i hope this billboard wasn't put up by an anti-choice group.

I would bet money that this billboard is for a "crisis pregnancy center," which tries to convince woment who are likely to have abortions (i.e., those who find the prospect of being pregnant/having kids scary) not to do so.

here is the website in question.

http://www.pregnancycenters.org

As a middle-class white suburban girl, all I ever heard from my parents from about 7 years old on was "Don't get pregnant. If you have sex before marriage (which they did not, in any way encourage, but I was the direct result of premarital sex, so at least they were realistic about it), don't get pregnant." I was put on birth control as soon as I entered high school, and remained on it until roughly six months prior to my wedding at 24. And when I did get pregnant, four months before my wedding, it took them until about the 20th week to accept that I was pregnant, despite getting married and owning a house.

Of course, no where in my adolescence did anyone really talk to me about the dangers of STD's (beyond Health class at school) and the lifelong reprecussions of "unsafe sex" -- it was okay because I was on birth control. And when I was told I had the beginning stages of cervical cancer at 22, directly from HPV, and I told them this frightening news, their response? At least I wasn't pregnant.

Thanks Dmitriy -- looks like a crisis pregnancy to me. "Abortion and Morning After Pill information, including procedures and risks" will generally consist of them telling you how awful both those things are.

while i appreciate jill's thoughts, i think it a little overstated that there's only one reason pregnancy should scare you. such an enormous change in one's life and body is undoubtedly jarring for anybody, and it's sort of belittling of women to characterize their fears as COMPLETELY culturally constructed.

Um...huh. I uh...actually I gotta agree: your culture hates pregnant women. Especially the cases stated. Raphael's points are valid, technically, but don't cut to the root.

I would just like to say that I think family can have a more powerful impact than the general "culture." When I was a teenager, my parents encouraged me to wait to have sex but told me that if I ever got pregnant, I shouldn't be afraid to come to them. I told them I could never have an abortion (they're pro-choice) and they said I could always stay with them and we would all raise the baby. (I'm all grown up now and never had to even worry about it, but I wouldn't have been scared.)
I was really lucky with the old cosmic lottery of parents, I suppose.

I generally agree--at least, the kind of fear that the billboard is referring to is completely a matter of culture.

I do think there are other really, really good reasons to be afraid when one is pregnant--because it is a relatively dangerous condition to be in. It brings along some very significant health risks, especially to those who are not in the best health to begin with.

My partner was just telling me about a study done comparing the risk of various birth control methods (including using abortion as one's main way of preventing birth) and none of the methods had death rates that came anywhere close to the death rate associated with pregnancy and childbirth.

My partner and I are beginning to think about having children. Since there are two uteri between us (and since neither of us has any intrinsic desire to be pregnant except as a means to an end of having a child) we are fully considering all of our options of how to become parents. And for us the idea of my partner in particular becoming pregnant (this would be a chosen pregnancy of course since an accidental one would be an immaculate conception!) is extremely scary given potential medical complications.

But like I said, that isn't the kind of fear the billboard is playing on.

philfemgal:

The medical conditions are also cultural, as you can see when comparing the US rates to international rates. If the society doesn't value health care as a human right, then yes, you should be scared about pregnancy. Plus with everyone, high and low risk, having c-sections (shown through research to be on the rise and highly unnecessary despite doctors creating an atmosphere of urgency) it is risky and scary.

Get to know the facts, especially about natural child birth and international rates of complications and mortality. It helps to put things into perspective.

While I am pretty sure I wouldn't agree with the people who put up the billboard, how is it a stretch to think that a (presumably unplanned) pregnancy is scary? The reason we have the term "pregnancy scare" isn't because women are terrified of being ostracized, although that does play a part - it's because an unplanned pregnancy, the decision of how to handle it, and the available options (abortion or giving birth) are both pretty freaky. Yes, the idea of needing "private" counseling does speak somewhat to the non-acceptance of unwed pregnancies (kept or otherwise), but I'm not sure this billboard is really a good example of this. Plus I'm pretty sure the above poster is right and these billboards are put up by organizations that try to convince women *to* go through with their pregnancies, so I'm pretty sure it's not in the interest of the billboard-renters to capitalize on women's fear of carrying & giving birth to the child, social reasons or no.

Of course pregnancy is scary. Jesus. Talk to any parent.

Sometime back, a friend revealed to me that she had had what she referred to as the 'pregnant dream' -- a nightmare that she was pregnant -- and I immediately recalled having once experienced a similar dream myself. Neither of us have ever been in a situation in which we could possibly become pregnant (except, of course, for the ever-present threat of rape), nor would either of us be socially or culturally outcast if we were pregnant. Still, we agreed that it was by far the most frightening dream either of us had ever had. While, of course, all of our experiences are socially and culturally mediated, I think there's much more to it than just a cultural construction of pregnancy as scary.

The reason we have the term “pregnancy scare” isn’t because women are terrified of being ostracized, although that does play a part - it’s because an unplanned pregnancy, the decision of how to handle it, and the available options (abortion or giving birth) are both pretty freaky.

My sense of pregnancy scares (which I have experienced) is that they are scary because I'm not ready to have a kid - mostly because of financial/social reasons (not including ostracizing, but just in terms of social support). If I were ready to have a child, pregnancy wouldn't be a "scare", because I'd be wanting it, the unpleasantness/possible danger of birth included. I agree that the reason it's meant to be scary is because young women know there is little or no financial support for mothers.

I normally love the analysis on this site, but like some of the above commenters I don't think the criticism of this billboard is necessarily warranted. I know exactly what I would do if I became pregnant at this point, but it would still be a really scary and terrifying experience, because pregnancy is a big, freakin, life-changing deal.

There is only one reason that pregnancy should “scare” you

so the fears of those of us who have other reasons for being "scared" of pregnancy - tocophobia, the desire not to have what amounts to a parasite growing inside us, medical or financial concerns, et al - are invalid?

additionally, fear of pregnancy is hardly new. if it were, thousands of years of birth control and abortifacients wouldn't exist.

I'm afraid of pregnancy... I'm in a stable relationship and getting married soon and we're not struggling financially, but I'm still scared of pregnancy. The thought of having someting growing inside me and then the pain of giving birth just terrifies me. And I think my fear of pregnancy won't disappear, even if I were ready and willing to have children.

Yes pregnancy is scary for everyone regardless, but the criticism of the idea behind the billboard is entirely valid because it is obvious who the intended target audience of the billboard is: women who are NOT in a stable social, financial, and familial situation. The "you're not alone" tagline makes this exceedingly clear, as does the face of the young minority female. This is a billboard for pregnant unwed teenagers who are all alone and scared of much much more than just stretch marks and labor pains.

Wow Jill got hyped up huh? 'Our culture hates women and kids.' Personally, I do hate kids. We are over populated and kids cost money, time and effort that I am not willing to expend. It is a personal choice; I haven't had kids. But to say our culture hates women, when women are idolised, adored and desired... come on, communicate your ideas better.

What I think Jill is trying to say, is women in our culture who aren't idolised, adored or desired are really not cared for to the same degree (whether financially or empathetically). And I think this is kinda like saying I didn't get picked for the baseball team, some things are always going to be more desirable then others.

One of the best ways not to get picked for the baseball team is to have an unplanned, teen pregnancy. Not because it is 'wrong' - I am all for pre-marital sex - but because you are now a drain on society with little prospect of fulfilling the potential you had. Becoming a partner at a law firm with a kid in tow from 16 is going be more than a little difficult. Not because you had the kid, but because of the educational and vocational experiences your going to lack.

Please, stop getting hyped up when society has legitimate reasons for disliking (not hating) your state of being. Billboards like this one acknowledge that you aren't in the most desirable position and so they are either genuinely trying to help or they are trying to sell something to the vulnerable (idea, product, whatever).

I love the commenters here. So often they ably demonstrate the very points that the authors are making. *grin*

@S

How are women "idolised, adored and desired" by society? Aside from sounding patronising (and placing men in the power position) I just can't see it as true, for two reasons.

1) Women are praised for conforming to certain ideals, for making themselves thin, attractive and productive, but not inherantly for being themselves. "Being picked for the baseball team" as you call it is a way of expressing privilege. If you do all the things society approves of you gain privilege over those who refuse to conform.

2) The fact that you have identified that some women are privileged, that you dislike some people's state of being and consider young mothers a "drain on society" shows that you do contribute to the general negative view of women and kids in western culture.

Also do you not think that selling products or ideas targetting people in vulnerable positions is inherantly exploitative?

I must agree with the other posters who have argued that there are reasons beyond cultural and social ones for pregnancies to be scary. There's certainly a huge stigma in American (Western?) culture against young and/or unmarried pregnant women, but pregnancy itself definitely carries serious health risks. So does giving birth.

Has anyone ever watched "A Baby Story" on TLC? I've only caught snippets because I'm quite sure that if I actually watched that show all the way through I would never have children. All the women featured are married and in their 20s or 30s ("acceptable" ages and situations in which to have children). The scariness comes from the medical complications derived from their pregnancies or giving birth. Even with the best medical care available, things happen that we cannot predict.

I believe that this billboard's intent is to scare or even shame young, unmarried pregnant women, but I think that the argument that fear caused by pregnancy is only cultural is dismissive of the very true scariness of something that could possibly kill you.

Hey Lindsey,

I don't understand the desire to turn positive meaning words into 'dirty' words. How exactly, as a male, do I gain the power in a relationship with a women when I idolise, adore and desire her? In my experience anyone who can evince those emotions and responses in a relationship has all the power. I would argue that I haven't patronised women at all, those things are positive and I am struggling to define ways in which they could be negative. Unless you personally dislike those feelings being held towards you. Help?

Now to answer your question.

1) What point are you trying to make? That society isn't idolising, adoring and desiring your idea of woman? Guess what, society isn't idolising average looking, 65kg, 20-something men either. Your argument is equivalent to not being picked for the baseball team.

Here's where I think your theory falls down. Society is always going to value 'conformers' more than 'non-conformers', when non-conformity affects society negatively. Society construes pregnant women mostly as a negative thing because mostly pregnant women only add negative things to society. I am not just talking financially, that's an obvious cost to society. Whatever potential that girl had, great or smaller, has just been threatened. Whatever she was going to give society whether it was choc-chip cookies, a new bill of rights or a mediocre career in IT, it has been threatened. And whats worse, if that girl is going to reach her potential, she is now going to need more resources than she was before to do it.

Explain to me why society should accept her non-conformity as OK, pay for it in a myriad of ways when, ultimately, it was her decision to enter into that sort of life. It is always someone elses fault and that someone should pay for it apparently. I say buck up, you got pregnant, society will help you out a bit but we don't like it.

2) I need to ask how you take my dislike for certain types of women and convert that into a general negative view of women? I already expressed how positively I felt towards most women, in fact I only singled out one type of woman for dislike. Some women are privileged, that's life, but some women threaten their own circumstances and then blame others...

You asked about the inherently exploitative nature of marketing and advertising. Yes, targeting people in vulnerable positions is exploitative. Thats what marketing is. Yes, you can advertise cereals, exploiting a mothers desire to fulfill their kids needs. Yes, you can advertise your clinic, exploiting pregnant womans fears. Yes, you can spread religious fervor, exploiting the lack of hope people feel.

"A Baby Story" presents a very skewed image of what childbirth is like (although I think it pretty accurately represents the way most medical doctors in the US treat childbirth). Yes, labor and delivery hurt like hell--believe me, over a year after the fact, it is still fresh in my mind. But if you go into childbirth knowing what to expect, and feeling confident in the support you have (like a good midwife and an involved partner), it is not scary at all. I was actually excited to go into labor, but I'm sure my experience was not typical. I read a lot of alternative texts, attended natural childbirth classes, saw a midwife instead a doctor--basically tried to remove myself from the dominant culture around pregnancy. All the medical interventions they show on "A Baby Story" serve to scare women, making us think that every childbirth is a medical emergency. Some births are dangerous, for sure, but most are not. Mine was long and hard, but safe.

What I'm arguing, in this roundabout way, is that even fear of the biological part of pregnancy is a product of culture. Maybe most cultures share a fear of pregnancy and childbirth, but I strongly suspect the specific characteristics of those fears vary across cultures and through history.

I'm 25, married, financially secure, completely in love with my partner, surrounded by loving family and great friends, and pregnant. And some days, I'm scared. It's perfectly normal to be scared when you're creating a whole new person. It's a big responsibility.

"There is only one reason that pregnancy should “scare” you: your culture hates women and kids. It especially hates teenage women. It especially hates pregnant teenage women. It especially hates teenage pregnant women who get knocked up under unapproved circumstances."

Does it hurt to express some moderation? Stating that your culture hates women and kids is ridiculous. It starts with the problem of considering that society is capable of homogeneous behaviors. Not even murderers are homogeneously hated.

And then maybe there's a reason to be scared? Having your life completely changed because you are going to have a kid is scary if you didn't plan it. Besides, the ad is asking a question, not making an statement. It doesn't say "teenage pregnancy is scary, OMG!". It asks a question, the point of that is to reach out to an specific audience, that of scared pregnant women. If a service like that exists we can at least presume that there's an audience for it.

NOTE: If you are arguing about how a specific case invalids a larger trend then YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG.

Regardless of the reasons to be "scared" of pregnancy, what bothers me most is that this is for an anti-choice pregnancy center that discourages women from having abortions.

I recently moved from Baltimore, where I often saw signs like this one. I had never stopped to think that they could be for a crisis pregnancy center.

Just look at the survey that supposedly determines whether one is at risk for having emotional problems after abortion: http://www.pregnancycenters.org/survey.html

“There is only one reason that pregnancy should “scare” you: your culture hates women and kids. It especially hates teenage women. It especially hates pregnant teenage women. It especially hates teenage pregnant women who get knocked up under unapproved circumstances.”

I agree its true that our culture often shames and ostracizes pregnant women (especially single/underage women) but to state it so definitively is wrong and disregards the various reasons a woman may actually be afraid of getting pregnant. Perhaps I was afraid of getting pregnant in high school because of what my family/peers might think. But I can safely say this is not the reason that pregnancy scares me now. Pregnancy scares me now because I do not want to have a kid (and abortions cost money).

I think that in our culture pregnancy often gets presented as if it were a disease. The language on this billboard makes it sound like the pictured woman has some terminal illness (perhaps implying that the baby is a malignant tumor), and consequently it reads like an ad for a support group.

"But if you go into childbirth knowing what to expect, and feeling confident in the support you have (like a good midwife and an involved partner), it is not scary at all."

Um, maybe, if it all goes exactly as you expect. And there are absolutely no guarantees about that, no matter how much you study and plan and hope for that. When things take an unexpected turn, yeah, it can get very damn scary, and that's not ignorance or cultural norms, that's the rawest basic fear of death and pain and blood (lots of it).

Pregnancy itself IS a serious physical risk for some women (including me). And it's hard to predict who's in that lucky category ahead of time. So a little fear isn't unwarranted--or at least some serious consideration of the possible complications beyond stretchmarks. It ain't all beautiful.

For sure, there are things to be scared of while pregnant: medical complications, anxiety over the upcoming change in your life, worrying about the enormity of bringing a new human being into the world.

But I don't believe this is what Jill was talking about. She's talking about being scared of pregnancy. Of the reaction this bulletin board is referring to: "Oh my god, I'm pregnant, what am I going to do, my parents are going to kill me, my life is over." In a culture where women are respected as full human beings and pregnancy wasn't, at some level, considered to be a failure (unless you do it right by being rich, white, young, married, stay-at-home), then discovering you're pregnant wouldn't be the terrifying prospect it is today. Don't want to be pregnant? Then go have your abortion, funded by universal health care. Do want to be pregnant? Then you'll have plenty of options (funded of course) to stay healthy during your pregnancy and plenty of support from the larger culture, your workplace, etc, to help you get started on raising your child. Not sure what you want to do? Then counseling should be easily available, and not hell-bent on making you choose one way or the other, and you wouldn't have to worry about your friends and family ostracizing you.

Pregnancy might involve scary decisions, much the way that graduating college and deciding to move across country to pursue your dreams is a scary decision. But people don't put up billboards with sad people looking down in shame that say, "Moving across the country to pursue your dreams? Scared? You're not alone."

@S

Thanks for replying, I hope I can explain myself a little better here.

First off re: language. Some women may be idolised, adored and desired but I don't believe that is generally the case for all women. An idol and an idolator do not have an equal relationship whichever way you play it, though I believe that as the idolator chooses the idol, and can choose to leave them again, the idolator is the one with the power (the idol merely the object of affection). I don't think society as a whole shows adoration to any group (possibly to babies). As for desire - this only serves to remind me of the large number of people who find it acceptable to stare at my body. This happens to a large number of women and, while a few may find it acceptable, street harassment is a huge problem in most western urban environments. So society may desire certain types of women but it's not a positive experience.

Also I should note that unless you idolise, adore and desire (socially let's say) all people of your acquaintance, men included, and expect them to return the feeling, then the point really only applies to the specific group of women in successful long-term, presumably heterosexual, relationships who value those attributes from their partner.

You are right that society values conformers more. However, non-conformers can have positive, negative or totally neutral effect and still be viewed in a negative light. Part of this in the case of pregnancy is the automatic assumption that a pregnant teenager is going to have a negative impact on society. She might never claim state benefits. You have no more knowledge that a pregnant teen would have become an IT consultant than that she would have joined a street gang. It's even possible that the girl's best potential was actually for motherhood and that she does a great job of it, contributing a well-adjusted individual to society. And as much as it's true that parents need more resources and help to get extra education it's not just young people that go for these qualifications; significant numbers of people change career and retrain later in life and many of them will have children and need help too.

Whether you or anyone else feels positively or negatively about most women doesn't change that they are being pre-judged based on an immediate first impression. This creates a negative impact because a person could easily slip from one side to the other if they stop fulfilling certain criteria, such as by getting pregnant, gaining weight or changing the way they dress.

To the final point: yes, you are right. I had forgotten that all marketing is to a degree exploitative. I think some things here in the UK may be more restricted but I'm not certain.

"But I don’t believe this is what Jill was talking about. She’s talking about being scared of pregnancy."

I agree this is probably what you meant, but a statement like "there is only one reason that pregnancy should 'scare' you" is unbelievably dismissive of the real and reasonable experiences of real women (and girls). No matter what she meant.

And here's the thing--the anti-choice folks who put up this bulletin board are at least acknowledging the real and reasonable experience of being scared in pregnancy. I think the ad should still be considered deceptive, because they're bringing other agendas to the service they provide and that's not made clear. But if they're acknowledging the fear and offering something, feminist providers who dismiss the fear aren't going to reach the audience that desperately needs such alternatives.

Er, I meant "I agree this is probably what she meant."

Of course the fear is nurtured, emphasized, and in some cases, created by culture. The fact that some people can't recognize or see it is more proof that it does than proof that it doesn't.

Imagine a culture that celebrates and welcomes pregnancy. It wouldn't be like this one at all - there would be no battle for land or resources, there would be high-quality universal health care for all, children would be raised and cared for by a loving, supportive community (one that is financially, emotionally, and physically supportive) - and every child would be wanted. If you wanted to have a child, but did not wish to parent one, the community would be their family. Every woman would be lauded. In this world, every woman would have complete control of her body and fertility, and there would be no shame if she chose not to have children or if she chose to abort a child. Simple, safe birth control and abortificants would be free and freely available.

In that culture, we'd be less afraid to be pregnant than we are to get a cavity. If we get a cavity and don't want it, we go to the dentist, it's done. I'll grant you that some people are afraid of dentists - but do you see big, shaming signs and screaming protesters getting worked up over your choice to go - or not - to the dentist to care for your cavity? Hell no.

But unfortunately, we don't live in that culture.

Just because "A Baby Story" is skewed doesn't make it false. Unexpected things can happen during pregnancy, and the unknown itself can be very scary.

I simply agree that it's unfair and even degrading to women to are genuinely scared of pregnancy to say that the only reason she should be scared is because of a social construct.

This is absolutely a crisis pregnancy center, preying on the fears that a woman who does NOT want to be pregnant is facing. Ironically, the number to call, 1-800-395-HELP, will undoubtedly increase those fears.

That number takes you straight to pregnancycenters.org, a site that exaggerates the risks of abortion (a procedure which is 10 times safer than childbirth itself, according to the Guttmacher Institute); click on the link "considering abortion?" and the first thing that appears is a list of supposed risks, including the debunked breast cancer link. They also refer you to optionline.org, which is essentially the same site and which instructs visitors that emergency contraception can cause an "early abortion."

Regardless of the ambivalence women may feel about their pregnancies, both wanted and unwanted, no one should be manipulated in this manner. The organizations behind these billboards, "Care Net" and "Heartbeat International" are well-funded and blatantly religiously motivated, yet completely deceptive about their agenda.

What culture hates pregnant women? I think there's a little overanalysis here. I've never seen anyone just start yelling obscenities at a woman just because she was pregnant. Or punch here in the face because she had a round belly. Or slam a door shut on here because she had a bun in the oven.

I think we actually LOVE pregnant women. And probably for good reason. Think BIOLOGY. We are ingrained to love it.

"There is only one reason that pregnancy should “scare” you: your culture hates women and kids. It especially hates teenage women. It especially hates pregnant teenage women. It especially hates teenage pregnant women who get knocked up under unapproved circumstances."

Just to echo the above -- this is an absurd, one-dimensional, inflationary thing to say. The overlay of a rigid worldview onto this "sociological image" is transparent and ridiculous.

Bender, unfortunately you are very wrong about all cultures loving pregnant women. The number one cause of death for pregnant women is homicide. That's murder, often committed by the very boyfriends and husbands who got the women pregnant in the first place. Sometimes, it's not just the woman who doesn't want the kid.

Just because you've never seen anyone abusing a pregnant woman doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Just one case in the whole world is too much, and sadly in reality it's not even close to being just one case.

I have a quick qustion what did it it feel like thinking of going into labor for the first time with your first kid i have never been through this before or am i changing the subject