When I think about whether or not to call the police or confront someone, one of my worries is whether or not I'll just make it worse for the person being abused. It's possible it'll just make the abuser more angry.

April, that's a valid concern, but I don't think it's enough of a reason to stand by & do nothing. I prefer to think the police will have sufficient training & good judgement to handle the situation appropriately.

I also think part of the reason for the disparity (at least in the ad) is that someone playing the drums loudly isn't a violent act and so asking them to quiet down isn't likely to incite violence on yourself. But a man who is clearly very angry and acting very violently is much more likely to lash out at you if you were to physically intervene like knock on the door or get in his way.

I don't think that is necessarily a good reason to not intervene when a woman is being attacked in her own home, but it is a concern. I know I would have a hard time standing up to a man who is likely to be much larger and stronger than me and who is clearly okay with treating women like second class citizens.

What I do not understand is why people don't call the cops concerning domestic abuse/sexual abuse cases. That's what the cops are there for, to step in when you aren't able to. I can understand you not wanting to risk yourself by stepping in but you are capable of picking up the phone and calling for the police. There is very minimal danger to you if you do this.

So I can understand why no one may have come right to the door to intervene like they did when the guy was playing the drums. I wish the ad had also noted that no police complaints were filed during the domestic violence scenario. I think that would have added an even bigger point to the ad. Most people will understand why no one came to the door, but I think many people would be appalled that no one called the cops. And if people knew how few people actually called the cops during situations like these they may be more likely to do it themselves.

I hope that made some sense, lol, I've had a long week. ^^;

The fear that the violence will get worse for the victim, or be turned on a bystander, is understandable. But many women who have gotten out of abusive relationships counsel us to make the call, show your disapproval of the abuser, talk to the victim about options, be a witness, be an advocate, and don't look the other way hoping it will get better. The vast majority of abusive situations do not get better. Abusers are bullies who believe they will keep getting away with it and one of the greatest supports they have is silence from the outside world. Without outside support, the abused person comes to believe they deserve it, they are causing it, no one else cares, the abuser will always win, there are no other options, abuse is normal and tolerable, and there's nothing anyone can do about it. If a woman manages to leave one abuser, she will often end up with another one. And that's the adults who have some rights. Children come to believe the same things, but have virtually no rights unless they are advocated for by adults. We have to help abuse victims by countering these messages; making sure the police are called any time we hear or see violence is the least we can do.

"Sin by Silence" is both the name of a film about women living with the consequences of years of abuse and a statement to the rest of us.

I wonder what the response from the neighbors would have been if the audio-recording made it seem like a man was being physically assaulted by a woman, or two gay men, or two lesbians (rates of DV in same-sex couples, both lesbian and gay, tend to be about the same as hetrosexuals). I think maybe if it was a child someone MIGHT have done something.

People just don't want to get involved in this shit, spend any time dealing with domestic violence cases and this begins to seem like common sense. You can still call the cops though, and let them try and sort the mess out and figure out which party is at fault/more dangerous/whatever.

The problem is DV situations are a fucking mess, cops and prosecutors hate dealing with this stuff as it is frequently (not always) difficult to figure out which party is the bad guy/gal, or if they're just dealing with two disturbed people who are caught in a cycle of mutual violence. Plus emotions get heated and that's when cops tend to get murdered. It takes a saint (or a masochist) to want to deal with other people's domestic violence.

Automatically considering police officers in the USA as supportive light is likely a benefit of being a middleclass or upperclass heterosexual White person. For others, we often have to factor in whether calling the police may make it worse, because of the police and the criminal justice system. This also can hold true for police officers who are People of Color. I wonder the often unjust police/criminal justice system is the same (or even worse)in South Africa.

Also, off topic, it was interesting to see that that housing complex in Johannesburg appeared to be racially integrated.

Correction- "Automatically considering police officers in the USA as supportive is likely..."

All I can think of is the infamous Kitty Genovese:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_Kitty_Genovese

I find something a little weird in the juxtaposition....they just aren't comparable situations, for all the reasons people have listed above. I'd hope we would be offended if the neighbors came by the second night to complain about the noise and please keep it down, as opposed to "stop hurting that woman". You don't want to get the same reaction from both scenerios. I'm not sure what else would have made a good "control" first night though.

Diffusion and responsibility. There have even been cases where a girl was raped in a very crowded train by two men. Nobody did anything. Very sad.

I think that some of the problem is that we just don't know how to handle these kinds of situations.

The discussion about "making it worse" for the abused later, is taking on more responsibility than is reasonable. You are NEVER responsible for the actions of the abuser. This goes for both the victim and bystanders. The abuser is always responsible for their behavior.

It seems sometimes like we don't want to interfere because we are too scared. If this other person has angered an abuser to the point of violence what would happen to *us* if we stepped in? An overwhelming feeling of powerlessness leads to us freezing up. And sometimes we don't even know how to stand up for ourselves. A wonderful post about one persons experience where she froze in the moment: http://www.blogher.com/politely-powerless-when-selfdefense-fails?from=hot

For further reading on violence against women in South Africa here's an interesting news story in the Guardian of 25 November 2010, which reports on a recent survey covering the subject:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2010/nov/25/south-african-rape-survey