Well, certain wives of presidents aren’t the only ones thinking about working family’s issues these days.  Check out GWP friend Heather Hewett’s interview with Caroline Grant and Elrena Evans (pictured left), editors of the collection Mama, PhD (reviewed here last month)  and Professor Andrea O’Reilly, author and editor of many books about mothering and Director of the Association for Research on Mothering at York University in Ontario.  The convo is posted here, at The Mother’s Movement Online.

Since I’m all about the mens for the moment, particularly as their working family issues and work lives affect women, here’s an excerpt that touches on the question of what’s going on:

Heather Hewett: Do these [work/life] challenges face fathers as well as mothers?

Elrena Evans: As far as fathers facing the same sorts of challenges, when Caroline and I were first dreaming up this book we talked about whether it should be a collection from both men and women, or just of women. Eventually we decided that while fathers do indeed face these challenges, and more involved fathers face them to a greater degree, since the brunt of biology falls on women, women are the ones whose stories we wanted to hear. Because men can choose to be involved, but they can also choose not to be — and those kinds of decisions are more difficult to face when you are the one who is pregnant or nursing. Even beyond the biological factors, though, we’re so conditioned to think of mothers as the primary caregivers of children that it’s really hard to escape that.

Caroline Grant: Fathers who ask that a meeting be rescheduled so they can take their kid to the doctor are viewed as charmingly hands-on, while mothers who ask for that accommodation are viewed as asking for special favors. And that’s an attitude that’s not exclusive to the academy; it’s just how mothers and fathers are viewed in the U.S.

And while I’m on it, I loved this comment on a GWP post from last week, by Lydia, a grad student who shares this anecdote about her spouse, a SAHD:

A few years ago I started grad school and my spouse became a stay-at-home dad. Something we have both found disconcerting is just how much attention he gets as an “exceptional father” because he is doing this. [Like when the above father was introduced to the playgroup as “we have a daddy with us!”]. The same response does not happen for a woman who chooses to stay at home and may have made the same sacrifices to do so. The problem is that our society does not expect fathers to take such an active role in parenting, despite what strides we have made. The fact that the title for this piece was the new “Mr. Mom” shows how much parenting is associated with women in our society.

I also question the psychologist’s advice to be on the job hunt. This assumes that the choice is temporary and out of necessity, and not a valid choice for fathers to make just because they want to or feel it will be good for their children. When I began grad school, my spouse’s family kept asking him if he was looking for a job to help support me, until I finally said to them that if our roles were reversed, everyone would be supportive of me choosing to stay at home without the need to look for other employment. Obviously “mother”work is still undervalued in our society (unless a man is doing it, and then he’s a good man).

A note on all this framing: All the mothers are working, all the workers with work/life issues are women, but working men who are also involved fathers get to be “brave.”

Harumph.