women…I cant think off the top of my head seeing any commercials with a man cleaning or cooking while the wife it out of the house or working…

By: Blix

Blix — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 20:32:00 +0000

That’s what I mean-skip gifts, cards, etc. that have no true merit except our created expectations.
But then again, I believe Christ should be honored above ourselves. All people are created equal by Him and any roles apart from those He made are silly.

By: AS

AS — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 09:50:00 +0000

This advert was quite criticised here in the UK because of its commercialisation, equating love with how much you’ve bought for someone and so on.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2011/nov/20/christmas-adverts-john-lewis
“”Mum” appears to have purchased an entire nervous breakdown’s worth of cold branded goods in a pathetic bid to win the affections of her own family.”

By: e h

e h — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 23:49:00 +0000

Oh yes, you are not alone. My husband says he is a feminist, but we still have this problem (and the problem of me doing all the work for Christmas – some of which I love doing but since I can’t do it all myself, I have started telling him, “I need you to do X for me”). We resorted to paying someone else to do some of the things that we had the worst fights about, but there are still areas of the house that never ever get cleaned. I tried to write up a list with a schedule (not just for him – I’m forgetful in my own way) but he complained that it made him feel like I was his mother. But I feel like I’m his mother when I’m constantly asking him to pick up this or clean that. Not to mention, he usually doesn’t want to clean when I feel like cleaning. I’ve begun to simply do my own thing and leave all of his spaces to be filthy and cluttered because I’m so sick of it.

By: Rhiannon Lockley

Rhiannon Lockley — Sat, 24 Dec 2011 21:38:00 +0000

For me, xmas (like other family occasions) is a time where I do pretty much everything for my husbands family in terms of buying, wrapping and arranging the delivery of presents. We are in the doghouse with the my mother in law already for lateness (4 days) with father in law’s birthday earlier this month (he didn’t care and rang to apologise for her ringing up to shout once she had gone out). It is so unfair that women have so much expected of them at these times but part of me wonders if this is partly to do with the overblown circus that christmas etc seem to become, and that women play a big role in reproducing this, including the disapproval.

By: Tangled Macrame

Tangled Macrame — Fri, 23 Dec 2011 22:13:00 +0000

Well…..I put a lot of work into the holidays. Bought a few gifts. Made a lot of gifts. Decorated the house. Wrapped the gifts. Wrote holiday cards. Helped my kids write holiday cards. I’ll cook this weekend and host my in-laws at our home. And you know what, I LOVE IT?
I agree with MJS. If it’s work, I’d rather be wrapping gifts than washing dishes…a task my husband and I trade off each week.

You know what I’d be interested in reading? A survey of people’s level of work and stress associated with the holidays in relation to their social class and/or how much they spend. Because I think there’s a lot more joy in the holiday when, for the sake of a budget crunch or simplicity, you scale it all down instead of buying into the media’s portrayal of a ‘perfect’ Christmas.

By: katya

katya — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 21:32:00 +0000

Not to minimize your problem, because it’s annoying that you have to be the one to delegate, but have you thought of just assigning chores and frequency to him (preferably, you would do this with him, but if he doesn’t even want to be a part of the assignment process, you could just propose assignments that you draw up)? Make a list of stuff that needs to be done on, say, a weekly basis–sweeping, dusting, cleaning the bathroom–and post it. Sort of like an automatic reminder. My husband and I don’t have a chart, but we have sort of assigned chores between us–I clean the bathroom, he takes out the trash and the recycling, I do the grocery shopping and cook, he sweeps and mops and does the dishes–and we are each responsible for the chores on our list. Of course, it’s not fixed in stone, and we try to be flexible and adapt as needed, but having one person be ultimately responsible for a given task does cut down on the squabbling and nagging.

By: katya

katya — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 21:26:00 +0000

There are! My husband and I barely had to discuss this. Thank-you notes for wedding gifts–I did my friends/family, he did his (in a pretty timely manner). He buys his parents’ and siblings’ presents (although he will sometimes ask me for suggestions or to weigh in on something, just like I will run ideas by him) and I buy for mine. I do most of the food prep work for our holiday party, but he cleans up the living room and runs errands and helps clean up afterwards, and he’s also very quick to praise my efforts to others (definitely doesn’t try to take credit for himself).

Just so you know–they exist!

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 21:11:00 +0000

Ugh. And, of course, none of their work is appreciated, because, as MJS sneers downthread, it’s “not really work.”

I don’t know how you put up with that clan. I can’t stand that whole “Well, SHE doesn’t take care of HIM properl! SHE doesn’t keep HIS house properly!” bullshit.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 21:08:00 +0000

Yes, and women would then be pressured to do all the same things, but to make the gifts and cards themselves. Commercialism is not entirely responsible for creating sexist expectations.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 21:07:00 +0000

This sort of thing is not just about commercialism. Handmade cards and gifts would count as well, plus decorating for the holidays, which could mean (for example) creating a wreath from natural materials.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 21:06:00 +0000

Ah, of course, I was about to mention how this sort of emotional work is dismissed and belittled by the privileged men who don’t have to do it, yet when it doesn’t get done, the woman is berated.

Let me guess, you’re also the sort who claims you like women “who don’t know they’re beautiful,” because you resent having to acknowledge that beauty work is also work?