Comments on: Rihanna’s New Single References Chris Brown Beating

By: Never Tell an Artist to Shut Up: Rihanna and Eminem Open Dialogue on Domestic Violence | HEPFAT

Tue, 17 Aug 2010 01:39:00 +0000

[...] beating of singer, Rihanna, and the subsequent release of her domestic violence-themed single, Russian Roulette, it’s hard to interpret her partnership with Eminem on the new song, Love the Way You Lie, as [...]

By: lyssa

lyssa — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 13:12:13 +0000

There’s also a religious view on this.

There aren’t any videos from it, but they have a youtube channel with ads about it. http://www.youtube.com/user/rochchurch7#p/a/u/3/4_EdpRKEejw

By: Violence Against Women on Prime Time Up Since 2004 » Sociological Images

Violence Against Women on Prime Time Up Since 2004 » Sociological Images — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 15:21:37 +0000

[...] here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here. Leave a Comment Tags: gender, tv/movies, violence Gender Pay Gap at [...]

By: Jess

Jess — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 10:00:49 +0000

Ne-Yo has stated the song is about a story HE made up. He said “Imagine two people sitting opposite each other with a gun on the table in front of them with one bullet in it. The song is basically what Rihanna is thinking as she sits there.”

The song is basically all Ne-Yo’s vision with Rihanna just singing.

By: Shana

Shana — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 14:27:36 +0000

You are right, it did seem to be a defense I suppose. Although that position is indefensible, I was relating the “reasons” I have heard for people blaming her. In a way, it was like they were angry at Chris Brown for beating her initially, then when it appeared that she was running back to him she became pitiful in their eyes and the “I guess she likes it / deserves it because she went back” attitude set in. However; I stand corrected. After reading posts on other less thoughtful blogsites, people were actually saying that she deserved the beat down because she hit him, or said something that angered him, or possibly cheated on him. Frankly, I hadn’t considered the view that she had done something to deserve it in the first place. Now I see that, among teens and young adults, a disturbing number believe that violence is acceptable if you are simply offended. Violence against women and children has become alarmingly prevalent and it is disheartening at best to know that the draconian attitudes that perpetuate this type of cro-magnon behavior are prevalent as well.
Your hasty response was just an impassioned reply to a subject you obviously feel strongly about and I cannot fault you for that.
In my opinion addressing unpopular views to find out why people think the way they do is much more enlightening and productive than merely discounting or censoring them (just a general thought not directed at anyone in here). Just for the record I do NOT believe she (or anyone) deserves to be beaten for any reason.

By: L

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 04:31:44 +0000

I should have read on, you’re right. However, most people use the nested replies on this website when they’re talking to each other, so I didn’t realize anyone had replied to your first comment until after I posted. Sorry for the hasty response.

Nonetheless, I stand by my response to your first comment. You said, “I don’t think that people blamed Rihanna for being beaten.” This is plainly untrue, and your explanation of the “public’s” point of view does not undo this. Indeed, your explanation reads as a defense of this point of view rather than an explanation of it, which is why I responded as I did.

As for the “ad hominem” thing, I did not call you ignorant — I called your comment ignorant.

By: Shana

Shana — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 13:08:42 +0000

@L the ad hominem attacks are completely unnecessary. If you would have read on, you would see that I was hypothesizing on the reasons people turned on her, rather than supported her. I was not supporting those opinions, only condensing and relating discussions had with friends.
Furthermore, you are extraordinarily hypocritical to call me ignorant and assume that I have no knowledge of these types of situations; considering that you know absolutely nothing about me. It would be wise to get the whole story before swooping in to denigrate someone’s character.

By: L

Tue, 27 Oct 2009 01:06:45 +0000

Yes, people DID blame Rihanna for being beaten. She devalued herself (in the public's eyes) to the point that no one else could respect her either. And this? This is no better. You need to do more research on domestic violence/relationship violence and stop blaming victims for doing exactly what their abusers have pressured them into doing. It typically takes victims 4-7 tries to leave their abusers for good. Abusers are, by nature, very convincing, making the leaving process that much more difficult. Educate yourself before you continue to make such ignorant, offensive comments about situations you obviously don't understand.

By: Shana

Shana — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 21:36:01 +0000

I will certainly check that video out. Thank you.

By: [dave]

[dave] — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 21:31:28 +0000

@Shana: Thanks for sharing your experience, I hear where you’re coming from.

I just want to stress that many survivors are unable to reach out for help because of the compounded effects of long-term power and control, and that it isn’t as easy as just seeing a counselor, re-acquiring self-esteem and leaving. I can see now that wasn’t what your intent.

And even when a survivor has left, they can still face so many barriers, and end up going back. Great film if you can track it down called “Don’t tell me you love me” by Thato Ranao Mwosa that get’s into just that.

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=5678294

By: Shana

Shana — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 18:06:30 +0000

One last then I promise no more back and forth… To say that she needs help is NOT victim blaming. A woman who has been through that type of trauma and continues to place herself in harm’s way needs help. To deny that because of some arbitrary connotations affixed to the word “help” is to be derelict when dealing with abuse victims. Help shouldn’t come with some heinous social stigma. I stand by my opinion, because truly that is all any of these statements are. They both need help, albeit for different reasons. It takes two people to maintain these relationships, whatever the reasons may be.
Furthermore, I agree with your statement, “Wealth and resources do not undue trauma, isolating “mind games” or raw fear.” They do make it far easier to escape violence when the woman is ready to go. The paper below is an excellent example of how incredibly dynamic abusive relationships are, especially among the underprivileged population.

Stability and Change in the Experience of Partner Violence Among Low-Income Women.
Sonia M. Frias 1 and Ronald J. Angel 1
Social Science Quarterly
PS: No ill will or anything, just exchanging casual discourse, and differences in perspective.

By: Shana

Shana — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 17:48:50 +0000

@Dave I think you missed the point to begin with. I replied to this comment “The many young girls who blamed Rihanna for her abuse (or saw her blamed by public figures in the media) didn’t blame her because of something she did wrong. They blamed her, like other victims of violence against women, because they live in a culture saturated in misogyny, one consistently puts forth the argument that women who suffer violence at the hands of men must have done something to deserve it.” I was just hypothesizing that people didn’t blame her because she is female, they blamed her because she went back to him. As a survivor of an incredibly abusive relationship; my father ultimately murdered my half brother before my mother left him, I know that women will excuse any amount of violent, degrading, and criminal behavior when they feel worthless and feel that they have nowhere to go. So perhaps that is my opinion, but it is an opinion based in first hand experience. Ultimately, we said the same thing. You say Love is respect and I say you have to love (respect) yourself first. When you do not respect yourself, no one else will respect you either.

By: [dave]

[dave] — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 17:37:22 +0000

@Shana: I spoke up about the economic piece because you put emphasis on Rihanna’s “unlimited resources, massive talent, and staggering beauty,” and it carries implications about how she experienced abuse versus someone with, say, limited resources, small talents and average beauty. Despite saying that you are referring to the ‘public’, it comes across here — “She devalued herself (in the public’s eyes) to the point that no one else could respect her either.” — that these are in fact your opinions. This is echoed when you say “She needs as much help as he does.”

Wealth and resources do not undue trauma, isolating “mind games” or raw fear. This is, perhaps unintentionally, conflating being abused with being abusive, and I feel it is in fact victim blaming.

I don’t think that its uncommon for folks to think that the people who end up in abusive relationships are unhinged or just maladjusted, but they’re often normal people who miss the early warning signs because batterers are charming and manipulative.

There’s a really good website for teens (I know Rihanna and Chris Brown aren’t quite high school age, but a large portion of their fan base is) that you can check out that gets into some of the emotional stuff …

loveisrespect.org

http://www.loveisrespect.org/get-help/support-for-a-friend/

By: Shana

Shana — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 16:11:01 +0000

@dave Many average women stay because of economic reasons, fear that they cannot protect or support themselves, they have children to care for, fear that the man will hunt them down… Rihanna, as I said before, has seemingly unlimited resources. The only thing she appears to be lacking is a good counselor or therapist to help her discover her self-worth again. You cannot love anyone unless you love yourself, and you have to hate yourself quite a bit to stay in an incendiary relationship. I don’t blame her, I am sad for her. She needs as much help as he does.

By: [dave]

[dave] — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 15:52:38 +0000

I would guess she approved/acquired this song to express the experience of being in that situation, not to defend it. Folks who stay in abusive situations are often fully aware of the ambivalence … “I hate that they do this but I love them, it was good before and it can be again.”

@jenni t: This is a site that analyzes media, because media affects people. I think we can acknowledge the role that pop songs have in influencing society, even when that influence is small. And Rihanna’s struggles of late are perhaps the most visible and pubilc depiction of domestic violence/dating violence in awhile, so it matters. 1 in 4 women & 1 in 4 LGBT folks experience domestic violence in their lifetime. /speech

@Shana: 46% of kids blame Rihanna. Effed up. Folks don’t just stay because of economic reasons.

http://www.rushprnews.com/2009/03/21/bphc-surveys-youths-on-teen-dating-violence-half-blame-rihanna/