Comments on: The Male Gaze in Female Sterilization Marketing

By: Julie

Julie — Mon, 13 Feb 2012 04:17:00 +0000

This comment might be slightly ranty, but here it is.
I’m not sure if I’m quite on board with the assessment of the photograph. It doesn’t strike me as being about male perspective. I see a couple and kids. Would you think any differently of the same picture if it showed the woman resting on the man’s lap with him looking down at her? What if they were seated next to each other?
If there’s anything that bothers me about female sterilization advertizing, it’s that it seems to always be about “being done,” accompanied with a picture of a heteronormative, nuclear family complete with husband and children. It’s not that I expect advertizing to frequently target the childfree, as we are a minority, but why is it always about family size for the sake of family size? Why not a nice photograph of a smiling woman, free of a fertility that had become burdensome to her, and excitedly free to peruse her career or education or other goals? Why is it never about peace of mind, or freedom to do what one wants to do without ever having to worry about pregnancy ever throwing a wrench in things. It’s always about closing doors, and not about opening them. The ads make sterilization seem like some kind of form or resignation to never again expand the family, or some kind of retirement from being a fertile woman. I wish to see ads in which sterilization is about the continuation of one’s personal life, insured against unwanted pregnancy, and the freedom to pursue one’s goals free from at least one major worry. If such an ad as I describe exists, I have yet to see it. Why is it about the family (strictly defined as consisting of a wife, husband, and kids) and not the woman herself? Are we so obsessed with seeing women as mothers that their personal desire to not have a pregnancy is not acceptable (because she MUST be a mother) unless her decision to prevent further pregnancies is for the sake of her existing children? As for the video, I agree that appeal to the imagined perspective of one partner shouldn’t be used to pressure the other to action, yet I see it done all the time in the exact opposite manner as seen in the video. When I was trying to get my tubal ligation (I finally managed to get it at 22 after only 2 years of fighting for it, I’m happily childfree and unmarried and leaning towards marriagefree) hypothetical men were used in attempts to prevent me from being sterilized. In one case, I had people telling me that I shouldn’t be sterilized because a man might want to have kids some day (even an imaginary man’s desires ruled over my body, apparently.)
The other thing though, in contrast to this video, involved people including doctors and even a reporter bringing up having my male partner have a vasectomy instead. True, vasectomies are, as I understand, safer (not that tubals are dangerous,) quicker, cheaper, less invasive, and less painful than tubal ligations. But why should my personal convenience have any bearing at all on the medical treatment of my partner for something that I want (at least one partner to be sterile?) Anything that might have put me off wanting a tubal ligation for my elf would NOT have constituted a valid argument for my boyfriend to get a vasectomy.
Because text can be ambiguous, I’ll clarify here that I am NOT advocating tit-for-tat. Using the perspective of one partner in an attempt to manipulate another is shameful and unacceptable. I told my boyfriend that if I didn’t want to be sterilized, then I simply wouldn’t do it and would NEVER ask him to sterilize himself for my own convenience. I told him that I would support him if he chose to have a vasectomy, but I would never pressure him into it, especially not for my own sake.
Nor did I consider his opinion in the slightest, in either direction, when I had my tubal. My decision had nothing to do with him. Despite the accusations of one nosy individual, he didn’t pressure me into having a tubal. I was happy to have his support, but even if he had disapproved, I would have had the tubal anyway because it was my decision and my right. I did it for myself. Were my BF to ever decide to have a vasectomy, I would want him to make that decision for his own sake, not for mine.
I only control my body and he only controls his. The desires of one do NOT outweigh the will of the other. Further, each individual is responsible for their own reproductive capacity. No one partner is any more responsible for contraception than the other

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 01:24:00 +0000

Because your life isn’t a carefully composed picture where everything is supposed to convey information to the viewer? That the picture is centered on the man and that she doesn’t interact with the viwerer seals it.

By: Leigha

Leigha — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 22:15:00 +0000

That’s true, but regardless of what anyone thinks about that (and there really isn’t any way around it), it directly counters the posts statement that “The male’s need to avoid “worrying about unplanned pregnancy”, so he can relax and enjoy a day in the park, takes priority.” Why would HIS need to avoid worrying take priority, if we’ve accepted that women worry more?

By: Leigha

Leigha — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 22:12:00 +0000

“I can think of a few dozen other ways to have human contact.”

So because there are other ways, using each other as a pillow is not a valid one? My boyfriend and I use each other as pillows every time we relax in bed or on the couch or anything involving leaning or lying down. We also don’t go out of our way to go, “Okay, I’ve been the pillow the last three times. This is unequal and therefore sexist.” We just relax however is comfortable and feels right at that time. (Normally he’s the pillow.)

It’s cozy. We like it and it makes us feel close to each other. I’m not really sure how that’s “stretching a bit.”

By: Leigha

Leigha — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 22:05:00 +0000

It’s only not equal if EVERY time it is her who supports him while he sleeps. How do you know from this one picture that that’s the case? Most couples support EACH OTHER.

By: Andrea Wilson

Andrea Wilson — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 09:08:00 +0000

I work with a physician that performs Essure in the office and she does not deny women due to the fact that they have never had children. The state of WA simply requires a 30-day consent to be signed and matured before the procedure can be performed. The actual procedure takes an average of 2-5 minutes. It is a great alternative to a surgical tubal ligation, which requires general anesthesia and has a higher risk of adverse complications. Regardless of advertising tactics, Essure is a great permanent sterilization option in today’s market which requires nearly zero recovery time, so the working woman can go back to her daily routine the very next day. The vasectomy vs tubal ligation argument is a matter between couples. Of course vasectomy is a great option, but let’s face it–since when did women taking control of their bodies become a bad thing? If the procedure cost is nearly the same, with the same risks involved, and virtually no risk of death, who cares whether a woman chooses Essure over having her partner get a vasectomy? The choice is her own, not that of members on a message board.

By: Yrro Simyarin

Yrro Simyarin — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 19:43:00 +0000

How? The argument is that she wants to undergo a treatment that she believes has a lower risk of side effects to her, than the equivalent treatment would be for her husband. This is exactly the same logic that favors vasectomies over other sterilization treatments for women.

Now, *if* her understanding of the relative risks of vasectomies and Essure is incorrect because the people informing her have downplayed the risk to women, or overplayed the risk to men, then sure that could be patriarchy.

But simply “this is likely to cause my spouse more pain than it would for me, therefore I will sacrifice for them instead” is not patriarchy. It’s what every decent person should want to do.

By: Yrro Simyarin

Yrro Simyarin — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 19:39:00 +0000

Everything you said sounds reasonable. I stand corrected.

By: Kim

Kim — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 13:13:00 +0000

I think in this discussion we’re conflating being fertile with the capacity to take care of children. Adoption is always an option (of course, if you qualify: depending on the place, gays and other undesirables need not apply) and though it may be a more difficult route, so is surrogacy. Not wanting to physically birth a child is not necessarily the same thing as never wanting to raise a child.

By: ahimsa

ahimsa — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 03:46:00 +0000

I just watched the video and agree that this video is messed up. I understand that there are good reasons why the woman in a heterosexual couple might be the one who chooses sterilization instead the man. (I chose this myself–details in my other comment). But the way this whole thing is framed, that a woman must do it because a man will not, is just annoying.

And can I mention how much I *hate* the phrase “man up”? It makes it seem that only men can be brave–what do women do, “woman up”?! And if a man is afraid, then what–he’s no longer a man? There’s probably more to unpack in that phrase but that’s all I can think of right now.

By: ahimsa

ahimsa — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 02:04:00 +0000

I’m with you on this one, pope_suburban. I was married and childless when I had my tubal ligation at age 29. It’s been about 22 years I have no regrets. I would have chosen sterilization earlier (maybe 25-26) but people kept telling me that I would change my mind, biological clock, yada yada yada. All these comments made me doubt myself.

The incident that convinced me was when I started having some bad side effects from birth control pills. I don’t remember all the details but my doctor was very concerned and she mentioned a high risk of a stroke. I started thinking that a stroke probably wouldn’t be so bad, definitely better than being pregnant. Then I realized that all those people telling me “you’ll change your mind” were wrong. Thank goodness I got no pushback from any of my doctors on my choice to be sterilized – maybe things are worse now than they were then?

I think a lot of women who feel this way don’t talk about it because of stereotypes like “All women love babies” and “There’s no deeper want for a woman than to be a mother.” (Nope – http://shakespearessister.blogspot.com/2011/08/nope.html ) I love all my nieces and nephews but I’m very glad that I have no children.

By: Kim

Kim — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 20:51:00 +0000

THIS JUST IN: Removing teeth being easier than removing a spleen is clearly due to an anti-tooth agenda.

By: Kim

Kim — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 18:43:00 +0000

Huh, my apologies. I don’t agree with that, then.

By: Bagelsan

Bagelsan — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 18:42:00 +0000

Yes, not every one, but I think this one is. :)

By: Bagelsan

Bagelsan — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 18:37:00 +0000

mimimur’s reply above distinguishes on the basis of cost.