Just because you’ve never seen anyone abusing a pregnant woman doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. Just one case in the whole world is too much, and sadly in reality it’s not even close to being just one case.

Just to echo the above — this is an absurd, one-dimensional, inflationary thing to say. The overlay of a rigid worldview onto this “sociological image” is transparent and ridiculous.

I think we actually LOVE pregnant women. And probably for good reason. Think BIOLOGY. We are ingrained to love it.

That number takes you straight to pregnancycenters.org, a site that exaggerates the risks of abortion (a procedure which is 10 times safer than childbirth itself, according to the Guttmacher Institute); click on the link “considering abortion?” and the first thing that appears is a list of supposed risks, including the debunked breast cancer link. They also refer you to optionline.org, which is essentially the same site and which instructs visitors that emergency contraception can cause an “early abortion.”

Regardless of the ambivalence women may feel about their pregnancies, both wanted and unwanted, no one should be manipulated in this manner. The organizations behind these billboards, “Care Net” and “Heartbeat International” are well-funded and blatantly religiously motivated, yet completely deceptive about their agenda.

I simply agree that it’s unfair and even degrading to women to are genuinely scared of pregnancy to say that the only reason she should be scared is because of a social construct.

Imagine a culture that celebrates and welcomes pregnancy. It wouldn’t be like this one at all – there would be no battle for land or resources, there would be high-quality universal health care for all, children would be raised and cared for by a loving, supportive community (one that is financially, emotionally, and physically supportive) – and every child would be wanted. If you wanted to have a child, but did not wish to parent one, the community would be their family. Every woman would be lauded. In this world, every woman would have complete control of her body and fertility, and there would be no shame if she chose not to have children or if she chose to abort a child. Simple, safe birth control and abortificants would be free and freely available.

In that culture, we’d be less afraid to be pregnant than we are to get a cavity. If we get a cavity and don’t want it, we go to the dentist, it’s done. I’ll grant you that some people are afraid of dentists – but do you see big, shaming signs and screaming protesters getting worked up over your choice to go – or not – to the dentist to care for your cavity? Hell no.

But unfortunately, we don’t live in that culture.

I agree this is probably what you meant, but a statement like “there is only one reason that pregnancy should ‘scare’ you” is unbelievably dismissive of the real and reasonable experiences of real women (and girls). No matter what she meant.

And here’s the thing–the anti-choice folks who put up this bulletin board are at least acknowledging the real and reasonable experience of being scared in pregnancy. I think the ad should still be considered deceptive, because they’re bringing other agendas to the service they provide and that’s not made clear. But if they’re acknowledging the fear and offering something, feminist providers who dismiss the fear aren’t going to reach the audience that desperately needs such alternatives.

Thanks for replying, I hope I can explain myself a little better here.

First off re: language. Some women may be idolised, adored and desired but I don’t believe that is generally the case for all women. An idol and an idolator do not have an equal relationship whichever way you play it, though I believe that as the idolator chooses the idol, and can choose to leave them again, the idolator is the one with the power (the idol merely the object of affection). I don’t think society as a whole shows adoration to any group (possibly to babies). As for desire – this only serves to remind me of the large number of people who find it acceptable to stare at my body. This happens to a large number of women and, while a few may find it acceptable, street harassment is a huge problem in most western urban environments. So society may desire certain types of women but it’s not a positive experience.

Also I should note that unless you idolise, adore and desire (socially let’s say) all people of your acquaintance, men included, and expect them to return the feeling, then the point really only applies to the specific group of women in successful long-term, presumably heterosexual, relationships who value those attributes from their partner.

You are right that society values conformers more. However, non-conformers can have positive, negative or totally neutral effect and still be viewed in a negative light. Part of this in the case of pregnancy is the automatic assumption that a pregnant teenager is going to have a negative impact on society. She might never claim state benefits. You have no more knowledge that a pregnant teen would have become an IT consultant than that she would have joined a street gang. It’s even possible that the girl’s best potential was actually for motherhood and that she does a great job of it, contributing a well-adjusted individual to society. And as much as it’s true that parents need more resources and help to get extra education it’s not just young people that go for these qualifications; significant numbers of people change career and retrain later in life and many of them will have children and need help too.

Whether you or anyone else feels positively or negatively about most women doesn’t change that they are being pre-judged based on an immediate first impression. This creates a negative impact because a person could easily slip from one side to the other if they stop fulfilling certain criteria, such as by getting pregnant, gaining weight or changing the way they dress.

To the final point: yes, you are right. I had forgotten that all marketing is to a degree exploitative. I think some things here in the UK may be more restricted but I’m not certain.

But I don’t believe this is what Jill was talking about. She’s talking about being scared of pregnancy. Of the reaction this bulletin board is referring to: “Oh my god, I’m pregnant, what am I going to do, my parents are going to kill me, my life is over.” In a culture where women are respected as full human beings and pregnancy wasn’t, at some level, considered to be a failure (unless you do it right by being rich, white, young, married, stay-at-home), then discovering you’re pregnant wouldn’t be the terrifying prospect it is today. Don’t want to be pregnant? Then go have your abortion, funded by universal health care. Do want to be pregnant? Then you’ll have plenty of options (funded of course) to stay healthy during your pregnancy and plenty of support from the larger culture, your workplace, etc, to help you get started on raising your child. Not sure what you want to do? Then counseling should be easily available, and not hell-bent on making you choose one way or the other, and you wouldn’t have to worry about your friends and family ostracizing you.

Pregnancy might involve scary decisions, much the way that graduating college and deciding to move across country to pursue your dreams is a scary decision. But people don’t put up billboards with sad people looking down in shame that say, “Moving across the country to pursue your dreams? Scared? You’re not alone.”

Um, maybe, if it all goes exactly as you expect. And there are absolutely no guarantees about that, no matter how much you study and plan and hope for that. When things take an unexpected turn, yeah, it can get very damn scary, and that’s not ignorance or cultural norms, that’s the rawest basic fear of death and pain and blood (lots of it).

Pregnancy itself IS a serious physical risk for some women (including me). And it’s hard to predict who’s in that lucky category ahead of time. So a little fear isn’t unwarranted–or at least some serious consideration of the possible complications beyond stretchmarks. It ain’t all beautiful.